His Butler; A Mary Sue?
(A/N: I don't own Kuroshitsuji,Yana Toboso does, yadda yadda yadda, start reading already. Do people read this? If you do, awesome. I like trains. Review.)
(In the great Fangirl HQ)
Gina worked hard as usual, testing the brilliant characters of Black Butler. At the Fangirl HQ, fangirls labored tirelessly to analyze and dissect characters, come up with cosplays, organize anime cons, and write great fanfiction (or occasionally, smut). In the Black Butler section, Gina worked through the characters, putting them through the usual tests. She currently was working on Sebastian, the sexy butler/demon extraordinaire. Of course, she had the standard-issue nosebleed protector and drool guard. Hey, they WERE fangirls. And we all know that Sebastian is notorious for causing fangasms/nosebleeds/drooling.
The results were all regular. Until Gina did the Mary Sue test. It was just a formality, of course. No big deal. Until she saw the results.
"OK, all done! Now the results… A 59? Whats that?"
She looked up the answer key.
"Oh hell no."
Just so you can understand, anything higher than a 40 meant high probability of a Mary Sue. Anything over 50 meant that you were looking a Sue in the face. And Sebastian was a… A..
" He's a MARY-SUE!? CRAP!"
Gina immediately thought that it was a mistake. Sebastian Michaelis was an amazing character. He was witty, charming, handsome…. Oh shit.
She tried the test again. This time, he got a 72. This was insane. It had to be taken to a higher authority: now!
Gina ran up to the main Black Butler office, as fast as she could. Panting, she burst through the door and ripped off the drool guard and nosebleed protector so she could speak intelligibly.
"Rachel! I did the tests for Sebastian, but-"
"Ooh! Gimme!"
"But-"
"Now! I wanna see! I must see if Sebby would be my husbando!"
Rachel, the head Fangirl of the Black Butler office snatched the papers away from her.
"OK, OK…. Red eyes, kind of a sadist…. WHAT? A Mary Sue? WHY was I not made aware of this, Gina? This is a catastrophe! Do you know what will happen? The fanfiction haters will have a field day with this!"
"I tried to tell you."
"Wait. This must be a prank. Funny, Gina. Real funny. A 59? That's even worse than Light (Imagay) Yagami! Run the tests again idiot, and PROPERLY, before I take the assignment from you."
"I already re-ran the test!"
"And..?"
"He got a 72."
Silence. The two girls were disbelieving at first, but slowly it dawned on them.
"Well", Gina intoned, "He is shockingly gorgeous."
"And insanely talented."
"And has a ridiculous amount of sex appeal."
"Remember that episode when he killed all those with his bare hands?"
"In season 3? Oh, what about the second episode of the first season when he annihilated those mafia guys with forks?"
"That was pretty awesome."
Admittedly, it had been pretty awesome, but that wasn't the pressing issue here. The problem was that Sebastian was a Mary Sue. Finally, Rachel remembered the issue at hand.
"So what do we do? The personality report on him is needed by the end of the week for that magazine article."
"We could lie."
"Please. You're a fangirl. They can smell hesitation. If we try that, they'll tear us apart."
"Then…?"
"Well, we can't CHANGE him."
This is a very true fact. No matter what, the only time you can truly change a man is when he is in diapers. Don't let all those pissy-ass rom-coms fool you. You cannot change him.
So they didn't.
Rachel and Gina released the reports for the magazine, and got overwhelming feedback from the readers. All positive. Turns out, Sebastian fangirls generally ship SebasCiel, so their standards aren't that high. And you had to admit it; any mangaka who can make a Mary Sue character likable and viable in a story had some pretty sick skills. Most people simply didn't notice. And odds are, won't care.
So they all lived happily ever after-
BULLSHIT! NO ONE lives happily ever after! If you want that, go watch Frozen! How it ended was that the fangirls kept fangirling, and the great Fangirl HQ kept doing their thing.
The End.
BONUS SEBASTIAN FEATURE:
At the Phantomhive manor, in the year 1880ish:
Sebastian Michaelis inclined his head, with an odd expression. And in his typical bratty fashion, Ciel scowled.
"What is it, you idiot?"
"Nothing, my young lord. I just felt like people were talking about me. In another place. Or time."
"Stop babbling! Why would anyone want to talk about you anyway, a mere butler?"
"One HELL of a-"
"Yes, yes, yes. One hell of a butler. I've heard that spiel before. Go fetch me something sweet."
Sebastian sighed.
"You'll ruin your-"
"To hell with the bloody dinner! I want something sweet NOW."
Another sigh.
"Yes, my young lord."
Bowing, he retreated from the office to go to the kitchen. Sebastian hummed to himself.
"He's going to be delicious, delicious, delicious…"
As he went to the kitchen to prepare the snack for the young (brat) lord.
"He's going to be delicious, delicious, delicious..."
THE END
(A/N: My first Black Butler fic. The test results are real, btw. I got the random idea after going on tvtropes, and did the test with Sebas-chan for fun. I was more than surprised with the results. Who knew? Also, no offense to the SebasCiel fangirls. Or fans of Imagay Yagami (If he has any). I think SebasCiel is really creepy, though. I mean, a 4000+ year old demon and a 13 year old? Wait... Why am I even surprised? Never mind. Review!)