All I Want for Christmas
As I drove towards Shreveport, a quiet sense of dread was building in the pit of my stomach. I was on my way to the Fangtasia Christmas party and the thought of seeing Eric again terrified me.
It had been six months.
Six months since I had killed Bill and seen Eric for the last time, and they had been the longest six months of my life. Completely devoid of drama and death it should have been a dream come true. Something that had been unobtainable ever since I had first meet Bill but now I finally had it back it felt tedious and boring. I couldn't relax into my old pattern like I used to.
Every morning I got up and went to work; running the bar Sam had bequeathed me when he moved out of town. Serving people who resented or feared me because of my gift and previous association with vampires. They smiled their false smiles and thought their toxic thoughts that always left me with blinding headaches, even with the constant blocking. Each night ended the same; with me returning home to be greeted with silence, alone and isolated in my old little farmhouse.
It had been long enough since Gran had died that I didn't expect her to be waiting up anymore when I got back from a trying shift and although I had made peace with her passing I couldn't fill the absence she had created in my life. Lafayette and Jason had both suggested I rent out the other bedrooms to have more company or move out of the house completely to live closer in town. But I refused the thought of moving, not wanting to abandon all the happy memories that were still contained within it or the quiet isolation it provided.
The house also reminded me of Eric, the way he had helped to fix the mess the Maenad had left behind and ensuring I had something to come back too. Everything had been lovingly restored to its former glory and I couldn't imagine parting with it, each room holding fond memories of my childhood with Gran, Jason and Tara, as well as the nights I shared with Eric while he was cursed.
Thinking of Eric had become a habit of mine. Almost everyday I would find myself reminiscing about the quiet times we had shared together. The way Eric had come to me for comfort when he was unsure of himself and especially when we had spent the time to get to know each other physically. My biggest regret was not giving Eric a chance after he regained his memories. I pushed him away without a thought for his feelings when I couldn't face the fact that I might have been starting to fall in love with him. I should have trusted him when he told me he was the same man I had spent a week with and that he still wanted me in the same way. I had seen him ready to sacrifice himself in exchange for my life outside the Moon Goddess Emporium, even with his memories, and that should have been proof enough.
But then there was Bill who had complicated things by trying so hard to win my heart back and even after all the shit he had pulled I couldn't deny that I still loved him. I had let my lingering feelings for him cloud my judgment of Eric and had ended up pushing them both away, building a wall around my heart to keep my feelings at bay.
Then, seeing Eric with HepV had made the walls crumble again and finally made me realise the true depth of my own feelings. I loved him with every fibre of my being, and now I faced losing him forever before I even had a chance to convey it.
And then, he returned a week, later freshly cured from the disease. I could have spilled it all then. Told him what he truly meant to me and set things right but I hadn't. I had let Bill stand in the way of our relationship, again. The guilt I had felt at being the one who infect him allowed me to get sucked into Bill's final manipulation of my feelings.
Instead of welcoming Eric back with open arms I coerced him into helping Bill, putting him into a dangerous situation to save a man who had always been his rival.
And Eric had done it with barely a complaint.
He helped try and save Bill whom after all the trouble we went to decided instead to refuse the cure, acting as though his death would help set me free to start living my life again. The thought of him truly dying had brought up old feelings and, after all the death I had experienced with losing Tara and Alcide, I didn't want to loose Bill as well. I had even been prepared to give up my light before I realized it was a part of me. Something precious that I didn't want to give it up to satisfy a dying mans wish.
Killing him however had actually been liberating. Despite my initial breakdown over his remains I walked away from his grave feeling like a weight had lifted off me. I could relax again and finally move on with my life.
But I hadn't really moved on. I had no view of my future, nothing really appealed or excited me anymore. I had become stuck in the past and in my reflections of how my life could have been if I had never saved Bill that night in the parking lot. Or if I had chosen to give Eric a chance after he has regained his memory.
I found, without fully realizing that I was faking to my friends, hiding the emptiness that was inside me. Stumbling through my life, one day to the next, as I watched those around me move on. Sam had moved away and was now preparing to become a father. Lafayette and James moved in together. Jessica and Hoyt enjoyed married life in Bill old family house and as Jason finally settled down with a girl who he was planning to marry in the spring.
