A/N: Quick one-shot, just for funsies. Takes place in the "Falling Snow" timeline, but can probably stand alone from that story if you haven't read it. All you need to know is that this is an AU fic where the aliens never invaded.
Summary: Ben has been distant lately, staying out late, and now a few text messages seem to be all the proof Jimmy needs as confirmation of his worst fear: Ben was cheating.
Last Night
Ben was cheating.
The thought rattled around in Jimmy's brain, an endless, inescapable obsession, even as it ripped through his chest and heart. He stood in the kitchen of their shared apartment, staring at the proof glaring up at him from Ben's cell phone which Ben had forgotten that morning when he ran out the door for class.
Running late, again.
Ben had been running late a lot those past few weeks, despite his being the picture of punctuality when Jimmy had first met him. He stayed late a lot now too, calling well after his shift at work or his class should've ended to tell Jimmy not to wait up. This was on top of the fact their schedules were so conflicting those days that they barely saw one another. Those couple hours before bed were almost all the time they had together, and Ben willingly gave it up for a few more dollars tacked onto his paycheck?
Down deep inside, Jimmy knew better, and suspicion and fear crept cold chill into his heart. When Ben's cell phone lit up on the counter with a newly received text, Jimmy attempted to ignore it. He needed to trust in his boyfriend. Trust was the foundation of a strong relationship, after all, and Jimmy wanted their relationship to be strong. Jimmy wanted to be strong.
A half hour later, another text lit the screen, and Jimmy's heart gave a mean thump against his chest. Ben had been growing distant in those past few weeks. It wasn't just being apart all day or coming home late. As they lay in bed next to one another, it felt as though his body was rigid, held apart from the lover next to him in such a way Jimmy couldn't imagine how to begin bridging the space between them. When they had first started spending the night together they would sleep tangled in one another's arms and in the mornings it was blissfully difficult to distinguish where one boy ended and the other began. Now, Jimmy yearned for Ben to at least reach out and touch him, he longed for the simplest brush of flesh against flesh, even if on accident.
Ten minutes passed and another text arrived, and not even minutes later, the screen lit once more and the phone gave a chirp announcing the arrival of yet another text. It was too much. Someone was desperate to get a hold of Ben, at least that much was certain.
Jimmy put aside the book he'd been reading, trying to take his mind off the phone and whatever messages were overwhelming it. Maybe it was an emergency, Jimmy told himself, perhaps Ben's parents or brothers were sending those incessant texts, panic growing because he wasn't responding in the midst of some other unrelated crisis back in Boston. It was Jimmy's duty, as a loving boyfriend, to check those messages and ensure there wasn't something drastic going on that needed Ben's immediate attention.
Mind made up, Jimmy scooped up the phone, unlocked its screen, and opened the Text Message Inbox. His heart beat quickened, blood rushing to his head and making him feel dizzy and slightly queasy. None of the messages were from Ben's family; they were all from a local number, and a name that Jimmy didn't recognize: Andy Cabot.
"Put the phone down," Jimmy said, hoping that hearing the command aloud would make it more compelling. It wasn't an emergency. It was just a friend of Ben's sending him goofy, unimportant chatter. Albeit, a friend Ben had never mentioned to Jimmy. Jimmy's hands shook as he opened the conversation string. His breath caught, his body froze. He read and reread the newest message until the letters blurred and he wasn't sure if they were forming real words anymore.
I'll see you tonight!
Jimmy's eyes transfixed on 'tonight'. Before leaving for class, Ben said he'd been called into work, he would head straight there after class ended and would be there until late into the night. Maybe it was a co-worker. Jimmy's eyes trailed up to the text messages that came before.
Everything is ready to go.
Some last minute things came up, but I should be done before you get here. I'll let you know if there's a problem. I'm finishing up packing now!
I'm happy to hear, tho I know someone who's way more excited :D
Each word he skimmed over squeezed ever tighter on his heart, pushing the blood and air from it until he couldn't see or think clearly. Finally, he came to stop on the last thing Ben sent to this mystery Andy person. It was delivered seconds before he had to leave for class.
I'm so excited for this!
Excited for what, Jimmy silently demanded of the phone, as a sudden sense of urgency overtook him. 'Ready to go', 'packing', what did this asshole Andy mean, it sounded like a trip was being planned? Jimmy needed to know. There had to be something more clear in the previous messages somewhere. He scrolled frantically, gripping the phone like a madman, frothing at the mouth and strangling the tiny device as though hoping to make it choke up answers. But when the answers came, it was all he could do to keep from smashing the phone on the floor.
