THE TIES THAT BIND US
Disclaimer: Everything in the Harry Potter world belongs to JK Rowling and Warner Bros.
Summary: One-shot. The night before the last day of 7th year. Sirius fears he will fade into the background of James' emotional canvas but a conversation with Lily changes all that.
Sirius Black stared out at the starry heavens, his handsome face creased in anxiety. His habitually confident and almost aristocratic bearing that exuded charm was now hunched over as he sat in the empty Quidditch pitch stand with his hands wrapped around his knees that were propped up under his chin. The night was chilly and shadows danced around the desolate Quidditch pitch but Sirius was not afraid. A sardonic grin twisted his lips though his eyes were flat and humourless as he thought how fitting was it for a Black to be enveloped by the dark night, accepting it like the caress of a lover.
He had been in a foul and sullen mood all day and had fended off the persistent enquiries of his best-friend James Potter, commonly known as Prongs, with a dismissive wave of a hand or a grunt. He had felt guilt creep into his gut but it immediately evaporated when a certain red-haired seventh year with emerald green eyes had arrived and slipped her hand naturally in Prongs' and gave him peck on the lips, to which Prongs' entire face illuminated with happiness and had walked on ahead with her, leaving Sirius to trail behind them.
Sirius let out a frustrated groan to the silent night air. Lily Evans. The girl who had occupied Prongs' heart and mind since fifth year. The girl who had refused all Prongs' declarations of love. The girl who had yelled at Prongs and called him a 'prat' or an 'arrogant toe-rag'. The girl who had, this year, in their seventh and final year, finally realised how much Prongs meant to her and since then, had been inseparable from him. Gradually, Evans became privy to their major secrets; the Map, their illegal Animagus forms—and somehow became a natural addition to the Marauders, casually sitting with them at breakfast or patiently tutoring a struggling Wormtail.
It was not as if Sirius detested her. She was bright, independent, passionate and had a sharp wit—all the qualities that Sirius valued in a girl. It was just the fact that it was no longer just Padfoot and Prongs. It was now Padfoot, Prongs and Evans. Of course Sirius valued Moony and Wormtail, but they just weren't the blood brother, the best friend who had stood by Sirius through everything despite dark things Sirius had admitted—things that he had never told Moony or Wormtail but had still taken him in and showed him that there was a path of light. Prongs had showed him that one was not defined by their family rather they were defined by what they did. Prongs had been willing to jump immediately into a fray to aid Sirius; pranking Slytherins or hexing Snivellus, sharing a detention because Prongs was unwilling to let Sirius share the entire blame or sneaking into Hogsmeade late at night.
However, now that Evans was on the scene, everything had changed. Sirius was no long number one on Prongs' list: it was Evans. Sirius was not the first person Prongs went to when he had a problem: it was Evans. But what made Sirius feel even more miserable was that Prongs had been quite mature and thoughtful about the whole thing. He had on numerous occasions assured Sirius that things were not going to change, that he would not forget Sirius and had attempted to divide his time between Evans and him, or more disastrously, organise outings with the three of them with the vain hope that Sirius and Lily would get to know each other and become friends.
But things had changed and Prongs just couldn't see it, or just wouldn't see it. Sirius' relationship with Evans was at best, strained civility. Moony and Wormtail had warmed quickly to Evans and got on well but it seemed fated, that the two people Prongs cared for the most—Sirius and Lily—should not get on, both silently competing for his attention. Sirius still called her 'Evans', much to his best friend's annoyance and Evans still addressed him tersely as 'Black', much to her boyfriend's exasperation. It seemed that the two of them had not outgrown the childish ways of fifth year.
Sirius wondered where his place in Prongs' life would be once they all left the safe confines of Hogwarts tomorrow and ventured out into the wide world. Prongs and Evans would, of course, get married eventually and fill their home with lots of mini Evanses and Prongses but where would Sirius fit in? He was not the calm and rational Moony or the bumbling and unassuming Wormtail. He could not imagine what he could do without his best friend, his brother who had become so deeply engrained in his life, a person who Sirius had come to rely upon so greatly. What would Sirius Black do?
To his horror, he could feel tears prick at his eyes and he quickly wiped them away with the sleeves of his robe. He knew that Prongs would soon come out to look for him and Sirius did not want to have to explain to his best-friend that he had been almost crying on the Quidditch pitch stands.
"Black?" came a familiar voice.
Evans.
"What?" replied Sirius thickly, wiping his eyes once more. "If you're looking for your precious Prongs, he's back in the Common Room with Moony and Wormtail."
"I've been looking for you, Black."
"What have I done this time?"
Evans gave an exasperated sigh. "By Merlin, Black, you're not making this any easier."
"What easier?"
"Can I sit down?"
"If you must."
Evans pulled her scarf tightly around her neck and sat down next to him. She did not say anything for a few minutes, simply looking out at the glittering stars with an unreadable expression. Sirius glanced sideways at her then quickly back up at the sky, wondering what Evans had come out to harangue him about this time.
