Author: LegolasLover
Title: What Happens When Frodo Swallows The One Ring
Rating: PG
Feedback: Yes please! i_must_be_good@somethingorother.com
Distribution: Yeah, take it. as long as you give me the credit.
Disclaimer: Tolkien is an author of the highest order. I am not. Tolkien owns Lord of the Rings. I do not. Tolkien is dead. I am not. Therefore, I am not Tolkien. Neither are you.
Summary: The title kinda gives it all away, doesn't it? Oh, and this story is almost total rubbish and stupidity. I am not poking fun at Tolkien's characters... well, except maybe Frodo......
Notes: Set somewhere in Middle Earth, not sure where. All the Fellowship are still together, but Frodo and Sam are alone at the start of the story, because the others have gone off to search for firewood, food and water. Please review, even if you hate it. I wanna know what you think.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
*1*
"Mister Frodo!" Sam called. "Where are you?"
"I'm over here you moron! I'm being attacked!!!" Frodo replied.
Sam began to run in endless circles. "What-do-I-do, What-do-I-do, What-do-I- do?!?!?!?!?!?!?"
"Come and save me you freaking idiot!" Frodo screamed. Sam came to his senses and looked around for a weapon. He could not see much, save for a bag of cooking utensils lying on a nearby rock. He gabbed it, and stumbled over some larger rocks to Frodo's aid.
"EEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPP!" Frodo shrieked. Sam noticed that Frodo had a very girly scream. "Help me Samwise, you twot! It's trying to kill me!"
Sam reached into the bag of utensils and closed his hand around a long, cold object.
"I'm coming! Don't you worry Mister Frodo!" Sam whipped out the long, cold object; a frozen sausage. "Where is it Mister Frodo Sir?"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH! Right there! It's a savage monster!!! HELP MEEEEEEEE!!!!"
Looking around, Sam spotted the offending "monster".
"Mister Frodo, it ain't naught but a rabbit!" Sam sighed. "But I suppose I did promise Gandalf I would look after you. You'd better watch out Mister Rabbit! For I wield the Lethal Sausage of Doom. The most deadly piece of processed meat in all of Middle Earth!"
With that, Sam ran over to Frodo waving said "Lethal Sausage of Doom" above his head. Unfortunately, the sausage slipped from his hand and fell to the ground. Sam tripped over the frozen meat, and fell upon an extremely startled Frodo. Sam scrambled off his friend and reached for the sausage, which he proceeded to throw at the rabbit. It hit the creature square in the head and rolled away down the rocky hill.
The rabbit stopped dead. It stood up on its rear legs and tapped its large foot on the ground three times. All was quiet for a moment. Then, the hobbits heard what sounded very much like hundreds of small animals stampeding over the hill towards them. They hurried to their feet and glanced around. Sure enough, they saw hundreds of small animals stampeding over the hill towards them. Sam and Frodo could only assume that they were rabbits, which, of course, they were.
When the giant herd of rabbits reached the top of the hill, they stopped behind the one which Sam had thrown the sausage at, and stared at the hobbits evilly. The leader stamped its foot on the ground, and, suddenly, all the other rabbits charged at the poor hobbits.
"Owie, owie, owie!!!" screamed Frodo as a little black rabbit bit him on the nose. Sam was batting at the rabbits with his hands, but, as they seemed to enjoy eating his fingers, it wasn't the best form of defence.
The leader, meanwhile, was sitting upon a rock surveying the situation, when it noticed the shiny gold ring hanging from Frodo's neck. It leaped at the hobbit, knocking some of the other rabbits aside.
"Look out mister Frodo!!" Sam yelled. "That rabbit is trying to take the ring! Quickly, hide it!!!"
Frodo screamed as the rabbit flew toward him. He grabbed the ring and pulled it off the chain from which it hung. He was planning to put the ring on, but the rabbit knocked it from his hand... straight into his mouth. Frodo jerked in surprise, and unintentionally swallowed the ring. He rolled over, coughing and gagging. But it was too late. The ring had begun its journey through his body.
The rabbits seemed to become more aggravated at seeing this, and proceeded to drag Frodo(kicking and screaming) and Sam, down the hill by their ears. They were only halfway down, however, when Aragorn came into view. In his hand was a large pitcher of water. He spotted Frodo and Sam amongst the mass of rabbits and ran up the hill to help them. He placed the pitcher on the ground, and stepped towards the rabbits, who were standing still, but keeping a firm grip on the hobbit's ears.
"Sam, I think Aragorn has come to save us from these crazy rodents," Frodo said hopefully.
