I was sitting in the farthest corner of the cafeteria with Tamara and Ming, as usual, when I looked at the text I had just received…and nearly sprayed them with my mouthful of mashed potatoes. The text that had almost caused Hurricane Jenna was sent by none other than the dreaded Sadie Saxton: Jen: party at my house tonight. 10 o'clock. Bring your mom's schnapps.
Was this a genuine invitation? More likely it was a murder plot. Or someone's idea of a prank. Or maybe I was hallucinating? This was truly the last person in the universe who would contact me in a friendly way. I would have felt more sane if the text was from a Sesame Street character.
I decided to respond with caution: Whoever this is, fuck off.
Half a second after hitting the send button, Tamara had my phone in her hands. "Are you texting Matty? Please please please let me edit." But the phone was already buzzing with a reply: Don't be silly. I know how much you want to be there after you crashed my last party. So here's another chance to get your poorly-manicured paws on McKibben. Bring some of your freakish friends if you must.
Tamara looked at me, her eyes wide. "Oh. My. Blog. This is bananas. You know what I think? I think she wants to skin you and wear you like a fur coat. You're gonna show up for the party and she's gonna go all Cruella DeVille on you."
I snatched the phone back to respond. Why are you doing this? Just leave me alone, and I'll leave you alone. No comprende?
I waited for a response, trying to block out Tamara's extrapolations of Sadie's plan to kill me and steal my identity. Finally, the phone screen lit up. Consider this repayment for the return of my diary. Now we're even. Besides, I keep my friends close and my enemies closer.
I looked up at Ming and Tamara. "Um, guys? I think we're crashing Casa del Saxton tonight."
Tamara shrieked and punched the air. "Oh, hell yes! Wear your beer goggles, girls, 'cause it might get messy!"