A Matter of Spirit

Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy 7, neither the story nor anything else (exept my OCs) and I don't make any profit by writing this.

Author's note 1:This story is a spin-off/sequel to Amarissia's absolutely awesome story "Not Wrath of Gods", which I strongly recommend to read. I'd like to thank you, dear Amarissia, for your allowance to publish this story (and Gaia help me, should I mess it up and your choir will chase after me to have my skin). And please, Genesis, be nice as I'm not a native speaker. :-)

Author's note 2: Although I mentioned before that I really recommend to read Amarissia's awesome story, I'd like to emphasize that this isn't necessary to read my story. When I'm referring to events from "Not Wrath of Gods" or Amarissia's OCs (which will play a role in this story too), I'll give explanations, either in the author's notes or in the chapter itself . And I'm going to introduce her OCs, saying a few words about them, according to their appearance.

Warnings: This story is rated M for a reason! It contains Yaoi, lemons and some other strange things.

Additional warning for the first chapter: a) Kris has a date with his, well, kind of boyfriend and b) severe child abuse!

Chapter 1 : Per Aspera ad Astra

Somewhere in the eastern Grasslands area, about two dozen miles away from the Chocobo Farm.

In the midst of an endless sea of high grass stood a small farm. Nothing special. There was the two storied farmhouse, a barn, a small paddock with two bored looking chocobos and a building where the cattle was kept during winter.

And behind the barn, fastened between two poles, there was a swing. And sitting on the swing was a six years old boy with light mousy, short-cropped hair and eyes of the lightest, palest green.

The boy's eyes were half closed and a slight smile was on his face. The swing went back and forth...back and forth. But the most amazing thing was that the grass moved along with the boy on the swing and he seemed to listen to a secret melody, a song to be heard by him alone.

"Kris Snyder!", a harsh male voice shouted, "Stop fooling around on that damn swing. I build it for your little sister, not for you! Come and help me with the firewood now!"

The boy jumped off of the swing, frightened, and ran to the barn where his father waited for him. He knew what would happen next. Minutes later the sound of a cane smacking on bare skin was to be heard. But the boy did never cry.

Eight years later:

Kris brought the chocobo back into the paddock and smiled. Today, sometime in the afternoon, Joey from Marcy's trading post would visit. Officially to deliver some goods, like salt and meds for the cattle (although they were illegal, they sped up the growth of the cattle pretty good and so Snyder senior made liberally use of them) and as well to show him his new chocobo, a gift from his mother for his fifteenth birthday some weeks ago .

But in truth the purpose of his visit was to congratulate Kris to his fourteenth birthday.

Kris's little sister always got her birthday parties, but concerning Kris... His father claimed that men had more important things to do than celebrating birthdays. And besides, Kris was far to lazy to earn such a treat - at least his father said so.

When Joey finally arrived, Kris couldn't believe what he saw: Joey's mother had really bought for her son a green chocobo! It might be of second quality, to slow to use it in the races at the Gold Saucer, but anyway... it was a genuine green chocobo!

When Joey rode down the dirt track which led to the farm he looked so proud as he'd be impersonating Mr. President ShinRa ( and seemingly for once he forgot how pimpled his face was due to puberty).

Mr. Snyder senior wasn't impressed and snarled instead of a greeting : "Put your fancy bird into the paddock and gimme the goods I ordered!

"Yes, Sir!", Joey assiduously replied and did as demanded. As soon as Mr. Snyder turned his back, Joey flipped him the finger.

Five minutes later he went into the barn, where Kris was already waiting.

"Hey Kris! Congrats to your birthday," smiled Joey as he approached the farmer's son and handed him over a small package.

"What's this?", whispered Kris.

"Just open it already!", said Joey and when Kris finally unwrapped the present he looked surprised. "A compass?"

"Yes. Life is hard enough for you with this asshole of a father. I hope it will help you to find your way. Or do you really want to stay here?"

"No!", Kris said, " No way! Since when I saw the recruiting announcement in the newspaper I want to join SOLDIER. And even if I don't make it, even if I have to join the infantry, it would be a better choice than this life."

"Then I'm glad that I chose the compass! Mum bought a batch of used equipment from ShinRa's military. And this compass isn't equipment of the regular army, this is real SOLDIER gear! But we have only about twenty minutes left from now until your father is going to hand me over the money for the deliveries and then he'll shooes me away from this farm again."

Kris grinned:" What about a wrestling match?"

"Cool! Let's wrestle!"

