Disclaimer:
Shikamaru: This is so troublesome. If the author owned Naruto, do you think she wouldbe writing fanfiction?
Just a note: I italicized the parts of the dialogue that are being spoken in whispers.
The Competition
Maito Gai wasn't sure how this had happened. He and Kakashi had yet again been engaged in some crucial (and probably trivial) battle.
1. First he had challenged his Eternal Rival to Rock Paper Scissors. (Which Kakashi won, damn him!)
2. Then Kakashi had (unsuccessfully) tried to ignore him as he read Icha Icha Tactics. (Can you believe that he had actually caught Neji reading that?)
3. Finally, after some sighing on his part, his Eternal Rival had challenged him to a race. (Hah! As if Kakashi could win!)
However, things did not go as expected.
Gai was still not sure how it had happened. But somehow he and Kakashi had stumbled upon an unexpected sight in a remote area outside the village. (And unseen at that!)
Anko. Shizune. Kurenai. Tsunade.
In a hotspring.
Kakashi had insisted on stopping.
So now, against Maito Gai's better judgment, they were now crouched behind some bushes a fair distance from the bathing kunoichi. No, correction. A fair distance from the HOKAGE and three DEADLY jounin that Gai had no intention of pissing off.
Except that Kakashi had insisted on stopping. He couldn't let his Eternal Rival show him up in courage.
Damned Pervert. Gai could see the leer under his mask. Those Icha Icha books were definitely polluting his mind.
What the hell…did Kakashi just giggle?
The idea of pushing Kakashi out of the bushes to face the wrath of four women briefly crossed his mind.
"Aren't you going to look Gai?" Kakashi whispered ever so quietly. Gai cast his eternal rival a glare and bit back the stunning speech he wanted to (loudly) declare.
However, he didn't. Maito Gai had no intention of foolishly forsaking his youthfulness.
Gai squeezed his eyes shut as Kakashi continued to watch through the bushes. He would not look! He would not look! He would scale Mount Hokage with his teeth if he looked!
Peek.
Gah! He looked! (Damn it. The dentist was going to hate him.)
A trickle of blood dripped down from the Green Beast's nose.
Kakashi snickered ever so quietly.
Gai squeezed his eyes shut again and mentally prayed for divine assistance. (Oh Spring of Youth! Please save me!)
A giggle reached his ears, followed by a sharp laugh that could only belong to Anko. Then there was another giggle, followed by a series of raucous laughter. (Tsunade of course.)
Gai almost looked again. Almost.
But he didn't.
"Something wrong Gai?" Kakashi whispered.
"This is wrong, very ungentlemanly," Gai whispered back. "I can not spend the glorious years of my…"
"I'll bet I can look longer than you," Kakashi whispered. Gai froze.
A challenge! Yosh! He could not back down from a challenge! It was unmanly!
Gai opened his eyes. His cheeks reddened.
Wow, Tsunade was one healthy fifty year….
No! Yosh! Now he must do two hundred pushups!
Come to think of it…Shizune looked…
No! Now he must do six hundred pushups!
"I hate you Kakashi," Gai whispered. The Green Beast was answered by a snicker.
Another trickle of blood escaped Gai's nose.
"So Gai," Kakashi whispered. "Out of Kurenai, Anko, and Shizune, who do you think is the best?"
Gai stared at him.
Kakashi ignored him.
"Personally, I think Anko is…" Kakashi started.
"No she's not!" Gai shot out suddenly. "Shizune is definitely…" Gai froze as he realized what he had said. His face deepened into a deeper shade of red.
"Hmm," Kakashi whispered. "Still…Tsunade's…assets…are definitely bigger than the others."
A (slight) trickle of blood ran down Gai's face.
Unfortunately for the Sharingan Pervert and the Reluctant Green Beast, something happened that ended their 'competition'.
1. They realized they were sitting on top of a snake den.
2. They realized that they were sitting on a snake den that Anko had planted.
3. Tonton had somehow snuck up on them and began squealing loudly.
4. Shizune sent a wave of poisoned needles flying their way.
5. A rather perturbed Kurenai had then cast a rather sadistic genjutsu.
6. An irate Godaime was cracking her knuckles.
Gai tried to blame it all on Kakashi. (It's HIS fault! I could never humiliate such fine women in the Glorious days of their Youth! It's unspeakable! It's ghastly..it's…it's…)
As the two jounin males struggled to escape the deadly apocalypse, a pair of hidden eyes watched the scene nearby. The hidden eyes flashed with a mixture of amusement, disappointment, and annoyance.
"Amateurs," Jiraiya muttered.
And to date, Asuma is still angry that Kakashi and Gai didn't have the courtesy to find him and bring him back to watch.