BRAINS Chapter one.
This Chapter is rated: T+ for graphic violence, and mildly suggestive themes. And zombies. Lots of zombies.
Disclaimer: Bob The Builder Of Stuff Humor is not for the easily offended or chronically mature. May cause tearing of the eyes, uncontrollable laughter, personal humiliation, vomiting, dizziness, comas, loss of conciseness, zombification, and or brain death. Call a doctor for laughing fits lasting more than 48 hours. For comments and concerns, talk to your doctor to see if BRAINS are right for you.
Any resemblance to any person living or dead, is completely coincidental. Kinda...
Inheritance Cycle Disclaimer: All of this is mine. As long as you don't count any of Christopher Paolini's fictional Characters, and or places.
Eragon was sleeping peacefully under the cool night air of Ellesméra. He was curled up in a ball, and sucking on his thumb while having a dream about his beloved Arya.
He had been immersed this dream several times before, and was just about to reach his favorite part.
"Oh yeah babe..." He whispered in his sleep, "Let me take that off for you..."
Eragon continued to enjoy his dream for several more minuets, but during his blissful dream, a very real threat was approaching.
A shadow crept among the silent night. It was dark in the forest, but it did not deter it from its path, or lose it's way in the inky depths of the wood. It crept closer and closer to dragon riders elf home. Soon it was at the front door.
Silent as a death the door slid open, and the shaded figure entered the house. Slowly it climbed up the living tree steps, heading in the direction of the sleeping rider.
It crept closer and closer, silently unlatching the door, and creeping into the bedroom. It crept closer. And closer. And closer, Until it was at the foot of the bed. And just as the hand reached towards his unprotected head, the rider moaned in his sleep.
"Wow Arya..." Eragon moaned, "You have some really boo-"
But Eragon was cut off as someone shook him awake.
"AHHHHHHHHHHH!" Eragon and Arya both screamed.
"Eragon shut up!" Arya whispered while slapping a hand over his mouth, "Your going to wake up every damn elf in the city! You know how sensitive elf ears are!"
Eragon continued to look at her, his eyes still wide with fear.
"Now when I take this hand off your going to be quiet right?"
Eragon nodded, but did not lose his fearful expression. And the moment Arya moved her hand, Eragon screamed again.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHAHAHAH!-" Eragon's yell was cut lose this time by a powerful slap from Ayra. He went sailing across the room, the imprint of her hand white on his face.
"Eragon shut up!" She yelled, "It's just me!"
As he got up again, Eragon could not help but wonder.
How much of that dream did she hear?
"Ummmmm... Arya..." Eragon whispered, "How long have you been hiding in my bedroom?"
"Only a minuet, why?"
"Oh nothing..." Eragon sighed, "I just thought you might have... overheard my dreams..."
"I might have been in your room for only a minuet Eragon, but I did hear your dream. You sleep talk rather loudly..." Arya responded, "What were you saying anyway? I heard you say my name, you were whispering like 'Wow Arya, You have some really boo-"
"I was dreaming about boxes!" Eragon quickly interrupted, "I was dreaming that you were moving into a new house, and I was helping you move some really big boxes, and I was commenting on it that's all!"
Arya looked him over sceptically, and Eragon blushed.
"I'm sure that's what you were dreaming about." She whispered disapprovingly.
"Well what are you doing sneaking into my house in the middle of the night anyway!" Eragon demanded, "Or did you just sneak in here just to spy on my dreams?."
Now it was Arya who blushed.
"No Eragon... It's actually much simper than that. I was locked out of my room back at Tialdarà Hall." She replied, "Apparently they lock the doors after dark..."
"You were locked out...?" Eragon asked disbelievingly, "Ha! I never thought that the all powerful elf, heir to the thrown, princess extraordinaire, emotionless, Arya Svit-Kona, COULD GET LOCKED OUT!"
Eragon burst into laughter, and began rolling around on the floor.
"Yes Eragon... I was locked out." She frowned, "And I was wondering if I could stay here for the night..."
Eragon stopped rolling, and stood up, looking Arya directly in the face with a rather intense gaze.
"You... want... to...sleep... with...MEEEE?...In...a...BED?" Eragon asked in further disbelief, "I never dreamed that this day would come!"
"That's a lie and you know it!" She exclaimed, "You were dreaming about that when I walked in here!"
Eragon immediately lost his excitement, and looked at her in shock. "You were spying on me weren't you!"
"NO I WAS NOT!" Arya thundered, "And I do not want to sleep with you. I do however want to sleep in your extra room upstairs...or if that is too much to ask, I will just leave and sleep with another one of my male elf friend's homes. "
"NOOO PLEASE DON'T LEAVE!" Eragon begged while strapping himself to her legs, "WHATEVER YOU DO, DON'T LEAVE!"
