Now when I caught myself
I had to stop myself
From saying something that
I should have never thought
Of you
x
The color fades away from my face; I cover my mouth with my hand, taken aback by my own words. I knew what I was going to tell her, and yet I couldn't stop in time. I said it. And it hurt her, it stabbed her like a scalpel, it cut her breath away like a surrounding wave.
And again, who am I to make her feel like this? What right do I have to break her and tear her heart apart into tiny pieces?
I watch her as she swallows her own pain, as she falls apart, as she fights to stay strong. I want to talk, but now my mouth is dry.
Memories – dreams – wishes – scattered prayers.
I didn't mean it like that. I didn't mean it, period. But I know that she doesn't know – and I wonder if it's too late. Too late to erase these last year – years – and rewrite our story right from the point where we were happy the most.
This broken yet amazing woman standing in front of me has been my wife for almost twelve years, and with a sentence, seven words, I made her think that they were the worst of my life.
I can see in her eyes that I can't never take it back, but a little bit of hope is still here in my heart. Hope that she knows. Because if she hasn't lost the ability to read my mind with just one look, then she knows I love her. She knows I'm sorry. She knows how I'm feeling now.
Absentmindedly, probably reminiscing those happy days we'd both want back, she nods – and I see it with the corner of my eye.
A/N: so I lied, this is the last update before I leave. Hopefully, tomorrow I'll be able to read your lovely review...