Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. Or RENT. But I like them both very much. Doesn't that count for anything?
Sirius Black and the Feline of Avenue B
A bottle and a half of Firewhiskey was all it took to bring out the theatrical side of Sirius Black. No one really knew what to make of it as he mimed a guitar solo from the top of the stairs leading to the boys' dormitory.
"What's the time?" He cried, "Well it's gotta be close to midnight."
A third year girl checked her watch, "It's 9:30".
Sirius plowed on as if he had not been interrupted. "My body's talkin' to me, it says 'Time for danger,'" he sang, punctuating his sentence with a full-body shimmy. "It says 'I wanna commit a crime, wanna be the cause of a fight.'"
Several prefects looked around in alarm, unsure of whether or not to take some sort of action.
"I wanna put on a tight skirt and flirt with a stranger."
Several males protectively pulled their girlfriends a little closer. Meanwhile, a few rainbow-clad seventh year boys looked hopeful, smiling widely at the mental image of Sirius Black in a tight skirt.
Sirius drummed on several heads as he sauntered down the steps, "I've had a knack from way back of breaking the rules once I learned the game."
James Potter raised his glass and toasted a bystander in agreement.
"Get up, life's too quick. I know someplace sick where this chick will dance in the flames," He sang, tearing several Wallflowers from their safe haven in the corner of the Common Room.
"We don't need any money, I always get in for free. You can get in too if you get in with me. Let's go out tonight!" Sirius leapt through the portrait hole, followed by the Marauders and more than a few intrigued spectators.
"I have to go out tonight!" Sirius yelled passionately to Apollyon Pringle, the irate-looking school caretaker.
"You wanna play? Let's run away. We won't be back before it's New Year's Day. Take me out tonight!"
"But it's June!" exclaimed the exasperated, time-conscious third year girl.
Sirius pranced towards her. His only response to her statement was "Meow", accompanied by a pelvic thrust.
Sirius' parade continued down to the oak front doors of the castle. He flung them open and ran onto the grounds. He threw his arms above his head and continued his anthem.
"When I get a wink from the doorman, do you know how lucky you'll be-"
"That you're on the line with the feline of Avenue B." Professor McGonagall finished as she calmly strode towards the thoroughly intoxicated Sirius.
Sirius dropped his arms in alarm, quickly cutting off his first song to begin another.
"This is weird."
"It's weird." McGonagall agreed, picking up the new tune.
"Very weird."
The professor responded with silence, not breaking eye contact with Black.
"Say something, anything." Sirius pleaded.
"Mr. Black, I'm going to have to take fifty points from Gryffindor for butchering the work of Jonathan Larson. I'd like to see you in my office immediately."
"Anything but ... that."
AN: Alright, so I was bored one afternoon and this sort of popped into my head. The songs are "Out Tonight" and "Tango: Maureen" from RENT. I can't take credit for those. To add to my disclaimer, anything Sirius says belongs solely to Jonathan Larson. Also, this fic takes place in Sirius' sixth year at Hogwarts, just in case anyone was wondering.