CHAPTER ONE
DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN GLEE
THIRD PERSON'S POV:
She lazily taps the piano keys with her right hand, left hand propped under her chin.
She sighs.
This isn't working.
Nothing ever works since that fateful day, if she's being honest. For four years now, she just went through the motions of her new life.
To some people, having numerous awards and recognition in your chosen field suggests that you are not well-acquainted with failure or heartbreaks. Indeed, the world is keen on giving you a set of criteria of what constitutes failure if you allow it. To most people, success and happiness lie in knowing that life is a checklist of acquisitions or achievements. If those things are anything to go by, Dani thinks that by any conventional measure, a mere four years after being 'discovered', she had succeeded on an epic scale.
The media celebrates her musical success. To some extent, she's proud of what she has accomplished at the age of 28. She simply has to look around her luxurious Manhattan home and see the numerous awards for them to say that she has indeed made it.
Yet only a handful knows what happens behind closed doors. Really, she's kind of a walking cliché. To the outside world, she's this confident, talented and out musician. But as soon as she removes her makeup and clothes after concerts or television appearances and retires to her mansion, she'd cry and feel like the biggest failure in the world. At the end of the day, she let her go.
She let go of the one person she has ever truly loved and that makes her the biggest failure she knows.
"Dani?" That familiar voice snaps her out of her trance as she turns around to meet her friend and confidant.
"Yes, Elliot?" Dani asks.
"It's about to start. The category, I mean." Elliot mutters somberly.
"Oh." Dani sits up straight, gulping before nodding in acknowledgement. Without another word, Dani stands and slowly makes her way towards her entertainment room.
/
Dani enters the entertainment room just in time to watch Ricky Gervais, this year's host, deliver his all-too familiar offensive jabs and jokes. She waits with anticipation as the camera zooms in on the nominees.
After what felt like an eternity, it stops on a particular table.
Dani's breath catches in her throat as Kathryn Bigelow is shown whispering something to her lead actress' ear.
Oh God.
She watches as Santana Lopez nods in what could only be interpreted as agreement to her director's words.
"She looks so pretty." Elliot pipes in as he hands a glass of champagne to his obviously enamored friend and former bandmate. After she accepts the flute, Dani offers a sad toast before downing its contents.
"Always." She whispers before grabbing the bottle and refilling her glass. "She looks happy, don't you think?"
"Well…" Elliot trails on, trying to collect his thoughts. "Who wouldn't be happy? Her film raked in over 300 million bucks. Eleven Golden Globes nominations. Not to mention more awards that are sure to come, if the buzz is anything to go by." He smirks.
"She deserves it. If there's anyone in this world who should have everything she's having right now, it's her. She worked so damn hard, Elliot."
Elliot smiles in agreement.
It hasn't been easy for Santana. After three years of trying to be someone (and a number of embarrassing commercials and soap opera cameos), Santana got picked up by an agent and had since been cast in different television and movie roles – mostly minor. Her friends would know that Santana's a talented singer and performer, but producers didn't seem to be interested in that aspect of Santana Lopez. They didn't want to just hear her. No, they wanted to see her.
Preferably on screen.
Her break came threeyears ago when she was cast to play alongside comedic bigwigs in Confessions, a comedy television show produced and written by Tina Fey. Santana's comedic timing and A+ performance in the show endeared her to the viewing public. It wasn't everyday that you see a gorgeous woman making you roll on the floor in laughter.
But Santana shot to an even bigger fame a year ago when news about her being Kathryn Bigelow's choice for lead actress in her upcoming movie about a gay woman in the military broke out. Many people criticized the decision. They said Santana was anobody. That she didn't have any depth and variety to portray the coveted role.
Until the reviews came and critics have nothing but praises and awe for her performance.
It was a box-office and critical hit.
Hollywood found herself a new 'It' girl.
The two are broken out of their own thoughts when they heard the host introduce George Clooney as the presenter of the the nominees and award for Best Actress Motion Picture - Drama.
"And here are the nominees for Best Actress in a motion picture - Drama."
"Kate Winslet, for Guardian"
"Rooney Mara, for Side Effects"
"Santana Lopez, for Under Fire"
"And Helen Mirren, for Dance with the Devil"
Dani focuses at one particular frame with keen eyes and baited breath as Elliot waits nervously for George Clooney's announcement.
"And the award for Best Actress in a Motion picture – Drama goes to…Santana Lopez, Under Fire."
Elliot watches his friend break out into a proud smile, her eyes are glossy but shining with love and adoration.
"Dani – ."
"Shhh." Dani cuts him off, eyes never leaving the screen in front of them. "She's about to deliver her speech."
