Hearing Monty's last words and seeing him this old, was so emotional. It was beautiful and sad at the same time. And with these new chances of survival ahead of them, they still cried, tears were pouring down their faces. For a moment there, it was like everything came out, all the sadness, the grieve. Every emotion floating through their minds, from the weeks before they went into cryosleep. Being here 'together', with their eyes on the new planet, deeply realizing and embracing the thought that they were given this huge new opportunity to rebuild their lives.
Bellamy and Clarke, it was very rare that they were all by themselves, apart from the fact that Jordan was there too of course.
Then, that certain question came along, he widely smiled. Yes he'd been looking forward to ask this. "Don't you guys want to know why I had to wake you up first?"
While they were still holding on to each other, shocked and overwhelmed by everything, they both nodded and took their time to turn around.
With their faces still wet from the tears, they gazed in Jordan's direction. Clarke softly pushed herself more against her soulmate, who carefully caressed her back and side of her waist, with the hand he still had around her.
Jordan had a satisfying look on his face and answered as he unfolded his arms. "Well...you know...'this' is it." He opened his hands in their direction, followed by a wide smile.
Innocence was written all over his face when he explained. "My mum and dad wanted you to spend some time 'together'. You know, without being disturbed this time? Without the need to lead your people, or help out family. No new problems, or a war lying ahead of you this time." he winked.
Bellamy teased. "So Jordan, are you going back into cryosleep then?" He meant the amount of time they needed to catch up, Clarke chuckled.
Jordan started to explain. "Dad of course mentioned those six years in space a lot, like I said before. And how proud he was on his alge's. But he told me more about the rough year you've had before all that, when you landed on earth. A year also filled with precious memories." and there was that precious smile again. "Mum and dad both told me many times about how you are the actual hero's."
Then he looked at Bellamy. "And besides all of that, they never forgot to mention how you had to leave Clarke behind."
Bellamy now was weeping, this -and seeing his mother getting floated- had been the most painful moment in his life. Clarke softly caressed his back, to comfort him, she still heard his words inside her head "I can't do that again."
Instead of seeking her attention, or letting her know that he appreciated it, he let her go and slapped his hands before his face. It hurt so much inside, but it made Clarke feel insecure.
"I need some air." he said with a tremble in his voice.
Jordan understood that it was enough for now and went back to the computer.
Clarke stayed behind, walking up and down the room, every now and then Jordan looked up from the screen and glanced at her.
… … …
After a search on the huge ship, she suddenly knew where he might be. And there he was; calm, with a pleased smile on his face he leaned on Echo's pod with his right hand.
When he felt Clarke's presence, he looked up. "We are not the only one who need to talk." he pointed out and looked down to his girlfriend again.
Clarke swallowed and slowly walked up to him. "If everyone's awake and we find a save way down, there will be lots of talking I guess."
She looked over to the pod where Octavia was laying, Bellamy shook his head. "I don't know if our relationship can ever be saved."
Clarke sighed and smiled, she had faith in the siblings. "Well...My dad always said; if something's broken, you should always try to fix it. Octavia might've been a bit on the dark-side, but she did exactly what we did; save her people."
Bellamy raised an eyebrow and shook his head, obviously not agreeing with her. But Clarke just had to defend Octavia, she now knew the real story now. "I believe there are some things you don't know Bellamy. About what happend in the bunker."
Then there was a silence.
Clarke's heart ached, seeing him staring at his girlfriend like that, but she tried to be neutral.
"You want to wake her up?"
But he immediately shook his head and looked up. "No. Not before the two of us spend some time together. There's so much left unsaid."
"You love her." Clarke pointed out, but it also was a question.
Bellamy let his hand slid of the pod and didn't respond, then he walked away, past Clarke without eye contact. "Come on, let's head back to the bridge."
… … …
While walking in there, their gaze was immediately attracted to the new planet again...because the screen was still up, combined with this magical light coming from the two suns.
