"Ughhh."
I turn to face Gale. "What?"
"You didn't tell me he would be here." He waves a thumb at the gray SUV in the driveway.
I give him a scowl and reach for the doorbell. "He is Prim's brother-in-law, Gale. And I believe I told you she was hosting both sides of the family tonight."
"I guess I didn't think that through when I agreed to do this." He lets out a huge sigh and scuffs his feet on the stoop. "Why couldn't we just have Christmas Eve with my family like we always do? It's tradition."
For a man in his mid-thirties, Gale Hawthorne can do an uncanny impression of a five-year-old.
I fold my arms across my chest and level him with the sternest expression possible. "We've already gone over this, Gale. Prim has to work at the hospital tomorrow night, so she asked if we could do Christmas Eve instead. I think you can handle a change to your routine this one time."
He mimics my posture and scowls right back. "Yes, I can handle change, Katniss. I just don't see why we have to celebrate with the-"
"Merry Christmas!" Prim holds the door open, her cheerful grin fading as she studies the standoff before her. "Well, um... you guys want to come in? We've got punch! And Peeta brought cookies!"
"Great," Gale grumbles sarcastically as he shuffles past her into the house.
I drop my arms to my sides and sigh. Prim gives me a sympathetic smile before pulling me into a hug. "Fighting again?" she whispers into my ear.
I shrug and squeeze her tightly. "What else is new?"
She throws an arm around my waist and guides me into the house, closing the door behind us. "Aw, he'll get over it soon enough. It's Christmas!" she insists.
"Sure," I agree, pasting a smile on for her sake.
If only she knew. But there's no sense in ruining my sister's holiday with my problems.
It's been seven years since Prim married Rye Mellark, fresh out of undergrad, following a whirlwind romance. Once the twins came along, I spent most holidays and birthdays celebrating with the extended Mellark clan. It only made sense to blend the events, especially after our mother passed away a few years ago, leaving Prim and I with no other immediate family.
But this will be Gale's first event shared with the Mellarks since Prim's wedding reception. I cringe every time I think of that night; a sentimental Gale had taken full advantage of the open bar and declared his love for me. I was floored - I'd honestly never thought of him in that way - and I guess my stunned silence was answer enough for him. He stormed off and we didn't speak for months after. Eventually, we reconciled and resumed our friendship... at least until this spring when a change of circumstances made me reconsider his offer.
Having Gale and the Mellarks together in Prim's small home is a strange clashing of worlds I've been dreading. I'm grateful at least that grumpy Mrs. Mellark moved away a few years ago after the divorce, and that this Christmas, she chose to spend the holiday with the oldest son and his new daughter in Ohio. I don't think I could handle both hotheads under one roof.
"Turkey's good, Prim," Gale offers, taking a big bite.
"Thanks!" Prim says with a smile. "But I can't take credit for that. Peeta came over early to help out, and he took care of the turkey." She squeezes the forearm of the man beside her gratefully.
Gale chokes on his bite and grabs his beer bottle, taking a long drag. "Sorry. It's actually kind of dry," he mumbles, switching to his mashed potatoes.
I grit my teeth and send an apologetic glance across the table to Peeta. He gives me a small smile and a barely perceptible shake of his head. "So, Pop, how was the bakery today? Crazy busy as usual?" he asks, breaking the tense silence.
"Oh, yeah, lots of last minute shoppers today," Mr. Mellark replies. "We must have sold two hundred gingerbread cookies alone. Lots of people getting ready for Santa, I think." He smiles and ruffles six-year-old Sammy's ash blond hair.
"Hmph. Santa never needed store bought cookies in our house," Gale mutters under his breath. I reach out and pinch his leg, garnering a quiet "Ow!" and yet another scowl.
"We went to Unca Peeta's house to make our cookies for Santa!" Sammy shares, his toothless grin lighting up the table. "We had a half day at school yesterday, and he picked us up, and we made sugar cookies AND had hot chocolate!"
