"Gone?" Sydney sat at Emily's table for a long period of time. That one word was echoing through her head the entire time. Her best friend, Jacob Black, was gone. He had run away when he had seen that leech lovers wedding invitation.
"Sydney?" Emily placed her hand on Sydney's shoulder. "Sydney, your dad called. He would like for you to be back for supper." Emily's tone was sympathetic.
"Okay. Thanks, Emily," Sydney responded with a smile.
She stood up slowly and made her way out of the house. Each present member of the pack was all giving her the same pitiful look as she passed. She tried to give them all a reassuring smile. Leah was the only one to follow her out.
"Would you mind if I walked with you for a while?" Leah asked her. Sydney just shrugged not even trying to fake a smile. Leah knew her well enough to know when she was faking it. The two walked in silence until they were on the front porch of Sydney's house.
"I'm here if you want to talk," Leah said while giving her a hug. Sydney half smiled then walked into her house. Dinner was uneventful as she listened to her father talk about unimportant things then made her way up to her room and just lay there.
'Jacob left me.' Sydney mentally sighed. 'No he didn't. It's not like we were together. I never told him how I felt.' She let out a frustrated cry as she shook her head. Some of her hair fell across her face and she couldn't be bothered to move it. 'Tomorrow. I will go back to normal tomorrow." A few tears made their way down her face. 'But tonight I want to cry.' Sydney turned on her side and hugged her pillow to her as silent sobs escaped her.
She woke up the following morning exhausted. Somehow she managed to find the strength to drag herself out of bed and to the bathroom. A movement in the corner of her eye caught her attention. She turned to look and screamed.
"Honey!" Her dad was pounding on the bathroom door. "What is it?! What's wrong?!" He sounded frantic.
"Nothing! I just- thought I saw a spider!" Sydney shouted through the door. She couldn't tell him that she had screamed at her own reflection! She heard his retreating footsteps as well as the sound of his grumblings about females and spiders.
She approached the mirror to get a closer look. Her bright blue eyes stared back at her, however, they had some seriously dark circles under them and her skin was much paler than usual which made her look more zombie than human. And her hair just added to that image. It was all over the place! She turned the shower on and peeled off yesterday's clothes as she waited for the water to heat up. Once it reached the desired temperature Sydney jumped in and spent the next 30 minutes scrubbing away all the grime and filth. After she finished she dried off and took out her hair dryer to speed up the process. However, as she continued to dry her hair she noticed it looked… wrong. It just didn't look right to her. She didn't understand why. It was, after all, the same brown hair she had been living with her whole life.
Sydney shook the thought off as she put the hair dryer away, put on her black-rimmed glasses, and made her way to her kitchen. Her father had already left for work. She went to the fridge to pull out the milk for a bowl of cereal and saw a grocery list and some money being held up by a magnet. Just below it was a little note asking her to go shopping today. Sydney sighed. She had a quick breakfast and washed her bowl then grabbed her house keys, the list, and the money and headed out.
It didn't take Sydney too long to reach the convenience store on foot. She did live in La Push after all. After grabbing a basket she walked around the store tossing everything on the list into it. On a whim, Sydney walked through the hair care isle before checking out and she was very glad she did. She grabbed two boxes of hair dye and rushed home after paying.
"No way! I can't do this. Did you even ask your dad?" Leah asked as she stood in the bathroom after receiving a rather strange phone call from Sydney.
"No. Look, will you please just do this for me?" Sydney couldn't help the slight impatience that leaked into her voice. "I just need a change," she said, her tone changing to one of desperateness. "A new start, ya know?"
Leah sighed. "Fine. But if anyone asks you did this yourself." Sydney smiled and nodded.
"How does it look?" she asked about an hour later.
"…" Leah was speechless.
"Is it bad?" Sydney asked worriedly.
"No! It looks good. It just turned out to be a… brighter red then I was expecting." Sydney sighed audibly. "Haven't you looked at it yet?" Leah received a negative affirmation. "Well, go and look!"
