-1Sasuke had many well kept secrets. That may have been because he was a quiet, solitary person to begin with, or it could have been that there was no one there that he could completely trust. After the destruction of his family and knowing the one person he had ever really loved was the cause of his fate to be completely alone, Sasuke had shut down. He had lost all innocence that night; the night that he had been chosen to be left alive. And how many times had he wished, even longed to have been murdered with the rest of them? Just to be able to lift the burden off his shoulders, knowing that his whole life was just a battle to become stronger. A life only lived for revenge. Sometimes the memories of their cold, blood covered bodies was too much for his mind to handle.

And then came his release. The silver kunai he kept on hand at all times. The one specially sharpened for occasions such as this. The one that he dragged across the skin of his forearm over and over again until there was nothing but a calm numbness in his world.

He hid himself from his teammates. Those continuous lies haunting him. The white arm warmers were part of his 'uniform' to keep those lies well hidden from them. He was okay and he could deal by himself. He didn't need help and he could win this battle alone. He truly didn't know that the real battle was with himself.

Another average morning. A very tired, slow morning. Sasuke had not slept well as usual. Vivid nightmares filled the long hours from dusk until dawn. Those were always the hardest hours. The ones late at night, where the only sounds were the creaking of the house he lay in and the occasional cricket outside his window. The darkness surrounded and suffocated him. But he really did need rest and eventually he would fall asleep, if only for a couple hours. But the nightmares always woke him up at some point. And sometimes he would find his kunai. And would shove the dreams to the furthest back crevices of his mind as a single drop of coppery blood slid down and down his arm until it dropped to the white sheets he slept on. Well, not so white anymore. It had been years since the 'incident' and Sasuke was not fond of cleaning. Often he would cut himself as he sat in his bed holding back the tears that threatened to spill over. In a way, the crimson stains he slept upon were comforting. A way to show himself he was still alive and that he could handle things.

Earlier that night he had hurt himself, and three raw cuts spanned across the lower part of his pale arm. He made sure to cover them well before he finished dressing and left to run across the roofs of the buildings of Konoha until he came to the wooden bridge where his team often met before training. As usual, there was Naruto talking on and on about something… ramen probably, to a very uninterested Sakura. And as soon as Sakura looked up and saw him, she savagely shoved Naruto out of the way to leech onto Sasuke. She reached around and hugged tightly pinning his arm to his sides, making them very uncomfortable indeed.

"Damn it Sakura get off of me or I'll--"

"Sasuke-kun! How are you today? Would you like to go on a date later?" Sakura shrieked in a very high pitched voice.

This was really more than he could take right now. The pain was throbbing harder in his left arm and he wasn't the one causing it. He shoved her hard, very hard off of him and she tumbled backwards onto the ground with a small umph. Sasuke quickly ran down to the other end of the bridge refusing to say another word while the group waited over two hours for Kakashi-sensei to come.

And come he did with some excuse about getting lost on the road of life and he completely ignored the protests of Naruto and Sakura and he glanced at Sasuke, who was still brooding over the happenings of this morning.

"Well let's get started." Kakashi said, grinning at his team member's annoyment. "Naruto and Sasuke you can practice sparring in that empty ground down there and Sakura you can come with me."

Sasuke let out an almost inaudible sigh as he slowly got up to follow the bouncing blonde haired ninja down the path. Naruto was much faster today, it seemed. Or maybe Sasuke was just slower than usual. He really hadn't had a good nights sleep in months, and god was it catching up to him. So far he had been mostly dodging the never-ending Naruto clones. Occasionally he would strike back but he was rather low on chakra and using his Sharingan would be out of the question. They had been at it a while and his brain started getting a swimming feeling. It had happened before when he hadn't slept or ate anything for a while. It was like the ground was coming up and the sky down and everything around him spun together. Naruto saw the unease and paleness across his opponent's face and he halted himself before he landed a punch to Sasuke's stomach. Sasuke continued to wobble slightly; everything went grey and in a way fuzzy. He didn't feel the pain as he slammed backwards into the hard ground. Just the warm, comforting arms that cradled him as he slowly slipped into to unconsciousness.

He woke to Naruto's frightened face. Kakashi was covering his forehead in a cool cloth and Sakura sat on her knees staring intently at him. He quickly stood up and was soon where he had started: back on his butt on the ground. He felt the thumping of a headache forming from his fall earlier and his eyes even pulsed. That would definitely hurt tomorrow.

"You should stay lying down for a while until you're feeling better Sasuke. Do you want to tell me why you fainted?" Kakashi asked.

Sasuke simply closed his eyes and replied. "I've been training extra without the team, and I guess I was just tired." Another lie. And another cut. Deeper this time.

Kakashi gave it up at that and headed for the stream to get some water for Sasuke. As Sasuke looked up at Naruto, he saw that in his eyes Naruto knew there was more to it then that. As Naruto looked at Sasuke he saw a glare telling him he better keep his damn mouth shut. Before Kakashi could come back with more questions, Sasuke leapt up to a tree and headed off towards home. Naruto stayed sitting there, gazing at the spot where the raven haired boy had just been and he thought about everything.

Sasuke was angry. So, so angry. He had almost been stupid enough to get caught. If anyone ever found out about his secrets it would ruin everything. It would ruin his battle and he would never be able to become stronger. His head pulsed as he paced back and forth across the tatami mat on his kitchen floor. He always ended up hurting people. He had seen the way that Naruto had looked after Sasuke had glared at him like that, and how scared Naruto had been when he fell. He always managed to shove them all away some way or other. And even though they would never know, it hurt him just as much as it did them. He leaned against the wall, the cool paint soothing to the bruises from his fall. He slowly sank to the ground and curled his knees up to his chest and felt the unfamiliar wetness of a tear trickling down his cheek. He hadn't cried since the death of his family. He sobbed until there were no more tears left to shed.

When the tears were gone and dried up it left a hollow feeling inside his body. An uncontrollable feeling that spread like poison to every part of him. He had walked to his bedroom and pulled the kunai out from under his stained pillow without realizing he had even moved, until he saw his reflection in the smooth metal. A reflection that haunted him. He was more thin now. His cheek bones were more defined as were his collarbones and he had dark circles under his eyes. The worst were his eyes, grey and utterly vacant. Is this how everyone saw him? Had they seen the changes he had been going through? The image he saw in his kunai was disappointing. Weak. And he hated it, hated himself more than anything.

Naruto was slowly making his way to Sasuke's house. He had been there once before this. Naruto was mulling over everything that had happened today and over the past few months. He supposed there had been a change in Sasuke; he just had never bothered to pay attention to something like that.

Sasuke ripped the white cloth covering his arm off in one quick movement. Not thinking or feeling anything at all.
Only for a moment, just a fraction of second, he hesitated before bringing the tip down to his wrist. He could only watch in fascination as the blood spurted out of his veins. How it came out in torrents and he could almost see the white glint of bone beneath the torn ligaments. And this time he welcomed the dizziness that overcame his mind and slowly crept over his thoughts. Soon Sasuke slowly feel backwards onto his bed.

Too soon to hear the knock on the door.