Author's Note: This is my first fanfic ever drawing from the yaoi novel series S. I've been wanting to write this for awhile and since it's my first one, it'd be nice to get lots of feedback. I hope to do a lot of things plot wise and if any of you have read the novels then I hope you enjoy this. If you have, Shiiba will be most likely OOC until later in the story and I hope I can keep Munechika IC for most of the story. Also, for those of you that may have read this, this fiction will be taking place directly after Shiiba first meets Gondou and is drugged (among other things). Lastly, this will be a bit of a slow moving romance but alas, there will be lemon. :)
Disclaimer: I do not own anything! Nothing! Nada! Zilch! This is purely a work of fiction from my wee little brain.
Chapter 1:The Fall
Shiiba was done. The time had come when the last straw on the camel's back had finally broken. The PCP was still in affect. He had been forced to face fears he had kept hidden away from prying eyes and experienced a betrayal that ran deep in his veins. His mind, his heart, everything in his being was breaking. One more push and Shiiba would be entirely disintegrated into dust flying aimlessly away from his pain.
"Put me down. I'm fine, I can walk now." Shiiba breathed these words out tiredly, barely audible. Munechika knew that now was not the time to argue and silently, slowly set Shiiba's feet upon the stone floor. Shiiba faltered slightly but his pride kept his weakened body steady and his hand grasped for the stucco wall in the small hallway. He wobbled weakly and slowly to make sure that all within his line of view was still reality. He needed to leave, leave Munechika. He needed to return to his apartment to crawl into his small bed. He needed Yukari.
"Kaname, get the car." Munechika's right hand man, Kaname ever faithful, gave a firm nod and briskly walked pass the two grim men.
Munechika watched Shiiba's small frame in front of him as he walked. He knew no explanation he gave would be enough to ease Shiiba's inner turmoil.
"Shiiba, I..." Munechika closed his mouth. The words would not come. Is this how it ends?
Munechika and Shiiba had been partners for a over a year and a half now. They had used sex as an exchange for information and a basis for their trust in each other. However now, this exchange was no longer a barter system and the two had grown to depend and care for one another. Munechika was more than just Shiiba's S. The two had become tightly bound to each other. It had been a tirelessly long road to reach this point and both Munechika and Shiiba had begun to feel too secure in their ties. Gondou, a shadow of Munechika's past and current puppet master of his younger brother, Motoaki, once again made an appearance in Munechika's life. Now that Gondou could catch on to something precious of Munechika's, he wanted to burn it and see Munechika writhe with pain and mourn over the loss. The result was Shiiba's capture and subsequent abuse.
"Don't bother with the car. I'll take a cab." Shiiba huffed as a he came closer to the end of the hall, finally reaching the stairs.
"You can't be serious. Not with you like this." Munechika hated Shiiba's pride at times like these though he couldn't blame Shiiba for wanting the distance.
Gondou had given two options for Shiiba's release: Sleep with Shiiba as Gondou, ever the voyeur, watched closely on the sidelines or he'd resort to other means within his reach. It was a lose-lose ultimatum. Gondou, like Munechika, was a man with power and influence. That power, flexed the right way, could destroy anything far beyond repair. Munechika could only pick the lesser of the two evils so that this would be the last time Shiiba suffered from Munechika's past ties.
Shiiba waved Munechika off, annoyed, and finally made his way down the first step.
"Hey Shiiba, listen to me!" Munechika caught up with Shiiba and attempted to pull at his sleeve only to have Shiiba turn around, flinch, and recoil severely, losing his delicately placed balance.
"Don't touch-" Shiiba finished the sentence but, it was heard by none but himself. He felt himself falling, falling, falling backwards down the staircase. His mind was blank. He was blank. Shiiba's senses dulled completely as he felt the rush of the free fall push into his abdomen. Shiiba heard nothing more and felt nothing more, he only saw. Shiiba saw Munechika's face, his once handsome features, contorted into a hoarse cry.
Is he calling for me, maybe? Ah, Munechika, that face doesn't suit you.
Shiiba's body collided and slammed, back first, into the cold pavement that had been lying in wait. Shiiba's eyes sprung wide open, pupils dilated fully, unable to take in any light. The river of crimson sprung from the side of his head as if his blood had been waiting all along to be let out. The blood quickly and quietly pooled around Shiiba's twitching and convulsing body finding places in the cracks along the cement.
"Shiiba!" Munechika let out a shrill cry as he bounded down the stairs, two at a time, until his destination had been reached. Kaname had already begun to call the paramedics as Munechika looked at his bloody hands, clutching at Shiiba's now limp body.
So much blood. Too much blood. Oh God, Shiiba is dying...dying. What do I do? What should I do?
