Collide
The First Impact
Hawke had a way of appearing where he least expected her and it startled him every time but right now, Cullen was busy grappling with the revelation that the brunette was a mage as she gathered magic in her palms. He groaned as the wound in his side closed a little more, becoming less life threatening.
"Stay back, apostate," he gurgled, shaking with the effort to lean away from her hands.
Aris rolled her eyes and gently tugged the Templar back. "You'll tear something vital if you keep moving around like that and I'm not a very good healer." Andraste's ass! Where were her companions when she needed them? She looked at the collapsed cavern and prayed they were alright and that they could find a way around.
"You're a battle mage then?" Cullen asked, curiosity getting the better of him.
Hawke internally squirmed a little under his scrutiny. At least he had stopped trying to get away and she stopped any further bleeding, though the tissues covering his broken ribs still needed work.
"No," she smiled a little to herself, "I'm just not a very good mage, in general. I prefer to wield a blade as you may have noticed."
He had, but now it baffled him. "Why?" he rasped, sounding a little more betrayed than he wanted to. He grunted when he felt a bone pop back into alignment. "Why pretend you aren't a mage?"
She stopped the healing spell and sat back, eyes haunted. "Because I never wanted to be." She rummaged through her pack for her last two healing droughts and helped Cullen drink them, since he wasn't choking on his own blood anymore. "I can set the rest of your ribs but you'll have to heal the traditional way after that. I'm nearly drained –"
"There's a lyrium vial in my belt," he offered, though he wondered why he would even need to tell her this. A mage would sense it there…
"I've never used lyrium," Aris admitted quietly, looking intently at his ruined side. "You really shouldn't have gone chasing after a blood mage like that."
Cullen's mirthless chuckle was more like a pant as he argued, "I didn't know she was a blood mage."
Now it was Aris' turn to laugh darkly. "Blood mages… gutless cheats." She still got angry when she thought about anyone taking lives for power.
Aris realized she was growling a little, getting too lost in thought and Cullen was looking warily at her. "Sorry." She forced her features back into their smooth lines and busied herself with tending his injury.
"Xandria and her friends did a lot of damage to you in very little time but it's mostly on this side."
"Oh!" He knew he was being distracted but he offered an explanation anyway. "I was injured recently, on the wounded coast. We'd had reports of Darkspawn there and the presence of an emissary. When we investigated, we discovered there was also an ogre present."
Hawke snorted delicately and a smile pulled on the corners of his mouth. "I guess I don't need to tell you how that went," he mused.
Hawke shook her head, sadness chasing away the mirth in her blue eyes and waited for him to continue.
"My men returned me to the Gallows in time for our healers to tend my wounds –"
"Then why are you so easily injured now? Even I can tell that you seem difficult to put back together."
Cullen's expression closed off, eyes becoming distant. "I don't know. Maybe that spell was more powerful than we thought. Xandriawas rather determined to kill me."
Hawke flinched inwardly. For a moment they'd been the sometimes friends and allies they'd been for three years. Now he was clamming up and she was almost positive it was because he'd just found out she was a mage and no longer trusted her. The feeling smarted more than she expected it to. She made herself focus on finishing her work and arcane energy lit her fingers once more.
Cullen felt magic suffuse him again and gasped as three more popping sensations reverberated through his torso. The spell faded away and he looked through his ruined armor to see he was all closed up but his entire left side was still angry and blotchy looking, red in some places and purplish-black in others.
"Thank you." He tried an experimental twist of his torso but the pain stopped him cold.
"Careful! I told you I'm not the best at this and since my well has run dry, I won't be able to put you back together again if you tear yourself apart."
Cullen lowered himself back to the dirt, shivering a little at the chill. He watched her patiently as she rummaged through her pack again and produced a wool cloak, draping it over him. He was thankful for the increase in warmth even as his Templar pride wanted to shuck it off. He reminded himself that this was Hawke. She'd always been honorable, helping uncover Tarohne's plot to seed abominations in the Templars' ranks. Before he knew what she was, he'd trusted her.
"You've lied to me, all this time, about what you are…"
"I never denied it," Hawke murmured, "I just never mentioned it." She rose to look for something to start a fire in their earthen hovel. Until Cullen could walk without bleeding everywhere, they were stuck.
"I don't see a difference," Cullen returned, tone hardening. "You possess magic. You belong in the Circle as surely as the mages you've apprehended."
"Aha!" Aris cried triumphantly when she saw a few logs and crates she could use as firewood.
"Hawke," Cullen said slowly, a warning in his voice.
She squatted to begin building a fire. "I suppose you think I'm an evil, sneaky witch now," she said, eyes narrowed at him.
Cullen returned the scowl rather impressively from the floor. "I was going to say hypocrite."
Aris withdrew from their staring contest before she could get angry enough to kick his side in again and put her mind to striking her flint. The wood caught almost immediately while Cullen watched and wondered at her for using simple tools. Surely a small spark was an easy enough spell?