"I think so too Mister Frodo," Sam said. "But what did you do with the ring?"
"I... uh, I'll tell you later," Frodo replied. "After we're free from the rabbits."
Sam nodded, but with some difficulty, as the rabbits grip on his ears was rather strong. Aragorn took another step towards the rabbits and bent over slightly lifting his hands to his face.
"GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!" he growled.
The rabbits twitched their noses at him and pricked up their ears, but did not move. Aragorn tried again.
"GRRRAAAAAAAWWWWWWWRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!"
Suddenly, the rabbits let go of the hobbits and ran. Aragorn congratulated himself on saving the hobbits. Of course, he didn't notice Legolas and Gimli standing behind him, bow and axe at the ready. He didn't notice that is, until Legolas fired a shot from his bow. Two arrows flew through the air and hit two large rabbits in their rears, causing them to drop to the ground. Then Legolas ran to fetch the dead rodents from where they lay.
Aragorn frowned. Gimli walked forwards and patted Aragorn's arm.
"You can't win 'em all can ya laddie!" he said brightly. Aragorn scowled at the dwarf. Legolas returned carrying the two rabbits, one in each hand.
"This will make a fine addition to tonight's dinner," he said.
"Yes indeed," Aragorn muttered. Although Aragorn spoke politely to the elf, his feelings were a lot different on the inside...
'Stupid show-off of an elf! Why must he continuously steal my lime-light? And why is he prettier than me? I was supposed to be the prettiest one in the Fellowship. But stupid Lord Elrond insisted we take a stupid prissy elf on this stupid boring quest. Anyway, what does the elf have that I don't? Apart from pretty hair, awesome eyesight, fantastic hearing, great skill with bow and arrows, perfect cheekbones and a good body, what does he have to offer the Fellowship? I am the rightful King of Gondor! I should be obeyed and bowed down to by all. Not humiliated in front of the dumb, lazy hobbits by a stupid elf!' Aragorn thought to himself.
"Thankyou friend Legolas! Thankyou friend Gimli!" Sam said, relieved to be free of the rabbits at last.
The group stood in silence for a few moments, until they heard the nearby voices of Merry and Pippin, along with the heavy footsteps of Boromir and Gandalf.
They reached the others, arms laden with berries, apples, herbs, fish and other delicious food.
"My friends," Boromir said. "We shall eat well tonight!"
Title: What Happens When Frodo Swallows The One Ring
Rating: PG
Feedback: Yes please! i_must_be_good@somethingorother.com
Distribution: Yeah, take it. as long as you give me the credit.
Disclaimer: Tolkien is an author of the highest order. I am not. Tolkien owns Lord of the Rings. I do not. Tolkien is dead. I am not. Therefore, I am not Tolkien. Neither are you.
Summary: The title kinda gives it all away, doesn't it? Oh, and this story is almost total rubbish and stupidity. I am not poking fun at Tolkien's characters... well, except maybe Frodo......
Notes: Set somewhere in Middle Earth, not sure where. All the Fellowship are still together, but Frodo and Sam are alone at the start of the story, because the others have gone off to search for firewood, food and water. Please review, even if you hate it. I wanna know what you think.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
*1*
"Mister Frodo!" Sam called. "Where are you?"
"I'm over here you moron! I'm being attacked!!!" Frodo replied.
Sam began to run in endless circles. "What-do-I-do, What-do-I-do, What-do-I- do?!?!?!?!?!?!?"
"Come and save me you freaking idiot!" Frodo screamed. Sam came to his senses and looked around for a weapon. He could not see much, save for a bag of cooking utensils lying on a nearby rock. He gabbed it, and stumbled over some larger rocks to Frodo's aid.
"EEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPP!" Frodo shrieked. Sam noticed that Frodo had a very girly scream. "Help me Samwise, you twot! It's trying to kill me!"
Sam reached into the bag of utensils and closed his hand around a long, cold object.
"I'm coming! Don't you worry Mister Frodo!" Sam whipped out the long, cold object; a frozen sausage. "Where is it Mister Frodo Sir?"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH! Right there! It's a savage monster!!! HELP MEEEEEEEE!!!!"
Looking around, Sam spotted the offending "monster".
"Mister Frodo, it ain't naught but a rabbit!" Sam sighed. "But I suppose I did promise Gandalf I would look after you. You'd better watch out Mister Rabbit! For I wield the Lethal Sausage of Doom. The most deadly piece of processed meat in all of Middle Earth!"
