This Is a Life That You Can't Deny us Now
Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars, obviously.
Author Disclaimer: This is an AU Reylo centered story with mature themes. If this upsets you, then leave. I am old and jaded enough that I do not care. Don't waste your time trying to lecture me about how you are offended, I truly do not care. The world does not revolve around you and what upsets you. Buck up and learn to avoid your triggers and other things that offend you. I have what people are calling triggers or things I do not like too. You know what I do about them? I avoid them and I don't waste my time actively seeking them out to make myself upset. That is all you can do in life, because the world does not revolve around your feelings or mine. Harassing other people over things that offend you, but has no impact on your day to day life just makes you look foolish. Seriously I don't care, don't bother me about it, get off my lawn.
I seriously loved the Kylo Ren Playlist on Spotify, some of my favorite bands are on it. The title of this story was actually taken from one of the songs on the Playlist.
Chapter One:
You Can't Understand What Lays Ahead,
If You Don't Understand The Past.
A week. One week was all it took Luke Skywalker to decide Rey unworthy of being his Padawan and sending her away.
"Go back to General Organa," he had ordered.
Rey had tried to plead with him, attempted to make him see that she would be a worthy Padawan, but it did her no good. Luke Skywalker had made up his mind. He did not care to listen to her arguments of why she needed him to teach her the ways of the force. The reminders of the looming threat of the First Order had no affect, he refused to reconsider his decision. He would not even look at her when he told her to leave the place go his self exposed exile. When she thought about it, he had not looked at her since she had arrived on Ahch-to and held out his lightsaber to him with silent plea. During the week she had spent with him, he had not taught her anything about the force, but rather had briefly discussed with her a boy who had once gone by the name of Ben Solo. One that changed from a tormented young man to a monster right before here eyes.
"He was your cousin." he had told her. He presented her with small pieces of information of a past life she had no memory of. These only led to more questions of that forgotten life, but in her attempt to be an obedient student she refrained from asking. One thing she was certain of, was that if Ben Solo had been her cousin as she had been told, that could only mean that Luke Skywalker himself was her father.
This made his rejection sting all the more. She attempted not to dwell on it, but when she was alone at night and attempting to fall asleep, she could not help the rage and bitterness that washed over her in waves. Gone was the island, the ocean she would imagine to quell the loneliness and lull her to sleep. In its place an anger that she tried to push away, along with familiar words that continuously echoed though her mind.
Don't be afraid, I feel it too.
Rey did not return to the Resistance Base to meet General Organa as Luke had instructed her to do. She could not face the woman who had not recognized her to be her niece. She could not face Poe or Finn, she was too ashamed that Luke had deemed her unworthy to train to be a Jedi. Instead she returned to Jakku to wait like she had done for so many years. When she had tried to discuss with him her life on Jakku, Luke made it clear that not only did he not leave her there, he did not even know she was there. That could only mean it was Rey's mother who had left her on the desert planet all those years ago. Her mother would return for her one day, then they could leave together and never look back.
She had gone back to the only thing she had known, scavenging to survive. She spent her days wondering through abandoned wreckage to obtain scraps for trade. She had been doing well in one particular site some time after leaving Ahch-to when the familiar hiss of a lightsaber sounded behind her. Rey whipped around to face whomever was wielding it, but with only her staff to protect her, she was at a disadvantage.
"Enough," ordered Kylo Ren. He held out one gloved hand and forced her still. Rey briefly wondered if she would have even had a chance against him before he had used the force to quickly immobilize her.
"You did not," he replied, his voice distorted by the synthesizer in his mask.
"Get out of my head!" she screamed. Unable to move she stared straight at him, his face concealed by the familiar mask. Rey did not need to see his face to know his lip had curled up into a smirk, somehow she just knew.
He made no acknowledgment of her demand and continued to speak, "We have important matters to discuss Rey." It was strange to hear him say her name, but refused to dwell on it, she would not give him the satisfaction.