"Yes," she said finally. After the silence, her voice was almost loud in the cave even though she'd spoken softly. "I'm a hypocrite." She was busy pushing wood around with a wet stick to stoke the flames so he couldn't see her face clearly. "About this one thing, I am a hypocrite. I try not to let the rest of my moral compass to get too foggy. I have to take care of my family. I can't do that if I'm locked in a tower. Not even my friends know."
Cullen's gaze drifted to the sword on her back and he studied it. This close he could see that it was just a blade. It wasn't the best steel in Kirkwall but it was decent, the kind of blade that served someone who made a living using it. It had no magic to speak of, not even runes and he saw nothing else she could wield as a staff.
"Why did you say you never wanted to be a mage?"
Now she did look at him, cobalt stare intense on his and he resisted the urge to look away. "Is it impossible to fathom that some of us just prefer to wield a weapon? We are just as capable of learning the art of swordplay as anyone else. It's simply a matter of training."
Her tone was challenging but he lacked the energy to accept it so he shrugged as much as his side allowed. "The only mages I've ever known to refuse their nature were already in the Circle and resented that their gift denied them freedom. You never went to Kinloch Hold…" Maker! If she had been, she'd have been there with her cousin and during Uldred's attack.
"What is it?" she asked when he went too long without finishing his thought. The horror-stricken look in his eyes worried her.
Cullen blinked a few times before Hawke came back into focus. "I don't speak of the Ferelden Circle often. Sometimes it catches me by surprise."
Aris dug into her memory, recalling what she'd heard about the great mage tower standing over Lake Calenhad during the Blight, and her eyes widened. Cullen had come from that Circle. If the rumors were true, he was the only Templar trapped behind the great door to survive the blood mages' assault. There were other rumors about him as well – darker rumors – but she didn't put much faith in the gossip around Kirkwall. Still… his haunted look confirmed something terrible had happened there.
"If you ever want to talk about it, with someone you don't see every day, I would listen," she offered and immediately mentally chastised herself for offering such help to a Templar, the Knight Captain no less! But that was years of her mother's indoctrination talking. With a good amount of effort she stopped berating herself.
He stared at her, not bothering to point out that she would be seeing him every day as well if he dragged her back to the Gallows. Even though he'd made it clear he didn't like finding out she was a mage, he couldn't forget that she'd risked much every time they'd worked together and she blatantly exposed herself to heal him just minutes ago. Whereas he had already decided she was less trustworthy. A flash of shame rushed through him.
The sound of voices and armor clanking outside their cave stopped him from replying, however. Hawke issued an order for him to stay put and ran around the bend to see who their visitors were. The sight of mercenaries and mages, some of them the ones she had been tracking, greeted her.
"Well, well, well," one of the armored men drawled, "if it isn't Hawke."
"Darrow?" she returned incredulously. She would have been glad to see a former Red Iron associate if he hadn't been the one that made her skin crawl during her year with them.
"Hand over the Templar," one of the mages, an elven woman, barked.
Aris put a hand on her hip and canted it, pretending to be invested in her nails. "Templar? What Templar?"
"The one Xandria said she was dealing with," the elf shot back. "He murdered her!"
Hawke's hand fell to her side, where a dagger sat sheathed and her tone dripped with seductive menace. "He was trying to stop her from killing innocent people. If you're going to point fingers, you should start with that."
The elf practically vibrated with rage. "How would you know where the blame begins? You don't know what it's like to be hunted by those power drunk heathens!"
Aris rose to the bait even though she knew she shouldn't have. "Strange… if we're discussing the same man, let me just say that he is a master of deception because power drunk heathen is the last thing I would use to describe him. He was just trying to stop a crazed maleficar," Aris said with a deceptively droll tone. She was beginning to wish the woman and her friends would just attack already. There were four mages and three mercenaries. She couldn't take them all but she didn't want to stand here waiting for the blow either.
"Look, we have no quarrel with you," another mage, this one a Rivaini male by the looks of him, said diplomatically. "All we want is the Templar."
"Speak for yourself," Darrow said with a leer.
Hawke ignored him but resolved to make sure he was dead before she went down. "All I want is a hot bath and a drink but since I'm still filthy and sober…" She grinned wide and feral. "No Templar for you."
The man in question huffed a little laugh at Hawke's attitude. She certainly had her own style. A moment later, the sounds of fighting exploded in the cave and Cullen struggled to rise to his feet. He didn't know the number she was up against, but he could tell there were many and some of them had to be mages if they knew Xandria. Hawke would run out of time and fast. His ribs protested the movement as he finally planted his boots on the ground, swaying for a few moments. So far, his healed ribcage held together and it didn't break when he reached for his sword. He couldn't walk too fast or the dizziness in his head ruined his concentration. By the time he reached the turn, Hawke was looking worse for the wear. She was bleeding from several gashes and many bruises had begun to bloom on her arms and on her jaw. Her features twisted in a nasty mockery of the woman he knew and yet, there was still something glorious about her. The realization that she was fighting to defend him made his heart trip.