Everyone seemed to have someone, seemed to be doing something and I remained stuck, isolated and alone in my own little world. It wasn't that I never saw any of my friends or that I didn't talk to them. It was just that they all seemed so happy and busy living their lives that I didn't want to bother them with my problems.
So I kept to myself as much as possible, which gave me plenty of time to think, and mourn for my old life, with one exception.
Eric. I missed him so much it scared me. Half a year had done little in lessening my feelings for the blonde vampire, only succeeded in concentrating them, but I resisted contacting him again. I didn't expect him to still want me after I all the shit we had been through and after I had dragged him into my problems over and over. He had made in clear in our last meeting that he wanted to leave me behind, he had his life to rebuild and an empire to make, making and marketing New Blood around the world to kept HepV at bay and reduce the growing violence between the vampires and humans. It had been best I say away and tried to put my life back together.
However, the invite I had received to his Christmas party had me hoping again. I allowed myself to imagine a reunion with Eric, where we would forget the past and start a new life together. I felt hope at the thought of my fantasy that was little more than a silly dream, yet one I clung to over the weeks leading up to the party.
. . . .
My gloomy introspection kept me company until I pulled into the parking lot of a newly refurbished Fangtasia. I took a few moments in the car to calm myself, the thought of Eric being so close had me simultaneously wanting to run inside and turn around to drive straight home.
It was pathetic that I was so scared of meeting him again, but it was more the thought of being rejected by him. More than anything I wanted to run into his arms and let him take me away from the world. Allow him to fill the emptiness in my heart.
I finally managed to gather enough courage to get out of my car but then stalled a bit longer, taking the time to smooth out my dress after the drive and fix my hair in the reflection in the car window. I was wearing a new red A-line dress that I had bought with Eric in mind. I knew he liked me in red and it also suited the Christmas theme. The top part of the dress was lacy, with an open back and a built in bust, revealing a lot of my skin but in a tasteful way. The skirt flared out from the fitted waist and fell to mid thigh. I had paired it with some black pumps that succeeded in making me a tad taller. I had kept my makeup simple and minimal; liquid eyeliner with mascara and a red lip. My hair was pulled back from my face and fell in loose curls down my back.
I took a glance over towards the door and saw an unfamiliar male vampire was acting as a greeter and that was what gave me the courage to walk over and show him my invite. I felt as nervous as the first night I showed up with Bill, but not having to face Pam at the door gave me no excuses. If it had been Pam I would have probably run the other way with her chasing me. I imagined I was the last person she would ever want to see again after everything her and Tara had suffered because of me.
The vampire at the door let me through after a quick glance at the invite and a longer, more appreciative glance at me. I ignored his leer and strode past him into the club.
Entering the main area I found myself pause to take it all in. The interior had been completely transformed – from a tacky nightclub with blood red walls and loud grunge music into something resembling a refined lounge and bar. The décor had become more sophisticated, with dark wooden paneling along the walls and expensive looking black leather couches arranged around the room. Eric's dais, where his throne had once sat, had been transformed into a luxurious private booth where I supposed where he would conduct business while still maintaining his superior position over the customers. The dance floor was still there but the music coming from the speakers was less death metal and more exotic and instrumental. I was surprised at how much it had changed and felt glad I had opted for a dress that was classy enough to fit with my refined surroundings. The bar was filled with men and women in expensive suits and dresses. This was a party meant to impress, and everyone was probably a business associate or someone important to the New Blood industry. I saw a lot of unfamiliar faces, some human, some vampire. The vampires were all holding New Blood and posters advertising it were up around the bar with Sarah Newlin's face smiling out. I idly wondered how they managed to get a picture of her that looked so happy. Last time I had seen her she had been chained up in Fangtasia's basement and didn't look the sanest.
After a few minutes of scanning the crowd I finally spotted some familiar faces. Lafayette and James were leaning against the bar, drinks in their hands and smiles on their faces as they conversed with one another. I took the moment to appreciate how happy they seemed to be together, especially Lafayette after losing Jesus so tragically. I almost felt bad for interrupting their moment but I had no one else to hang around with and I wasn't going to sit around on my own so I quickly made my way across the floor to join them.