"Oh my God..." Santana criesas loud cheers permeate across the room. "Thank you to the Hollywood Foreign Press for this, distinction... I am honored, to be chosen as the recipient of this award. Thank you to Mark Boal, for writing a capable, strong and independent woman who stands on her own. To Kathryn Bigelow, my wonderful and brilliant director who fought against everyone who said that I was too weak to play the role. You're a powerful, fearless woman, and I look up to you. You told me that film making for you, is not about breaking gender roles, but when you make a film that allows your character to disobey the conventions of film and society, you've done more for women in cinema than you would take credit for. I thank my parents, my family and friends and colleagues who have supported me all these years. I thank and dedicate this award to all the fans - to everyone who has been counted out, but refused to be knocked out; to people of color, who as children, were lifted by their moms and dads on their shoulders and to whose ears were whispered, 'You can be anything you want to be'; to the military, young and old, to the veterans; to everyone who has stumbled, but stood right back up and works hard and never gives up; THIS ONE IS FOR YOU! And most of all, I share this award to our gay brothers and sisters who everyday continue to fight for equality and respect even if it means enduring ridicule and harassment. Every. Single. Day. And I have ten seconds remaining! I also want to dedicate this award to someone who dreamt of this night for me, many, many years ago. I share this award with you, D. Thank you and good night!"
/
Dani traces her fingers around the edges of that photograph as a box lies beside her on the smiles as she remembers the day Rachel took this picture of her and Santana sleeping on the couch – cuddled against each other.
/
{Flashback: Years Ago}
Dani and Santana moved in together a year after they officially dated. Their apartment was smaller than the loft Santana shared with Kurt and Rachel but neither one of them complained. They were together, they were happy and that's all that mattered.
They continued working at the diner, with Santana booking some commercials on the side and the two of them performing with the 'Wonder Twins' (as Santana succinctly called Kurt and Rachel) and Elliot in a band. The five of them landed gigs to perform across New York clubs, two nights in a week.
Dani and Santana worked well together in their tiny apartment. Dani cooked dinner most nights, with Santana cooking whenever Dani couldn't. The taller woman is not the best cook, but the way she served the meals to Dani – with pride in her eyes whenever she managed to cook something for her– makes whatever Santana cooked be Dani's favorite no matter how it tasted.
Dani saw how Santana yearned to be famous and there was no doubt in her mind that she will be.
One day.
Santana's not only gorgeous but she's super talented too. She can sing and dance (and judging by the commercials she booked, she can damn well act also!) and she had that 'presence'. 'That' factor.
That was why Dani was not surprised when Santana came home one night with a different glimmer in her eyes. It was a few weeks after their second anniversary and things were running smoothly in their relationship.
"San?" Dani asked when she couldn't take the silence anymore. It had been an hour since Santana came home and she had said five words to Dani. Something was up.
"Yeah?"
"What's wrong?"
"Well…I don't know how you'll react…"
"What is it? You know you can tell me anything, right?"
"An agent approached me and he offered me a job. Said he saw the commercial and had been trying to contact me for a while. It's called Harriett, and it's a comedy show. It's nothing too big. But I'll be a regular." Santana mumbled.
"Honey, that's great! I don't see why you were unsure how I'll react. Of course I'm stoked!"
"That's the thing, hon. I would have to be in LA for at least three days each week."
"So?"
"I don't know, Dani."
"You're starting to build your portfolio, Santana. Why not?"
"I wanted to talk to you about it first. And yeah, I guess, I'll miss you…" Santana admitted.
"It'll be fine, babe. I'm just here. And I can visit you in LA? I would have to save for plane tickets, but yeah, it'll be fine."
"We're going to be okay?"
"More than okay."
/
Santana didn't come home for two weeks straight because the shoot took forever. She only had a day off before coming back to set and Dani suggested that she skipped coming home to New York in favor of one good day of rest. They resorted to Skype sessions, texting and calls and for a while, they were enough.
The first season of Harriett was a success – so much so that the network renewed the show for two more seasons. Santana adjusted well, and she managed to go back home to New York every other weekend. It was hard, but they got through it.
Dani, on the other hand, struggled with her music career. On their third anniversary, she got signed by a record label, only to be droppeda couple of months later due to artistic differences. She continued playing with Elliot and three new band members (they lost Rachel to Broadway, Kurt to Vogue and of course, Santana to Hollywood) but the gigs were few. But being used to these struggles, Dani never wavered. She knew her time will come too. She's too happy for Santana to even care too much.
It was a day after Santana's 22nd birthday, and Dani's 23rd (their birthdays are a day apart) when Santana delivered another news.
"I'm doing a movie with Jennifer Lawrence and Rebel Wilson!" Santana beamed as she props herself up on her elbow, her naked body on display for Dani to see. Santana flew in to surprise Dani on her birthday, but as soon as Dani saw her girlfriend smiling at her from the other side of the door, they were 'at it' faster than Santana could say 'Happy Birthday!'.
"Oh my God babe! That's awesome! You're a movie star now!"
"Hey! Not so fast!" Santana giggled, removing Dani's wandering hands from her torso. "It's nothing big – ."