"Must be nice not to have to work a full day like the rest of us," Gale comments. He tries to make it sound like a joke, but I can hear the venom behind his words. "Guess that's why folks pay such high taxes on this side of town."
"Gale!" I scold, giving his arm a shove.
"Oh, calm down, Katniss. Mellark here knows I was just kidding. Don't you?" he challenges.
Peeta smiles coolly at Gale before turning his warm gaze in my direction. "It's okay, Katniss. We teachers get used to the jokes after a while. You learn to develop a thick skin. Between the constant needs of the kids and the jabs from the adults, it's certainly not a profession for the weak."
"I know I couldn't do it," Rye interjects. "I get tired from just two of you rugrats! I wouldn't know what to do with 20 more!" He tickles Ben's side, eliciting a fit of giggles from his son.
"Daddy! We aren't rats! We're boys!"
"Oops! My mistake," Rye laughs. "Anyway, I'm glad that you guys were able to hang out with Uncle Peeta yesterday. He makes the second best cookies in the world! Right after mine," he declares with an exaggerated wink. "Now you better eat your veggies, or there won't be any cookies for either one of you!"
Gale mumbles something under his breath about bribing kids with sugar, and I shove a forkful of green beans into my mouth, eager for this to be over.
I enter the kitchen to find a familiar head of curls bent over the sink. His red and black plaid shirt stretches across his shoulders as he washes dishes, his sleeves rolled up past the elbows, revealing his muscular forearms. I swallow tightly as my eyes drift down to his khaki pants, cinched nicely with a belt above his round, full-
"Hey," I say, mentally reminding myself that I'm supposed to be here with Gale. "Need some help?"
Peeta throws a smile over his shoulder before turning back to the pot he's scrubbing. "Almost done. You should get out there and relax."
I lean back against the counter beside him, my eyes glued to the way his muscles flex in the soapy water. "Not much relaxing going on out there. Gale and Rye are reminiscing about high school. Well, Rye is reminiscing. Gale is just throwing in his two cents about each of their classmates. All positive, of course."
Peeta chuckles at my sarcasm. "Oh, I'm sure of it." He bumps my hip with his. "So how have you been? I missed seeing you at Thanksgiving this year."
My cheeks flush. "Yeah. We spent it at the Hawthornes'. A Thanksgiving game of touch football is a big tradition for Gale's family."
"That sounds nice," Peeta remarks. "I wish we had traditions like that in my family. We're all so scattered now."
"Did you spend Thanksgiving with Delly's family?" I ask, trying to keep my voice level.
"Ah, no." He runs the warm water to rinse the pot. "I actually spent the day here, then traveled to Ohio to see the baby."
"Oh. I thought she'd be here tonight. Are you doing Christmas with her family tomorrow?"
"No." He moves the pot to the drying rack and leans back against the sink, wiping his hands on a dish towel with a sigh. "We… broke up."
"What?!" My voice cracks and I try to tone down my level of surprise. "But… why? We all thought you guys were gonna get married!"
I still remember helping Prim prepare for the twins' birthday party in March. Ruth Mellark had announced to everyone setting up that Peeta would be bringing Delly, his on-again/off-again girlfriend of the past few years, to the event. "There's talk of wedding bells in the future for the two of them!" she proclaimed, giving me a sideways glance. "They're SO happy!"
"You were SO happy," I add, her voice echoing in my mind.
Peeta shakes his head. "That's the thing. We weren't. My mom, her parents, they all wanted us to be, but underneath it all, we were better off as friends. We kept trying to make it work, but in the end, there just wasn't any… fire. No passion."
He turns to face me, leaning one hip against the countertop, and his familiar musk – the same one he's worn since we were teenagers – fills my senses. "It wasn't fair to keep playing around, so we decided to end it. We're too old for those kinds of games. You know?" His voice is low, husky. I can feel it in my gut.
"I guess so," I agree quietly.
He studies me for a moment, reaching up slowly toward my neck. My breath catches and I swear my heart stops as he lightly touches the earrings dangling from my ears. "These are cute," he murmurs. His fingers barely graze my neck, but it still sends a spark of heat through my body.