"Hey there Sook, you made it!" Lafayette greeted me warmly with a hug. James giving me a smile.
"Yeah! I wanted to see how vampires celebrate Christmas…" I said with false cheer to cover up my nerves. "Besides I needed an excuse to dress up!" I said batting my eyelashes and swirling in my dress. Both men eyed me with the appropriate amount of appreciation, indicating their approval.
"You look smoking, you're definitely gonna drop some fangs tonight." Lafayette said nudging me playfully. I flushed at his comment, knowing he knew exactly who I was hoping to impress.
"I'm glad you took the chance to loosen up babydoll, you've been working to hard…" he added with a touch of concern.
"I'm fine Layafette. I like to work, it keeps me busy and keeps the bills paid." I tried to make light of the situation.
"Busy yeah, busy from actually living. You can't work yourself into the ground for forever and ignore the pain the grief you suffered. You need to try and accept it and move on with your life..."
"I have moved on!" I said a bit defensively trying to keep my voice low. It was Eric I was trying to work from my brain. He occupied almost all of my waking thoughts that Bill hardly featured anymore.
"You need to find yourself someone Sookie. Someone who can make you truly happy. You deserve it." His words struck a cord in me. I didn't want to be alone, I wanted to have someone who I could trust and spend my life save in the knowledge that they would never betray me. Alcide had been that man for a while but he had been taken from me before I ever got a chance to truly love him and fully let him into my heart like I had with Bill and Eric.
Now Eric was the only man who came to mind when I thought of who could make me truly happy. I was always doomed ever to have a relationship with another human but Eric had managed to eclipsed all other men in my mind, supe or not. Even with all the ups and downs we had had with our relationship he was still the man who made me feel most alive.
I had been subtly scanning the crowd as I talked to Lafayette trying to find Eric, but with a quick excuse I excused myself to try and find him by walking through the crowded club. As Lafayette had predicted I got quite a few interested glances from various vampires, either due to my faery smell or my dress. I felt disappointment welling up when I couldn't find Eric's blonde head amongst the others in my first circuit of the room. His height didn't exactly make it easy for him to hide and I prepared myself to leave, not finding much point in hanging around when the only reason why I had attended wasn't there.
"You made it," a husky voice then whispered in my ear. My heart speed up as I turned to find Eric standing behind me in an expensive looking black suit that fit him in all the right places. He looked exactly the same as I remembered him, but then I suppose that was a perk of being immortal. It took me a few seconds to find my voice.
"Thank you for inviting me." I said faintly as I stared up at him, hungrily absorbing his features like a starving man. God I had missed him.
"You look beautiful Sookie." He complimented, charming as ever. His eyes roamed over my face and body, desire clear to see and unlike our first meeting I relished in his attention.
We both spent the next few moments in silent study of each other's features, content to reacquaint ourselves without words. I opened my mouth to express something – to say anything of what I had been feeling over the last six months. To tell him that I was sorry and that I missed him. That I loved him. But before I had a chance to articulate any of it he spoke again.
"Would you like a drink? Gin and Tonic?"
I nodded my head and mutely watched as he made his way smoothly to the bar, returning moments later with my drink and a New Blood for himself. He then took me by the arm and led me to his private dais booth. I felt the eyes of many guests on us and I strengthen my shields not wanting to ruin my reunion with Eric by hearing the petty thoughts of others.
I took the seat he offered as he slid himself in opposite me. We looked at each other from across the table and I noticed he was slightly paler than should be normal, which meant he wasn't feeding as regularly as he should. I would have expected that with his new business and fame he would have everything he had ever wanted, including fresh blood from willing donors. He was also immune from HepV since he drank straight from the source so he didn't have to worry about who he fed from. I felt myself begin to worry a little at his condition.
I could see he analyzing me in the same way, taking note of the dark shadows I knew were ever present under my eyes and my lost weight.
"How are you?" he asked softly, betraying a hint of emotion in his otherwise cool façade.
"I'm okay." I said without really considering the question. It was my automatic response to a question I had been asked too many times in the past months.
"You are not taking care of yourself. You have been working too hard." His tone was accusatory and I guessed he had probably overheard me talking to Lafayette.
