Title: He's Not Dead
Rating: M
Author: Amazanda
Fandom: NCIS
Pairing: Gibbs/Tony
Summary: One-Shot: The idea of Tony DiNozzo being dead had begun to tear Gibbs' world upside down, until he came to an honest realization. Gibbs/Tony, Slash. S5-E01 Spoilers.
Warnings: Slash: male/male relationships, Mild Sexual Content, slight altercation to season five, episode one.
Note: This is my first time writing NCIS, I wanted to write something small, and then perhaps branch out from there. I adore the chemistry between this pairing.
oOo
He stood there, the sight on the plasma screen TV caused his stomach to start churning. It was the same feeling he had gotten on the day he found out about Shannon and Kelly. So much horror, so much shock, so much sickness, it railed through him like a train and smashed through his entire body, wrecking it completely.
This could not have happened, not now, and definitely not to him. It couldn't, it simply could not. His mind kept repeating this as he became numb with pain.
"Jethro…"
Leroy Jethro Gibbs at that moment saw nothing but red, he tore his eyes away from the horrific sight on the TV and he shot her his most lethal look. The world around him swam out of focus as red drizzled across his sight.
Jenny Sheppard was staring at him and at first it was guilt until she saw the expression on his face. "I…"
He turned away from her, fearing what he would do right in front of everyone, and before anyone could stop him, he rushed out of the office.
It all seemed to spiral out of control from there, the crime scene did not help.
For a moment, all he could do was stand there and watch as he ordered McGee to do the photographs and Ziva to sketch.
All of this for some goddamn frogman? Gibbs thought in disgust. All of this for a grudge. If she really wanted to deal with her grudge why didn't she do it herself? Why involve what belonged to him? He understood the need for revenge, but he had not involved anyone but himself when he took his own against Hernandez.
Jenny tried to say something when he finally worked up the courage to get closer to the car.
"Jethro, I'm s-"
"I don't want to hear it. You used my man in your schemes," Gibbs hissed through clenched teeth. "You kept me out of the loop. He was mine!"
"No, he was mine," Jenny retorted calmly and Gibbs pinned her with the deadliest look imaginable. She reared back on the balls of her heels, shocked at his expression. It had intensified from earlier.
"You don't get it. He was mine, Jennifer Sheppard. His mind, body, soul, and blood was mine. He was not yours, he was never yours. You better get that straight before you talk to me again. As far as I'm concerned, you killed Anthony DiNozzo."
He walked away from her and stood on Ducky's left listening to the trembling voice of the Englishman but not really processing the words.
It had been hard enough to face the facts of Tony's undercover assignment. Being forced to keep quiet to a lover about another 'lover' had been the second most volatile trial with his and Tony's relationship. The first trial was when Gibbs had taken off to Mexico to clear his head.
Gibbs could hardly believed he allowed himself to forget about them, the only person after Shannon and Kelly to make him feel alive. The only one to truly need and want him. He remembered that night, Tony leaning against the wood of the boat and watching morosely.
"I have to leave, Tony." He reluctantly gazed up at the younger man, who could never hide his true feelings from him. There was pain written all over Tony's face.
"I know, Jethro," Tony whispered running his fingers along the grain of the wood. "Whether you come back or not doesn't matter, because I'll wait."
"Why?" he had asked.
Tony pushed off the boat and moved forward until he was face to face with Gibbs.
"I'm a broken old man, Tony. I barely remember you, or us, and what I do remember – I don't want too." Remembering Shannon and Kelly had been a nightmare.
"No matter how broken or old you are, does not change anything on how I feel, Jethro, and it's not going too. Even if you came back and you didn't want me, I'll still wait."
A soft kiss was pressed into his mouth without hesitation and Gibbs had immediately succumb to the flavor of hazelnut and sugar. It was Tony's favorite coffee, and he remembered that as he pushed their chests together and gripped Tony by the back of the neck. The kiss was passionate and filled with emotions that Gibbs could not have expressed in the open air and it almost made him put his bag away and stay.
He pulled back, using every ounce of Marine-will to keep from trembling at the gorgeous man in front of him. He had wondered, how could a man like Tony want someone like him? It did not seem reasonable. He was old, he was broken, and he didn't think he would ever be fixed.
"Take over for me. I couldn't ask for anyone better, Tony."
Tony chuckled sadly. "I will, boss. You know I will."
He couldn't continue with Tony as a broken man with hardly any memories of the two of them, but during his four month stay in Mexico with his old boss, he had come to desire all things with hazelnut in it. Every time he tasted it or sugar, lost memories would come back to him, and he always had to go for a cold shower to keep from being noticed.
It made him long for Tony and long for home.
And now… Gibbs' chest felt like it was shattering all over again, he was used to death. He lived around it for so long, lost so many people.
But Tony…
Tony was something different altogether. He had been the only person who could put him back together again.
While everyone headed back to the Naval Yard, Jethro took a drive around town. His head was buzzing and his body felt stiff and rigid. He briefly thought about getting coffee but he knew that his stomach couldn't handle it.
For Christ's sakes he was an ex-Marine, he should be able to handle loss with the best of them. But Tony was not only his Senior Agent and lover.
He was also real family.
He should have known that Jenny would somehow stick her claws into Tony as soon as he left. All of the decisions she had made were very near fatal mistakes, and he regretted ever having been with the woman.
He pulled into the Naval Yard and turned off the engine. He sat there breathing in through his nose and out his mouth quietly.
Tony had come to him the night before Ziva killed Ari and told him that he was going undercover. He didn't give specifics, he had been sworn to secrecy by a contract that could destroy Tony's future. Gibbs had decided to simply watch and try from afar to keep Tony safe.
He knew what was at stake if he were to compromise Tony's position in anyway, so they hadn't picked up where they had left off. He had even taken a relationship of his own to stem the torrent emotions from Tony's but it didn't do much but aggravate him.
Tony's brief glances of pain whenever Colonel Mann had come into the office ripped into Gibbs' heart and he had cornered Tony in the elevator and before he could stop what he was doing, he had Tony up against the elevator wall, completely messing up one of his rules for no sexual contact in the work place.
It had been heated and rough, intense and passionate, and the fire only escalated when they got back to Tony's apartment.
When Colonel Mann had been fishing for a permanent relationship, Gibbs couldn't give her an answer. Not the one she was looking for. He didn't want her nor did he like her. What he wanted came into his office every day with a blinding white smile, jokes, and movie lines that never ceased to bore Gibbs.
Gibbs knew all of Tony's inner and outer scars. There was so much history, so much waiting to be done, that Tony could not be dead.
All this time he had his eyes closed, picturing the man in his mind, but then he opened them. A bulb as bright as the sun went off in his head.
"He's not dead," Gibbs said out loud and his gut squirmed until it agreed. "He's not dead," he repeated and then snagged his keys from the ignition. "This isn't over, DiNozzo. You are not dead, we are not finished yet." He slammed the car door and eye-scanned his way into the elevator.
He was sure of it, Tony DiNozzo wasn't dead, and Gibbs knew that his gut would not let him down.
It was rare for Gibbs to possess any form of patience, but he knew that patience was key. All he had to do now, was wait.
And wait he would.
-Semper Fi