"Alright then..." Arya said, sounding pleased with herself, "Please show me to your study...Or will I have to show myself? You know, I could always leave..."
"No No! The study is this way!" Eragon pleaded, "Is there anything else I can do for you?"
"Well..." Arya considered with a mischievous smile, "I would like some hot tea... and another thing..."
"What! What is it?" Eragon begged.
"Please stop dreaming about me... It's really creepy..."
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About an hour later, Arya was enjoying a refreshing warm bath. She was slowly eating chocolate covered strawberries, while sipping warm tea from a fine porcelain cup. As she basked in the warm bubbly water of the bath, she closed her eyes, and realized that she felt needy again.
"Eragon!" She called in a needy voice, "I need you again!"
The door of the bathroom was quickly opened, and Arya sank lower in her bubble bath so her body was not exposed. Eragon walked into the bathroom, wearing a maid uniform, and carrying a notepad.
"Is there anything I can do for you?" He asked desperately, "Anything?"
"Well..." she started dramatically, "There are a few more things..."
"WHAT! WHAT IS IT?"
"I want some chocolate covered cherries, more hot water, a foot massage, more bubbles, and some entertainment..."
"What kind of entertainment?" Eragon asked, "I don't know how to entertain!"
"You can start off by reading me a book. Then, you should act out a play!"
Eragon gaped at Arya in horror. "I can't act out a play! Who would do the other characters?"
"Oh..." Arya responded in a ashamed way, "If its like that, I could always go somewhere else..."
"NO!" Eragon shouted, tears streaming down his face, "DON'T LEAVE ME!"
"Well then you better hurry up!"
Eragon left the room feeling depressed.
I've let her turn me into a slave. A slave of love...
As Eragon walked downstairs in his dark home, he heard a low moan drift across a night breeze, and through a window. The moan was eerie in the night, and it gave him the chills. It made him feel like climbing up a tree, and hiding like a cat.
Don't be stupid... He scolded himself, Your a dragon rider... your not afraid of anyone!
As he reached the ground floor, Eragon fumbled around for one of the elves flameless lanterns, and after he had managed to light it, walked over to his library.
A play... He thought, What kind of a play can one poor dragon rider act out all by himself?
As he looked through his small collection of books, he remembered he still had to make Arya some chocolate covered strawberries. Letting out a sigh, he made his way to the kitchen, feeling very alone without Saphira for company.
She was out on one of her missions to 'repopulate the dragon race'. That basically meant, that she was out getting bedded by any dragon she could find. He truley wished she would stay home more. Even with all of Eragon's pleading, she became more and more stubborn, about the matter, saying that she didn't want to be "Some loner who doesn't have a life..."
How fast they grow up... Eragon thought in a very fatherly way.
Once he had reached the kitchen, the dragon rider servant made himself busy by rummaging around for some cherries. He went about it for several minuets, but he was interrupted by a noise.
thump.
thump.
thump.
The thumping was constant, and determined, and it seemed to be coming from the front door. Guided only by the dim lantern glow through the dark house, he reached the door. He the noted that the person on the other side of the door was pounding with all of their might with both hands.
Well that is odd... Eragon thought, It's very rude to knock at the door for to long. Especially this late at night.
But as he lifted his hand to open he door, a touch of hesitation sparked in his mind. It was an instinct. A warning. Something was amiss.
Maybe I should ask who is at the door first...
"Um excuse me!" Eragon asked timidly, "Who is out there, this late at night?'
He got no reply for a moment, but then a blood chilling moan passed through the door. It was raspy, and mindless. It was sickly and demented. And it passed up into the air, like a wolf howls into the night.
But before he could react, another moan sounded in the distance, and then another even fainter one. Soon it seemed that the whole forest was echoing with the demented laughter from hell.
Eragon turned bone white as another set of fists began to pound at his door.
thump. thump. thump thump.
Soon the soft tree door was being cracked through the center. Eragon was frozen with fear, but he snapped out of it once moonlight began to filter through the ever widening crack in the door.
"Please go, there is no one home!" He pleaded in desperation, "NO ONE HOME! PLEASE LEAVE A MESSAGE AT THE BEEP! BEEP! NO HABLAR ESPANOLE!"
But as Eragon turned to flee, the thumping stopped. The whisper of steel on flesh could be heard, and the sounds of battle slipped in through the door. There was a moment of pause, and the door was smashed off its hinges. And through the haunting moonlight a form came a lone figure.