I crossed my arms defensively, "I could say the same to you. You're too pale."
"You have me there." He smiled a little.
"I would have thought owning a blood substitute company would enable you an unlimited supply of all-you-can-drink blood?"
"I only wish to sell it. The stuff is only slightly more tolerable than True Blood was, which isn't saying a lot." He took a sip from his bottle and subtly grimaced to prove his point. I laughed but he wasn't getting off that easily.
"That's no excuse to be starving yourself Eric."
"I am not starving myself. I just do not find much pleasure in feeding." His admission was unexpected. He had always been one to have a large appetite, especially for pleasure.
"Would you like to dance?" he asked before I could berate him further.
"I would love to." I accepted without hesitation.
He smiled at my enthusiastic response and rose from his seat smoothly before bowing before me.
"May I have this dance?"
I smiled as I put my hand into his outstretched one and he brought it to his lips, brushing a ghost of a kiss over my knuckles. My pulse spiked at the feel of his cool lips on my skin and Eric smiled up at me from his bent over position. It was an old Eric smile, full of sin and naughty promises.
We made out way over to the dance floor where a slow song was playing. Eric pulled me close and I melted into his embrace reaching up to snake my arms around his neck relishing in the closeness of his body. He placed his hands on my hips making me feel completely safe and for the first time in a long while I felt completely at ease.
We moved together as if we had been dancing together for years. I couldn't deny that Eric was an amazing dancer, smoothly adjusting his dancing style at each song. I guess a thousand years gave him a lot of practice so I let him take the lead; content to just let my body move with his. I lost track of how long we stayed out on the dance floor but it felt too soon when Eric began to lead me away and back to the booth. When we got there a new Gin and Tonic was waiting for me and I gratefully took a sip.
"How did you learn to dance like that?" I asked and he smiled cockily.
"I have had many years to fill and dancing was something that Godric insisted I learn."
"Why?" I asked softly, noticing the flicker of sadness that came over his face when he mentioned his maker.
"He said that knowing how to dance was important in blending with human society. It was also something that Godric enjoyed to do very much."
"Did he teach you?"
"Mostly humans that we meet on our travels, but Godric and I would practice together for lack of anything better to do.
I smiled at the image this brought to my head but a pang of sadness went through me for the loss Eric was still experiencing. I reached under the table until I found one of his large hands giving it a gentle squeeze.
"Eric…I…I'm sorry," I say quietly not wanting anyone else to overhear
"What are you sorry for? It is not your fault Godric's dead."
"No, but I'm sorry for everything else."
"Sookie, you don't need to…"
"But I do!" I interrupted him knowing that if I didn't say what I had come here to say I would lose all the nerve to do it.
"I'm sorry for turning your life upside down and pulling you into my messes, over and over. I'm sorry for never giving you credit you deserved, or for trusting you when I should have. You have saved my life so many times and I never thanked you. My biggest regret is not choosing you when I had the chance and now I wish to make things right. And I wanted to tell you…" I froze at the words, taking a deep breath to try and find the last vestiges of my courage to say what I had been desperately feeling for the last six months.
"Tell me what?" Eric asked looking uncharacteristically vulnerable, his expression completely unguarded
"For telling you I love you." I whispered, watching his face light up at my words and a genuine smile appear on his face before he used his vampire speed to whisk me out of the booth and into his office faster than I could blink.
I heard the door lock behind me and knew he probably won't be leaving for a while. I stood in the middle of his office and the sound of him walking slowly towards me had me shiver with excitement. When he finally made his way over to stand in front of me I looked up and was reminded me of the time we had first shared a kiss. Yet this time I knew for sure who to trust and what I wanted.
I wanted him.
Bringing my hands up I tugged hard on the lapels of his jacket quickly dispelling the distance between us so we could share a kiss; full of frustration and pent up lust. Eric was caught by surprise at my sudden attack but he quickly recovered, returning my passion ten fold, expertly progressing the kiss into something deeper. I felt faint from the lack of oxygen when I finally managed to pull away from him. Our bodies had pressed themselves together as we had kissed not leaving even an inch of space between us. I felt his arousal at my hip and it made me rejoice at the thought that I could still have such an effect on him. Looking up into his face I was close enough to see that his pupils had blown out leaving only the smallest ring of blue. His fangs however had yet to make an appearance but I could see him struggling to hold them at bay.