Two mages lay dead in the dirt alongside a mercenary with a nasty groin wound, but there were still four opponents and Hawke's sword arm had been slashed at the shoulder. She held a long knife in it now and swung her blade with her left hand. Her form was messier this way, but she managed to keep the mages on their toes enough that they couldn't cast properly and the two hired men couldn't seem to land more than a glancing blow. But neither could Hawke. With so many foes to parry, she couldn't focus on anyone long enough to get past their defenses and having to move faster to accommodate her ruined arm meant she'd tire soon.
He cursed himself for not being able to get closer any faster and pushed onward. The dance continued for another minute before Hawke started to slow down but by then Cullen was close enough to affect the battlefield. The mages hadn't noticed him yet so he began gathering his will, sweating and shaking with the strain. A particularly nasty blast of cold sent Hawke stumbling back and a mercenary took the opportunity to deliver a kick to her head. Cullen's stomach dropped as he saw her go down, pausing briefly in his preparations.
The mages concentrated on Hawke but she groaned and rolled away from a fireball just before it struck and put a foot beneath her. Cullen was glad to see she was alive and getting back to her feet. Her bearings seemed to have deserted her to nauseous effect as she rose, her left eye was swelling shut from the kick and her brow was a little misshapen, but she did get back up, heaving raspy breaths.
"For the love of Andraste," one of the mages cursed. He was an older looking man with graying hair. "Why won't you die?"
Even the mercenaries had paused and were looking a little doubtful. Hawke glared at the mage with her good eye and sneered, "Because I have manners and I insist you go first!"
The man growled and they all moved at the same time, Aris trying to close the gap between them to connect her sword to flesh.
Cullen didn't stop to consider his movements and accommodate the wound as he released the Holy Smite he'd drawn. As the energy left him, fire bloomed in his side and everything Hawke had knit together came undone, but he had the satisfaction of seeing the apostates' faces go slack as their spells and magic disappeared.
Aris was thankful she didn't have much mana at the moment or the wash of Templar energy would have stunned her too but as it was, the man was down – possibly dead – and the elf was swaying on her feet. Aris took advantage of the moment to drive her sword through each mage's heart, cringing as their blood showered first one boot and then another.
The two mercenaries backed nervously toward the cave's opening, hands in the air. "L-L-Look, it was just a job. They didn't pay us enough to die for it!"
Hawke sighed and lowered her blade, letting them run off so she could check on Cullen. "Flames!" she cursed when she turned around.
Her sword clattered to the ground and she had to step around the blood stain spreading over the dirt floor. She looked through the fissures in his armor and saw only red liquid rushing through the metal. She tried to pull on her mana but her vision dimmed around the edges and she had to stop or pass out.
A gurgling noise that sounded like it wanted to be her name got her attention. She looked at the Templar whose blood was now spilling through his bluish lips with alarming speed and anger swept through her. "Damn you and your foolish heroics. You're not dying today Cullen." She didn't go through this ordeal to lose another good person, to fail so utterly.
She patted his sash frantically until she felt the small glass lump and extricated the lyrium, pulling out the stopper. "Here goes nothing," she groused and tossed it back. The flavor was metallic and minty and pungent all at once. It tasted cold and filled her with heat. Hawke gagged, Maker! How can they stand taking this stuff everyday?
As the mineral flowed down her throat, it felt as though a winter breeze, hard and mind sharpening swept through her, and suddenly the place her magic resided was full to bursting. This time, there was only focus as the healing energy flared in her hands. With this feeling, she could heal people all day! She spared a glance at the man lying on the floor and was pleased his color stopped whitening, though he was barely conscious.
A few moments after that, the rattle in his breathing eased and Cullen gasped with the freedom of it, eyes widening. Hawke focused on the punctured lung and torn blood passages inside him until they were fully healed this time, instead of worrying about setting his bones and closing the gashes. Those weren't life threatening and he would kill himself if he tore something vital again. When she was satisfied his organs were as good as she could make them, she shifted her attention to the bones but didn't get very far as the once overflowing magic sputtered out. The suddenness of being empty made her dizzy and the world tilted a bit.
"Easy," Cullen croaked. Hawke had said she didn't use lyrium and the abject look in her good eye at the abrupt loss of power was rather adorable. The blood drying in his throat was foul and scratchy but he felt much less dead now. It had been a very close thing though.
"Thank you, Hawke." He didn't even try to move this time, sure that he probably couldn't lift his thumb.
She nodded mutely and reached for her pack with shaking hands. Now that her heart was slowing, she felt her own injuries keenly and wished that she had saved one of her health potions. Her head was throbbing painfully and for a hysterical moment, she worried if her pulse might crack it open. The world looked a little off but she couldn't place what the difference was. The temperature also seemed to be dropping like a stone or it could have been that the heat of battle was deserting her. She busied herself with bandaging the both of them up as best she could but when that was done, waiting was all there was left to do.
. . .oOo.
The sun was just beginning to touch the trees when they were found. As fate would have it, Templars were their rescuers, Thrask, Keran and Emeric among them. They sputtered about the mess of bodies at the cave entrance and tutted over their ranking officer's foolhardy actions that landed him in such a mess, while Hawke waited to be restrained as soon as Cullen could point and say, "Apostate!"
