NOTE: I do not own the show, or any parts of it. Season 8 has already finished and there is nothing I can do about it. So, I am going to rewrite the disaster that ended the series.
Shoot to Thrill
(Jackie and Hyde are standing in the motel room where Hyde has just found her cheating on him with Kelso end of season 7 remember, Hyde had just stolen Kelso's towel and was very pissed at Jackie...)
Hyde:What the hell, Jackie!
Jackie:Steven, I...
Hyde:Don't make excuses. I hadn't given you an answer yet, so you ran off and cheated with Kelso?
Jackie:It's not like that Steven!
Hyde:(sarcastically) Oh, well I guess it's okay then.
Jackie:I thought it was over between us, so I left early. And then Michael showed up, and one thing led to another, and...
Hyde:You expect me to believe that load of crap?
Jackie:Yes, Steven, because it's the truth!
Hyde:Have fun with Kelso. (Kelso's head pokes through the door)
Kelso:(his eyes light up) Really?
Hyde:Whatever. (starts to leave)
Jackie:Steven, wait! (silence)
Kelso:Hey, uhh, Hyde? Can I have my towel back?
opening credits/commercial
(Scene opens to the Forman kitchen, where Red and Kitty sit at the kitchen table. Red is reading the newspaper and Kitty sits crying with a box of tissues in front of her)
Kitty:Well, I hope you're happy Red Forman. My baby has left us for Africa. There are diseases there, and you know that he can't swallow a pill!
Red:Actually Kitty, I am happy. It's about time the boy left. Besides, I was out of my parents' house by the time I was 18, and I was going to fight a damn war in Korea. This could actually make Eric a man. And just think: now that he's gone, we have the whole upstairs to ourselves!
Kitty:Hahaha! (they run upstairs)
scene cuts and goes to the basement
(Hyde sits in his chair, Fez sits about a foot away from the television, and Donna, Jackie and Kelso all sit on the couch. It's dead silent.)
Fez:There is nothing on television. If you need me, I will be reading Eric's magazines and drinking Hyde's beer. Good day.
Hyde:Fez, I need that beer.
Fez:I said 'Good day'.
Kelso:There is nothing on T.V. Oh! Wouldn't it be awesome if there was a show where this really pretty guy did it with hot girls?
(Scene fades and goes to a fantasy. Hyde is sitting by himself in the basement and turns on the T.V. The show starts with a disco number and Kelso is sitting behind a lemonade stand with the word 'lemonade' crossed out and replaced with the word 'IT'. Kelso is making out with Jackie. Behind them is a huge line of hot girls waiting for their turn.)
Kelso:(smiling and laughing) Yeah, me and Jackie would be on that show all the time.
Hyde:(lunges at Kelso and pushes him off the couch; starts punching him)
Kelso:Ow, Hyde! That's my eye!
Donna:(raises her eyebrows) No kidding, Kelso.
Hyde:Maybe that'll teach you not to mess around with Jackie.
Kelso:Probably not.
Hyde:(punches him again and storms out of the room)
Kelso:My eye! (runs out of the room and slams the door)
Jackie:Why is Steven actin glike this? It's not like he never cheated on me.
Donna:Well, Jackie, maybe it's because he trusted you.
Jackie:Why would he trust me? I lie.
Donna:Why do you think he went to Chicago in the first place?
Jackie:(is quiet for a second) Oh my gosh! Steven was going to propose!
Donna:Well not now that you've cheated on him.
Jackie:What do you know, Bigfoot? (runs off to find Hyde)
commercial
(scene opens and Hyde is sitting in the kitchen with Red and Kitty)
Hyde:Mrs. Forman? Were you ever going to do something, but then not because of something else that happened?
Kitty:Oh, Steven. Of course I have. Everybody has.
Hyde:Could you, maybe give and example?
Red:Now, why the hell would you ask that question?
Hyde:I dunno.
Red:Well you'd better decide soon, or you're going to end up as chief dumbass.
Kitty:Red. I thought that since now my baby is gone, you would stop calling people that name, but apparently not.
Red:Kitty, Eric wasn't the only dumbass in this town.
Hyde:Did you meet any in Korea?
Red:Of course I did. They were everywhere. Not anymore though. (laughs)
Kitty:(forcefully laughs and walks out of the room)
Hyde:Well that gave me answers. (walks out the back door)
scene cuts and goes to the basement
(Hyde is sitting alone in the basement reading a comic book)
Jackie:(walks in) Hey Steven.
Hyde:(not looking up from the comic book) Go away.
Jackie:Steven, I'm really sorry.
Hyde:(still not looking up) Great.
Jackie:Steven, what happened before, it shouldn't have happened.
Hyde:(looking up) Then why did it?
Jackie:Steven, I love you. And, I want to get married, and now I know that you are the one for me. The only one.
Hyde:Yeah, well –
Jackie:(cuts him off and kisses him; they break apart)
Hyde:Fine.
Jackie:What?
Hyde:We'll get married.
Jackie:Oh my gosh! Steven! You just said we could get married! Don't you dare deny it! I know you did!
Hyde:If you bug me, it won't happen. I love you Jackie. (they start making out; Kelso and Donna walk in)
Donna:Hyde, what the hell! (Jackie and Hyde break apart again)
Jackie:Donna! I'm getting married!
Kelso:To who?
Jackie:To Steven!
Kelso:Ugh! (storms out of the room)
Hyde:Yeah, I figure, the sooner I get my life over with, the sooner I die. May as well.
Donna:Huh.
Hyde:I think we need to celebrate a bit.
cut to circle
Hyde:What a great celebration.
Jackie:Does this mean that we do this everyday?
Hyde:(his mouth is open) I'm liking this marriage more and more.
Donna:More and more. I'm liking this chocolate bar more and more. I think I could jsut eat more and more chocolate bars!
Jackie:Don't eat that Donna. If you're going to be in my wedding, you will need to look pretty. Oh but not as pretty as me. I'm getting married!
commercial
(credits open in the Forman living room with Fez eating candy and reading porn magazines)
Fez:I wish those was real. Then I could touch them. I love boobs. And candy. And sex. I wish I was getting some. (looks to the sky) Why can't I get any?
Red:(walks in) I would have thought that when Eric left, the rest of these idiots would to. But no, they won't leave. Just like in Korea.
end of show