Memoirs of Emma Schuester
You love the fall. You love getting back to school and your regular routine. That's not to say that you're not going to miss lazy summer mornings lying in bed cuddling with Will. You're definitely going to miss that, going to miss spending every waking moment with him. But you can't help it, you like the routine that comes with work. You're invigorated by the new school year; everything is fresh and new. There are new faces in the hallways and people are excitedly chattering about the upcoming school year.
This year you are especially eager to begin the year, because this is the year that you and Will begin together. As a couple. And that thrills you more than you ever thought it would. You can't wait to sit with him in the lunchroom, to sit in on his rehearsals with the glee kids, to steal kisses in the hallway when you think no one is looking. Yes, you are really looking forward to the start of this school year.
Despite your allegiance to the glee club and to Will, you've always managed to stay out of the line of fire in the slushie wars. That is until today. You're in the hallway talking to Rachel. She cornered you on your way to the main office and has demanded your undivided attention. The day has barely begun, homeroom hasn't even ended yet and she's already rambling on about being overlooked for yet another solo. She wants you to intervene with Will, to be the voice of reason. You're both so caught up in her drama that you don't notice the group of hockey players approaching until it is too late. You've just taken a slushie to the face. Despite your progress with all things messy, you feel the panic rising in your chest. You're cold, wet and sticky. You have blue raspberry slushie running down your face and into the collar of your blouse. Rachel seems to sense your impending panic attack and bolts down the hallway toward Will's classroom.
Minutes later your boyfriend is at your side, gym bag and keys in hand. He embraces you without paying any mind to the sticky mess that coats your body. He takes you by the hand, ushering you to the unisex faculty bathroom down the hall. Once inside he does his best to calm you and wipe the mess from your body. He quietly counts with you as you attempt to bring your panic back under control. When your breathing returns to normal, you shed your ruined blouse and pull on a worn t-shirt from his bag. He takes you by the hand and leads you out of the bathroom and the building.
The ride to your condo is filled with quiet reassurances and sideways glances. Will is watching you carefully, waiting for the panic attack that he knows is coming. You are just as surprised as he is that it doesn't. Before you know it you're home. He takes your hand, helps you out of the car, and leads you into the front door using the key you gave him weeks ago. He tugs you through the hallway into the bathroom. As he turns on the water in the shower, you undress. You're happy to peel the slushie filled clothes from your body. When he turns to leave you tug on his arm and reach for the buttons on his shirt. You smile and remind him that he's sticky too.
He looks down at his white shirt and grins back at you as you unbutton and discard his shirt. You've gotten more forward as you settled into your physical relationship and Will is still awestruck when you initiate intimacy. You like that you can surprise him and the idea of making love in the middle of the day, when you're supposed to be at work, makes you more than a little hot and bothered. As you tug him into the hot water with you, you're not thinking about work or about whether your principal will notice how long you've been gone. All you can focus on is the man in your shower and the amazing things he's doing to your body right now. The two of you don't make it back to McKinley until fourth period, but you don't care.
Brittany is late and Will is panicking. The bus is loaded and ready, but one glee member is missing. You climb back off the bus and place your hand reassuringly on his shoulder. He's stressed. You remind him that the kids are a sure thing at Sectionals, that their last rehearsal was flawless. You try to reassure him. He pulls you into an embrace which earns a catcall from Puck. As Will turns to scold him, a car comes flying into the parking lot and Brittany jumps out. She's apologizing for oversleeping as she runs onto the bus, costume flapping in the wind behind her. Wordlessly, you grab Will's hand and lead him onto the idling school bus. The two of you settle into the front seat and he squeezes your hand. You smile at him and squeeze back. You know what he's thinking because you're thinking it too. You're going to Sectionals, together….for the first time.
The win at Sectionals is exciting. It always is. There's an unmistakable energy on the bus ride home as the kids begin planning for Regionals. It needs to be EPIC they say; to make up for the fact that it will be the last Regionals for the original twelve members of the glee club. Finn and Puck are seniors this year. They'll be graduating in June. They'll be moving on. You know Will is sad about that, but you smile at him and reassure him that even though the kids will move on….you won't. You're here to stay.
That night you cuddle with Will on the couch. He's quiet, but so are you. You're wondering what he's thinking about, but you don't want to ask. You're afraid he's thinking about what happened last year after Sectionals, when you broke his heart for the umpteenth time. Sectionals and weddings seem to go hand in hand, you muse. The first year the club competed you pushed back your wedding to Ken in order to take the kids to perform. Last year you eloped to Vegas with Carl. This year you're with Will, happy and content to be in his arms.