First Enchanter Orsino appeared inside the cave and immediately began his healing duties. He chose the Knight Captain first over Cullen's objections, agreeing with Hawke's insistence; he was still too pale.
He looked at the injury and grumbled, "Untrained novices; it looks like you were cobbled together a couple of times, Knight Captain."
Cullen's lips flattened in a white line when he thought about how he'd been healed but to Hawke's surprise, he said nothing and let the others believe the maleficarum were responsible for the shoddy patch job during their 'interrogations'. Soon it was her turn and Orsino grimaced when he detected a skull fracture in the left side of her forehead.
"In hindsight, I should have tended you first, young lady. A blow to the head like this can be fatal if not tended immediately. You were lucky."
Aris heard a noise from Cullen's direction and found him managing to glare 'I told you so' at her as clear as day.
"I'll need you to lie down," the elf said and Hawke started.
"Why?"
Orsino let out a long suffering sigh. "Because you must be asleep while I fix your head."
Her eyes skittered around, going cross with the sudden movement and making her dizzy. She didn't like the idea of being unconscious in a cave or while in the company of Templars.
"Don't worry, miss," Thrask cajoled. "You've taken care of all the blood mages and we'll be able to handle the stragglers… though I doubt you left any," he added with a little chuckle. "You are safe."
He laid a gentle guiding hand on her arm and moved to stand behind her and help her down not far from Cullen. Aris looked at him then and found him impossible to read beyond his determined façade but she calmed a little as his body heat gently warmed her side, reassuringly alive. He hadn't revealed her secret yet so she chose to put her trust in that. If the Maker willed that she woke up in the Gallows then so be it. She let Thrask ease her to her back and Orsino cast a sleeping spell.
As her eyes got heavy, she heard Cullen say, "It'll be alright, Hawke, I promise."
. . .oOo.
Hawke hadn't expected to be in her own bed when she woke but that was where she was the next time she opened her eyes. Her armor was gone and she was dressed in a clean linen outfit, no doubt her mother's doing and her head felt markedly better. Her vision was startling clear, though she hadn't noticed at the time of the Templars' arrival, that it had gone fuzzy. After tentatively trying out her legs, she found her slippers and made her way out of her room to the voices in the main hall.
The formal dining table had been brought in and it dominated the space, her family and friends surrounding it. Leandra was still a little stuck on propriety so the women were on one side, though she sat at the head of the table, and the men were on the other. Gamlen was sat at the end with his back to the door and Varric was to his right, pouring drink after drink for Hawke's uncle while he pried for juicy tidbits about the family. Carver was only too content to have Fenris's attention as the elf asked the new Templar everything he could about the differences between being a recruit and a full knight. Aveline and Isabela were bantering venomously at each other like always while Sandal watched them from the floor by the fire, randomly laughing at them. Hawke smiled too, engrossed in the scene below the banister and oblivious to the tall figure that emerged from the shadows behind her.
Cullen watched Hawke as she observed her family. The smile they brought her made him wistful for a moment, to have known such a thing. She was softer in this moment, lack of armor making her seem like a different person. Hawke's form was robust, thick with the strength needed of a fighter and lacking the thin birdlike quality of most noble women. Her shoulders and back were as proud as ever but her graceful, sloping curves were apparent now; feminine attributes undeniable. He'd imagined that she would appear diminished somehow when not dressed for battle but instead she was more - dangerously so. She could crush a great many men in single combat, himself likely included. Forgetting that was a danger all on its own. He moved deliberately and slowly enough to alert her to his presence but she still jumped when she noticed him.
"Cullen," Hawke sighed. "I guess I shouldn't be surprised to see you here."
"No," he said slowly and then sighed. "We need to talk."
"Of course." Hawke knew it would be too much to hope he'd just leave. "I see you're good as new." She gestured at his unblemished plate. He likely left only long enough to change his robes and armor before returning.
Cullen smirked ruefully. "No thanks to you." He waited a beat before adding, "Orsino couldn't stop grumbling about how poorly healed I was."
Hawke fiddled with her fingers pensively. "I told you I'm not a good mage."
"Maybe not, but even the First Enchanter admitted I would have died otherwise. And those mercenaries would have done away with me long before Thrask arrived. If you hadn't been there… I owe my life to you, Hawke – twice over."
Cullen watched her as she blinked rapidly, a blush rising to her cheeks and then looked at the floor.
"Arissa," Leandra's voice called from the top stair. "I was just coming to check on you; you're missing supper."
"That's an unusual name," Cullen remarked and looked at the woman bearing it who seemed relieved at the interruption.
"Mother named me after grandfather," Hawke explained, sounding a little embarrassed.
"Aristide Amell," Leandra supplied, a note of pride creeping into her voice.
"But," Hawke interjected, "most people just call me Hawke."
"'Most people'…?"
Hawke smiled. "Just most people in general. My friends call me Aris. I'd prefer you to call me Aris too, but Hawke is fine, if you prefer that. 'Arissa' is reserved for family and all the pandering nobles."
Leandra gasped indignantly but her smile betrayed her.
