It's too early for this!

There was very few people Harry Potter would drag himself out of bed for at four in the morning. There was of course his godson Teddy and his friends Hermione, Ron, Ginny, Luna and Neville; there was even a few of his work mates at the Department of Shadows, but other then that World War three could be happening for all he cared so early in the morning.

Since Hermione was his friend he was out of bed; although if his best friend since eleven had woken him for another lecture she would need to find herself a new best friend.

Taking a sip of his drink he was glad he had chosen the bar he was meeting Hermione in. His friend may have been the smartest witch of her generation, but when it came to choosing places to go for a drink, she was terrible. Harry had been here several times in his life and was friends with the owner so he knew this was a good place to meet his friend, especially if privacy was an issue.

He grimaced slightly at his drink; it was far too early for his beloved Pepsi.

At least there were cute waitress's about – knowing who owned the bar though it didn't surprise him.

"Harry…?" he turned at the sound of his name.

"Hermione" he gestured to seat opposite him and called a cute waitress to get her a drink.

At the age of nineteen Hermione Jane Granger was an attractive young witch with a mind that far surpassed those witches and wizards in charge today. Harry could honestly see her running for Minister if not for a little law about muggleborns being unable to apply for such a position. Obviously she'd have to get that rule overturned first.

Today though she was very pale and appeared to have no idea what to say or do; a rare occurrence indeed.

"Alright I'm here Mione" he hoped her old nickname would calm her somewhat. "So what's up? I thought you were out at a party with Ron last night"

Harry was surprised when Hermione suddenly blushed like a tomato. She took a long gulp of her drink which Harry suspected was slightly stronger then his Pepsi. "We did, I mean did it… and it was really… good, I think, but… um yeah"

Harry blinked.

"… Mione did you and Ron…"

"Yes" her voice came out as a squeak.

Harry closed his eyes and mentally counted to ten, opened them again and took a slow sip of his drink and set his glass down with a soft clink.

It's far too early for this shit…

"Mione…?"

"Yes"

"Please tell me you used protection"

Hermione was blushing again "We used the charms and I'm on the pill and Ron had a condom"

Harry took a sip of his drink calmly. "Good, because if you hadn't I'd have to kill Ron"

Hermione smiled slightly, "Thanks Harry"

"Hmm…"

"Ok" Harry wondered what he had done to piss off Fate in a previous life, first Voldemort, now this. "So you had a date and things happened" He didn't dare say sex lest Hermione suffer a nosebleed like they did in Japan. "I fail to understand why you're here and not cuddling with Ron"

"…"

"Hermione…?"

His friend continued to remain tight lipped and stare into her drink as if it could solve all her problems.

He rubbed his forehead with his hand in frustration "Was it that bad?"

"No!" almost shouted Hermione.

"Then what?" Hermione bit her lip. "Sweetheart you're not giving me a lot of clues and you know my brain doesn't work well on a good day let alone at (he glanced at the clock)… five in the morning"

She sighed and slumped back against the wonderfully soft leather chairs they were sitting in. "I know, it's just…"

Harry tilted his head to the side "Do you regret it?"

"No, I mean… no. Its just I didn't plan or expect this… it was our first time and it was great and all, but what do I…" she drained the rest of her drink in one gulp and Harry waved the cute waitress over to get another.

"Say, do, think?" prodded Harry. Hermione nodded.

Harry took a long drag of his second Pepsi before dropping his head to the table with a dull thud.

"Harry, what…" he held up a hand to tell her to be quiet.

After a few minutes Harry lifted his head up and looked at Hermione with a look crossed between amusement and irritation. "Hermione you're the brightest witch of your age and I think of you as a sister, but if you'll pardon my French - are you fucking stupid?"

Hermione blinked in confusion. "What…?

"Mione you love Ron, yes?"

She nodded.

"You like it with Ron, yes?"

A nod and a blush.

"And you aren't going to let anyone tell you what you and Ron should do, right?"

Another, vigorous nod.

Harry rubbed his eyes. "Then I'll tell you what you do" Hermione leaned forward curious. "You go back to Ron, you tell him you love him and he was very good, cause men like to have their ego stroked and then you fuck him many more times"

It was far too early for me to be subtle…

He took another sip of his drink as Hermione's mind tried to comprehend the data it had just received.

I think I broke her…

He looked his best friend in the eye. "Preferably with protection, I'm too young to be an uncle" He had enough trouble being a godfather for Teddy.

"…"

He raised an eyebrow. "Go home Mione, to Ron and try not to get caught by Mrs Weasley" With any luck she'd have rebooted by the time she got back to the burrow.

She nodded absently and stood up and headed over to the fireplace in the corner so she could floo back home.

Harry shook his head fondly and looked at his empty Pepsi glass with a frown. Waving a cute waitress over, he asked whether she was busy now or fancied a drink.

It was way too early for this, but maybe there was an upside to being up this early.

End

Jbh14: Just something I came up with one afternoon. I'm a fan of Hermione/Harry fics, but I do get tired of them after a while. I'm also a fan of Harry and Hermione as close friends/siblings and I like fics where Harry has to give advice to Hermione because it makes me laugh.

The Department of Shadows to the best of my knowledge does not exist and is completely unrelated to canon. It's my own idea for where Harry could work. Basically it's like the department of mysteries, but they specialise more in getting information and taking out criminals like Lucius Malfoy who are politically protected and the Aurors can't deal with.

Anyway please review if you get time.

See you later…