With that, Sam ran over to Frodo waving said "Lethal Sausage of Doom" above his head. Unfortunately, the sausage slipped from his hand and fell to the ground. Sam tripped over the frozen meat, and fell upon an extremely startled Frodo. Sam scrambled off his friend and reached for the sausage, which he proceeded to throw at the rabbit. It hit the creature square in the head and rolled away down the rocky hill.
The rabbit stopped dead. It stood up on its rear legs and tapped its large foot on the ground three times. All was quiet for a moment. Then, the hobbits heard what sounded very much like hundreds of small animals stampeding over the hill towards them. They hurried to their feet and glanced around. Sure enough, they saw hundreds of small animals stampeding over the hill towards them. Sam and Frodo could only assume that they were rabbits, which, of course, they were.
When the giant herd of rabbits reached the top of the hill, they stopped behind the one which Sam had thrown the sausage at, and stared at the hobbits evilly. The leader stamped its foot on the ground, and, suddenly, all the other rabbits charged at the poor hobbits.
"Owie, owie, owie!!!" screamed Frodo as a little black rabbit bit him on the nose. Sam was batting at the rabbits with his hands, but, as they seemed to enjoy eating his fingers, it wasn't the best form of defence.
The leader, meanwhile, was sitting upon a rock surveying the situation, when it noticed the shiny gold ring hanging from Frodo's neck. It leaped at the hobbit, knocking some of the other rabbits aside.
"Look out mister Frodo!!" Sam yelled. "That rabbit is trying to take the ring! Quickly, hide it!!!"
Frodo screamed as the rabbit flew toward him. He grabbed the ring and pulled it off the chain from which it hung. He was planning to put the ring on, but the rabbit knocked it from his hand... straight into his mouth. Frodo jerked in surprise, and unintentionally swallowed the ring. He rolled over, coughing and gagging. But it was too late. The ring had begun its journey through his body.
The rabbits seemed to become more aggravated at seeing this, and proceeded to drag Frodo(kicking and screaming) and Sam, down the hill by their ears. They were only halfway down, however, when Aragorn came into view. In his hand was a large pitcher of water. He spotted Frodo and Sam amongst the mass of rabbits and ran up the hill to help them. He placed the pitcher on the ground, and stepped towards the rabbits, who were standing still, but keeping a firm grip on the hobbit's ears.
"Sam, I think Aragorn has come to save us from these crazy rodents," Frodo said hopefully.
"I think so too Mister Frodo," Sam said. "But what did you do with the ring?"
"I... uh, I'll tell you later," Frodo replied. "After we're free from the rabbits."
Sam nodded, but with some difficulty, as the rabbits grip on his ears was rather strong. Aragorn took another step towards the rabbits and bent over slightly lifting his hands to his face.
"GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!" he growled.
The rabbits twitched their noses at him and pricked up their ears, but did not move. Aragorn tried again.
"GRRRAAAAAAAWWWWWWWRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!"
Suddenly, the rabbits let go of the hobbits and ran. Aragorn congratulated himself on saving the hobbits. Of course, he didn't notice Legolas and Gimli standing behind him, bow and axe at the ready. He didn't notice that is, until Legolas fired a shot from his bow. Two arrows flew through the air and hit two large rabbits in their rears, causing them to drop to the ground. Then Legolas ran to fetch the dead rodents from where they lay.
Aragorn frowned. Gimli walked forwards and patted Aragorn's arm.
"You can't win 'em all can ya laddie!" he said brightly. Aragorn scowled at the dwarf. Legolas returned carrying the two rabbits, one in each hand.
"This will make a fine addition to tonight's dinner," he said.
"Yes indeed," Aragorn muttered. Although Aragorn spoke politely to the elf, his feelings were a lot different on the inside...
'Stupid show-off of an elf! Why must he continuously steal my lime-light? And why is he prettier than me? I was supposed to be the prettiest one in the Fellowship. But stupid Lord Elrond insisted we take a stupid prissy elf on this stupid boring quest. Anyway, what does the elf have that I don't? Apart from pretty hair, awesome eyesight, fantastic hearing, great skill with bow and arrows, perfect cheekbones and a good body, what does he have to offer the Fellowship? I am the rightful King of Gondor! I should be obeyed and bowed down to by all. Not humiliated in front of the dumb, lazy hobbits by a stupid elf!' Aragorn thought to himself.
"Thankyou friend Legolas! Thankyou friend Gimli!" Sam said, relieved to be free of the rabbits at last.
The group stood in silence for a few moments, until they heard the nearby voices of Merry and Pippin, along with the heavy footsteps of Boromir and Gandalf.
They reached the others, arms laden with berries, apples, herbs, fish and other delicious food.
"My friends," Boromir said. "We shall eat well tonight!"