Cullen chose to ignore the faint thrill at being invited to the status of 'friend' in Hawke's estimation and instead focused on what he'd just learned. "Aris…" he repeated.
Cullen had never considered what her first name could be. Though, as a warrior, her surname embodied her far too well. "Aris" couldn't have been more perfect for the woman in front of him. "It suits you."
Leandra beamed at him in approval but was all business a moment later. "Dinner's getting cold, we should join the others. And there's plenty of food for you too ser knight. You must be hungry after a day like today."
Cullen gaped at her. He was ravenous but was this woman out of her mind? Inviting a Templar to a meal in the same house as her mage daughter?
He stammered out a 'thank you' not sure what else to say but Hawke gave him a nod, a smile and one of the ridges on his left gauntlet a tug before heading toward the stairs. So he followed, albeit a little numbly.
Leandra pulled his gauntlets off and set them aside and steered him to sit between Carver and Fenris who both brightened and already he could see questions in their eyes. His nerves about being such a target of curiosity kicked into gear but he was also across from the chair Aris claimed and felt a little better to be near a familiar face. She was placed between Aveline and Isabela and Cullen suspected this was deliberate on Leandra's part. Nothing kept the two women from coming to blows like having Hawke to separate them.
"So we're inviting the tin-plated, religious zealots to our meals, now sister?" Gamlen groused from his end of the table.
The room erupted in a chorus of "GAMLEN!" and the man fell silent, chastened, while Cullen blushed furiously and scrunched his long frame deeper into his armor. Food began circling and the Templar privately marveled at Hawke's family. They weren't all blood relations but they were still clearly bonded as such and there was no mistaking that Hawke was the glue keeping them together. He watched her laugh with Isabela, get passionate about plans to rout highwaymen with Aveline and listened to Fenris' account of how they escaped the cave-in. They, in turn, listened to her recount her own struggles to keep him alive, though he noticed she left out any mention of her magic.
He stopped waiting for the other shoe to drop about the time he tasted Leandra's traditional potato boar stew. He decided he would worry about speaking with Hawke later. She wasn't running away like she should. She had a good chance of escaping right now – he was only one knight in this house full of her very capable friends – and yet some of the times their gazes happened to meet, hers was defiant. She was expecting him, daring him, to arrest her and make a scene here at the dinner table.
He shrugged and began sopping up broth with his bread.
Fenris took the next opportunity to rant about the evils of the mages, holding up Cullen's and Hawke's near death experience that day as the "perfect example". Aris smiled sadly at her friend before making Bodahn sit and take a break from tending the table. Cullen surmised this was a frequent occurrence since Leandra merely stared disapprovingly at her daughter as she served dessert herself, tossing a few morsels to her mabari, Gondor where he sat with Sandal. The blond dwarf scrambled to his feet long enough to get a plate of dessert for himself from the table and then returned to his spot by the hound.
Cullen had never been invited to a home in Kirkwall before and for all the austere splendor, the camaraderie at the Hawke residence that night was better than resplendent state dinners of the finest cuisine at the Viscount's Keep could ever be.
"So Messere Templar," Varric began in a strangely light tone and the others all groaned simultaneously. "You must have some intriguing stories about Hawke's native country, being from there yourself."
Cullen fidgeted as every pair of eyes shifted to him. He scanned them all to see varying degrees of polite anticipation but he looked at Hawke last and studied her gaze, committing it to memory before asking, "You never knew your cousin, the Hero of Ferelden, did you?"
. . .oOo.
Fenris, Isabela and Aveline had left soon after dinner was done. Bodahn and Sandal retreated to the kitchen to clean the mess dinner had left behind. Varric followed after them, still trying to glean details about his favorite muse and was handed a stack of plates for his effort. Cullen chose the moment to broach the subject of Aris' magic. The single glass of wine he was allowing himself warmed his belly and settled his nerves as he brought his thoughts into order.
"Hawke, I'd like to discuss what happened today…"
Leandra made a quiet sobbing kind of noise and when Cullen looked at her, she was studying her hands, wringing the fabric of her dress in her lap.
"I'm sorry, mistress," he told her, "but I do know."
The woman nodded and he saw a silver drop fall to her skirt. "Aris couldn't have healed you with only medicines and bandaging, could she?" She raised her head then, setting liquid bright eyes on him.
Cullen gave one firm shake of his head. "No."
"I'm sorry, mother," Hawke said and her brother went off.
"That's just great!" He bellowed and got up to pace around the table. "We spent our entire lives hiding from the Templars and you may as well have pranced to the Gallows with a staff in hand! Did you even stop to think what using your magic on the Knight Captain, might lead to? I'll be kicked out of the Order for sure because you had to go ruin it! How could you be so selfish?"
"CARVER!" Leandra screeched at him. The boy was wise enough to stop shouting but he continued to glare at his sibling.
Cullen's mind whirled at the display. The warm and friendly Hawkes he'd had dinner with were suddenly gone. He rose slowly and Aris had risen too, looking ready to give her brother a right hook. He came around the table, catching her gaze. "I don't think what you did was selfish," he said honestly. "Quite the opposite, actually… but I do think it was reckless." He smiled a little saying that. His own men had said much the same to him about running off to investigate suspected blood mages alone. "You're not trained, if Orsino is any judge..."