Munechika's thoughts repeated this pattern over and over as he rocked himself whilst holding Shiiba, sirens wailing in the near background.
What do I do? Shiiba...Shiiba...
From the above window leading into Gondou's apartment, the man watched the spectacle, crudely smiling. How he had wished for so long to see Munechika in pain, how delicious it tasted to Gondou's eyes as he drank in the scene.
And I barely had to lift a finger.
The sirens wail, a man holds a bloody and limp body, the scene is one of despair. Snow begins to fall, burying all the pain left stained on these grounds. Where will this fall lead?
One Year Later:
Shinozuka briskly walked the hospital's halls in the direction of the head doctor's office. He had to restrain himself from breaking into a dead sprint when he got the call. Masaki , he thought, Masaki is awake.
"Masaki...is awake?" Shinozuka didn't think he'd ever get to ask this question. One year after Shiiba's fall and subsequent lapse into a coma, had he really awoken?
"Yes! Yes! It's quite the miracle. We've been running some tests to check and see how his brain his functioning now that he's active. There's many things I'd like to discuss with you before you actually see him. That way you'll know what to avoid. Also, bring with you anyone who would be of significant importance to Shiiba. It will help with his recovery." Shiiba's doctor made it a point to stress this fact which brought a great deal of dread to Shinozuka. The only other person, at least alive, who would hold some form of importance to Masaki would be...Munechika.
Ugh.
Munechika, to his surprise, got a call from Shinozuka early this morning. After saying that Shiiba had woke up, without Shinozuka even finishing the sentence, Munechika hung up the phone and headed over the hospital. He was familiar with the place after many visits to see Shiiba right after his accident. Munechika had an odd feeling of nervousness and tried to slow his pace as he walked the halls in the direction of the head doctor's office to meet with Shinozuka. Munechika rounded the last corner to come face to face with Shinozuka waiting in a chair beside a closed door. They made eye contact but spoke no words. This was normal.
Shinozuka and Munechika had always been distant. Shinozuka was a decorated officer and Munechika, a powerful business man with ties to the yakuza. This was normal. The only thing they had in common was Masaki Shiiba whom, thanks to several of his own actions, as well as Munechika's, had put Shiiba in his current state.
Shinozuka turned his head from Munechika as he heard a doorknob turn and a door open to reveal Shiiba's head physician. All three men exchanged greetings and finally settled into Doctor Nagoya's office.
Nagoya cleared his throat and delved into his findings:
"Well, as you both should be aware by now, Shiiba is awake. I honestly didn't think it would happen. The fall he experienced was a terrible one that shattered a large portion of his skull, I thought he would remain comatose for the rest of his life. Over the past year, scans have also shown no brain activity but, today as like any other day, we did routine brain scans and again, no brain activity. That is until about thirty minutes after the routine tests, someone pressed the nurse button in Shiiba's room. We were all quite confused because, clearly, a comatose patient can not request help without having woken up. When we went inside, Shiiba was sitting up, frantically pressing the nurse button. He is in a bit of shock because he has no memory whatsoever of what has happened. And that is where our next problem lies. His physical body has healed over this past year and will continue to heal with physical therapy. Other than that, his memory...I'm afraid, it's severely damaged." Nagoya looked down for a moment not sure what expressions he would face. Nagoya knew both men visited Shiiba nonstop from day one of Shiiba's care and to be told he might not remember them, was a lot to take.
"So? What does he remember?" Munechika was first to break the silence.
"Well, that's what we don't know which is why I needed you both here. I know Shinozuka here is Shiiba's brother-in-law so that's to test how far back his memory goes, especially with people. Munechika you were his...work partner, was it? So I'm told and you were also present during the accident so I want to see how Shiiba will react when two prominent parts of his memory come forward. It's possible it will trigger his brain back to the memories he's missing or at least give him a foggy view of the full picture."
"Hmmm..." Shinozuka understood Nagoya's meaning but felt that it might be a little too much at once for Shiiba. He cast a sidelong glance at Munechika. He hadn't changed much in the last year but, a lot of difficulties were settled concerning Gondou and he felt that Munechika just might be a little more devoted to Shiiba than everyone initially thought. Shinozuka sighed, "Well, let's see if it works."
The three men walked towards Shiiba's room. Nagoya quietly opened the door and gave a light tap, tap on the door frame.
No response.
Nagoya encouraged Munechika and Shinozuka to walk in. When the two men rounded the curtain they both caught their breath. The man they both cared for so much, whom they thought was lost to them, had truly awoken.
Shiiba was sitting up, staring point-blank at both of them and looking them over. Shiiba's hair had grown to his shoulders while in the hospital as no one had the time to sit and cut it. He had also become thinner than before and his big round eyes looked tired. He hadn't aged really, always being the one with a young face. He just looked...so frail.