"Blah-blah-blah!Nothing big my ass. You said that before during Harriett and look how it turned out. I'm positive that this is going to be another hit, babe."
"I hope so, babe."
Dani failed to realize right away that the movie meant three whole months without seeing Santana since the movie was set in London.
/
It's hard to pinpoint the exact moment it all went wrong.
Maybe it was the time Santana stopped calling. Dani knew she shouldn't think too much about it. Santana was just busy with work. Things were going great for her and she couldn't fuck it all up. Dani knew this, but it didn't mean that it didn't hurt when she realized that it had been a week since she last talked to Santana.
Still, maybe, it was that time she went to Los Angeles to attend a party as Santana's plus one. Was it that moment she felt so out of place and irrelevant and unaccomplished? Maybe.
Probably the most vivid was the feeling at the pit of her stomach when Santana was nowhere to be found after her band performed as the opening act for Bruno Mars' concert in New York. Dani sent Santana a backstage pass, expecting her girlfriend to be there, hugging and fangirling over her as Santana always did after her performances. She remembered staying backstage hours after their act, thinking that Santana had just been held up found out the following day that Santanajust forgot about it because she was so tired from a nineteen-hour taping in Los Angeles.
/
It was three months before their fourth anniversary when Dani realized that she couldn't do it anymore.
"You won't believe who just called me!" Santana giggled at the other end of the line.
"Who?" Dani asked, not really feeling that normal enthusiasm she had whenever she talked to a giggling Santana.
"Tina freaking Fey! She wants me, as one of the leads in her new show!"
"That's great, babe." Dani responds automatically.
"And guess what?!"
"What?"
"Ryan talked to one of the producers in Universal. They want you!"
"Uh. About that, hon. They already contacted me and – "
"Oh my God! That's dope, Dani! So, you'll finally move here, right?" Dani felt her stomach drop at Santana's hopeful voice. Since getting in Hollywood, Santana, with all the subtlety she could muster, tried to ask her to move to Los Angeles and search her luck there. But Dani always declined. She never really had that 'desire' to be in LA. Visit, yeah, probably. But live? Nah. She has no connection with the place. New York will always be her home.
"We couldn't agree on the genre, baby. I want Pop/Rock. They want me to do country or RnB. I'm cool here, though. Our band's doing well."
"Oh." Dani can feel Santana's excitement deflate. "Are we okay, Dani?" Santana breathed out, and all Dani could do was sigh.
"I haven't seen you in four months, San."
"I'm trying, Dani. But I'm swamped –."
"I know, I know. Our conversations are timed. Somehow." She sighed. "It's not your fault." There was an uncomfortable pause, their breathing were the only sounds one could hear. "I love you, Santana. You have no idea how much."
"I love you too, Danielle."
They said their goodbyes and hang-up.
Dani was left staring blankly at the phone in her hand for a few moments before soft sobs rock her body.
Something definitely shifted that night.
/
Santana found herself seated on the familiar, but at the same time foreign, couch three days later. No one rushed to greet the other with hugs and kisses.
As soon as she saw Dani, Santana knew that something has changed. At first, she thought there was someone else. But after looking into the smaller woman's eyes, she knew it was something far worse.
Santana looked down as she fiddled with the hem of her herself to the inevitable, she she try some more? She felt too guilty for leaving Dani behind. Granted, her girlfriend didn't want to accept any help from her, but still. Surely, she could have tried harder?
Could have, should have. But by then, Santana was too tired to even fight.
"San…" Santana turned to look at Dani as the latter called her name. Instantly, Santana looked as if she knew what would come next even before Dani spoke. She'd seen something terrifying in Danielle's chocolate orbs. Santana's eyes start to water as they focus on Dani's.
"Just say it, Dani." Santana started to put her walls up.
"I can't do this anymore."
"Because I'm always away?"
With a nod, Dani continued, "it's not your fault, San– ."
"How long? How long have you felt this way? Because we've been together for almost four years now, Dani." Santana clenched her jaw. "Four years in a couple of months. You want us to throw that away?"
"San –."
"You should have told me, Danielle. I deserved that, don't you think?"
"I'm so sorry." Dani cried, the look of total devastation painted on her face.
"Say it. I want to hear you say it." Santana urged, needing to hear those words so she could, in some way, have closure.
"It's not working anymore, Santana. We're not working anymore. I think we should end this."
"So we're over?" Santana's voice broke and that was all it took for Dani's resolve to break. She pulled Santana into a hug, their bodies molding together as if knowing that that was it. One last hold?
"Y-Yes…"Dani's head moved against Santana's shoulder, and the latter did not argue anymore. One can tell by the way both their bodies were slumped against each other that there was love, but the fight was gone.
With a weak nod, Santana pressed a kiss on Dani's head, both their hearts breaking. Dani's arms tightened around Santana's waist, but with all the courage she could muster, Santana forcefully removed them before whispering a strained, "I love you."
So there's the first part :P Hope it was okay :)