"They're silly," I reply softly. Why am I whispering? "Prim wanted me to wear something festive, and, you know, it's not really my thing." He nods. He does know. After all these years, he knows me so well. "Anyway, she gave me these a couple of years ago, so that was my one concession to the holiday. They're mistletoe," I explain needlessly.
"I recognized," he says with a small smile. "Brings back memories."
Images of last year's New Year's Eve celebration run through my mind. A few too many glasses of champagne. The mistletoe overhead. His big hands cupping my cheeks. My fingers tangled in his curls. His lips exploring mine gently, then fervently. A fire burning in my belly...
And me - running. Ignoring his texts and phone calls. Not speaking to him again until the twins' birthday party, when it seemed like it was too late.
"So… you and Gale?"
My heart races as I'm pulled from my thoughts. "Yeah. I don't know… at the time… with everything… I just figured, maybe it was time to give it a shot."
He raises his eyebrows. "So he was worth the shot, huh?"
I nod, uncomfortable with the implication that somehow Peeta wasn't worth taking a chance. I want to tell him it's not true. I was just afraid, terrified by how much he made me feel. I needed time to process my emotions, and by the time I was ready to talk to him, he'd moved on -
"Auntie Katniss!"
"Uncle Peeta!"
Twin voices call for us from the kitchen door. "It's PRESENTS time!" they shout in unison. The boys scramble to our sides, each grabbing one of our hands and tugging insistently toward the living room.
"Guess we better head back in," Peeta chuckles as Sammy pulls him away. I follow them in, overwhelmed by a strange mix of relief and regret that the moment had passed before I could explain the truth.
Gift giving goes by relatively smoothly. The boys tear through dozens of presents, and Gale keeps his muttered comments about 'spoiling them rotten' to a minimum.
The boys especially love their gifts from Peeta and I, which coincidentally seem like a matched set. I had bought them big art kits filled with paints, markers and chalk. Peeta had gotten them each their own easel, sturdy wooden structures with giant rolls of paper at the top.
"You'd have thought we planned it," Peeta says, giving me a kind smile.
"Didn't you?" asks Prim. "They go perfectly together."
"No," I say, watching Peeta as he plays with the boys. "We never talked about it."
"Well, great minds think alike," Rye proclaims.
Gale just grunts beside me.
Prim waves to us from the door as Gale guides the car away from the curb. I smile until we're out of sight, then let my head fall back against the headrest with a sigh.
"Thanks for doing that tonight," I say quietly, reaching for Gale's hand across the console. I give it a slight squeeze. "I know it wasn't easy."
He shakes his head and turns to look at me when we pull to the stop sign at the end of Prim's street. "It's what we agreed, right? Get through Christmas before we announce the breakup. One last time for the cameras."
I cock my head, trying to decide if he's upset with me or just tired from the evening. "I'm sorry, I just didn't want to make it all about us, and ruin the holiday for Prim and the boys -"
He squeezes my hand, his eyes drifting back as he resumes driving. "I understand, Katniss. I just –" He throws a nervous glance at me before focusing on the road. "I feel like I need to warn you… My mother knows."
"What?! Gale –"
"I'm sorry, okay! I'm just not as good at hiding my feelings as you are."
That was a low blow. I rip my hand from his and slump down in my seat. I stare out the passenger window willing myself not to do something stupid like cry.
"I'm sorry," he whispers. "I don't know why I said that. I didn't mean to hurt you."
I rub my forehead and turn back to look at him. "We're always hurting each other lately. That's why we made this decision in the first place."
He nods but doesn't turn back to face me. "Anyway, she called this morning and asked how things were going, and if we were still coming tomorrow and, well. I caved and told her everything." I let out a sigh. "If it's any consolation, she promised she wouldn't tell anyone else yet."
"Thank you." Gale's siblings have been rooting for us, especially his sister Posy, who has been attached to me since she was born. I know it will be hard for them to hear that things didn't work out.