"I'm worried. I'm not sure how Jimmy will react," Ben had written a few days earlier.
"We've talked about this before. I don't want you to back out, but I can't force you to do anything. Go with what feels right, choose what'll make you happy," Andy had replied.
"If I were to be honest, the choice was already made weeks ago. What can I do? I fell in love. I just hope Jimmy understands," Ben had sent back, and Jimmy didn't need to read anymore. His heart was in too many pieces, it couldn't break down any further. He tossed the cell phone soundlessly onto the couch. Ben's words, 'I fell in love', seemed permanently burned into Jimmy's retina.
It felt like Jimmy couldn't catch his breath. He was woozy, but the thought of sitting or lying down made him nauseas. He needed to stand, he needed to move. There was so much energy crawling under his skin, rushing through his bloodstream, he didn't know what to do with it all. He gasped, God, why couldn't he get any air into his lungs. He was suffocating. It was too hot, too stifling in that apartment. That apartment, that fucking apartment that he picked out with Ben over a year ago, that was littered with Ben's things, that reeked of Ben's scent. And where was Ben? Off screwing some other guy.
He fell in love. Couldn't Jimmy understand that? Yeah. Jimmy could understand that. Ben fell in love. In love with someone else. Someone that wasn't Jimmy. And Ben was ready to go. Ready to go tonight. He was leaving. Tonight. Leaving Jimmy.
Jimmy needed to get out, he needed to get away. He barely tugged on his shoes, rushing out the door like a fire was licking at his heels. He burst out into the night and the icy January air instantly attacked his bare arms and neck, but he didn't care.
Ben was cheating.
Worse, Ben was gone. He'd left Jimmy without so much as a single word of good-bye, just a succinct 'don't wait up' as he ran out of the apartment, out of Jimmy's life. Maybe that was the real reason Ben left his phone behind. So Jimmy couldn't get a hold of him, couldn't track him down. Goddamn coward, probably wanted Jimmy to read those text messages and figure it out on his own why the love he'd devoted his heart and soul to wasn't coming home. Ben couldn't grow the balls to tell Jimmy himself that they were over. He was too scared of how Jimmy would react.
Three years they'd been together. Three years. Is that all it was, and all it would ever be worth, just three years, and then to end it like this.
Their courtship had been a whirlwind of misunderstanding and misperception, with a dash of stalking thrown in, marked by Ben's dogged determination and Jimmy's stalwart avoidance. Ben had wanted this, Jimmy remind himself. It was Ben's fault they'd ended up together in the first place. Jimmy would've been just as happy, happier even, to keep going about his business, hiding in his dorm room, blocking out everything save lectures, wading towards graduation through the most shallow of interactions with his fellow classmates as possible.
Only for Ben to come along and insist, insist, on getting to know Jimmy, befriending Jimmy, bonding with Jimmy, forming a relationship, a connection, asking questions, digging into Jimmy's life, following him around like some kind of lost, infatuated puppy dog until Jimmy couldn't remember what life had been like before Ben and couldn't fathom how to function without him.
Jimmy went into the first bar he came across and planted himself in a stool by the darkest corner. He tossed the credit card and photo ID from his back pocket on the counter and ordered a shot of the top shelf whiskey, downed it, and ordered another.
Their first kiss had been a surprise. For both of them, even though Jimmy had started it, and maybe that was why. They'd gone on three sort of dates by then, and didn't seem to be getting anywhere. The frustration was palpable. Ben tried his damndest, snatching up Jimmy's hand or coming up with excuses to touch Jimmy, on the small of his back, his shoulder, his face, even leaning against him, their entire bodies pressed together, in a crowded elevator going five stories up.
Ben poured on the romantic overtures thick too, and Jimmy scoffed at the memory now as he slapped back his fourth shot of the night and demanded another.
"You might want to think about slowing things down a bit, kid," the bartender recommended, even as he filled another glass in front of Jimmy.
"If I slow down, I won't feel it," Jimmy said, downing the fifth shot, and recalling the way Ben would comment on the way Jimmy looked, and smelled, and felt, and smiled, and laughed.
"I could stay here forever, and never want for anything," Ben once told Jimmy, in a low rumble that reverberated through Jimmy and thrummed against his heart, as Ben held Jimmy back against his chest, their fingers laced while they lounged in a dark movie theater, ignoring the movie, entirely caught up in one another. Jimmy could still remember how tightly coiled the knots were in his stomach, as he sat up and leaned over, and delved into that first sensation of the other boy's mouth against his own, the sheer pleasure of its feel, soft and warm and pliable and welcoming, of its taste, sweet and bitter and indulgent and addicting.