"She has control." Leandra hurried to rise out of her own chair. "She didn't want to learn but Malcolm wouldn't stand for it. When it came time to learn how to cast though, we respected Arissa's desire to learn how to wield a sword instead. It took us ten years to convince her to learn a couple of basic spells."
The last bit was said a touch bitterly and Hawke sighed. "Mother simply refuses to understand that I don't want to do magic."
"You're a hell of a fighter," Gamlen slurred from his seat. "I say stick with what you know if you're good at it." He raised his wine in salute before tipping it back.
"Thank you, uncle," Aris said, raising a skeptical eyebrow at him. She tried to gauge whether or her sibling was calming down or not but it didn't look promising.
Cullen laid a hand on her shoulder, getting her attention and jerked his head at the door. "Let's go for a walk."
"Please, ser," Leandra implored as he scooped up his gauntlets and slid them on. "Don't take my daughter. She's all I have left!"
Cullen glared at the older woman, a little affronted. "What of your son, mistress? He's a Templar, not dead!" They all looked at Carver who appeared angry, crestfallen and embarrassed at the same time.
Gamlen snickered. "The man has a point, Leandra." His amusement died when the Knight Captain frowned at him too.
"Hawke, please… I would like to speak with you in confidence." He gestured toward the door, leaving no room for her to disagree so she preceded him out.
Outside of her estate, Aris was nervous to be alone with Cullen but glad to be away from her intrusive kin. "You must think they're a bunch of selfish bastards, after a display like that," she said when Cullen came close enough.
He chuckled quietly. "Is that unusual for a family?" He had never known his parents so he had no comparison for how families were supposed to act.
Hawke started at his question. "Sometimes I forget that you were raised by the Chantry."
Cullen waved her sadness for him away. "Only for a time."
Aris raised an eyebrow. "Oh? And before that?"
Cullen inwardly cringed at his slip. "I… was a street urchin until the day I tried to steal a mince meat pie from the Chantry kitchen window. Mother Emelline decreed that I should pay restitution by serving as a scullery boy."
Hawke gaped, stumbling a little in her shock. "You were a little thief?"
Cullen laughed and shrugged. "Well, we had to eat."
"'We'?"
At this, Cullen sobered a bit. "There were many of us on the streets. Terrible things can happen to children that have no one to care for them and many of us stayed together in groups. My earliest memories are of the older kids teaching us how to hide and where."
"I'm sorry," Aris said.
He looked at her, surprised by the pity he saw there. "It's alright, truly. It was the only life I knew and there were times that it was… fun."
"How old were you when your life as a brigand was brought to an end?" She said it lightly, but she found she was truly curious to know more about this, about him.
Cullen sighed. "Would it sound strange if I said I'm not sure how old I am?" He glanced at Aris but she simply returned the look in shock, so he continued. "I was too young to remember my parents and the kids I ran with didn't know how old I was. At best, I may have been four when whatever it was that separated me from my family happened. I could have been younger…" He looked again to gauge her reaction and stumbled on.
"I do know I was with those kids for six seasons. Soon after I began my service to the Chantry, I began to grow like all teenagers do. The sisters said it was because I was finally getting some decent food. I was just happy to learn my stomach wasn't supposed to have this empty gnawing ache in it all the time."
Hawke tried to imagine this version of Cullen, young and small and hungry. It wasn't hard to see how better nourishment would be a novel thing for such a kid.
"How old do you suspect you are?"
Cullen tried, for a moment, to see if he could feel how old he was but as usual, it was pointless. "Twenty eight? I could be thirty… maybe even thirty two." He suddenly chuckled. "How many people get to arbitrarily decide how old they are? I just usually assume I'm still in my twenties."
"Naturally," Aris agreed with a grin. "So if you stole food… and money buys food," Aris conjectured, turning left around a corner when Cullen steered a shoulder in that direction. "Did you ever…?"
He feigned innocence. "Did I cut purses?" He held up a hand and in it was Hawke's own pouch of coins.
She started. "How did you…?"
He smirked just a little. "I am sworn to silence, milady. I cannot divulge the Ferret Guild's secrets."
Hawke snickered behind a hand. "Ferret Guild?"
"It sounded clever at the time," he mumbled.
"I think I'll let it slide," she giggled. "You were only children after all."
"You're too kind," he said dryly.
They walked quietly for a few minutes and Hawke realized they were heading towards the ferry and time was running short.
"Thank you, for telling us about our cousin; I never knew her but I'm glad someone remembers her fondly."
"Every Fereldan has the highest esteem for her," he said, confusion wrinkling his brow.
Hawke nodded and wandered a few steps closer to whisper. "But not every Fereldan knows she used to go through books about the world, dream of the places she'd visit and write down her adventures. They don't know that she used to steal apples from the larder and sneak out of bed at night to dance with an enchanted broom to the melody of an old jewelry box." Hawke smiled softly and sighed, "They all know the great tales of the Hero who died to save them, not the ones about the person she was. Those are the ones that make her seem real."