A week later Will surprises you with dinner. The apartment is dim; there is a fire in the fireplace. He's cooked dinner and is beaming with pride. After dinner the two of you load the dishwasher and take your wine into the living room. As the sounds of Michael Buble fill the room, Will sweeps you into his arms and you sway. You want to say that you're surprised at what happens next, but you're not. You accidently found the ring the week before Sectionals when you were looking for a clean pair of socks. The grin on your face as he asks you to be his wife is mirrored by the grin on his face. You shout yes before he can even finish asking and fling yourself into his arms. He's laughing, you're crying…happy tears, of course. You look down at the ring on your left hand and can't help but get choked up. This is the life you dreamed of. Much later that night, after a phone call to his parents and a phone call to yours in Virginia, and a couple of energetic rounds of "engaged" lovemaking, you finally take a moment to admire your ring. As you drift off to sleep, content in your fiancée's arms, you realize that your left hand is weightless. This is the ring you were meant to wear. Will's ring.
You're bringing a boy home to meet your parents. Despite the fact that you are in your thirties, you can't help but be excited to bring Will home with you so your parents can meet him. You spend the ride down prepping him for the interrogation that you know is waiting for him at the family home. When you finally pull into the driveway, you jump out of the car to meet your mother on the front porch. She hugs you, telling you how happy she is to have you home. When Will joins you on the porch, she hugs him too. This is going to be ok, you think.
And it is. Your family gets to know Will over dinner. The conversation flows easily, with no awkward pauses. Your brother, your fiercest protector, seems to genuinely like your fiancée and by the time your mother brings out the dessert, they are sharing stories like they are old college buddies. You're quiet as you take in the scene, as you watch Will fit in seamlessly with your family. Carl never would have fit in here. You feel a little guilty thinking about him, but you're not sad or upset by the thought. It's just a fact, a reminder that Will is your family now too. After dinner the family heads into the living room to decorate the tree. It seems silly to wait until Christmas Eve, but your mom refuses to put one decoration on the tree until her children are home.
As each ornament comes out of the box, its story is told. This tree tells the tale of the Pillsbury family; each ornament has a special meaning. Your family is laughing; your four year old nephew Josh is begging Will for another piggy back ride. You're happy to be home, sorry that you've stayed away for so long. The tree is just about done when your mother hands Will an ornament. It's a silver music note with his name written on it. She hands it to him, telling him that everyone in the family has a special ornament on the tree. Will thanks your parents and kisses your mom on the cheek. As he hangs his ornament on the tree, your mom leans over and whispers "he's wonderful" in your ear.
The next morning is a flurry of activity as Josh wakes everyone up before dawn to "see what Santa brought." Once the presents are open and the wrapping paper is cleaned up you head upstairs to freshen up. When you return both Will and Josh are missing. You find them in the kitchen, making breakfast. You join in, helping them make stacks of perfect pancakes. Later that afternoon, after the extended family has arrived, you find Will in the living room surrounded by your mother and her sisters. He's smiling sheepishly, like he's embarrassed and you overhear your mother saying something about pancakes. Right away you know that she's bragging, that she is telling her sisters about the wonderful man you have brought home to join the family. You walk over to join them because you want to brag too.
You spend the week after Christmas showing Will around your hometown. He spends some time "with the guys" and bonds with your brother and father. You go shopping with your mother and your sister in law. You sneak back into the house one day when everyone is out and make love in your childhood bedroom, just so you can say that you did. The two of you stay in one night and watch Josh so your brother and his wife can have some alone time and go out to dinner. You like watching Will interact with your family. He belongs there with you.
You're pregnant. But you can't tell your fiancée, not yet. Not until you're sure. You couldn't bear to disappoint him, not after last year. Despite your happiness with Will you can't forget how much you being with Carl hurt him. The look of utter heartbreak on his face still plagues your dreams some nights. That's why you have to be sure. That's why you have to see the doctor first. To be sure. That's why you are sitting alone in a paper smock staring at diagrams detailing pregnancy and childbirth.
The doctor returns carrying pamphlets and a prescription sample. Prenatal vitamins. You're having a baby! Will's baby. You spend the drive home thinking about the best way to inform Will about his impending fatherhood. You wonder if he'll be upset with you for not telling you sooner, but when you think of the pain Terri put him through, you decide you did the right thing. You needed to know for sure. When you get home, Will greets you at the door. You're so keyed up that you can't hold it in, so you blurt out your news. You try to apologize for not telling him sooner, but he won't hear of it. He says it's not important. He's got you in a bone crushing embrace and he's whispering over and over again how much he loves you.
