Disclaimer: I don't own Ed Edd n Eddy. If I did any of the dud episodes wouldbe corrected.
Payback:
It was a beautiful summer day in the culdesac of Peach Creek, Vermont. Everything was as normal. Kevin riding his bike, Jimmy and Sarah were playing house, Rolf was working on the farm, and Johnny 2x4 was playing in the sandbox. Yes, everything was perfect. That is until the Eds had set up their latest scam.
But unlike most other times, the scam wasn't the cause of the problem. In fact it was a hit! Everyone on the block seemed to be into it, that is except for Kevin. He just showed the same indifference he always did, before attempting to walking. However, when he did he found Eddy's wallet. Which contained his incredibly embarrassing middle name. Skipper.
The moment Eddy learned this he begged Kevin not to tell. The jock sensed this insecurity and decided to brutally exploit the weakness. This included making him give up ALL of the change he had received during the scam, act like a seal, eat a raw fish, pretend he wet himself, dress up like Jimmy, and do something so disturbing I can't even write it. And what did Kevin do after Eddy was completely obedient to him you ask? Tell everyone anyway, while he was doing it forcing him to endure the relentless teasing of the neighborhood kids.
After the group had dissipated Eddy approached his tormentor and in a squeaky and enraged voice "Kevin you jerk, you weren't supposed to tell anyone!"
With a sarcastic grin Kevin mocked "Oops, I guess I forgot. See you later skipper!". The jerk than rode off on his bike with an evil laugh. Eddy growled to himself before stomping off angrily.
But once the only one's in the street were Edd and Ed, Eddy depressingly slumped down and began began banging him head against the pavement until a hole was left behind in the concrete and a trickle of blood came out of his forehead. Once he was finally tired out he simply slumped down in exhaustion.
"There something on your head skipper?" Ed innocently chortled only for Double D to give him a quick smack to the back of his head causing the slow witted boy to wince in pain and whimper.
He turned around to see Double D give one of the fiercest glares he had ever seen him give "Edwin Horace Hill! This is not something to be laughed at, Eddy is going through some serious emotional pain and humiliation right now, and unlike in almost every other episode were we scam people he did nothing to deserve this treatment from our cruel and insensitive peer group who I am currently to disgusted with to even call friends at the moment."
Ed despite not knowing most of what his brainy friend said, he did know that he did definitely did something wrong. Eddy just got up with a depressed look and several self-inflicted facial injuries such as black eyes, jacked up teeth and most notably blood running down his face to his nose.
"It's ok Double D, burrhead was just doing what everyone else seems to do. After all I am just a loser, just like Terry always said. The scams, my brother, and now this. I just can't take this anymore Double D. Now if you excuse me I'm going to be in bed crying my self to sleep." Eddy sadly and pathetically trudged to his rooms door.
Both of his friends looked incredibly distressed at there normally energized, stubborn, and hotheaded friend in such a sorry state. As such Ed turned to Edd and asked "Double D what's wrong with Eddy?"
"Kevin did something really bad and mean to Eddy which caused all the others to laugh at him. So now Eddy is probably going to lock himself up himself in his room for the rest the rest of the summer." Upon hearing the simplified truth about what happened to Eddy, Ed flared up in an uncharacteristic rage, much like what had happened when a pebble ended up stuck in his shoe. But this time there was a clear target for his anger.
"So what are we going to about it Edd?" He asked in a low voice.
This question caused Double D to think about it for a few seconds before he came witn an idea. A wonderful, awful idea! " I say we teach our friend Kevin why it's never wise to poke the sleeping bear… Now here's the plan."
He pulled Ed over and began whispering his plan into his ear. As he continued on Ed had a growing devious smile as opposed to his typical idiotic one. Once he had finished his explanation Ed turned to his partner in crime and said " You are one sneaky bunny Double D!"
"We'll begin tomorrow morning once i've gathered all the supplies necessary. It's payback time for Kevin and he's about to receive a really rude wake up call." Edd proclaimed before he and Ed walked off preparing the revenge plans.
The sunlight on the next day woke Kevin up through his windowsill. He began to do his normal summer routine of washing his clothes, showering, dressing, eating his breakfast, and brushing his teeth while his parents were at work before going outside to show of to the other kids.
But this morning things were going to go a bit differently for our jerk. This was first evidenced when he heard a loud crash coming from his garage. He looked out his window only to see that Jonny 2x4 had stolen his bike again.
"Hey Kevin this bike seat really chafes! Yeehaw!" Jonny yelled out happily with Plank by his side. Kevin was enraged by this and immediately dashed out his front door.
"Hey get back here with my bike you loser!" If he had stuck around a little longer he would have seen Edd and Ed rise from the bushes near his house in full spy attire complete with black sweaters and skull caps and Racoon masks made from black socks.
"It's a good thing we had those boxes of granola bars. Now then, I have my supplies Ed, how about you?" Double D asked as he pulled a leather satchel out of one of the pockets of his spy suit.