We stop at a red light and he turns to look at me once more. "You know, you don't have to come with me tomorrow if you don't want to."
"No, Gale..." I've known the Hawthornes for decades, since we were children and our parents were best friends. Losing them, just because we aren't dating anymore, is unthinkable. "I love your family like they're my own. I want to go."
"Okay." He gives me a small smile, accelerating cautiously when the light turns green. We ride the rest of the way to my apartment in comfortable silence.
Gale pulls to the curb in front of my building, putting the car in park but leaving it running. We both know there's no reason for him to walk me up tonight. I reach for the handle but he stops me with a touch to my arm. "I know I was a little bit of a jerk tonight…" I arch an eyebrow but say nothing, and he laughs good-naturedly. "Okay, I was a big jerk. I just get so jealous when I'm around him. But I wanted to tell you, I think you should go for it."
My brow furrows. "Go for what?"
It's his turn to raise an eyebrow at me this time. "Seriously, Katniss? I'm not blind. I see the way he looks at you. The way he's always looked at you. And I know for a fact that you never light up around me the way you do with him. Like the sun shines out of his ass or something."
My cheeks are flaming, and suddenly the hangnail on my thumb is of critical importance.
"I overheard Prim and Rye saying he's single again. And I just wanted to tell you that … I think you'd be good together. You deserve to be happy, Catnip."
The sound of his childhood nickname for me brings a smile to my face. "You deserve to be happy, too, Gale." I lean over and give him a kiss on the cheek. A kiss we both know means goodbye.
I ring the doorbell, dancing a little on the stoop to keep warm. The door opens to a familiar blond – but not the one I was expecting.
"Peeta?"
"Katniss, come in. It's freezing out there." He holds the door open and ushers me in, closing it quickly behind me.
"I didn't know you were going to be here."
"Happy new year!" Prim comes out from the kitchen carrying two glasses of wine. She hands one to Peeta and trades me my coat for the other one. "Sorry, there was a bit of a mix-up. Rye didn't realize I had invited you to come to dinner, and he ended up inviting Peeta. I hope you don't mind…"
"No. I don't mind at all," I answer quickly.
"No complaints here," Peeta says with an easy smile.
"Great," Prim replies, a twinkle in her eye. "Peeta, would you mind giving Rye a hand in there?" she asks, angling her head toward the kitchen. "The boys wanted to help tonight, and you know how well that usually goes…"
"Say no more," Peeta laughs. "I'll man the fire extinguisher."
My sister leads me to the couch and grabs her glass of wine from the end table. "So," she asks, a sympathetic look on her face. "How are you doing?"
I laugh and roll my eyes. "Prim, for the last time, I'm fine! I already told you that three days ago. It was a mutual breakup, we're still friends, and I really am over it!"
She studies me for a moment, then pulls me into an awkward one-armed hug while trying not to spill her wine. "Sorry, I'm your sister! I have to make sure you're okay."
"I really am," I insist as she finally releases me. "It was time for a change."
She glances toward the kitchen, where the warm sound of two sets of brothers laughing and talking drift out toward us. "Change can be good," she says with a mysterious smile.
"So how was your Christmas?" Peeta asks, plopping down beside me on the small loveseat. Prim and Rye have taken the boys up for their bedtime routine, leaving us alone in the quiet living room. He's inches away, our legs brushing periodically as he bounces his knees. "How's Gale's family?"
"They're all good. It was nice seeing them."
He nods. "That's good."
His head continues to nod in time with his bouncing knees. Finally, I place a hand on his thigh, and he stills. "Are you okay, Peeta?"
"Sorry. Guess I'm a little jittery tonight." He scrubs his hands against his corduroys and turns to face me. "I have to be honest with you, Katniss. Rye told me. About you and Gale."
"Oh." I swallow hard, not sure where this is going.
"It's kind of... why I asked if I could come to dinner tonight."
"You asked to come? But Prim said-"
He grins sheepishly. "They were trying to cover for me."
"I don't understand."
