A/N: Written for the 100_tales challenge at lj, #078 – trust.
it's the friends that made him different
.
.
He didn't want to admit to being anything like Slade. He rejected the idea fiercely when anyone said it – but he couldn't deny that there was some reason everyone kept on drawing that comparison.
And by everyone, he meant friends and enemies combined.
Even Slade himself saw something. Something that began this obsession. Or his side of it.
Robin's side had originally been fuelled with righteous anger. At some point it became more personal. Before the recordings addressed to him. Back when all the encounters with the small-fry seemed to have been designed with him in mind. And designed to make the rest of the gang look like extra baggage.
Of course, they managed to work around that. Generally. Largely because Slade would always leave a hole somewhere where Robin's part in the team strategy was, allowing him to blast through. It became obvious after the first few time. The criminal mind had an obsession with him and he wanted to know why.
And his obsession began like that. He closed himself off more and more, searching for the answer. But he found nothing. Just more teasing hints that glared at him through masks and monitors.
There had to be something. A hint he'd missed. A way to find out more.
And then it occurred to him just how he could find out more.
What he missed was the line he'd just toed over.
.
It was a plan that had failed miserably. Slade had seen right through him. He was the only one to see right through him…though he wasn't not exactly sure how Starfire found out before that last battle.
It should have been a perfect plan, but everything that could've gone wrong did – except one of his friends getting hurt by accident or him having to be the one to pull the trigger.
Granted, Beast Boy did almost get run over by that train…
Maybe that was it. But if that was what made the plan go bust, then so be it. He'd sooner have all his friends in one piece than the alternative.
Even if none of them were speaking to him right then.
But somehow, he didn't think that was what it was.
Slade sounded like he'd known from the beginning, when Red-X had first made the scene.
Like he'd seen that plan coming from miles away.
.
Someone knocked on his door. Then opened it and came in.
Starfire.
'Are you here to yell at me too?' he asked flatly.
In truth, his heart had leapt. Even though he deserved the exile now, it was a painful punishment. How he'd missed it in his self-appointed stint, he had no idea.
But somehow, Starfire's quiet disappointment was worse than the yelling.
He'd even take Cyborg breaking a few bones again. Or Beast's jaws.
.
The problem was that Slade was still out there, and they were no closer to taking him down than before this mess started. In fact, they were probably worse off, now that there was a giant fissure through their group.
Their teamwork was suffering badly. And it was all because of him. But he couldn't just deal with things alone again. That'd been his mistake. Starfire had been right. So had the others, in a more roundabout way. Even Slade, in a sense. Working alone, using everyone else but not trusting them – that was exactly what Slade did.
And Robin had been lying to himself when he said it had nothing to do with trust. He knew Slade purposely left holes only he could wiggle through. He knew it, but he'd forgotten so easily. He said to himself it'd be easier if he was working alone, if he didn't tell the others so their fighting could be authentic – but their words bumped corners in his brain and told him that no, that wasn't true at all. He'd seen how they'd stood no chance against the precautions taken against them, and thought them more a hindrance than a help.
He tried to think of another way, utilising all of them, but he couldn't do it.
He hoped it was because Slade was just too slick and not him thinking they'd be in the way again.
.
He couldn't take it anymore, finally. He was tempted to ask Cyborg, but went to Beast instead. He'd find a bit more sympathy with Beast Boy. Or a quicker death. Cyborg would just beat him within an inch of his life and then drag him along the path to life.
He sighed. When had he become so macabre anyway?
Beast caught the sigh. 'Are you still beating yourself up?' he asked.
Well, what else could he do?
Though it looked like Beast Boy wasn't going to be biting him anytime soon.
.
It broke, eventually. The flimsy pretence of teamwork they'd been holding on to. Replaced by the real one. And he was glad, so glad –
Though did it have to take one of them almost dying to manage it?
'Stop blaming yourself, Robin.'
It was Starfire again. She never came into anyone's room without knocking. He must have missed that somehow.
'You almost died,' he said. It was the same flat tone he'd been nursing since…how long had it even been, since Slade had crawled underneath his skin and stayed there.
'But I did not.' And she smiled: slowly, tenderly. 'You saved me. You all saved me.'
She sounded happy. Like she didn't mind almost dying at all, since it made them work like the team they'd always been.
'I should have trusted you all,' said Robin, 'I'm sorry.' He turned towards her –
And blinked, because they were all standing there, in his doorframe.
'Why?' asked Raven, in her usual quiet tone. 'Why is beating Slade so important to you?'
He looked away, ashamed. It was a silly, childish reason now, but it had cost so much and almost cost so much more. 'I'm not like Slade. But…sometimes…'
'Sometimes you're too close for comfort,' Cyborg surmised.
He nodded.
They looked at him. Cyborg, Beast Boy, Raven, and Starfire.
'You have us,' one of them said finally. He wasn't sure which. His eyes were blurring by that point. Blurring with tears.
His friends made him very different from Slade. He'd known that too. But…
'Don't forget this time.'
He smiled weakly. They'd yelled at him. Knocked sense into him. Forgiven him. 'I won't.'