It was Oromis.
Except he looked strange. He looked haggard, and was hunched over on his back. His eyes were bloodshot, and there was blood leaking out of a strange wound on his shoulder.
"Oh master its just you!" Eragon said visibly relived, "Are you doing well? I thought Murtagh and Thorn killed you off in book three!"
But Oromis said nothing. He just looked Eragon over with his hungry bloodshot eyes.
"Ohh... that's right!" Eragon remembered, "I'm suppose to greet elves with that secret handshake thing!"
Eragon put his hands to his lips, and began saying the formal elven greetings. But before he could finish, Oromis pulled his hands away from his lips, and pulled his head towards his neck.
For a second, Eragon was sure Oromis was about to bite him. But then the old elf whispered in his ear.
"Eragon!" He rasped, "The curse of the walking dead is upon us! save yourself while you still can, or..."
But before he could finish, Oromis grasped his right arm, and winced in pain. He struggled for a moment, but then collapsed on the floor.
"Noooooooooo!" Eragon screamed, falling to his knees, "Master why?"
"Run Eragon run...Zombies!"
And then he died. Eragon felt tears forming in his eyes as he felt the loss of his teacher rip his heart for the second time.
First Murtagh killed him, and now those damned monsters killed him again!
Lifting his eyes from his slain master, Eragon saw more people in the doorway. There were three of them. One of them resembled queen Islanzadi. The other two looked like male elves, but they were certainly not. All three of them had wounds, and one of the male things still had a blade stuck in its neck. Blood gushed from the wound, but it was decayed and old, and the zombie took no notice of it. And worst of all, their eyes glowed. A yellow evil glow, that made it look like a small fire was smoldering in their heads.
They all limped as they filed in through the door, and Eragon noted that they tripped several times while climbing the stairs up to the door.
"Um... who are you guys?" Eragon asked nervously, "What are you doing in my house? Are you zombies?"
The creatures made no reply, but began to slouch towards him, mouths agape, with their arms reaching out for him greedily.
Then one of them moaned a deep gurgling moan. It was Oromis. He had gotten up, and had joined the ranks of his attackers.
Eragon tried to hold back the chills that racked his body, but was unsuccessful.
"Um master Oromis?" Eragon asked while backing up, "What do you want from me?"
"Brains..." He moaned, "We want flesh and bone... and brains..."
"He he he..." Eragon laughed uncertainly, "I thought elves didn't eat meat! No unnecessary suffering right!"
"Brains..."
"Please stop guys, your starting to freak me out!"
"Brains..."
Eragon decided he had seen enough. He had to get out of here. There was definitely something wrong here. But as her turned to flee, he realized he had backed into a corner.
Four of the things were coming at him, and there was nowhere to run. He turned around wildly, looking for any means of escape.
There has to be something! He thought desperately, A window, a door, anything!
"Brains...!"
But there was nothing. So Eragon gave up and sat down in the corner sucking his thumb. He felt hot tears roll down his face, and he shivered as he heard another moan in the distance.
He was going to die here.
He was going to die all alone, without Saphira, or Orik, or Arya.
"Brains..."
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AN: ARE YOU GUYS READY FOR HALLOWEEN?
Hey guys! Long time no see! It's been a while since I've last posted, or updated, or done anything on this site for a while. So I decided to mix things up with a Halloween special! This story is inspired by the new chapter in inheritance book four called 'BRAINS.' CP says that there will be no zombies in said chapter, but I couldn't care less what he thinks. THERE WILL BE ZOMBIES IF I WANT ZOMBIES!
OK, As I normally do with my humors fanfiction stories, I will be doing a EPILOGUE! For those of you who don't know how this works, If you review on this chapter, and the new chapter that will be released Halloween night, Then you will be included in a bonus EPILOGUE chapter.
So you guys better start reviewin'.
In other news, I will be dressing up as the 1% for Halloween! I live in new york, and the occupy wall street movement is currently the coolest and most legitimate thing going on! (especially since my parents used to work there) I would love to personally love to go protest myself, but alas, my parents won't let me. (after seeing those police abuse videos, they won't even let me out of the house) So If you guys see some guy wearing a suit, a sack of money, a blue tie, and running around with an over enthusiastic female IRS agent, in the Queens area, say Hi, and give me extra candy! My girlfriend will be dressing up as a IRS agent, and will carry around a binder that says TAX RETURNS on it. Together, we are the scariest things to ever walk the planet!
So, tell me what your going to be for Halloween, and what you thought of the story!
'HE OWNS THE CASTLE, HE OWNS THE HILL, BUT YOU AND I ONLY PAY THE BILL...'