A few minutes later both boys were in the midst of their match. Of course Joey managed to get Kris into a headlock - as he was older, taller and stronger. But it was an unspoken secret between the two friends that victory or defeat wasn't the real goal of their fighting. They wiggled for a while, then turned around and Kris was lying on his back, legs spread, Joey above him and their hard groins were humping each other.

"You wanna learn something new?", gasped the older boy, " I saw something really awesome in the vid Mr. Miller ordered."

"? The old shriveled chicken breeder? What kind of interesting vids would he order?"

"You're going to be flabbergasted!", grinned Joey. "You let me show you?"

Kris's curiosity was awakened and his mouth switched into a grin. He nodded: " Ok. Go on."

And then Joey's fingers opened the fly of his friend's trousers, unbuttoned it, pulled it down together with the shorts, then suddenly Joey's mouth was enclosing the rosy colored head of Kris's stiffened member.

Sparkles were rushing through Kris's whole body from head to toes while his friend's head bobbed up and down between his legs.

"Ooooh Gaia! Feels so good...Please don't stop!"

"Fuck! You've got such a georgeous cock. I wanna drink all of you!" gasped Joey, panting for air.

Kris was only too eager to comply , gasping and wheezing and groaning. And when he was finally coming, biting back a moan, he shot everything he had to give in his friend's throat.

When it was finished, he only managed to say that it had been wonderful, the very best experience in his whole life. And as much as he loved the compass Joey gave him, this was even better.

"They call it a blowjob, "Joey snickered, " But this stuff really tastes strange. Don't think I'll do the last part ever again."

Then, after some moments of comfortable silence, Joey asked "You wanna give back the favor to me?" You won't need to swallow my junk though."

"Of course ! This was so good! And it wouldn't be fair if I wouldn't go all the way through it too."

"To be honest, I just repeated what they said in that movie," the other boy said, blushing.

"Doesn't matter!" murmured Kris and stripped down his friend's cargo-trousers, then his boxer shorts and took Joey's hard dick into his mouth. It didn't take long for the boy to come as he was simply too exited already and well, he was still a teen.

When Kris swallowed Joeys cum, it tasted really a bit strange, salty, creamy with a hint of bitterness. But it wasn't that bad at all, Kris thought.

Then it was over and after they had rearranged their clothes, the son of the trader smiled whistfully. "I'm not like you."

"What? Uh, what do you mean?" Kris asked, puzzled.

"I mean, well, we are friends and we have a lot of fun when we're fooling around. But...I know that I'll finally end up with a girl. I'll marry her, settle down, having kids and so...But you, you will always like boys."

"Are you a prophet or what?," chuckled Kris. "But I think you're right. I can't imagine doing ...that with a girl."

"Would be quite difficult, man ," Joey snorted, "Just to let you know: Girls don't have dicks!"

"Asshole!" Kris laughed and slapped his friend on the head.

"So, when you are leaving?"

"As soon as I find a way to get away from here. I think this's going to be the hardest part."sighed Kris.

"Yeah man. I wish I could help you with that."

"I'll find a way...Umh, Joey?"

"Hmm?"

"Just in case...that we don't see each other again..."

The other boy chuckled: "Oh, come on, now you are really turning into drama queen mode! "

"I wanna kiss you."

Joey looked quite flustered. He hesitated for a moment, but then he shrugged: "Ok. But don't use the tongue."

"Uh, what?"

"Never mind," the trader's son grinned, remembering that Kris did never had the opportunity to watch Mr. Miller's vids featuring boy-on-boy action , "Go on."

In the moment when their lips touched in a chaste kiss, Kris knew that this was their final Goodbye.

xxxxxxx

An hour later, shortly before dinner, Mr. Snyder approached his son. " I've got to talk to you. In the barn."

In the barn. Shit. That meant he'd make use of the cane.

Wordless Kris followed his father. When they were inside the barn, Snyder closed the door. His eyes glistened in the dim light.

"Boy, I always told Mother that it was a mistake to take you in. I knew you were the devil in disguise. But at that time we thought that we'd never had children of our own. So... you were better than nothing."

When Kris looked quizzically at the man of whom he all this years thought as his father, Snyder continued: " Mother found you one morning lying on the dungheap , behind the stable. You were maybe a few weeks old then." His words dropped like acid into Kris's ears when his alleged father nodded: "Yes, not even your own parents wanted to keep you. They discarded you like a piece of shit."

Despite the gruel words and the sadistic tone in the man's voice, Kris somehow felt relieved. Thanks Gaia, this monster is not my real father.

"But well, what I saw today proved all my guessings to be true." The man nodded, pursing his lips.

