A/N: I wrote this as a challenge from another board. The challenge was to write a oneshot of a couple that you usually don't write for. So, seeing that I am a huge Brucas believer and lover, I decided to challenge myself ultimately, and write a Leyton oneshot. I hope you guys like it, and that you don't think that I'm completely wrong in the way I portrayed Leyton, and their feelings. So, please leave a review when you read it. It doesn't have to be long, just a little note to let me know that you read it! And, if you think that I've got the whole Leyton idea all wrong, just let me know, okay? Thanks!
This is set after episode 3x21, and I've used some of the lyrics from Mozella - Light years away.
Light years away
It's almost like you had it planned
it's like you smiled and shook my hand and said
'Hey, I'm about to screw you over big time'
And what was I suppose to do? I was stuck in between you and hard place
We won't talk about the hard place
The salty tears slipped into her mouth. She licked away the others that had escaped from her eyes, and were rapidly flowing down her cheeks in two separate rivers. Her vision was blurry as she layed the finishing touches on her latest sketch. It was of her and Brooke, and the expression on Brookes face when she had revealed that she still had feelings for him. For Lucas. The pain that was glowing in her face, and the guilt she was feeling clenching around her own heart was what she wanted to express through the sketch, but neither of their heartbreaks were shown.
Peyton wiped away the tears to try to get a clear sight of what she had drawn. Brooke didn't look as hurt as she remembered her, and the guilt she was feeling looked more like gloating.
She threw the sketch across the room, and saw it landing by the doors that Brooke had set up of which guy was available for the two of them. Her eyes landed on one of the names; Lucas. And it was not under her name, it was Brookes. He was Brookes, not hers, and it was not until recently she understood that the situation really bothered her. Brooke didn't love him, she said so herself. Almost. Even though she hadn't said the words didn't mean it wasn't true. She hadn't said that she loved him either.
Peyton bended over to the nightstand to pick up another piece of paper to start on another drawing. She winced of the pain that jolted through her leg of the sudden move.
«Damn it,» she cried out as she wrapped her hands around her left calve. She rested her forehead on her knees, as the tears once again started to float freely down her cheeks. The salt from the tears were mixed with the blood that spilled from her inner cheeks she had bitten raw out of nervousness and shame the last few days.
«It still hurts?» She didn't have to turn her head to know who was standing there. The softness he carried in his voice revealed him at all times. Lucas was always caring for someone, especially her since she had all this bagage to carry around. She was happy that he wanted to be that guy for her, the one who rescued her time after time. But his feelings and heart wasn't as in to it as she would've wanted. Yes, he was her saviour, but that was the only thing she got from him, Brooke got the rest.
«Yes, it still hurts,» she said, while discretely trying to wipe away the tears and the smudged mascara.
«Want me to take a look at it?»
She quickly shook her head.
«No...no, it's okay,» she said unconvincingly. She lifted her head; her eyes drifted towards the scrawny shade in the doorway. His blue eyes rested on hers brown. The concern was evident in his face. He crossed his arms on his chest, as his whole appearance showed that he didn't believe a word she was saying.
«Really, I'm okay,» she stated again. She tried to add more tone in her voice so he would let go. Finally, it looked like he believed her as he let his arms drop to his sides and walked into the room.
«How are you, Peyton? I haven't seen you since the rehearsal dinner.» Lucas dropped himself on the chair by the computer, and rested his head on his arm.
«It was yesterday, Lucas,» Peyton said as she sat up straight, and tried to shift so she was comfortable.
«I know, but we haven't had a chance to talk since I came back. I missed you.» His blue eyes were piercing through her. He furrowed his brows as he saw the tears welling up in her eyes. It was not the reaction he expected.
«Don't say that, Lucas,» she whispered as she closed her eyes to try to keep the tears behind. She didn't want to fall apart, not again. And not in front of him.
«Why not?»
Her eyes drifted towards the sketch in the corner. Lucas followed her gaze, and noticed the paper laying upside down. He quickly got up and got a hold of it before Peyton had time to react at his move. She studied his face as he studied the sketch. He nervously looked over at Peyton who was biting her bottom lip, with her eyes shining with unshed tears.
«Is this why?» He finally asked, his voice quivering a little as he began to understand.
Peyton thought about her options, whether to tell the truth, or to lie like she'd never lied before. But he deserved the truth, maybe he could have the same feelings as her. She knew it was a horrible thought, but she needed that hope. She needed to have one good thing in her life.
She slowly nodded her head in response, and heard him let out a loud sigh. He furrowed his brows, and looked straight in her eyes.
«What exactly is this?» He questioned, hoping that whatever she would tell him would be different from what he believed.
«It is what it looks like...» She whispered. Lucas gently lay the sketch on her desk, and sat down on the chair again. He burried himself in thoughts, and the look in his eyes told her that he was miles away. Away to a place she would never go, and probably never even understand.
Peyton studied his face, from the furrows in his forehead to the dreamy eyes, and to the the lips that were pursed together. She began to have second thoughts. Was she being incredibly selfish for wanting him? Again? Now?
«What you thinking?» Peyton began, hesitantily breaking the silence that had taken over. It didn't look like he heard her, and just when she was about to repeat the question, he slowly turned his head towards her. Her heart skipped a beat as she saw the look in his blue eyes. They were cool as ice, but quickly softened as he saw a hint of hurt flashing through her eyes.
«Brooke told me you went to see Jake,» he said simply, before fixing his gaze on the outside. He tried hard to study the furrows in the huge tree standing outside her window. What he would give to be that tree in that particular moment. To stand on the outside looking in, instead of always being in a drama, and being the one drama always centered around.
Peyton watched him drift away again, and figured she needed to say something fast before he was gone from her again.