"Say it again." He demanded his voice raw with need.
"I love you Eric Northman," I said breathlessly looking into his eyes with complete sincerity. " I am not afraid to admit that anymore."
He looked at me with an expression of open wonder before his fangs finally descended and a low growl built up in his chest.
"You can imagine how those words make me feel." He said, need saturating his words
"I think I can…" I remarked playfully, rubbing against his arousal to earn another sexy growl. The next moment I was pinned beneath him on a leather couch in his office and his lips were on me, kissing their way up my neck and sucking at the spot behind my ear that always had me squirming with desire.
"I think that's enough teasing for you." He said with a smile as he began to nip his way along my jaw before returning to my lips for another mind-blowing kiss. I wrapped my arms around his back and pulled him in closer wanting to feel the length of his body against me. He began rubbing his arousal into my core through our clothing and I moaned into his mouth at the sensations it sent running through my body. I intentionally ran my tongue against one of his fangs, drawing blood, which had Eric growling again with lust as he began sucking the blood from my mouth and tongue.
He pulled away to look down at me. "Do you want this? Truly want this? Because I don't think I could let you go again after this…"
"I can't imagine my life without you Eric. You are the only man I could imagine spending my life with."
At my words all his control vanished and he ripped my dress from my body leaning back to take in the sight of me nearly naked beneath him, only covered by my white lacy underwear.
"You look so amazing in red, but even better in nothing…." He said as he moved off me to strip himself of his expensive suit. I was left panting and so very aroused watching as he removed his pants, leaving him completely naked and giving my a very good view of his gloriously beautiful naked body. He paused for a second allowing me admire his form, a knowing smirk on is face, before he rejoined me on the couch.
He began to expertly worship my body using his mouth, knowing exactly where to touch me to have me moaning his name. My bra was quickly removed, freeing my breasts and my panties were soon to follow leaving me open and exposed to his attentions. He nipped and sucked at each of my breasts as two of his long fingers stroked me down there, until I was a quivering mess beneath him.
After what felt like hours of this exquisite torture, he finally positioned himself at my opening rubbing the tip of his manhood along my slit. I arched into him at the feeling but he paused before pushing in, looking me straight in the eye wanting to be sure I was ready for was he offered. I expressed my desire by reaching down between us and gripping him tightly making his eyes slam shut and a moan of pleasure to escape him. I guided him into my opening and he didn't hesitate to push himself fully into me. I threw back my head at the feeling of him stretching me so completely, the pleasure outweighing any sort of discomfort I would have felt.
"Look at me Sookie, I want to see your face as you come apart beneath me…" His voice was smooth velvet.
I pulled my head back up and opened my eyes with some effort looking into his face as he began to move slowly in and out not wanting to rush anything. We both savored the feeling of our naked skin moving against each other's and I wrapped my legs around his waist encouraging him to go deeper with each thrust. Eric leaned in for a passionate kiss that had all our self-control shatter. He began to pound into me relentlessly as I encouraged him with moans, scratching my nails down his back hard enough to draw blood. An earth-shattering orgasm overtook me as Eric bit into my neck and I cried out his name before I bit hard into his shoulder drawing blood, wanting to regain the connection we once had. His own release came as I sucked his blood and he threw his head back to roar out his pleasure.
He slumped down against my body, careful to keep the majority of his weight off me and began to lick the puncture marks on my neck sealing them. I sighed in contentment at the feeling of his naked body pressed against mine and at the feel of his tongue against my neck. This was right, this was perfect.
"I love you Sookie…" Eric said softly as he nuzzled my hair, "Nothing will part us again." I felt warmed by his admission, it seemed as though all my dreams had come true.
He was all I ever wanted for Christmas.
The end?
A/N - Thanks for reading! Hope you have all had a fantastic Christmas and I wish you all a happy New Year :)
This was just a little snippet of an idea I had and since it was Christmas I decided to write it out for a bit of fun. This was my first proper go at writing lemon's as well so hope it was enjoyable.