"It was my pleasure to share them." He was pleasantly surprised to realize he meant it and smiled but grew serious a moment later. He saw Aris bracing herself for the real reason he'd asked her out on this stroll and sighed.
"Look, Hawke… you saved my life."
"I seem to recall you saving mine as well," she returned.
He nodded in allowance of that. "So now we're going to argue about who saved whom last?"
Aris' chuckle was throaty. "I could hang a chalkboard and keep a tally." She mimicked reading a slate, nose scrunched in mock concentration and pointed at thin air. "Ah! It's my turn to rescue Cullen's backside from…" she squinted, "crazy dwarves!"
The Templar found himself laughing at her antics and it felt good. He had the suspicion she did it on purpose. People laughed quite often around her.
"As I was saying, I owe you a debt and I don't think we're even. You wouldn't have needed any help at all if you weren't protecting me." He waited a beat before adding, "Or if there had been just one less mage..."
Hawke flushed nervously at the compliment. "What are you saying?"
Cullen stopped and turned to face her. They were in the middle of the deserted market now and he gazed around to be sure no one was nearby. "I've already given my report to Knight Commander Meredith about Xandria. It details your involvement… with the exception of your… extra abilities."
Hawke's eyes went round, lighting with the silvery glow of the moon overhead and she sucked in a breath. She felt she might explode with relief. "Thank you but… Why?" She didn't dare believe this just yet.
"An honor debt can only be repaid with honor," he said solemnly. "You took a great risk for my life and almost died saving it. Yes, I have my duties… but if I have no honor in carrying them out, I don't deserve to wear this uniform." He looked down at the emblem emblazoned on his front and let out a long breath. "I can't condone you using magic –"
"I hadn't cast a spell in years before today."
"I know." Though she had very good reasons to let him die, he was immensely grateful she hadn't.
"The least I can do is not take you away from everything you've built here. I can't protect you from others finding out and if you're exposed, there'll be nothing I can do to keep you from the Gallows. However the Order won't learn of it from me." He waited for that to sink in and his expression hardened. "But I will be keeping an eye on you… If I discover you're abusing this courtesy, I will drag you to the Circle. Is that clear Hawke?"
Aris swallowed and nodded, "As a bell."
Cullen studied her for a moment before nodding too, as satisfied with the situation as he could be. "I must admit I wonder why you were in the Coast caves…"
Hawke blinked; she should have expected he'd want to know that. "Amelia Norrik, a woman here in Hightown, hired me to find her son."
"Wait, Norrik? Their eldest, Lienne is in the Order," Cullen said, alarm starting to creep up his spine. "Their son is missing?"
Hawke watched him solemnly. "She asked me to look into his disappearance. He hadn't come home for a few days and she found some letters he'd received that seemed very friendly but he'd never mentioned a new courtship. She also noticed they were dated shortly before gold started disappearing from the family vault. Amelia said she suspected dark magic was involved, that Luthaan was far too fond of a well-endowed ledger to spend money away like that." Hawke began walking again and Cullen followed, watching her profile intently.
"Lady Norrik was right," Aris continued, casting a sad glance at him. "Luthaan had been enthralled by a mage that worked for Xandria, who was using his family's connection and money to get supplies and information. I worry Lienne could have also been compromised, though I have no real cause to believe so."
A spectacular knot of tension began forming in the base of Cullen's skull as he considered the implications of having an enthralled knight in their midst. "I'll have her assessed. Maker… Xandria was brought to the Order's attention three months ago. How long was Luthaan under her influence?"
Hawke grimaced, "According to the dates on the letters, about two months of that time."
"Blast!"
"If the Order knew about her, what took them so long to come after her?" Aris knew an accusation had crept into her words but she didn't take it back.
Cullen sighed and gazed up at the stars for a moment. Discussing Templar business outside of the Order was frowned upon and divulging anything to a mage could cost him his knighthood and possibly get him jailed, but Hawke had been involved before he knew what she was. This case wasn't exactly a secret to her and, since she knew more than he did, comparing their information could only be useful.
"We came close but she managed to escape. After that we had a difficult time tracking her. I guess Luthaan's help enabled her to stay ahead of us. Why didn't his mother seek Templar aid?"
"She said she did but her daughter was ill and the Templar she spoke with, Ser Bato dismissed her. He told her she was being overly protective; that her son was simply in love and to let him be."
A snarl twisted Cullen's mouth and he said flatly, "I will have to speak with Ser Bato. A Templar should never shirk his duty like that."
Hawke wasn't any happier about it than he. "Sounds like the Order needs to make a few changes to how it runs things."
"Sadly, you're only too right." He stopped himself from elaborating because Hawke was better than most at understanding more than she ought to know with even the smallest amount of insight. Suddenly the pattern in the stones passing under their feet became overly fascinating.
Hawke didn't miss his sudden withdrawal and schooled the disappointment out of her expression. Instead, she focused on the path leading to the stairs that would take them out of the market and to the dock between Hightown and Lowtown. More information wouldn't be forthcoming, she knew. The Order preferred secrecy about its affairs and she was fortunate Cullen had told her anything, mage or not. Still… the reminder of the classifications between them stung a little.