Mrs. Schuester. That's your name. At least it has been for a few hours. You're walking on air and you can't stop smiling. Neither can Will. You're both walking through the reception hall grinning like fools. The ceremony was beautiful; your father gave you away. The glee kids sang. You cried as Will slipped the platinmum wedding band on your finger. You laughed as you dropped his matching ring on the floor because you were shaking so much. You blushed when your family and friends cheered Will on as he kissed you, as his wife, for the very first time. Now, hours later you mingle with friends and family and dance with your husband.
You're glowing. That's what everyone keeps telling you. You really can't be sure if your "glow" is a result of your happiness or your impending arrival. Will has spent the whole day reassuring you that no one at the wedding knows about your pregnancy, but you can't help but wonder if they can tell. You keep expecting great aunt Gladys to corner you and lecture you about putting the oxen before the cart or something like that. Will tells you that you're being silly, that you should relax and enjoy your special day. You know he's right. After all you're only eight weeks along, you're not showing yet. The two of you decided to wait until after you returned from your honeymoon to inform your parents that they would be grandparents sooner than they expected.
Will pulls you back to the dance floor and into his arms. You rest your head on his shoulder and close your eyes. It's been a quick journey to this moment, you got engaged in November and it's only May. So much has happened in a short period of time. This time last year you were just ending your marriage to Carl. For a fleeting moment you wonder if you should have waited a little longer to marry Will, but then you think you waited long enough. You waited a lifetime for this day. A real wedding. A wedding you carefully planned. A wedding with guests that received invitations. It's your wedding, Will is the groom and both of your families are there to share it with you. It's perfect.
You're sweating. You hate to sweat, but it can't be helped. It's hot, almost 90 degrees and you and Will are sitting on the football field in metal folding chairs with the rest of the faculty for graduation. You're trying to pay attention to the ceremony, but your mind keeps drifting. You wish you had worn something lighter under your gown. You hate the black gown the teachers are required to wear for graduation and the sash indicating your degree is uncomfortable around your neck. You look at your husband feel sorry for him; he has a suit on under his black gown. He reaches over and grabs your hand and you realize that Figgins has gotten to the h's and Finn is about to receive his diploma. You clap, along with Will for the sweet boy that has grown into a wonderful young man. You know Will is sad to see Finn, his favorite student, leave but you also know that he is proud. You try to stay focused, at least until they get to the p's, so that you can watch Noah Puckerman receive his diploma too.
Later that afternoon, you're in the Hummel's backyard listening to the glee kids reminisce about the past school year. Will and the kids are singing and dancing; you're talking with Burt and Carole. Although none of the people in the yard are related to you by blood, they are your family too. The kids have been very attentive since Will announced your pregnancy. Quinn has been quietly giving you suggestions for dealing with the lingering morning sickness. Kurt and Mercedes gave you a mommy to be make over, they weren't about to let you wear any frumpy maternity clothes. Brittany and Santana keep buying onesies with cute pictures of animals on them. Tina and Artie have offered to babysit. Noah, Mike, Sam and especially Finn have been like your personal body guards, protecting you in the crowded hallways at school. Rachel gave you a baby name book, with a gold star next to the name Rachel and a note indicating that it was a good first name for a girl. You know that Will is sad that some of his kids are leaving, but the thing with family is that they always come home.
Your husband can't keep his hands off of you. You're not complaining, but in the months since you discovered you were pregnant Will has been unable to keep his hands off your expanding belly. In the beginning it was sweet; he was so awestruck by the idea that he was actually going to be a father. As your pregnancy progressed you began to realize that his constant need to rub your belly was a need for reassurance. To make sure this baby was real. It pained you to know that he was still carrying the scars from Terri's deceit and you made it your mission to undo all of the pain that she caused. So you welcome his hands, his touch. You cherish every caress, every soft lullaby, every kiss pressed to your swollen belly. You are happy to share these moments with your husband because nothing warms your heart more than watching Will bond with your child.
You're apprehensive as you pull the glass door open. There is a churning sensation in your stomach as you make your way to the elevator that will take you to the dentist's office third floor. As the elevator doors close, you close your eyes to the nausea that threatens to make your breakfast make an unscheduled reappearance. You're not sure if the nausea is a result of your lingering morning sickness or the discomfort from seeing your former husband Carl Howell for the first time since you signed annulment papers well over a year ago. As you make your way to Carl's office you curse your broken crown and the fact that your regular dentist had the nerve to go on vacation and put you in this situation in the first place.
You paste a smile on your face, hold your head high and push open the door to the office. You check in with the receptionist, who thankfully is new and doesn't recognize you as the former Mrs. Howell, and find a seat in the waiting room. When you name is called you make your way to the exam room and sit as calmly as possible waiting for Carl. He comes in clutching your file, which you notice has been updated to read Emma Schuester, and exchanges forced pleasantries. He quickly gets down to business, he wants this over just as much as you do. When he asks about changes in your medical history, your hand involuntarily moves to your abdomen, to your unborn child. He catches the movement and mutters congratulations.