«Yeah, I did actually. It didn't go quite as I planned.»
«Why not?»
«Because...» she began loudly, but soon lowered her voice as she understood that she wouldn't be able to carry it without it cracking. She wiped away the hair in her face, and took a deep breath. This was it. Talk or die. Or both.
«Because I think I still have feelings for you...» she said looking away. She couldn't bear to watch his reaction, or rejection. In her case, they were both the same.
«What?» He asked, trying desperately to flatten his pants. This was just too much all at once. When he had come to see her, he definately didn't expect to receive a decleration of love, but it was what he got. What he didn't understand was his reaction. He didn't want to act like this, but he did. The walls that had been pulled down one by one after Keiths death was slowly being rebuild. By not showing emotions, he protected himself. And in some way, he truly believed he was protecting everyone else too. Nothing good could come from revealing your inner thoughts. Peyton was a good example of that. Here she was, staring at him with red, puffy eyes after pouring her heart out, and she was clearly not happy about it. She obviously didn't feel any better.
«Please don't make me say it again,» she looked at him pleedingly, while unconsiously rubbing her leg. The dull pain had stopped, but had soon been replaced by her heart aching twice as much as it did before.
«Okay, I heard you clear enough the first time anyway,» he said, tiredly rubbing his eyes.
«Why are you doing this?» Peyton asked. She felt herself becoming angry. Why couldn't he just tell her what was on his mind? Why was she the only one to pour out every ounce in her soul.
«Doing what?»
«This,» she motioned to him, before shifting towards the end of the bed,
«Not letting me know what you're thinking, just letting me sit here high and dry. You just heard what I've been dealing with the last days, maybe even weeks, I don't know. Is it too much to ask to get a little reaction out of you? Be angry, yell at me, just do something! Anything is better than this silent treatment!»
«How am I suppose to react to that? How can I react to that? Am I suppose to yell? Fine, then I'll yell! Am I suppose to happy? Excited? I'm not sure I can do that Peyton.» Lucas began pacing around the room, while raising his voice. He suddenly stopped in his tracks, and turned to face Peyton.
«You want me to say I share those feelings?»
«No, no, no, of course not-»
«Because I'm not sure what I feel, Peyton.» His voice had gone soft again. He studied his shoes, and noticed that he needed to wash some of the dirt away from them. He got the need to do it then and there, in that very second, but he managed to stop the urge to run away. Instead, his feet seemed to be glued to the place. His throat was dry, and he could feel tears sting behind his eyelids as he thought over what he had just said. Had he said that he could have feelings for her? But he was with Brooke, and he had promised he wouldn't hurt her again. Was he about to break that promise?
He slowly looked up at Peyton, and caught her gaze. He walked over to her, tilted her chin up and wiped away a tear from her cheek with his thumb. He cleared his throat, and let his eyes wander over her walls. One of her sketches caught his attention. It was of Brooke, and her tears after the first time he broke up with her.
«I love Brooke,» he said, breaking the silence.
«I know,» she answered sincerely. She did know, and that was what hurt her the most.
«But I love you too,» he said, while bending down to her level by the bed.
« I know,» she replied again, knowing that this too was true.
«And that's why this is so hard... I just... I can't hurt her, not again Peyton.»
«I know, I really do,» she whispered.
«So, where does that leave us?»
Peyton shot her eyes up, and looked straight in his, as she answered, «There is no us, Lucas. You're with Brooke, and you should continue to be with her.» As soon as the words escaped from her lips, she knew it was true. It was for the best.
The disappointment was evident in his face, but he quickly tried to cover it up while he stood up straight and stretched his lean body. As his disappointment wore off, he seemed to be relieved she made the choice for him.
«You're right,» he said before walking towards the door. He caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror. The lighting from the window landed as a halo around his head. He found it very ironic, seeing that as of that moment, he was anything but a saint.
«Wait,» Peyton called out, as she jumped to her feet, and limped over to Lucas. She threw herself around his neck. She felt him going tense before he loosened by her touch, and drew his arms around her to get her closer. When they broke apart, their faces were mere inches apart. All one of them had to do was lean in little closer, and their lips would meet.
Peyton stared in his eyes and figured she had two choices; to kiss him, or not kiss him and regret it afterwards. Ellie was the one who showed her life, and how short it really is. It was better to regret something she'd done, instead of something she decided not to. While this logic were running through her head, she closed her eyes and leaned in towards him.
She shivered as their lips met. It was soft, seeking and passionate all at once. This was their one chance to let their feelings out, the one chance to show eachother how strong their love really was.
«Bye Lucas,» she said after they broke apart. He placed a soft kiss on her forehead, before kissing her gently on her lips one last time.
«Bye Peyton,» he answered and slowly turned his back and walked out the door.
She watched as he drifted further and further away from her, before she limped back to the bed to start on a new drawing. Her tears were dripping down on the sketch, but she didn't care. It just added that special touch, that missing piece she didn't find in her previous attempt. She placed the sketch on the wall, and studied it. It was of her and Lucas, but his face wasn't showing. She wanted to keep their kiss in her heart, all to herself, and did it the one way that was most personal for her; she drew it.
She looked sadly, but contently at their figures, before she sat back down on the bed. She couldn't cry anymore, she was empty. There was a huge void in her heart that she knew would never be filled.
She sighed as she shook her head to shake away the feeling she always felt in the bottom of her stomach in times like these. She didn't want to cry for him anymore. He was trying to move on, and so should she. She had to for Lucas' sake, for Brookes', and most of all; for her own sake. She deserved that much.
I think that I cried for days
But now that seems light years away
And I'm never going back
To who I was
That life seems like light years away