What's this? Could it be? RenzokukenZ posting something after 2 years of being MIA? It's more likely than you think!

Disclaimer: Square Enix owns the characters, I own the crazy scramble of text below. Man, it's good to be back!

Rolling Turks

By RenzokukenZ

All was quiet in the Turks office, save for Reno's manic laughter. There were no assignments of any kind, so everyone allocated themselves in their personal work stations doing anything to pass the time. Tseng was scanning through everyone's paperwork again after doing so 18 times before, Rude was disassembling and reassembling his handgun while mentally timing himself, Elena was listening to some songs from her music player in an effort to drown away Reno's loud cackles, and said red-head was online watching funny videos, hence the manic laughter. 30 minutes was all that remained 'til the day was done, and under a policy that Tseng himself created, no one was permitted to leave until said time passed. The Turk commander had begun regretting ever creating that policy the moment he felt boredom's sting, and like the aftermath of a real sting, it lingered. And then, as if a silent prayer was answered, something occurred that shattered the air of boredom around the Turks.

Tseng was the first to notice the occurrence when the email indicator on his computer began flashing. "An email? It must be from the President."

Having put his gun aside, Rude scrolled his mouse to the email with the sly thought that it was from Reno. Knowing his partner, he suspected it had something to do with comedy or sex.

Elena clicked on the email from her desktop computer, and within it was only a link. "Hm, it's probably one of those chain links that those crazy teens send these days. Oh well, not like I have anything better to do."

Having finished wiping the tears of laughter from his eyes, Reno stared at the link, as if thinking to himself that his buddy Rude had finally decided to share a sense of humor of sorts in the form of a video. "This better be funny, Rude. I'm missing out on my lolcat vids."

Tseng's video player began loading the contents of the link, all the while the Turk commander pondered as to why the president would send him a video. Perhaps it was a briefing for a mission, he thought.

After buffering for a few seconds, the video was fully uploaded and with mild hesitation, Rude scrolled his mouse over the play button, preparing himself for whatever perverted concoction his partner may have sent him.

"Gee, since when did kids start sending chain videos?" wondered Elena as she pressed the play button, the screen remaining black for a few seconds until a dimmed light was seen. Upon closer inspection, Elena was able to see that the setting was that of a bedroom.

"A dimmed bedroom? Now this is my kind of movie!" Guessing the flow of the video, Reno reached into one of his drawers and pulled out some candy bars and leaned as far back as his chair will allow, getting himself comfortable.

A puzzled look on his eyes, Tseng watched on, unable to comprehend what the meaning behind what he was watching. "So our mission involves a bedroom? I can't seem to...wait, who's that?"

Remaining completely still since the video played, Rude spotted something that caught his attention. Due to the lack of light in the bedroom, he inched closer to the screen, and was able to make out the form of a person getting close to the camera from which the video was shot from. Suddenly, the room became more illuminated and it was clear to Rude as to who that person was.

"Wait, isn't that the woman from AVALANCH? I guess this is a personal message..." Elena's assumption was true. There on the screen was Tifa Lockhart, bar hostess and member of the former terrorist group AVALANCH, merely standing with a raised arm towards the screen, small vibrations indicating that she's adjusting the camera. And now Elena was more confused as the martial artist took a seat on the bed behind her, a devilish smile forming on devilish lips.

"Woah, now Tifa is this? This truly is my kind of-" Reno was about to finish his statement when something unexpected happened. A slow, jazzy song began playing within the video, creating a seductive atmosphere that made the red-head shift in his seat. He wasn't the only one, as Tifa's body began to respond to the music in such a way that Reno just couldn't believe it.

Tseng's mouth began parting more and more with each rhythmical shake from Tifa's shapely form, and her hands didn't help in the matter either. Her slender hand was pressed against her face, a finger tracing her soft lips in a slow fashion. The other hand found itself going lower onto her eye-catching chest, gently embracing the noticeable curve. Luckily for the commander, she was dressed in her usual attire, however...

Elena sat on her chair against her better judgment and continued to watch as this woman suggestively wraps her hands around her. And while this happening, several roaring questions are in her mind; Why did Tifa send this to me? Is she trying to say something? Is she impliying that she's...like that? And why do I feel my heart racing? Am I...liking this?

Rude couldn't believe his eyes. The woman he had fought against time and time again, the same woman who he secretly has a crush on, is in front of his computer screen giving him a hard time to sit still by moving her hands down her long, well toned legs.

Emphasis on hard.