She made her way into the bathroom and slowly peeked up through her eyelashes. "Oh my goodness!" She saw Leah smiling in the mirror. "I love it!"
"Good! Now come on! Get your butt in gear because Emily was expecting us 15 minutes ago!" Leah and Sydney ran all the way to Emily's. "Ha! I so totally beat you!"
"Of *gasp* course *gasp* you did. *gasp* You're a freaking dog!" Sydney tried and fail miserably at making her voice sound angry.
"Hehe. Well, are you coming in?"
"Give me a minute! I am trying to catch my breath," she said indignantly as she walked up to the door and glided through it.
"Hey, Syd! How's it- WHOA!" Seth cried after walking out of the kitchen. "What happened to your hair?" As soon as the words left his mouth it was like a stampede. All of the guys came rushing out of the kitchen to take a look.
'All except for Jacob.' Sydney thought sadly. She shook the thought from her head before the feeling could come rushing back. She did, after all, make a promise.
"Wow!" exclaimed Quil.
"Looking good Syd," Embry said, to which all of the guys agreed.
"Well thank you, Embry," Sydney said with a smirk on her face as she walked up to Embry. "You're looking pretty good yourself." She finished in a mock sultry voice. Embry's face got noticeably redder. She was trying to hold back her laughter but gave up trying when Jared was laughing so hard he started snorting.
That was how Sydney spent most of her days. She would be put on a façade in front of everyone. She would pretend to be happy. She would do anything and everything to keep herself distracted. She would go home and go to bed. Then, when everyone and everything was gone, she would wrap her arms around herself and let the silent sob wrack her body. In the morning she would get up, shower, and start the whole day over again. Soon enough, days turned into weeks. The weeks all blurred together into months. That was her pattern. There were some times when it almost felt like she didn't have to try pretending but they were few and far between.
"Come on Syd! Pick a movie already. I'm going to die of old age!" Leah exclaimed. Sydney rolled her eyes at Leah's bad joke. It was August. The night of Bella's wedding to be exact. Sydney might have stopped thinking of her as a leech lover but she still didn't like her very much. Emily had invited her and Leah over for a 'girl's night out.' All of the guys were at the wedding to make sure there wasn't any "trouble."
"Alright! Sheesh. I never knew you were such a drama queen," Sydney said. She grabbed She's the Man.
"Not that one! And I am so not a drama queen!"
"Yes, you are! And She's the Man is a seriously funny movie! That, and Channing Tatum is hawt."
"Okay!" exclaimed Emily. "If we're going to watch that movie we should start now so we finish before the guys get back." Both Leah and Sydney agreed. The movie was put and as soon as they were situated on the couch with the popcorn in the middle they started the movie. They had all seen it so many times that they took turns saying the lines with the actors.
When the movie was finished Leah started picking up the popcorn she and Sydney had been throwing at each other. Emily got up to put the movie back in its' case and Sydney took the popcorn bowl to the kitchen. Sydney heard the door open just as she finished rinsing out the bowl. She smiled to herself and walked into the living room saying, "Perfect timing. We-" the rest of her words were caught in her throat. Standing only 6 feet from her was Jacob Black.
Everyone in the room was looking at either Sydney or Jacob or alternating between them. Emily was biting her lip and looked as if she was torn between pulling either Jacob or Sydney into a hug. Leah was just glaring at Jacob. The rest were standing there awkwardly. The room was still and silent for 5 minutes and the entire time Jacob didn't even turn his head to look at Sydney. And she noticed.
Sydney took a slow breath to steady both her thoughts and her voice. "I-*ahem* I think I'm going to head home now Emily. Before it gets too late."
"Oh. Of course. I'll see you tomorrow?" She was giving Sydney a sympathetic look.
"Um, no. Not tomorrow. I'll be… busy." Sydney didn't even try to come up with an excuse as she made her way to the door.
"I see. Some other time then," Emily said.
Sydney closed her eyes when she was out the door and forced herself to respond, "Yeah, some other time." She shut the door and started walking, willing her footsteps and breathing to remain even. The first few tears began to cascade down her face as she opened her front door and sprinted up to her room. She was vaguely aware of her fathers' worried voice calling after her.