"I know you and I haven't exactly had the most easiest of relationships this year," began Evans in a surprisingly quiet tone.
"That's got to be the understatement of the year."
"—and it is our last night here at Hogwarts, before we enter the uncharted world of adulthood…so I want to clear things with you, Black."
"How charitable and noble of you," responded Sirius sarcastically.
Evans clenched her fists. "Can you stop being such a prat for at least ten minutes?"
Sirius smirked. "I'll need time to think about it."
Evans gave him a piercing stare. "Do you care about James at all?"
Sirius' eyes blazed. "Of course I bloody well do! What the hell do you mean by that question?"
"Because if you did, you would realise how much it is killing him that the two of us are not getting on."
"And whose fault is that?" asked Sirius childishly.
"It is the fault of the both of us," replied Evans simply.
Sirius raised an eyebrow appraisingly at her in the dark, his hostility abating slightly.
"Look. You are not a stupid git, Black and if anyone knows James better than I do, it is you. You are his other half and you should know how much he would like the enmity between us to end. He cares about the both of us and it is completely unfair that we should force him to choose between us and put him in an impossible position."
"It doesn't feel like he much cares about me at the moment," mumbled Sirius. "All he does when he is with me is moon on about great and beautiful you are."
A flicker of a grin passed over Evans' face.
"What are you grinning about? We both know how much he adores you, there's no need to rub it in my face."
"No, that's not what I was smiling about," said Evans, her green eyes alight with amusement. "Whenever I am with him, all he does is go on about how lucky he is to have such a loyal brother like you and all the things he gets up to with his beloved Marauders."
For the first time, Sirius did not have any sense of irritation towards her. With that one sentence, Evans—Lily, had lightened his mood. Elation spread through him. He fought to suppress a grin. "We haven't been easy on him, have we?"
Evans visibly relaxed. "No, we haven't. We've both been complete idiots. Poor James…all those times he tried to get us to get along with each other..."
Sirius snickered. "We were acting like fifth years…the amount of times he ruffled his hair in anxiety…" then he sobered and looked down at his hands.
A heavy silence hung between the two of them, the brief levity now a distant memory. There were so many things Sirius wanted to say but couldn't. He didn't know when to begin.
He looked up startled as Lily placed a slim white hand atop his own. "Sirius, I am not trying to take him away from you. I could never do that. I wish you could stop trying to see me as the enemy. We both care for James and I want to extend an olive branch to you, a peace offering. There is already so much distrust and grief in the world at the moment and I do not want us to be another casualty. I'll not lie and say that we'll be bosom buddies or something like that straight away, but I want you to accept that I am a part of James' life now that will not go away—"
"You already have taken him away from me," Sirius said softly. "Lily, Prongs loves you and he will marry you and then you will have kids—you—you are his entire life and I do not have a place in that new stage of his life and—"
"Sirius," Lily interrupted, the both of them using each other's first names unconsciously now. "James is not the kind of person to dump you like a sack of unwanted belongings. For Merlin's sakes, do you know how much I am afraid of being pushed aside by him?"
Sirius let out a bark-like laugh and gave her an incredulous look. "You have got to be joking! As if Prongs would break-up with you of all people! The girl who he has pursued and obsessed about for most of our Hogwarts life—the only reason he would ever part from you, would be if he was dead!"
"You don't understand, Sirius," she said quietly, removing her hand from his. "I fear that one day, he will listen to you—his best friend and practically brother, that I am not good enough for him. You have a powerful sway over him, Sirius. He cares for your well-being more than you know. He would do anything to make you happy, and I know that if you were really unhappy about me being with him, he would put your own feelings above his own needs and put me aside."
Sirius stared at her open mouthed. Was Lily on something? Prongs loved Lily. Prongs would never do something like that… but at the same time, a nasty feeling overcame him, an emotion he refused to identify as guilt. A lump rose in his throat and then words tumbled out of his mouth that he could not control. "Lily, believe me when I say this: I would never obstruct Prongs' chance for happiness. He has done so much for all of us—for me that he deserves whatever he wants and if he wants you, I will not stand in your way."
Lily's eyes filled with tears. "Sirius," she breathed. "Thank you."
Sirius gave her a trembling smile of his own. He hurt like hell, but he knew this was the right thing to do. He had no right to be selfish and deny Prongs the woman he so obviously loved—what kind of brother would he be if he did?
Without warning, Lily hugged him tightly. Sirius froze for a second but then tentatively patted her back. Lily pulled back from him, smiling softly. "James will never abandon you, Sirius. You are an important part of his life too. Do not worry anymore about it."
"Thanks Lily" said Sirius in a choked up voice, unable to express anything more eloquent but Lily understood and placed her hand reassuringly on his shoulder. Then the two of them sat together in companionable silence, a new bond forged between them, both united in a joint understanding of each other and the knowledge that neither of them was going to be cast into the emotional wilderness by James Potter; the man who was so entwined in their lives that they could not imagine a life without him it.
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