He makes quick work of your crown, and prepares to send you on your way. There's little conversation and although the silence is awkward, you're grateful that you don't have to make small talk. As you reach down to grab your handbag, a picture on the bulletin board catches your eye. Carl and Terri. Will's ex-wife and your former husband. You'd heard rumors, but here it was in living color. They look happy together and you are honestly happy for them, you think that they are a good match. Carl can give Terri the things that Will couldn't and Terri wants the life that Carl tried to give you.
You'd like to think that you're surprised that you've gotten pregnant again so quickly. But you're not. Not really. Once the doctor cleared you after Charlotte was born, you had six weeks of celibacy to make up for. You're a little shell shocked, but excited. You've gotten used to sleepless nights, dirty diapers and spit up. Why not keep a good thing going. You didn't intend to make your sixth month old a big sister quite so soon; you had hoped to enjoy your first child for a bit before adding to your family, but you know you can handle it. With Will you can do anything.
As your pregnancy progresses you can't help but notice that you were barely out of your materinity clothes before you're back in them. You wonder if you'll ever see your feet again. You're carrying a baby on a baby bump…you think it's quite a sight. Will thinks it's the most beautiful thing he has ever seen. Your pregnancy has left you tired and you do your best to chase after Charlotte as she crawls around the house getting her tiny hands on everything. One night you and Will are out with a couple you met through your play group. They have a son about the same age as Charlotte and are also expecting their second. When they announce their plans to have three children in three years, your jaw hits the floor. You look at Will and say, "not a chance in hell."
Figgins isn't happy about having you go out on maternity leave so soon after you returned to work, but it can't be helped. You didn't plan for your first and second child to be born fourteen months apart. As you watch your boss bounce your daughter on his hip you know that he's not upset with you, he's just sorry to see you leave. It's your last day and you are excited to spend some time with your daughter before the new baby comes. You're hoping for a boy, and secretly you think Will is too. The two of you decided not to find out the sex of the baby. You didn't find out with Charlotte and you like not knowing. Guessing is part of the fun.
When Benjamin Schuester comes screaming into the world two weeks later, you feel like a seasoned veteran. This childbirth thing is no big deal. Will brings Charlotte in to meet her little brother and she cuddles with you on the bed. You look over her blonde curls, so much like her father's and tell Will that you are happy. You have everything you could ever want. Your little family is complete.
Your third pregnancy is a shock. You and Will had decided that two children was plenty, you had a boy and girl. He'd had a vasectomy. This wasn't supposed to happen. You hadn't been feeling well but you had two preschoolers at home. You were constantly on the move. You were tired. When you woke up this morning and darted into the bathroom to throw up, Will went out and bought a pregnancy test. That night after three books, a song and several good night kisses, you excused yourself to the bathroom. You joined Will on the couch as you waited to find out if you were going to be parents again. You venture into the bathroom together to look at the pregnancy test waiting on the counter. It's positive. You're pregnant again. Will kisses you on the forehead and mutters something about a bigger house and third row seats.
Will's been quiet since you found out you were expecting. You're worried he's not happy about baby number three, but nothing prepares you for your first ultrasound. You're both speechless as the doctor points out the babies on the screen. You're having twins. Any worries you had about Will's unhappiness are quickly pushed aside as he presses a quick kiss to your lips. You look up at him and notice the tears in his eyes. He's happy. He tells you he loves you….all three of you.
You're sitting in the pew watching as Noah Puckerman shifts anxiously from side to side. Finn is at his side, a smile on his face. Your husband reaches over and takes your hand. The music begins and you watch as the wedding procession begins. You smile as the original glee club members make their way to the front of the crowded church. Will's grip on your hand tightens as two preschool aged children with shiny red curls make their way down the aisle, one clutching a satin pillow, the other sprinkling rose petals. Your heart swells with parental pride as you watch your twins, James and Abby, charm the congregation. You can hear the murmurs of the other guests as they marvel at the adorable look of concentration on each child's face. You stand with the others as the music changes and the Wedding March begins. You watch with pride as Quinn Fabray makes her way down the aisle toward her future.
You and Will are still in contact with each of the original glee kids, they are part of your family. And your children love them. Rachel took Charlotte for manicures and pedicures when she came into town for the wedding, giving your eight year a chance to get away from her younger siblings. Puck coaches Ben's soccer team. Finn dressed up as Santa this past Christmas to surprise your precocious four year olds who had decided they were too old to believe in Santa Claus. As you look around the room at the people gathered, your husband, your children and the glee kids who aren't kids anymore, you realize you have a great life. A life that almost wasn't yours.