Shinozuka pulled up a chair next to the bedside and looked at Shiiba silently watching his younger brother, waiting for him to show a sign of remembrance.
Shiiba stared back at Shinozuka and suddenly began to get a little color in his cheeks and amazingly he smiled. Munechika stood far off in a corner, not wanting to overwhelm Shiiba, if he had in fact, forgotten Munechika.
Without skipping a beat, arms were suddenly around Shinozuka, squeezing him tightly.
"Nii-san!" Shiiba chirped happily.
Instantly Shinozuka knew something was wrong. Shiiba stopped calling him that the day Yukari had died. While Shinozuka was happy to hug Shiiba, it left a bad taste in his mouth and he had to quickly pull away.
"Masaki...what did you just call me?" Shinozuka asked quizically.
"What do you mean? I always call you that." Shiiba's aloof attitude much reflected that of his twenty year old self, over eight years ago.
Shinozuka looked at Munechika, who looked puzzled at Shiiba's strange personality change.
"Masaki, You-" Shinozuka was quickly cutoff.
"Hey, Nii-san, I totally forgot, How did Yukari's doctor's visit go? Did you find out if it's a boy or a girl yet? That was the last time I saw..."Shiiba's voice trailed off for a second and his brow furrowed slightly as if his brain had snagged onto a piece of information he wasn't supposed to remember. He shook his head a little and looked at Shinozuka who had his head down. Yukari was dead. She had been dead for eight years now, along with the child she carried. Was Shiiba's memory this far gone? Shinozuka knotted his brows and pinched the bridge of his nose. He inhaled and then exhaled.
"Masaki, do you know this man standing behind me?"
Shiiba's eyes fixed onto Munechika and Munechika in turn stepped a little closer to the bed, not saying a word.
Shinozuka as well as Nagoya, who had been taking notes nearby, expected Shiiba to say no immediately but what happened next was completely unexpected.
Shiiba raised a little out of the bed to get a better look at Munechika. Leaning over the edge of the bed, slowly, hands trembling slightly, he grabbed the sides of Munechika's face. Shiiba's breathing became a little quicker for at the touch of Munechika's skin, something stirred inside Shiiba. He studied the structure of Munechika's face with his fingertips: the bridge of his nose, his strong jaw, a few strands of ebony hair. Shiiba continued until one hand was on Munechika's lips, the other just near his dark eyes. Shiiba began to visibly tremble as small and quick visions filled his eyes. Visions of the lust, passion, and pain the two men had shared. These visions did not resonate with the current Shiiba and though the images were familiar and didn't belong to him now, the emotions filled him.
Images of Munechika's passionate and deep kisses, his eyes gazing down upon Shiiba as if they saw through everything. Shiiba shivered holding Munechika's face as tears brimmed his lower lids. He could not process what he was feeling for these images and feelings were familiar but foreign.
"Who..." Shiiba breathed out with a small voice, his throat dry and his shoulders shook. "Who...are you?" Shiiba's grasp on Munechika's face became tighter and tighter as if this would smear the images away from his mind.
Munechika, in turn, could only look at Shiiba and search his eyes for the Shiiba he knew and had loved. Shiiba's hands fell from Munechika's face and slowly, Shiiba grabbed his own head, his face contorting, eyes wide.
"Nii-san." Shiiba's tone of voice had gotten noticeably darker and everyone felt the shift in his atmosphere. "Nii-san. Yukari...where is my sister? Where is your wife?"
Shinozuka was a bit taken aback by the sudden instability he saw in Shiiba, whom he cherished. He slowly went to reach for Shiiba's hand, "Masaki..."
"No!" Shiiba slapped Shinozuka's hand away and shrank back in the bed all the way to the wall.
"Where's Yukari!"
"Where's Yukari!"
"Where's Yukari!"
Shiiba's voice had become hoarse, screaming and crying for the terribly missed presence of his long dead sister. Shiiba began clawing at his head and pounding angry fists against the wall, waiting for the answers to fall from the sky. The confusion that had been brought on made Shiiba realize that something was terribly wrong.
Nagoya quickly called nurses in to have Shiiba sedated. Shinozuka looked away as he heard the noises of Shiiba screaming and crying in resistance. His questions had not been answered. Shinozuka could not answer them.
Munechika looked sorrowfully at Shiiba and blamed himself. It's not his fault Yukari is dead but it is his fault that Shiiba has to relive the loss of his only family over again.
Shiiba thrashed about, cringing against the needle sliding into his arm, and gasping for breath still screaming, "Where's Yukari!"
No answers had fallen from the sky that day but, just like the day of the accident, snow began to fall. Once again, it covered the despair that had laid itself out for all to see.