"Oh yes. You couldn't know that I had the money already counted and and ready on my desk. And when I came to the barn, what did I had to watch there? You and this son of a bitch were committing the greatest of sins."

And I bet you enjoyed watching this, Kris thought.

"So, you want to leave? Well, well, I'm fine with that. Caroline is twelve and in four years she'll marry someone decent. I think, until then I'll manage to do the work alone. But before you leave, I'll try one last time to exorcise the devil out of you. Undress."

Fuck. But at least it would be the very last time he had to endure this.

When Kris stood there, only clad in his shorts, Snyder, the cane already in his hand (Kris refused to call him his father anymore - not now that he knew the truth) said: "The shorts too! Hurry up, my dinner gets cold!"

Kris gritted his teeth when the blows came, even when he felt some blood running down his back. Snyder worked methodically, starting with the shoulders, working his way down the back then the buttocks, then the tighs and then upwards again.

He wouldn't cry. He wouldn't display his pain. He never did. Never.

When the blows stopped, Kris felt nothing than alleviation. Thank Gaia, it's over. This was the last time. And then..never again...never again.

"One moment, boy! We aren't finished yet. What did I taught you ? An eye for an eye, a tooth for an tooth. The part you sinned with is the part to be punished. Turn around."

No. Gaia. No.

When the cane hit the boy's groin, Kris screamed for the first time in his life.

After what seemed to be an eternity, the blows stopped, this time for good. And despite of the unbearable pain, the tears running down his face, Kris managed somehow to keep standing, his eyes looking straight ahead.

Never again. Never again.

"You can keep these clothes. You aren't allowed to enter the house though. When dinner is finished, I'll return. And I'll have the gun with me. If you're still here by this time, you're dead."

It wasn't until he heard that door of the barn was closed, till Kris broke down. He couldn't allow himself more then a few minutes of desperate crying. But he wanted to live. And if he wanted to live, he had to get on his clothes as quickly as possible. Snyder was a fast eater.

Minutes later Kris was in his clothes again, wincing when the material shaved against his sore body.

He dragged himself up the dirt track leading away from the farm which had been his home for the last fourteen years. When he reached the mainroad he sank again to his knees and tried to ponder about what he should do now. He didn't have a single Gil in his pocket and night was falling soon.

Think. Think faster.

To reach Marcy's trading post he'd had to walk only ten miles. But Joey was right. They couldn't really help him there. The trading post got deliveries from Junon only every three months - and the last delivery arrived a few days ago. He would have to wait there for nearly three months again until the truck returned - and there was no guarantee that the driver would give him a lift. And aside from the Junon truck, ususally only farmers from the region visited the trading post - and they would ask questions why Snyder's "son" stayed there.

But on the other hand...the Chocobo farm was frequented by people from both continents. People from Midgard, from Junon and from the Golden Saucer. People who wanted to buy race chocobos, people who wanted to look after their breeding chocobos which were groomed there for lots of money and maybe he would have the chance to earn a few Gil until he found a ride to Midgard. But it where twenty-three miles to the farm.

Kris felt around for the compass which was still in his pocket. At least he managed to keep one good thing of his life.

Finally Kris decided for heading to the Chocobo farm. Chocobo Bill might be an old fox who knew how to empty his client's wallets but his chances to get a ride to Midgard would be definitely better there.

So he decided to take the western direction of the road. After a couple of hours walking under the pale but bright light of the full moon, Kris was completely exhausted. Fortunately he found a small rivulet not far from the road. He satisfied his thirst and fell asleep under the brushwood near the small stream of water.

Kris was aroused by the rays of the rising sun. Oh hell, how many hours had he slept? He couldn't have covered much distance last night. But anyway, it didn't matter now. He emptied his bladder, carefully touching his bruised dick, drank a few more mouthfuls of the fresh, cool water and then, after hours of walking, he finally arrived at the Chocobo farm in the late afternoon.

xxxxxxxxx

"Sooo, you wanna have a ride to Midgard? asked Chocobo Bill the young boy. Kris nodded wordless, busy with emptying greedingly the bowl filled with porridge in front of him. Bill hummed pensively while he was watching the boy horking down the food.

"Well, we'll see about that." Bill might be eager to get as much money as possible out of his clients, but he wasn't heartless. He immediatly noticed the state of his young guest.

One hour later, Kris got to meet the most strange woman he ever saw in his young life. Her name was Mrs. Ramada and she had visited the farm cause she wanted to look after her breeding hen.

"Hellohoo! Oh what a cute boy we've got here!" Kris stared unbelievingly at the elderly woman. Her hair was dyed in an eye-hurting pink!