"You will not obtain the map to Luke Skywalker from me," she informed him, surprised at how confident her words sounded despite the circumstances. Rey had expected him to become enraged with her refusal to comply with him. She steeled her body against the incursion that she was sure was to come, but to her astonishment he only laughed.
"Luke Skywalker has since left Ahch-to since your visit with him. Obtaining the map from you now would be a waste of time, would you not agree?"
Rey's mouth fell open, how had he obtained the information regarding the place of Luke Skywalker's seclusion? She watched him tilt his head to one side, she knew he could feel her distress. She was not sure if this was the reason he turned off his lightsaber and put it away. Rey's consideration of the action quickly passed, she had more pressing questions. If not the map, what did Kylo Ren want to discuss with her? She regained her composure and snapped her mouth shut.
"If you wish to speak to me cousin, you will take of your mask,"
Rey watched as he lifted his arms to remove the intimidating black and silver disguise. Without a second though he dropped it to the floor, the sound echoing throughout the wreckage.
"As you wish," his deep voice replied almost tenderly. Kyle's tone vexed her, monsters were not capable of tenderness. Before she could speak, Kylo smirked, "Cousin you say? Is that what that old Jedi fool told you, that I am your cousin? I am sorry to disappoint you Rey, although we may share many things, blood is not one."
"You're lying!" Rey screamed at him. Kylo Ren did not even flinch at her outburst, he had expected it.
"You know I'm not."
Rey did not want to admit it and she had no idea how it was possible, but she knew Kylo Ren was telling her the truth. She could somehow feel it and it frightened her. Kylo spoke again, "You can feel it because we are connected Rey, we have been for a long time."
Don't be afraid, I feel it too.
"I told you to get out of my head!" she screamed even louder than before, once again he ignored her demand. Kylo stared at her as she breathed heavily, it was then she took in his whole face and noticed the long harsh scar marring his face.
"Admiring your handiwork?" Kylo asked. Rey could not explain the wave of guilt that washed over her as she examined the mark. She had no reason to feel this way, she had given him that scar mere moments after he had murdered his father in cold blood. She had done it while she was fighting for her life.
"We both know I had no intention of killing you," he scoffed.
Even if she did know this, Rey ignored his remark and asked him, "Why are you here?"
His eyes twinkled and the corners of his smirk became more prominent. "I have come back for you, just like I promised. I apologize that my return has taken longer than I intended, as you can see I have been quite busy. You were quite young when I had to leave you on this forsaken sand pit, but I can assure you that it was what was best for you at the time."
Rey could not understand what he was telling her. She had to replicate it multiple times in her head before she could comprehend what he was saying. "That's not true. You did not leave me on Jakku, my mother did. Luke Skywalker is my father and you're a liar!"
Her rage temporarily knocked him off balance, but not long enough where she could escape. He came over to her and put his face close to hers, so close she could feel his breath on her ear. The feeling sent shivers down from her neck, down her back. She truly hoped he did not notice the affect he was having on her.
She heard him remove one of the black gloves he wore then felt his calloused fingertips stroke her cheek. It was gentle and comforting, things she had thought him to be incapable of. A rush of calm came over her, finally Kyle spoke to her again, whispering truths she did not want to hear.
"I knew your mother Rey, you remind me of her in many ways. I am remorseful to tell you, she passed a long time ago, before I even took you to Jakku."
Tears silently fell from her eyes, Kylo used the pad of his thumb to wipe some of them away before he continued. "Luke Skywalker may be responsible for your existence, but he is not your father. And while Luke may be responsible for your existence, I am responsible for the woman you have become, down to the way you wear your hair. Simple yet functional, I was fifteen and had no idea how to style a five year old girl's hair. It came out well enough apparently for you to continue to wear it this way after all these years."
Rey listened to what he was telling her as she continued to cry, she did not know what to say. She weakly choked out, "You're lying."
Kylo inhaled a deep breath and whispered in her ear, "You know I'm not."
It was then Rey lost what little composure she had left, her tears no longer fell silently.
He was right, she knew he was not.