Well, uh… I don't have much to say, except that none of this stuff belongs to me. Reviews would be appreciated. This is my first piece of writing anything in about 3 weeks, and my first fic after 3 months of insanely bad writer's block. So… sorry if it's not great. Trying to get rid of that insanely large block.
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Master Hand made his way into the dining hall of the Smash mansion one fine morning, as he did almost every morning. He had in his… hand, of sorts… final results and scores of the previous day's fights. He cleared his throat and got the Smashers' attention. All movement in the room stopped. Even the flies surrounding Wario's bottom.
"All right, here are the results of yesterday's rounds," He announced. "Hmm… Ness defeated Jigglypuff, 6 KO's to 4; Mewtwo beat Mr. Game and Watch, 8 to 3; Meta Knight defeated Olimar, 13 to 2." He stated. Some of the room's occupants turned to see an embarrassed Olimar, diving under the table.
"Today's fights?" Roy asked, excited
"I'm getting there." Master Hand snapped. He zapped Roy just out of pure boredom. "Let's see, today we have some classic matches. Mario will be facing Bowser on Yoshi's Island…"
"YOU'RE GOING DOWN, FAT BOY!" Bowser claimed
"Look who's talking, mister I-can-eat-sixteen-bowls-of-chili-in-one-sitting." Mario countered
Master Hand continued, after the interruption had concluded. "Falco will be facing Wolf on the Corneria stage…"
Wolf grinned. "I get to have bird brain for lunch." He cackled
"Yeah, right after I cream you so bad you turn in to soup." Falco muttered
Getting angry, Master Hand continued still: "Kirby will be fighting King Dedede on the Halberd…"
"POYO!" Kirby exclaimed happily, putting his fists in a guard position, throwing fake punches toward the overweight penguin.
"At least I can speak properly… to an extent." Dedede bragged
Master Hand almost snapped, but contained himself. "Link will be fighting Ganondorf on the Temple arena…"
"Good. I'll finish beating the stuffing out of you in time to shine my shield before dinner." Link said, pleased. Ganondorf, deciding it would be unwise to speak, simply shoved Link out of his seat, stole his hat and stuffed it into Wario's back pants pocket. Where Link would never reach, due to fear of whatever lived down there.
Master Hand finally growled "And, just as an extra fight, Snake will be fighting Lucas in Onett." He cringed, ready for the next smart comment. But instead, Snake and Lucas just nodded and shook hands. Which was what normally happened. "Thank you for being good sports about the match." He acknowledged. He left as abruptly as he had arrived.
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6 hours later…
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The matches for the day had been fought, and the smashers waited eagerly by the display screen in the courtyard for the un-official results. They would get final scores the next day. Cheers and applause erupted as the display proudly proclaimed the winners:
Mario VS Bowser: MARIO
Falco VS Wolf: FALCO
Kirby VS King Dedede: KIRBY
Link VS Ganondorf: LINK
Snake VS Lucas: LUCAS
Bowser roared, as soon as the results popped into view, "It's not FAIR! These fights are rigged! The 'good guys' always win!" He turned to Wolf, Dedede and Ganondorf. "Don't you guys ever get tired of being beaten by those who society tags as the heroes?
Wolf nodded, eyeing his eternal rival, Fox, who was congratulating his friend Falco on the victory. "If these fights were fair, Starfox would either be dead or hurt so badly that they were put down." He snapped at Fox.
"Hey, ever think that you idiots lose because the heroes are better?" Falco asked, in defense. "Maybe you deserve to lose."
Fox closed his eyes, and reopened them. He'd been in this argument many times before. "Falco's got a point. It's the better pilot who shoots the other guy down, Wolf. I can't help it if we're better at what we do than you. We don't have to play games, we have to do our jobs."
"Yeah, grow up!" Link cried, shooting a look at Ganondorf. "Besides, have you ever noticed how the 'bad guys' always have a better army? Better weapons? More money? We win without all that fancy stuff!"
Mario nodded. "Besides, Bowser, you always start-a the trouble, anyway. I don't steal your people!"
Master Hand, who had been listening from afar, finally interrupted, "Look, you 'villains' may have a valid argument, the same goes for the 'good guys'. But I don't want you lot to shout at each other all the time. See, look at Snake and Lucas. They had just as brutal a fight as you guys, and they're respecting each other." It was true. The two fighters had remained quiet through the argument, and they both showed wounds that were just as brutal as the other's.
"But, Master Hand, you don't get it! It happens every time! Everywhere we go, we must live in the shadow of those people." Ganondorf spat at the opposing group.
"Whatever. Just find a better way to resolve this." The giant hand remarked
"Oh, brother? May I suggest that the groups fight it out using their own… stuff?" Crazy Hand suggested, appearing behind the group, and for once in his life, he was totally serious.
"Hmm. Good idea!" Master Hand exclaimed. "Listen up! We'll have a group go each day. Mario, Luigi, Peach, and Yoshi, you'll face Bowser and Wario tomorrow. I'll have each group find a person on the grounds and carry them through an obstacle course." He explained. Yoshi, Luigi, Mario and Peach all looked ready to go, ready to beat their enemies once and for all.
"Wait!" cried Wario "That's not fair! We're-a outnumbered!"
"Okay… Donkey Kong! You join up! After all, your grandpa fought Mario, right?" The ape nodded. Master Hand continued, pleased with himself. "Fox and Falco will fight Wolf the next day. Have some big ship fight."
"I can set up an arena for them to fly in." ROB offered
"Good idea. Wolf, I know you're out numbered, but don't worry, you can pick a partner on contest day if you choose." Master Hand agreed. Falco smirked at Wolf, but Fox kept his expression blank. It was safer that way.
"Kirby, Dedede… Heck, let's have a pie-eating contest. The day after the flying freaks. One rule: You have to chew." Fox, Falco and Wolf snarled at their reference. Kirby smiled, as did Dedede. Master Hand finished with "Link and Zelda, you guys can… have a magic fight with Ganondorf. Do whatever magic you wish, just nothing deadly. Ganondorf, you're twice their size. No partner, okay? We set? Good. Now please, people, shut up for the rest of the day!" Master Hand left, Crazy in toe.
The Smashers looked around. Those involved in the competitions left, talking among their respective groups. The others stood around a little longer.
Snake sighed "They're all immature freaks. Every last one of them."
Ness spoke up "I think Fox had a good point, but this is getting out of hand."
Samus entered the conversation. "We can't let these matches reach a conclusion. Whichever group loses is never going to let it go. Imagine what that would be like." The Smashers didn't want to.
"Are we in agreement to make sure that these things don't turn out friends into savages?" Ike clarified. They all cheered.
"Yeah! We're supposed to beat everyone up equally, not go after certain people!" Olimar added.
"It's decided." Samus said, taking control. "We'll split into groups. Don't make it seem like we're trying to help a group, just stop the whole thing entirely. Anyone interested in helping, see me in my room in an hour with an idea." It was decided.
Later that afternoon, Link found his hat as he was talking with Zelda. Despite the smell, he put it on, as a badge of courage, if nothing else.
As proven earlier that afternoon, old habits died hard, anyway.
Any thoughts, folks? Again, reviews are appreciated. This WILL be updated soon, I promise. Not like my other story. Which will be coming back from the dead (again), by the way. Until then, guys!