BACK BY POPULAR DEMAND! IT'S…
SHADOW SNARK!
By Sharona Drabek and Liska Drabek
It was ten in the morning when Shadow was awoken by his cousin Shine Down. "WAKE UP COUSIN! A LETTER JUST SPEWED FROM THE OBSIDIAN PORTAL!"
"Ugh, it feels like I've been sleeping for a year and eight months, it's as though the creator of our world got pregnant had a wedding and a kid and sort of forgot about her creations for a while, then received a bunch of letters, possibly sent from electricity that she should take care of us." Said Shadow
"WHY IS GOD A FEMALE IN YOUR SCENARIO?" asked Shine Down
"Because we're ruled by three all-powerful women with no chance of ever changing it you unbelievable twat. Now let's read this letter." Responded Shadow
Dear overpaid slave labor
"Oh this can't be good." Said Shadow
I regret to inform you that my star pupil has destroyed your entire town with flying gremlins.
"What in Celestia's domain?" muttered Shadow
"PARASPRITES, COUSIN! DIDN'T YOU NOTICE OUR LACK OF A ROOF!?" shouted Shine Down, Shadow looked up and saw that he no longer had a roof. "Ah." he said.
I would like you and your ragtag bunch of misfits to rebuild the entire town, if you do you will be generously rewarded.
"Oh boy here it comes." Said Shadow
I was personally thinking a five layer cake filled with strippers (don't worry, I'll test them myself nothing but the best for my boy.)
-Princess Celestia
"Well cousin, rally the troops. We've gotta rebuild a whole town." Said Shadow
"ALREADY DONE COUSIN!" shouted Shine Down, and sure enough Derpy, Zecora, and Uma were standing behind him, they then all marched out to the center of town where he issued the orders. "Alright everyone, we just need to rebuild the commerce district. So Uma, you and I will rebuild the restaurants and Zecora you can rebuild the factories. Shine Down, you knew the clubs like the back of your hoof, so you rebuild the nightclubs. Aaaaaaand break." Said Shadow
As they were walking away Derpy asked, "What can I do?"
"Oh Derpy! You can uhh…" Shadow strived for something she couldn't possibly screw up. "Guard this tree." He said, he made a note to facehoof later.
"Guard this tree?" said Derpy
"Oh yeah, what if the parasprites come back and eat through the tree?"
"Then we lose a tree?"
"Oh this is far more than a tree, it contains the spirit of… Certainlynotmadeup… an ancient dragon of deathly powerful proportions."
"Oh ok, you can trust me boss!"
"I know I can Derpy, maybe I'll promote you to rock duty if you do a good job." Said Shadow, silently chuckling at his own sarcastic dickery. He then walked over to the restaurants where he and Uma would begin working, about half way in Uma started singing, "OOOOH We're gonna work hard and"
"Shut up Uma." Said Shadow
"Oh come on! We've gotta sing! Singings awesome, and subtly teaches people things about hard work and taking pride in your accomplishments and all that jazz." Said Uma
"Well sing it in your head at least, if the townsfolk catch you doing it out loud then everyone will start singing and that will just be awful."
"But I like the group songs! We put a lot of time and effort into those, and in the end it becomes an enjoyable tune we remember for a good week or so after hearing!"
"That is the WORST part!" yelled Shadow
"Yeesh, next time I'll go with Zecora." Said Uma.
After they had finished Shadow and Uma walked over to the factories Zecora had rebuilt. "Zecora, what in Celestia's name is this!?" asked Shadow
"A falafel factory you silly horse, I think it's plain to see of course." Said Zecora
"That was supposed to make bobbleheads." Said Shadow
"That industry has bobbled dead."
"Oh very cute, and what about the mask factory here?"
"It now makes jewelery you'll all hold dear."
"Ah clever and the factory that makes juice from oranges?"
There was a brief pause
"Door hinges." Said Zecora in the smuggest possible way
"Oh she just owned you rhymingly!" shouted Uma
"She has not won yet, there's still that that factory that recycled child's games?" Said Shadow
"I decided to keep this exactly the same."
"Alright now she's won." said Shadow
The friends then ventured toward the Nightclub district, yet again Shadow was filled with bitterness and disappointment because of one of his friends.
"Did you really name every Nightclub after yourself?" said Shadow
"THAT'S PREPOSTOROUS COUSIN! ONLY MY FAVORITE CLUB!" yelled Shine Down
"Which club would that be cousin?" asked Shadow
"WHY, IT'S THE ONE YOU'RE IN FRONT OF COUSIN!" yelled Shadow
"So club Shine Down across the street is named after… who?"
"A FRIEND OF MINE… YOU DON'T KNOW HIM."
"You have friends?"
"TONS!"
"With the same name?"
"IT'S A VERY COMMON NAME COUSIN!"
"Tell me about him."
"OH! Uhhh… well he's an earth pony."
"You're strangely quiet. Do you not like talking about your friends?"
"NO! I'M SPEAKING AT A NORMAL VOLUME! SEE!?"
"You're overcorrecting."
"NO I'M NOT!"
"Restore the actual names Shine Down."
It was at that moment that there was a huge crash from the center of town where they left Derpy. Shadow was perplexed, so he had to run over to the explosion to check it out.
"Derpy, what happened!?" shouted Shadow
"Certainlynotmadeup escaped!" responded Derpy
There was a brief pause
"Really?" asked Shadow
"Yes! He flew out of the tree after I accidentally tripped into it and hit a secret button, now he's going to turn all the water in equestrian into fire and all the fire into trees!" said Derpy
"The sheer amount of chaos you've managed today is astounding Derpy."
"I just don't know what could have gone wrong!"
"Well everyone, it looks like this building story is now a fight story, so if we end up dying I just wanted you to know-" Shadow was cut short by a long drawn out "no" and Princess Celestia appearing in a ball of light.
"Don't worry loyal subjects I have solved yet another problem in 3 seconds by banishing it to the moon, where they will only come back in 1,000 years, by which time I will have yet another grad student to solve this sort of thing with friendship or whatever!" Celestia proclaimed, everyone cheered, and she walked up to Shadow Snark.
"What the moon happened here Shadow?" she asked
"Well I let Derpy guard the tree-" started Shadow
"You let her guard the tree of Certainlynotmadeup!? That is a job only suited for elite guards or obsessive compulsive grad students!"
"Well I didn't even know there was a… whatever he was in there! I thought I just made it up!"
"The world was almost destroyed by a Voltragon because of your poor management skills Shadow."
"Voltragon?" asked Shadow
"It's a dragon that has to assemble itself first." Said Uma
"Your friend is very knowledgable." Said Celestia, "He gets stripper cake, not you. Now I must go." And she teleported away in a ball of light.
"What did she mean by stripper cake?" asked Zecora
"Oh she was going to give me one as a reward for completing this job." Said Shadow
"I should hit you with a rake!" exclaimed Zecora
"I didn't even want the stripper cake!"
Zecora just walked away after shaking her head disapprovingly
Having more or less solved the building problem, Shadow and Shine Down left for home, when they got home Shadow decided to write the princess
Dear Princess Celestia
Today I learned the value of hard work. Always do it yourself, because your friends will either name things after themselves, make it into something entirely different, or unleash a Voltragon onto the world. Also learn about every stupid tree in your town, again for the Voltragon reason.
-Shadow Snark
Shadow Snark sent the letter and hobbled to bed then leapt in. "Still I can't help but think I forgot something." then it started raining and he got wet., "Ah yes. The roof."
The end