She shut her door behind her and all but launched herself on top of her bed. And so began her week of solitude. The next morning she had composed herself enough to call Emily and Leah to tell them that she wasn't going to be able to make it over to hang out with either of them today. Leah had begun to protest but Sydney told her that her father wanted her to go to Seattle for a few things. She had a feeling that Leah didn't believe her but she didn't care. That was the last time she talked to anyone that week. After that, she only came out of her room to eat.
On her 7th day of solitude as she lay crying and hugging her pillow to herself she began to feel sick. Not physically as if she was going to throw up, but sick as if she was looking at something disgusting. Sydney realized she didn't want to live like this again. She was just getting out of the habit of coming home at night and crying. She didn't want to go back to that. She realized she was tired of crying over Jacob Black. She wouldn't let him do this to her anymore. The following morning she got up, took a shower, got dressed, and went over to Leah's.
"Syd!" Leah exclaimed. "I almost thought I wouldn't see you again! How are you feeling?" She asked concerned.
"I'm fine Leah," Sydney said with a slight smile. "I had my time to get my thoughts in order and my feeling in check. I've decided not to let Jacob Black get me down anymore."
"Well, you look great! I'm glad you're doing better…" Leah started.
"But…" Sydney prompted.
"But… look, don't hate me for saying this, but I don't think you should give up on Jacob." Leah said with an apologetic look.
"What? Leah, you always told me to-"
"I know what I told you! And I'm sorry for saying this right now. But I'm being serious right now. Don't give up on him. You never know Syd. He might have changed after his absence."
"Leah," Sydney sighed. "Look, I would love it if that were true, but" Sydney stopped the comment Leah was about to make. "But, I'm not about to hold my breath. My feelings for him aren't gone, as sad as I am to say. However, I won't let them run me anymore and hopefully with time I can forget them." Leah sighed and said no more about it. "Anyway, I was hoping if you weren't busy we could pick up where we left off last week? You know, and go for that walk." Sydney sounded almost shy and Leah just couldn't say no.
"So have you figured out you want to do with your life after you graduate?" Leah asked casually as they walk along the beach.
"Hmm… I actually haven't thought about it all that much. And I still have another year and a half before I finish high-school."
"A year and a half? I think you mean two years," Leah said smartly.
"Actually it's only going to be a year and a half," Sydney said just as smartly. "I will have enough credits to graduate by then," Sydney said, sounding proud of herself.
"Well look who's getting a big head," Leah laughed.
"I'll have you know that my head is just the right size." Sydney paused for a second. "Isn't it?" Leah started laughing and Sydney joined in.
"What's so funny?" Seth asked from beside Sydney. She jumped and screamed.
"Don't do that Seth!" She practically yelled at him while clutching at her heart. She looked up and spotted the rest of the pack setting up a few blankets and putting food on the picnic table by the tree line. Her eye caught Jacobs' and her heart skipped a beat. She mentally scolded herself and turned her focus to Seth and Leah who were almost hunched over laughing. "Grr. I would hit you if I wouldn't be the one getting hurt."
"Sorry, Syd. I didn't mean to scare you." Seth said once he caught his breath. Sydney muttered a sure underneath her breath. Seth smiled so she knew he had heard. "Well come on! We are having a fun-filled day at the beach. So let's go. Otherwise, the food will all be gone!" He finished his sentence on a rather dramatic endnote. Sydney just shook her head and followed him with Leah close behind.
"Hey, Syd! You're alive!" Jared exclaimed with a goofy smile.
Sydney scoffed. "Please, you couldn't get rid of me if you tried."
"We wouldn't want to get rid of you Syd! You're the life of the party!" Paul called.
"Of course I am! Thanks for noticing!" She winked and blew him and Jared a kiss. "Do you want to know why I'm the life of the party?" Jared and Paul played along and nodded vigorously as they rushed over and sat at her feet looking like a bunch of obedient students. Sydney smiled and struck a mildly provocative pose as she leaned forward and whispered, "It's because I'm amazing." She straightened up and flipped her hair. Jared and Paul feigned fainting.