"Sure do Double D, all my revenge supplies are right here. You thin it needs 30 more seconds?" Ed revealed a dirty and rank paper sack similar to the one from when Eddy declared war on Kevin with a revolting smell. Though Edd turned green at the bag due to his OCD he swallowed his pride and vomit for the safety of the plan.
"Alright I wrote down a list of things we need to do within the span of about ten minutes before Kevin gets back. The door is wide open my simple minded friend. Now it's payback time!"
After he had pounded Jonny's face in he returned his bike to it's rightful place in his garage and continued washing his clothes.
Once that was out of the way he decided to use the restroom while his shower heated up. But he noticed something once he was done and began trying to flush the toilet. The urine wouldn't go down, but the toilet was still flushing .
He then had a dark realization. Somebody had plastic-wrapped the toilet. He gagged at the revolting idea and quickly dumped the waste into the toilet so as not to get any on his hands, and threw the tainted wrap away.
After he had gotten over that he saw a saw something on the top of the toilet. A symbol with two D's crossed out in red ink. He ignored this for the most part not knowing this symbol would cause him great annoyance throughout that morning.
Kevin entered the shower only to have his second realization of the day "Why is the water brown?". He untwisted the shower head only to find a beef bouillon cube and the same symbol as before drawn on the back.
Now he was getting annoyed. With a scowl on his face he walked to the dryer to pick up his clothes only to see a horrifying sight. A red sock with a single black D painted on had been placed in his laundry turning all his clothes a bright shade of pink.
He reluctantly put on the humiliating duds and walked to the kitchen. Drowsily from the frustration of all these odds pranks he went to grab a box of chunk puffs from his pantry he poured the box only for rocks to come out. He checked the box to see the same D as before. Long since tired of this he let out a frustrated yell before heading upstairs to brush his teeth.
That didn't work out either as DD as he was called by his nickname turned out to have cleaned the toilet with his toothbrush, which luckily for him he noticed before he started brushing.
Sick of the day he was having so far he trudged out the front door only for a can of pink paint to fall on him. Once all the neighborhood kids saw him their responses ranged from mild amusement to laughing out loud. Edd just stood by a near tree with a victorious smirk.
"Awwww Kevin you look adorable, you wanna play Barbie with me and Jimmy?"
"Kevin-boy is dressed like a girly little twinkle puff. He looks like Ms. gurderberkenhaiferschaifen after the strawberry milk run event."
"Hey Kevin got any mascara that Plank can borrow?"
" You do look pretty silly Kev."
" This is even better than Eddy's middle name being skipper!"
If Kevin was blushing it wasn't visible under the hot pink paint, as the kids called,him Twinkle Puff over and over again. Edd's smirk broke when he realized Ed was arriving with Eddy in tow.
"Put me down lumpy! I don't want to get laughed at again!"
"Just observe Eddy. I have a very strong inkling that you'll enjoy this greatly." Eddy nervously peaked out of Ed's jacket where he had been hiding only to see "Twinkle Puff Kevin" a sight which caused him to laugh out loud.
"HaHaHaHaHaHaHaHa! He shovelchin, looking good! The color of loser really suits you ya know!" Eddy taunted his humiliated rival. Once he had heard this Kevin gave an enraged charge with intent to pound.
Seconds before he could though Double D extended his leg out causing him to trip and fall into the mud " Ed sit!". Upon hearing the command Ed sat down on Kevin's head sticking it there until he decided to get up. His predicament got worse as Ed quickly farted a foul smell.
"Sorry Kevin, but Mom has me house broken!"
"Man I'd like to meet the guy who pulled this kind of prank off." It took only a few triumphant looks from his friends to realize who got Kevin in their trap. Once he saw Eddy's shocked expression Ed quickly explained what had happened.
"It was all Double D's idea Eddy, he was really mad at Kevin for what he did to you yesterday so he decided we should do what the Sneaky Snailoids of Planet Shirdle and set up a bunch of booty traps for him!"
"Really sockhead, you did all that to Shovelchin! I didn't know you had it in ya' remind me never to get on your bad side!" At his friends somewhat kind words Edd gave him a warm smile.
"Well Eddy there's a simple fact in the matter. I won't mind if you do it to me but if you hurt one of my friends for your own gain that's when you need to pay!". Later Ed revealed he picked Kevin's pockets while he sat on him, getting back the money from the wax scam. They each got jawbreakers and went to their junkyard van were they listened to 80's music for the rest of the day.
(A/N): Yes I know I said I was on hiatus. But I decided that what I needed to do was occupy my time with writing as whenever I was at school life was fine, but at home I felt like a hole in space. This is something I'very wanted to do ever since One Step Ahead, since that was my least favorite episode of Fosters while this was my least favorite of Ed Edd n Eddy. And unlike "I Only Have Surprise for You" no other AU's were made. So this is the first real alternate ending if Your Ed Here something that's been long over due. No rec this time due to this being a one shot. See you next time.