Escaping The Pain

Chapter one: Opening Old Wounds

"Well gang. It's finally over." Grissom said with a triumphant sigh. Underneath his pasted on happy face, he was thinking about how he could finally go home soon and sleep the sleep that had been waiting for him for the past 6 days. They had been working on a case that had taken them up and down, had so many twists and turns, and they were getting sick from the ride. But it was finally over. The room could stop spinning and they could go back to the "normal" hours.

Grissom hated pretending to be happy when he wasn't but he had to keep the team going until they could leave for home. He knew that they all were trying their hardest to look positive, but the circles under their eyes gave them away. He was proud of his team. He surveyed them all and noticed that Sara had the darkest circles. She'd been working harder than usual for some reason.

"We better get paid a lot for all the time we've put in." Catherine said with a short laugh, but you knew that she meant it. They said their feeble "Goodbye's" and "See ya later's" and walked out of the building.

Sara dragged her feet to her car and she climbed in, not know where she truly wanted to go. Part of her wanted to go home but the other, stronger part wanted to get a drink. She pulled out, having not decided yet where it is she was headed. That stronger part of her obviously controlled her driving ability, because she went towards a local bar.

"Coors Light please," and a sweaty bottle was slid in her direction. She took a long swig of it and enjoyed the cool liquid running down her throat. She had a few before going home to a shower and fluffy bed.

Her alarm clock screamed at her that it was time to get up. But she just frustratingly flung it off the dresser. Her guilt soon got to her and she got up with a drawn-out moan. A headache was splitting her skull open, so the first thing she did was took three aspirin. She got in the shower and let the warm water run down her face and neck. She stepped out of the shower, wrapped her towel around and went into her bedroom. Looking in the mirror, she saw the circles under her eyes; they were lighter than before but they were still visible.

A tear rolled slowly down her cheek as she remembered Grissom's words from a few days back.

"I wanted to talk to you all at once and not let it be a rumor going around. This is my last week. I know that you all can take care of yourselves without me. I have faith in you all. You are hard workers. And you are one of the best in the country; the best in my opinion."

They all just looked at him and each other. The words had left them way before they knew what to say.

Catherine was the first to speak. "Gil, how could you leave? You love this job. It's your life. This and bugs. You can't leave. I won't let you. We won't let you."

She was followed by the rest of the team backing her up. He was their leader; without him, they would all go astray.

"I'm sorry. But I don't feel like I should be here. Something is calling me away. I love this job and all of you. I just can't stay anymore. This has been my life. And I think I need something more. Now let's go back to work. I'm going to finish out this case at least."

That was an argument that left nothing much to say. His news of leaving only made them work harder. Maybe in hopes to impress him and make him stay. Or to show him that he loved the job and couldn't leave.

But this shift would be his last. That one tear led the way for many others. She was shivering and didn't even notice for several minutes. The world was going blurry with the rush of tears. She dressed herself and walked into the bathroom. She opened a drawer and pulled out a little white tin. Looking down on it, she wasn't sure if she should open it. But she felt like she had to. So she did.

Gleaming at her, were 6 tiny razors. She picked out the middle one and put down the tin.

Where should I cut? Was her only thought. My arm? No. To obvious. My leg. Maybe.

She decided on her forearm. She could just were a long sleeve shirt. She rolled up her sleeve and placed the cold metal to her skin. Still crying, she cut into her arm. Letting the blood flow off her arm and into the sink. She looked at it.

At least part of me is free from all the pain, she thought. But a second look at her arm made her think different. What have I done? I told myself that I wouldn't do this anymore.

She fell to the floor crying tears of helplessness. She curled into a ball. The blood slowly fell to the floor.