"Ooh yeah, baby! Daddy likes that...I like that a lot!" At this point Reno felt that he was the luckiest man in the world. At first he thought he was having yet another daydream fantasy, but he later proved it false when he silently suffered an EMR shock. "I can't believe I'm watching one of the hottest babes on the planet feel on herself like this! It can't get any better!" However, just as Reno made that assumption, he quickly took it back, as it actually did get better.

Tifa was finishing shaking her fine hips on the screen, her leather shorts only emphasizing in great detail how firm her hips are, when Tseng had to clean his nose from yet another nosebleed. "...I'll have to keep watching, to see what the president wants with her.." He knew full well that the president was not involved with this, but rather said to himself as an excuse to continue watching the earthly goddess. At that moment, with her back still on the camera, Tifa held the belt line of her shorts and slowly pulled them down, a pair of pink lace panties being introduced along with her perfect butt, practically covering the entire screen as she bended lower.

The female Turk is having an internal dilemma. She's watching another woman striptease, and yet continues to watch. And when the shorts were taken off, that seemed like the last straw for Elena. She was liking this. Her heart was pounding and her face a beet red. She, a woman, becoming aroused by seeing another woman become half naked. "Why am I even liking this? I'm not...I'm not..." and even as she said this, her eyes widened with anticipation as to what Tifa will do next.

Being the gentlemen that he is, Rude knew he had to stop watching. After all, he deeply respected Tifa, and to see her doing this would be going against that respect. However, his will alone was not enough to stop his dominant male urges. He had only managed to move the mouse near the stop button when Tifa had gained his attention yet again. After shaking her hips once more, Tifa turned around and bent down, showing off her chest, which was still concealed by her vest. That was, until she reached for the zipper in the middle and pulled it all the way down. To Rude's surprise, she had nothing underneath, the exposed center of her chest revealing only the pearly white skin of her cleavage and nothing more.

Reno was now at the edge of his seat, unable to hold off the excitement built up inside him any longer as he watched Tifa playfully tug the sides of the vest in a seductive way. "Come on, baby, you don't have to hide them. You're all alone. Speaking of alone..." the red-head made a full check of his surroundings before the faint sound of a zipper was heard.

"I need more tissues..." stated Tseng as he wiped his last tissue over his crimson nose. This has gone way out of hand. He didn't know what Tifa was thinking while she showed off her lithe figure, but clearly it was meant to distract the Turk from something. Surely she wasn't doing this for the sheer pleasure of it, or the pleasure that it was bringing him. These thoughts left him however the moment Tifa began pulling the vest away ever so slowly. Tseng leaned forward, completely compelled to watch, as Tifa pulled, and pulled, and pulled until...

The screen went completely black, and a strange song began playing. Then, the screen lit up again and a familiar face was on it while the strange song played louder.

"Nooo! It was getting to the good part!"

Reno's painful cry managed to snap everyone's attention, bringing them back to the real world. There on the screen was Brick Rastley's music video for "Never gonna give you up", most notoriously known as a popular internet joke of unknown design.

Elena quickly got up and headed to the bathroom sink, washing her face over and over to cool down, secretly disappointed that it ended. Rude took in a deep breath and and tried to calm down, trying not to think of what he saw to make a certain something go away. And Reno was still cursing over being Brickrolled and causing a huge fuss, his pants down to his ankles but luckily his shirt covered the necessities. As for Tseng...

The Turk commander remained seated on his chair, pondering the possible events as to what would the president do if he ever found out about what happened. "I can't believe it. I fell for it. We all fell for the trap. Smooth move, AVALANCH, but a simple Brickroll won't be enough to end the Shinra enterprise! You hear me! Won't be...ugh..." and before he could finish, Tseng collapsed onto the floor next to his trash can filled with red tissues, clearly from bloodloss.

Meanwhile, in the Seventh Heaven...

"I can't believe you actually sent that to them, Yuffie!" stated a very heated Tifa at the adolescent girl. "Do you have any idea how embarrassing that is to me? I don't even want to think of what they are doing right now! And how did you even find that video anyway? I kept that hidden for Cloud's birthday! Well, what do you have to say for yourself, missy?"

Yuffie remained seated as the older woman ranted on about the ninja's most recent prank onto the Turks, which involved a suggestive video involving Tifa and an internet meme. The only reason Tifa found out about it is because, unbeknownst to Yuffie, the bar hostess is quite the computer whiz, and managed to trace the email that sent to the Turks HQ. After thinking of a clever answer, the young maiden looked at her superior with a smug grin.

"What do I have to say? It was the best prank ever! Also, you should be thanking me, now the Turks will be coming every night for drinks thanks to the 'advertisement' I sent! In the end, everyone wins!"

A roundhouse kick to the face from a raging martial artist was her just response.

Do I still have it? I'll leave it to you all to decide!

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