For a moment, Jimmy stayed with that happy memory, a sad smile on his features, and then it warped, twisted and perverted itself, as a new face took his place, an image of a strange young man straddling Ben, caressing his thighs and chest with long fingers and limbs throbbing with want, and gleaming white teeth nibbling Ben's bottom lip tender until he grunted in approval and slipped his tongue into this unknown young man's mouth and careened over every available inch of that inner cavity.
Ben was cheating.
Off in the night making love to someone else. Touching and being touched by another man. Whispering sweet platitudes of endless love into some other man's ear. Wanting to stay forever in some other man's arms. Gone. Gone from Jimmy's life. It wasn't fair. He wanted to scream at Ben, fight, pitch a fit, throw a tantrum, stamp his feet and throw a fist or two. Stay, stay with me. Choose me. Never stray, love me, only me.
Jimmy took another shot. He could feel it now, warming his throat and insides, floating in his head.
Ben fell in love. When everything else was said and done, wasn't it all that mattered? Ben was in love, and excited, and happy. How long had it been since he'd felt happy with Jimmy? Jimmy didn't know. He could barely recall the last time they'd seen one another. Really, truly seen one another. When was it that they stopped looking, Jimmy wondered. Did he ever stop looking? He still woke up in the middle of the night, terrified he was alone, and comforted at the firm weight of Ben beside him, relieved to see the other boy, slumbering peacefully. His features light and the lines around his mouth relaxed. Jimmy would trace his fingers over the contours of Ben's face, memorize, just in case. Just in case the day came when he would wake and find he really was alone, he wanted to remember, every line, wrinkle, dip and curve. So that he could always remember that there was someone in the world who'd been foolish enough to love him.
A few tears tumbled down Jimmy's cheeks before he realized they were falling. He swiped at them, but it was no use, more and more followed. Ben had loved him once. Where was Ben? If Jimmy only knew, he'd go there, fall to his hands and knees, beg the other boy to come home and to remember. Remember what it was like to hold each other close and need nothing more from life.
And what then? Stand face-to-face with the other man? The man that Ben loved? The man that wasn't Jimmy?
Three years, that's all it took. Three years for Ben to fall in and out of love with Jimmy. Who could blame Ben really? He should be commended for lasting so long. A surly, implacable, despicable little prick like Jimmy couldn't hope for more than three years of anyone's love and devotion. It was more than he deserved.
Eight shots down, and Jimmy wondered how many more it would take to completely drown his sorrows. How many would it take to forget those three years? How many until he couldn't feel the pain of Ben's loss anymore? How many until he stopped tormenting himself with images of Ben with the other man? Would it take ten? Twelve? Twenty?
A man crashed into Jimmy, spilling his next drink, and Jimmy shoved the man away with more force than may have been necessary, swarming with rage and disgust.
"Fuck off," he roared.
"You fuck off," the man replied, "Just go back to crying, you pansy little shit."
Go back to crying. That's right, because crying was all Jimmy had left. He didn't know where Ben was, and he didn't know what he could do even if he did.
All Jimmy really knew was that Ben was cheating and it was the last thing of the night that Jimmy could remember.
In the morning, Jimmy woke on a hard surface. His head ached, his entire face felt sore and puffy. He tried to sit up and had to lie back again before he puked.
"Morning, honey," a gruff unfamiliar voice teased nearby, as a large, heavy hand clamped onto Jimmy's thigh. He bolted to his feet, tearing himself from the unwelcome touch, and stumbling across the room several steps before colliding softly with a thicket of metal bars. His eyes peeled open and squeezed shut. He gripped the bars for support as the world threatened to rip out from under his feet.
Jail. He was in jail. His night rushed back to him, what details he could remember, he thought of the text messages, and bit back a sob. He couldn't exactly call Ben to come get him, and everyone else he might consider calling for a bail out of jail was three thousand miles or so across the country in Boston. As if on cue, a shuffle of footfall sidled up to the jail cell.
"Jimmy Boland," said a stern voice.
Jimmy fell back and examined the guard outside the cell with half-squinted eyes and a green look.
"Your ride's here," the officer said, opening the door and ushering a very confused Jimmy out. He closed the door and curtly remarked, "Right this way, and try not to puke on the floor again."
Jimmy followed the officer as best he could. He was having a little trouble standing upright, seeing straight, and doing as the officer had asked about not puking. Meanwhile, he tried to catch his brain up on what was going on. He got wasted the night before and landed himself in jail, that was easy, but he couldn't remember calling for someone to come pick him up. They entered the main lobby and Jimmy stopped dead in his tracks.