Cullen allowed the silence to stretch as they made their way toward the ferry. They'd just reached it when he thought again of the confrontation with Xandria's followers and Hawke's defense of him.
"Aris do you often place yourself between the likes of Tarohne, Decimus and their victims? You said you wouldn't allow me to die but faced the certainty of it for yourself. Why?"
They stopped out of earshot of the ferryman but Hawke still looked around nervously. "I was hired to save Luthaan… but for me, it was about stopping Xandria. I failed young Lord Norrik but I decided no one else would die if I could prevent it."
Cullen could understand such a feeling, however… "That's a noble ideal, but I'm a Templar –"
"So that means I should want you dead? That I should turn the other way when a good man needs help because of the uniform he wears?" Hawke said crossly, eyes narrowed at him.
"Maker, no Hawke! I didn't –" He hung his head and rubbed the back of his neck, unsure how he'd managed to irritate her so. "I didn't mean that."
"It was wrong, Cullen." Her voice was hard and she had such fire in her eyes, he could only stare. "Mage or not; they were killing people and would have included you on their list of victims. You being a Templar doesn't make it any less wrong. The only reason I was there and the reason I saved you is the same as the reason you kept my secret from the Knight Commander: it was the right thing to do."
Their staring contest raged for a few moments more before the Templar looked away. Tension drained out of him as Hawke seemed to visibly recede, shrinking away from him.
"Last run folks!"
They both looked at the ferryman who was tapping an impatient foot on the dock.
"Thank you for dinner," Cullen said. "I haven't had a decent Fereldan meal in… well since I left Ferelden."
Aris smiled. "I'll be sure to tell mother. Good night Cullen."
"Good night, Hawke." He went to the boat then and stepped aboard, watching her wave him off as the ferry began to move. Suddenly he chuckled to himself. Despite everything that happened, the part about the evening that stood out most in his mind was that Hawke had seen him safely to the dock when it was he who was the knight in armor.
. . .oOo.
When Aris slipped into her estate once more, Leandra was immediately in front of her demanding answers. "Where is the Templar? I want to talk to him."
Hawke sighed and walked past her pacing mother. "He's gone back to the Gallows."
Leandra stopped her frantic steps at that. "He left you here?" She started pacing again, "That gives us the night to get you out of Kirkwall. I've already had Bodahn start packing a trunk for you."
"Mother!" Arissa was aghast this had already been decided for her and that Bodahn had been disturbed over it. "I'm not leaving."
Leandra glared at her eldest. "You have to leave the city before the Templars come back for you! I haven't kept you safe from them for twenty five years to see you locked in the Gallows now."
"Cullen isn't going to turn me in, unless I give him a reason to."
"What?" Leandra deflated so suddenly, she had to sit on a foyer bench. "But once he reports your magic..."
Hawke shook her head and smiled softly. "He didn't."
"Didn't?"
"He's already given his report… and he left out all mention of my magic."
"I didn't expect that."
"Nor did I."
"That still doesn't mean it's safe to stay here." Leandra's frantic energy returned and she got up again. "This incident just proves it."
"I'mnot leaving," Aris said firmly.
Leandra waved her daughter's statement away imperiously. "Of course you are. What if he changes his mind? It's only a matter of time before –"
"I'm not going mother," Hawke huffed. "Even if I knew the Templars were going to drag me away in the morning, I would stay right here. I can't abandon you and Carver or my friends."
"What good is staying here if you're a prisoner of the Circle? The Gallows is a dreadful place! I don't want to see you wind up there."
Aris narrowed her eyes at her mother. "Maybe I could do more to change it from the inside than I can from outside…? I'm a big girl mother; it's time to stop living for me." Hawke looked around the house she owned with a wistful smile. "I've done all I can to care for you. I would be content with this if I were to go to the Gallows. Carver could have a decent life. We could all stop running. You could stop worrying about me. I don't want to run anymore."
"I'd still –"Leandra tried again to make her daughter see but Aris was having none of it.
"I said no, mother. I won't intentionally give the Templars a reason to arrest me but if that day comes, it comes. We're staying here. We're staying together."
Leandra gave a defeated nod and lowered her head. "I guess I'd better go help Bodahn unpack your things then. Varric took his leave while you were gone but he left you a note in the library." With that, Leandra drifted to the main hall and up the stairs.
Hawke watched her go before taking a deep breath and walking to Varric's note, hoping he wasn't upset with her too. She could only take so much remonstration in one day and after dealing with Carver, Cullen and mother, she was done. The slip of parchment was sitting in her favorite chair by the fire and she picked it up carefully.
"Your mother explained why you suddenly have our esteemed Knight Captain following you around. I confess, it wasn't the lurid and tawdry reason I was hoping for, but any intrigue is still intrigue! I understand why you hide it, Hawke. But, we'll have to talk soon. The rounds are on you.
~Varric"
Aris chuckled and said out loud, "You would use this as an opportunity to weasel a few pints out of me, wouldn't you?"