A/N: Hello people! This is my first Naruto one-shot that my friend and me came up with. We think it's hilarious (in our opinion), and I hope you think it's just as funny. So please enjoy!
Disclaimer: (So I don't get sued) I do not own Naruto!
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"Hooray, I finally finished homework!" Hinata said happily while closing her biology book. "Now I can enjoy my weekend!" She always finished her weekend homework early so she could have more time to relax and have fun. She shoved her books back into her backpack and placed it in a corner of her bedroom.
'Maybe I can go for a walk.' Thought the petite girl while placing a finger on her chin. She walked into her closet and walked out wearing a light blue jogging suit. 'Oh shoot, I don't remember where I put my headset!' She smacked her forehead. She despised it when she was forgetful. "Maybe I can borrow Neji's."
Hinata happily skipped out of her room and straight to Neji's door, where she was able to hear Neji helping Tenten with math homework.
"Okay, so you add the like terms and multiply them by 7m, so your equation would be 58b plus 7m. But seeing as you can't add numbers that have different variables, that would be your answer …get it?" Hinata listened from the other side of the door, but didn't really pay much attention to it. She really didn't care much about math. There was a short moment of silence, then she heard Tenten shout:
"CAN'T WE JUST TALK ABOUT US?!" Hinata jumped and pushed her ear against the door anxiously getting interested in what they were talking about.
"W-what about us?" Neji asked.
"Don't you get it, Neji?" Tenten asked, her tone becoming eager.
"What; you mean the math? Yeah of course I get it, it's really basic and-"
"Not that you retard…Neji…" Tenten's voice became shaky then she began to whisper, "…I love you."
"You w-what?"
"Neji…I love you!" Tenten shouted loud enough for the whole house to hear.
"Tenten…I love you too…" Neji whispered back. Hinata pulled away from the door for a little while and gasped.
"Aww…" She whispered quietly. 'I have to show this to Ino!' Hinata thought taking out her cell phone and dialing Ino's number. She brought the phone to her ear and waited for Ino to pick up. "Hey Ino! You have to listen to this!" She put the phone against the door and was expecting to hear Tenten and Neji say sweet and romantic things to each other, but instead she heard something else.
"YES, NEJI! OH YES! YOU HIT ME SO HARD, RIGHT THERE! DO IT AGAIN, PLEASE!" Tenten pleaded.
"I love you." Neji said.
"YES! OH NEJI!"
Hinata's face became pale and her jaw dropped almost to the ground. Oh. My. God…
"Oh, Neji," Tenten's shouting finally became a little quieter, but still loud enough to hear. "How did you know to hit where it makes me scream?"
"Well I've had a lot of practice." Neji replied flatly. Making Hinata make a face of disgust.
"He had…practice…?" Hinata mumbled to herself feeling as though she wanted to barf.
"How did you practice?" Asked Tenten.
"Well…you know, in my room, with friends, in front of the mirror."
"In front…of the…mirror?" Hinata spat stuttering. Then she remembered, Holy crap, Ino's on the phone!Hinata brought the phone to her ear and heard the sound of Ino screaming in disgust.
"Ino, I am SO sorry!"
"What the fuck are you showing me, you little pervert!!" Hinata quickly hung up the phone and ran to the bathroom in disbelief at what she just heard in the bedroom. She stripped her clothes off and ran the water to the shower. She figured a cold shower would keep her mind off this.
But the WHOLE time while taking a shower, she couldn't get the thought out of her head! And this disgusted her. Luckily it was only her who was currently home and not Hanabi or father. Hanabi had to go to her fencing class and her father was busy at work.
Hinata stepped out of her shower, still feeling disgusted about what happened. She walked out into the hallway and saw Tenten and Neji standing outside of his room, holding each other's hands. They both gave Hinata a grin but all she could do in response was glare. "I hope you used protection…" She said coldly, and walked off.
Tenten and Neji stood there exchanging glances. "What the hell is her problem?"
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Hinata stood in the kitchen happily waiting for her cookies to finish baking. She took a big whiff of the sugary smell in the air. The bell rang to the oven indicating that her cookies were ready.
"Finally, my cookies are ready!" Hinata exclaimed putting on the oven mitt. She opened the door to the oven and reached in to grab the tray of cookies. She turned around and sniffed the cookies. "I sure love chocolate chip coo-AAAAGGGGHHHHH!!!" Hinata spun around to find Neji and Tenten right behind her and sure enough the cookies flew through air.
"Ow, Hinata!! That's fuckin' hot!!" Tenten shouted as a cookie fell down her shirt. Tenten fished for the cookie and threw it on the floor.
"What's your problem? Why are you acting so weird?" Neji responded coldly. Hinata bit her lip, wondering if she should tell Neji she was eavesdropping.
"Alright the truth is…well…I-I…I HEARD YOU TWO MAKING LOVE!" Hinata shouted very loudly. Neji and Tenten's eyes widened and they quickly backed away from each other.
"WHAT THE HELL?!?!?! THAT IS NOT WHAT WE WERE DOING!"
"Oh yeah. Then what was all that stuff about 'Oh Neji you hit me so hard?'"
"No, I was just happy Neji said he loved me. He hit me right here" Tenten explained, pointing to her chest. Hinata gave a confused expression.
"Your breast??"
"NO!!…my heart."
"While your shirt was on the floor?!"
"No, HINATA! Stop twisting it to make it sound perverted!" Tenten scolded Hinata. Hinata paused and thought back earlier what had happened.
"AND YOU!" Hinata said pointing to Neji. "What are you talking about having all that practice? That's gross and perverted."
"You're the one that's perverted." Hinata looked confused and offended.
"How am I--?"
"For thinking I had practice in THAT category." Neji said cutting her off.
"But you had practice in front of the mirror, Mr. Jack off!"
"Eww! I was practicing saying I love you!!" Neji shouted.
"In front of the mir—OhHhH!" Hinata said feeling embarrassed.
"So yeah, Hinata…next time you decide to eavesdrop near my door, get the story straight first! Come one, Tenten!" Neji said wrapping his arms around her and leading her out of the kitchen. Hinata then noticed something drop to the floor out of Neji's pocket. She quickly hurried to pick it up for Neji.
"Neji, you dropped something!!"
"Whatever…" he said turning a corner with his hand slightly squeezing Tenten's ass. A small giggle escaped from Tenten's mouth. Hinata examined what she had just picked up. It was small and in some sort of plastic wrap. She turned the mysterious packet over and it read:
Trojan: Extra-small
Use for protection
only.
Hinata stared blankly at the packet.
"AHHHHH!!!!" she screamed very loudly causing a shrill sound that sounded through the whole house. She had soon realized that it was a condom. She was in disbelief and shocked that Neji had lied the whole time and that he was being so careless and irresponsible.
"EW! EW! EW! EW-pff…extra small." Hinata scoffed walking out of the kitchen, leaving her mess carelessly on the floor.
A/N: Alright so what do you think?? R&R and tell me how crazy I am for making this fic. But you have to admit that it was kinda funny. Ah, who am I kidding? That was hysterical!! Lol anyways R&R please!!