"Katniss… I have something to tell you." Peeta reaches his hands out to me, an eyebrow raised in question until I place my palms on his. His calloused thumbs rub gently across the sensitive skin on the backs of my hands. "I…" My stomach flips as I wait for him to continue. "I made a New Year's resolution."
"Huh?" I ask, scowling with confusion.
"Well, I made a few of them, actually." He clears his throat, squeezing my hands a little bit. I can feel his palms getting sweatier.
He slides a little closer to me on the couch, our legs touching from thigh to knee. "I resolve to be more honest. No more hiding my feelings. No more lying."
"What do you mean?" I ask, my voice cracking slightly. "You're one of the most honest people I know." He gives me a small smile but offers no explanation before moving in even closer. I'm lost in the heady scent of his cologne.
"I resolve to be bold," he continues. "I will take more risks, and I will not let fear stand in the way of my happiness."
"Bold is good," I reply shakily, watching as his head dips closer to mine. The room is dim save the Christmas tree in the corner, and I can't help but study how his long eyelashes tangle together in the glow of the white lights.
"And most importantly," he adds, his voice husky and low, "I resolve to not let another year pass… without telling you how much… I… adore you." His last words come out in a breath, the bravado seeping out of him like air.
"What?" I whisper.
"Katniss," he murmurs, his eyes dropping to his lap where our hands are joined. "You are the most amazing creature. Beautiful, and strong, and smart, and funny…. From the time we were five years old, in Mrs. Marvel's Kindergarten class, there's been no one else for me."
"But… but… Delly?"
"Is a good friend. But she's not you."
A sound escapes my throat, something between a squeak and a question. He must take that as a sign to continue.
"The day my brother married your sister was both the best and worst day of my life. We were going to be bound together, like family, for the rest of our lives. You looked so damn beautiful in that dress…" He shakes his head and sighs. "I was finally going to tell you how I felt. But then, Gale beat me to the punch."
"But we didn't-"
"I know that now," he interrupts. "But I didn't know that then. I thought… I thought I'd lost my chance forever. I asked Delly out the next day. Then I spent the next seven years trying to fix my mistakes."
"Oh," I reply. There have been so many missteps these past few years. On both of our parts.
His hands move up toward my neck, reaching through my hair and grazing my skin as soft as butterfly wings. My eyes flutter shut at his touch, evoking a low groan from Peeta. "You wore these again. Why?" His fingertips touch the tiny green earrings. "For Prim?"
I open my eyes, studying his puzzled blues. "No. I never wore them for Prim. I wore them for you," I reply. "And for me. To remember that night."
"How could I ever forget?" he murmurs.
His eyes move to my lips and I lick them instinctively. His gaze travels back up and across my face, asking permission. Rather than answer, I close the distance between us, capturing his warm, full lips between my own.
At first, he doesn't respond, his eyes wide and stunned before me. But with the slightest moan, he catches up and begins to kiss me back. His hands move more boldly to my neck, cupping my jaw and guiding me closer, turning to taste the corner of my mouth, the soft skin of my ear, the curve of my neck. My eyes close again, my mind memorizing this moment that feels so familiar yet so new.
We slowly separate, leaning back to study one another again. But he doesn't let go, his fingers knotting through my hair, holding me carefully, like a precious gift. I'm sure he's afraid I might run again, but there's nowhere else I'd rather be than right here with him, like this.
"So what do you think?" he asks.
"Hmm?" I utter, my mind cloudy with thoughts of his lips.
"Of my resolutions. Do you think I'll be able to keep them?"
"Mmm," I answer with a nod. "I think I'll be able to keep mine, too."
"What's yours?" he asks.
"To do more of this," I answer, pulling him in for another gentle kiss. "Happy new year, Peeta," I whisper as I pull away again.
"I think it will be," he answers with a smile.
A/N: Thank you so much to my support system on Tumblr, especially deinde-prandium, lvfics and knittingkatniss for your beta help, and kleeklutch for helping me brainstorm summaries. :)
Happy holidays, everyone!