" So, you are little Kris, Yeeaahes?", she sang.

"Yes Ma'am !" replied Kris shyly.

"And may I ask why you want to go to Midgard?"

"I...I want to join SOLDIER, Ma'am."

"Oooh...oh oh oh oh...then we have to hurry up, little Kris!" she said, "You must know that my boring paper-pusher of a nephew is involved in the recruiting program. And so I know that the deadline for application is tomorrow at seven o' clock a.m.! Until then all applicants must have arrived at the ShinRa Cadet Academy."

Kris's hopes shrinked to nothing. Tomorrow, seven o'clock? Impossible!

Mrs. Ramada must have noticed his desparation. "Dooon't worry, Sweetheart! Esmeralda - that's my wonderful car - and me will get you there in time. Oooooh, finally a real challenge for us!" , she sang.

And before he had any chance to reply, the lady grabbed Kris by his arm and dragged him to a sleek, (pink!) sportscar.

When he winced after she touched his back, she asked: "What's the matter, are you in pain?" Then she saw the bloodstains on his shirt. "You are hurt, Baby. Please let me look after that."

When she lifted the hem of his shirt, Kris stood stockstill and heard her gasping.

"Baby, what did they do to you?" she asked with a shaking voice, "These damn bastards! Or was it your father?"

Kris remained silent. Only a single tear was running down his cheek.

"Poor Baby! But I've got something that will help you." Mrs. Ramada opened the glove department and after some short rummaging, she held a small, strange looking bottle in her hand.

Kris's eyes grew big. "Is that... a potion?"

"Yes, Sweetheart. You'll be as good as new in no time," she said, whiping her eyes.

When he took the potion out of her hand and opened it, she said suddenly: "Just a moment!" and grabbed a small water bottle out of the glove compartment. "This is a very special moment, it's worth a toast," and after she gave Kris a long look, she raised her water bottle and said solemnly: "Per aspera ad astra! And now let's drink!"

The potion tasted very, very strange. Sharp and cold and stinging slightly on his tongue, but in an instant he felt that the pain was nearly gone.

"Thank you very much, Mrs. Ramada," Kris said reverently. "Uh, Ma'am? What does that mean, the toast you said. Per aspera a..."

"Per aspera ad astra ? Through the darkness to the stars. You went through a hell of shit, but now, the stars are waiting for you to reach for them. And now, let's go!"

He was placed in the front passenger's seat and Mrs. Ramada called cheerfully : "Fasten your seatbelts, Sweetheart!"

Kris hardly managed to fasten the unfamiliar full belt safety harness when his exited driver started the engine and the ear-battering drone of a powerful machine filled the boy's ears and he was pushed into the seat by the incredible power of the car. Good thing that this seat has got a head rest, thought Kris. He was absolutely sure that without it the mere speed of the car and it's insane driver would have broken his neck.

And so they dashed through the night of the eastern continent (Although they had one short potty break - even Mrs. Ramada wasn't above the law of nature). And the whole time she was chatting. She talked about everything what happened in Midgar. Soirées, art exibitions and the cute red-haired Turk who was taken by Rufus ShinRa as a kind of spouse (this, in fact, Kris found quite interesting).

Some time after midnight she said suddenly: " Oh, silly me! You're going to have all kinds of tests and evaluations tomorrow and I keep you awake with my babbling! I'll shut up now and you will try to get some sleep!"

Incredible but true, in an instance she went from talking a mile per hour to being completely mute. And Kris was so tired that he fell asleep immediatly, despite of the speed and the noise of the car.

When the dawn broke, they finally reached Midgar - and the hell of it's highways.

Obviously there weren't any traffic rules existing here - neither for Mrs. Ramada nor for the other drivers. Kris watched wide-eyed when she passed a semi on the right ( with more than hundred mph!) while she casually talked about ShinRa senior's new mistress.

When she noticed that his face had gone very pale, she said: " Oh, don't be afraid, Baby. You just have to go with the flow. That's the whole trick. If you keep that in mind, nothing will happen!"

And then suddenly - after a hard right hand bend - she did a full breaking. Ninety mph to nothing in a second and Kris was very, very thankful for the full belt safety harness.

"And here we are, Sweetheart. Now, shoo,shoo, you've only got three minutes until deadline!"

Impatiently Mrs. Ramada unfasted the seatbelts for Kris. At least the boy managed to open the door. Wordless, like in a daze he staggered to the entrance of the building where the recruits were to be received.

And before he could turn around to cast a last glance at Mrs, Ramada, she shot with screaching wheels down the road.