Ben stood from the chair he'd been sitting in waiting, his face a mixed expression of anger and concern. Stiff legged, Jimmy approached, trying to sort through the rise of emotions bubbling in his chest. He flinched involuntarily when Ben reached a hand for his face, but Ben was too preoccupied to notice, wrinkling his brow and making a clucking noise with his tongue.
"At least tell me the other guy looks worse," Ben said. Jimmy noticed the marks on his own hands for the first time, bruises and small cuts, and it made sense suddenly why he was in jail and his face and body ached so much. He got in a fight at the bar.
The officer brought Jimmy his belongings before Jimmy could reply to Ben, and when Jimmy stared blankly at his things, unmoving, Ben plucked them up off the counter.
"Can I take him home, now?" Ben asked the officer and the officer nodded
"I suggest you take him to the hospital, see that he gets his head checked out. Also, he needs to come back later and fill out a statement," the officer said.
Ben took Jimmy's arm and guided him to the front door and out of the building.
"What the hell were you thinking going out drinking like that last night? And getting into a fight? I don't even know where to begin! You have no idea how scared I was getting home last night, no clue where you were," Ben ranted and Jimmy finally woke from his daze, ripping his arm free of Ben's grasp when they were several feet from the car.
"No clue where I was! Where the hell were you last night?" Jimmy roared, reeling on a surprised Ben, "And for that matter, why are you even here? Shouldn't you be off with your new boyfriend, or whatever. What's his name, Andy?"
"What are you talking about? Andy…? How do you…?" Ben stammered, his eyes narrowing on Jimmy, and Jimmy felt like he'd been punched in the gut. Ben wasn't even going to try denying it.
"I saw the text messages. You don't have to worry about how I'll react. I'm not so stupid pathetic to pine after some guy cheating on me, slipping around with someone else. I wish I knew how long…how long you've been lying to me, going off to fuck this guy, and then coming home to sleep next to me. No. Wait. I don't want to know. God, I feel sick," Jimmy said.
"Text messages? What text messages?" Ben wondered, his eyes widened, and Jimmy bit back the fresh tears, "Jimmy…whoa, wait, you don't understand…"
"I understand everything. You don't have to be here, Ben. I don't even want you here, picking me up, acting like the caring, faithful boyfriend. Fuck you," Jimmy went on, trembling but managing to stand his ground, as a strange muffled sound erupted nearby, "I loved you. And I believed you when you said you loved me. Three years I gave myself to you, and I would've given you my whole life…but you…you had to go fall in love with someone else. It doesn't matter. Those three years are gone and we can't get them back, and I…and…"
Jimmy closed his eyes, sniffled, attempted to compose himself. He smeared the tears from his eyes with the back of his hand. Ben furrowed his brow, speechless and waiting for Jimmy to continue.
"Why is your car barking?"
Ben perked a brow, "Because your puppy is inside of it."
"My puppy," Jimmy repeated dumbly, gaping at Ben, "I don't have a puppy."
"Yeah. Your puppy. I got it last night, and I couldn't leave it home alone. It already ate one of my shoes," Ben said, sounding only slightly annoyed, even as realization slowly dawned on Jimmy.
"You got me a dog," Jimmy murmured, a grin slowly spreading across his features, as he crossed the short distance to the car and tossed the door open. A small brown lab with big black eyes excitedly pounced out at him, "You got me a dog!"
"I wanted to surprise you," Ben said.
"How could you get me a dog? I thought we couldn't have one. You're allergic to dogs," Jimmy said, scooping the puppy into his arms and smothering it with affection. The puppy wriggled happily in his hold, lapping at his face and nuzzling against his neck and chest.
"That's what I've been trying to explain to you. Andy Cabot is a dog breeder, she specializes in hypoallergenic breeds. You're right. I have been lying to you about being at work, These past few weeks I've been going to visit the litter, spending a couple hours every day with the puppies to see if I would have a reaction," Ben said, "Three weeks later, no reaction. I was worried about bringing home a dog without talking to you about it first, but I know how disappointed you were about my being allergic, and I knew you really wanted a dog, so I thought it might be okay."
"Okay? How could you think that it wouldn't be okay? This is the best gift anyone has ever given me," Jimmy exclaimed.
"Good. Now let's back to you thought I was cheating on you. How could you think I was cheating on you?" Ben cried, "Is that why you went out drinking last night and got in a fight? Jimmy, you could've gotten seriously injured."
"I love her. I'm naming her Lady," Jimmy decided, lifting the puppy over his head. She looked down at him and gave an excited 'yip', "She already knows her name. You're so smart, aren't you Lady?"