Everyone was having fun. They played volleyball, which Sydney thought she totally dominated at, and they play chicken, in which Sydney said she was the number one chicken and proud to admit it. All throughout the "cookout", she had to make a serious effort not to look at Jacob and keep reminding herself that she would no longer care what he was doing or thinking.
It was getting dark fast and after watching the sunset everyone picked up and started heading home. Leah, Seth, and Sydney all volunteered to help Emily and Sam bring all the cups, plates, and food back to their place.
"Well, I'll see you later Emily! Sam!" They said goodbye as she shut the door. "See you guys later too," She said to Both Leah and Seth.
"Yeah, see you later. Make sure to scream loudly if anything "gets" you" Leah teased. She knew Sydney had a tendency to become a little paranoid when walking alone at night, although Sydney would never admit it.
"Yeah, yeah. Very funny Leah." Sydney smiled. Leah laughed and she and Seth walked off. Sydney began her walk home. The hairs on the back of her neck stood up and she felt like she was being watched. She looked around and shook her head. "Get ahold of yourself." It did little to help and she found herself walking a little quicker to try and close the distance between her house and her. Her paranoia grew by the second and she was almost doing a full on sprint by the time she reached the porch of her house.
Her key was in the lock before she realized just how stupid she had been. She took a shaky breath and laughed a little. She leaned forward against the door and just breathed. When her heart was finally back to a more normal rhythm she unlocked the door. Before she could turn the handle someone placed a hand on her shoulder causing her to jump and scream for the second time that day.
"Whoa! Calm down! It's just me." Sydney whipped around at the voice and came face to face with none other than Jacob Black.
"Jacob," she whispered. Her hand was clutching at her heart, only now, she wasn't sure if it was from fright or being so close to Jacob again.
"Hey," he gave a weak smile. "Sorry I scared you." And he sounded sincere.
She swallowed. "It's okay. Um… What are you doing here?" She asked uncertainly.
He didn't say anything for a minute. "I came to apologize."
"About what?"
"About Bella."
"Jacob-"
"No! Syd, just let me explain." And he did. He told her about imprinting and what it does and means. He explained that Sam had imprinted on Emily, Quil on Clair, and so on. "And Syd, I imprinted on you." He stopped talking then. He just looked at her.
"No." Sydney shook her head. "No. If you imprinted on me then why all of that crap with Bella!"
Jacob winced and then sighed. "All of that "crap" with Bella was because I didn't want to imprint. I didn't like the thought that my feelings weren't mine to control! And even though I knew that I had imprinted on you, I had hated the thought of no control so much that I convinced myself that I hadn't. And soon even that was difficult. So I tried to force myself to fall in love with Bella. I thought that if she was all I talked about and thought about then the whole imprint would go away.
"That never worked though. I was getting so angry. I ran away when I got the wedding invitation because I couldn't stand having failed at both things! When I was gone I realized how ridiculous I was being. When I thought about the times I was trying to think about Bella I remember you were always there too. I was constantly comparing her to you. And when I go further back, back to before I was a werewolf, I was always thinking about you then too. I saw that my imprinting on you didn't make me lose control of my feelings, it just solidified them. Sydney, I love you. I always have and I always will. You are my everything. And I can't tell you how sorry I am for putting you through all of that and making you wait."
Sydney stood there completely shocked. When she finally started thinking again she smiled and tears formed in her eyes. "I love you too Jacob." He smiled and closed the space between them and gave her what she thought was an earth-shattering kiss. When they finally broke apart for air she wiped her tears away and told him with a laugh, "I told myself I was done crying about you."
His smile dropped a little. Jacob cupped Sydney's face and looked her in the eyes. "I will never do anything to make you cry again." He leaned forward and placed a sweet kiss on her forehead and reiterated what he had said before. "You are my everything."
Jacob Black kept that promise. For the rest of both of their lives.