Jordan wasn't there anymore, but Clarke's mind immediately went back to what he said, before Bellamy left the bridge. "So, what did it do to you?"
Bellamy folded his arms and bit his lip...
She carefully added "You know...When you went up here...?"
He swallowed and looked away, fully aware of what she meant and immediately thinking about how much he would tell her. Without blinking he suddenly snapped back at her.
"You mean when I left you behind to die." anger was building up inside him again, it was just to much.
It made Clarke look at him right away. "Bellamy..."
He immediately felt sorry, his voice went down. "Well I – It was hard."
Now Clarke frowned, so many emotions went through him right now - it wasn't that he didn't want to talk about it.
Bellamy still couldn't look at her and swallowed, there was a huge fight inside of him, against the fear and sadness that brought this up. "The first year was the worst. The other's were coping, or simply just had each other, or a hobby, like an alge-farm." he lowered his head and sighed.
Clarke awkwardly smiled, she had thought about this too. "Echo helped you through it, didn't she?"
With a crooked smile he nodded. "It took me three years to trust her."
There was a silence, but Clarke gave him all the space he needed, to talk about it.
Suddenly it came out "I – I went into a depression."
The pain was written all over his face again.. "I felt like I had lost everything." he paused "But I didn't, you did." tears ran over his cheeks. "and I was frustrated, because we had each other up there and the fact that it wasn't enough. Every mistake I've made, every death – including yours- I've caused, haunted me."
Clarke cried with him and opened her arms. "Come here you."
They hugged each other soft and tenderly, like always, with so much love.
Bellamy lowered his head and let his nose rest in her neck, on her bare skin "I'm so sorry Clarke, I-"
The feeling of his tears combined with his warm breath in her neck did something to her. But she put her hands on his chest and pushed him away. "Bellamy stop." he just stared at her "Listen to me. You had no other choice- we would all be dead..." then she wrapped her arms around him once more and pulled him against her, he took a deep breath out of relieve.
Everyone had said this to him, endlessly, but hearing Clarke saying this meant so much more.
Clarke sobbed, maybe now was a good time to release those feelings. "The main reason why I've made it through, is you."
Bellamy pulled back from their embrace to make eye contact, Clarke shyly smiled through the tears. "And Madi of course."
A tiny smile speared on his face when he noticed that she was nervous. He leaned his forehead against hers and whispered. "You've kept us all alive Clarke, even when you weren't there."
Yes, this definitely was his confession: "I became 'the head', but it wasn't until we met again that I felt my heart was still ticking..." that was so Bellamy-like, something only he would say, she smiled.
"The head and the heard." she sobbed, still a bit overwhelmed by what he'd just said...
Suddenly, a bit unexpected, he said "One can't function without the other." he looked away, realizing what he'd just said.
Clarke stayed calm and put it into perspective. "But we did, for six long years. You should be proud of yourself Bellamy. I'm glad that you've had your new family to support you."
He sighed and glanced at the floor. "And I've hurt you with that too...I didn't mention you as my family for a reason Clarke."
Now she frowned, but he pulled her more against him. "You were already part of me." and he pressed his warm lips on hers and slowly started to kiss her. Clarke didn't hesitate to kiss him back, Bellamy deepened the kiss and shortly after that he broke it off. It was to intense...
"I've missed you so much princess."
Clarke cried tears of happiness "I've missed you too."
He carefully cupped her face and started to wipe away the tears. "It's okay." he whispered and kissed her again.
They both weren't aware of Jordan entering the bridge, his whole face lightened up when he saw them kiss.
"Mum and da..." Bellamy and Clarke startled when he suddenly started talking without a warning that he was there.
Right after that they both laughed when they saw the silly, soft look on his face. "Don't tell me mum and dad predicted this..." Clarke joked.
"That's exactly what I was going to say!" he was serious about it, but it was funny.
Bellamy shook his head and laughed, still with his arms around Clarke. "Give us some space will ya?!"
"Pick a room!" he teased.