"Could you stop with the dog, this is serious discussion time, now, babe," Ben said, taking Jimmy's chin and forcing his attention, "I love you. You don't have to believe it. It's fact. I wouldn't give back these past three years, and I wouldn't throw them away either. They've been the best three years of my life so far, but my life with you isn't over yet. How could you believe that I'd cheat on you?"
Jimmy lowered his eyes, shrugged sheepishly as he snuggled the puppy.
"I don't know. I saw those text messages and I just thought…I don't know," Jimmy frowned, "You were gone all the time, and when you're home it doesn't feel like you're home."
"I don't like that we're apart so much either, but we just have to suffer through it until school's over," Ben said, slipping his hand into Jimmy's and confessing, "It's weird that you'd say you feel that way because lately I feel like you've been pushing me away. I thought you were mad at me, I guess I was part right."
"You thought I was mad at you?" Jimmy whispered, and even as he said it, he realized, "I guess I have been. I miss you and you're never there."
"I miss you too," Ben said, lifting Jimmy's hand to his lips and brushing a kiss across the bruised knuckles, "Just because I'm never there doesn't mean I'm going to find someone new. I barely have time for one boyfriend, how'm I going to run around with another?"
Jimmy gave Ben an impatient look, and Ben smiled winningly up at him.
"I'm sorry if I made you think that I was cheating on you," Ben said.
Jimmy rolled his eyes, clutching the puppy under his chin, "Okay. Well, I guess you're forgiven."
"And you're sorry…" Ben prompted.
"Why am I sorry?" Jimmy demanded haughtily.
"Oh, I don't know…for having so little faith in me as to think I was cheating on you in the first place. Going out all night and getting hammered, worrying me sick I might add. Getting into a bar fight, getting arrested. You can just pick one," Ben said.
"I'm sorry you're such a dunce, you forgot your cell phone at home while in the middle of lying to me and exchanging super secret, and very suggestive I might add, text messages with some stranger," Jimmy replied. Ben ran a hand across his face, grinding away his exasperation, and then he dragged Jimmy towards him, leaning in so close their lips were millimeters apart, and Jimmy could feel the hot blast of Ben's words.
"That'll do," he grinned, and Jimmy closed the distance between them, securing a firm kiss.
They climbed into the car, Jimmy holding his new puppy in his lap, a bright grin on his face. Ben started the car up.
"This is such an awesome day," Jimmy declared.
"You woke up in jail," Ben pointed out.
"Who cares? My boyfriend's not cheating on me, and I got a puppy; what could be more awesome than that?" Jimmy said, grabbing hold of Ben's hand and twining their fingers.
"You need to work on your definition of awesome. We still have to go to the hospital to make sure you don't have a concussion and you have to come back to the station to file a statement, oh, and there's still the possibility the other guy is going to want to press charges. Fingers crossed you don't get another assault and battery on your record," Ben argued.
"You know we're going to need to get a bigger place now," Jimmy said, completely disregarding Ben's negativity. Ben scrunched his eyebrows together in confusion.
"What? Why?"
"This puppy's going to get huge. There's no way my Lady is going to be happy in that cramped apartment. She needs a larger space, and a backyard," Jimmy said.
"No, no, no. The breeder said it was a good dog for an apartment," Ben returned, shaking his head.
"Yeah, sure, if you've got the time to walk the dog five hours a day! Breeder lied to you, babe," Jimmy said, and when Ben gave him a plaintive look, he lifted the puppy into Ben's face, "This is a Labrador Retriever, large dog, hunting dog. Lots of energy, needs to be run ragged, will play fetch until it dies.
"You've got to be kidding me."
"This is why you should've consulted with me before getting a dog."
"That's why? I thought it was because you can't trust me long enough to secretly arrange a puppy as a surprise gift without jumping to the absolute worst conclusion possible about where I've been spending my time."
"No. That's why you shouldn't forget your cell phone when you're lying to me. And also, don't lie to me."
"I suppose there's no chance the breeder will give me a refund," Ben mused and Jimmy hugged the puppy to him, pouting.
"You can't take Lady back! She's mine."
"Fine," Ben sighed, muttering, "If we're getting a bigger place, I guess I'd better start picking up more shifts at work."
.
.
.
Author's Note: Thanks for reading. If you are a person who cares, I am going to try to get some chapters of Fallen Hero written (and posted) before the year ends. Wish me luck. Also, ditto on Raising Skies.
Otherwise, I hope your holidays have been merry and bright, and that your year is coming to a fantastic close, and next year looks promising. All the best.
Let me know your thoughts on the story!