"Are you ready to talk?"
She was scared. In all her time in the CIA she had never once experienced this before. Well to this extent. Of course she had days where she was shaken, where she questioned the good in the world. But those late night fearful thoughts always seemed to wane in the morning. She didn't believe the doctor when he informed her that she in fact did not have a heart attack. Her body was in pain, her chest tightened, her heart raced, and her breaths were shallow and short. She had sworn she had a heart attack. My god she wished she had had a heart attack instead of what was really happening. She didn't have time to deal with this panic attack, and what she assumed would be more to come. She didn't have time to deal with this, and she didn't want to face what she went through in Iran.
"The doctors concluded that the Secretary is in good health, and was simply exhausted." Daisy suggested, trying to come up with ideas on how to spin this potential story. "No they didn't." Mike argued. "Guys, she can't be exhausted. Ed Muskie was exhausted. 'Exhausted' is Washington code for complete mental freak-out, you twelve year olds." Mike announced to the group. "Please say 'exhausted' more." Blake sarcastically pleaded, taking a seat next to Daisy. "Hey, she flew to Iran, thwarted a coup, then flew home and went right back to work. I think America would understand if she's a little tired." Matt fought, while pouring himself a cup of coffee. "Mike is, um…" Nadine stuttered. "Right." Mike finished. Nadine sighed and then repeated, "Right."
"Listen the story the White House is pedaling is 'nothing to see here'. Implying that the secretary had some sort of a breakdown is definitely something to see." Nadine spoke up. "I'd bet my second house that Russell Jackson is at the hospital right now, trying to find out if our beloved Bess has gone around the bend." Mike said, kicking his feet up on the conference table. "He actually was there an hour ago, I heard from her detail." Blake proclaimed. "Look at that, I'm psychic." The cocky man replied. "And if he decides she is, she'll be tossed overboard, but quick." Mike declared. "Well it looks like we should get back to work then." Elizabeth said, making herself known.
Against Henry's wishes, and the doctor's, she returned to work after being discharged from her brief hospital visit. She momentarily considered going home, but decided against it. Hearing what her staff had to say about the issue, made her decision more clear. Their words shook her. She now definitely knew that she was going to be forced to keep her feelings deep down inside. She couldn't afford to be showing any ounce of weakness right now. The question was, was she going to be able to?
The group jumped to their feet, embarrassed. "Madam Secretary." They formally greeted her. She motioned with her hand for them to sit back down. She exhaled, then asked, "What's next?" Mike practically ran to the Secretary's side. "Well you have a meeting with Owen from the charity something, something." He reminded her. She nodded her head, beginning to walk. Mike walked with her. Blake followed behind the pair. Once in the hallway, Mike said, "You know the lowly grunts are really inspired by their unsinkable leader. Bounces back from a heart attack the same day." He exaggerates. "Imaginary heart attack." She reminds him, looking straight ahead. "It's better than a real one." He counters. "So you're sure you're up for this meeting?" He asked her, seriously. "Yes, absolutely." She answered, without a tremble in her voice. "You know it took a lot of wrangling to get him into a room under such short notice." Mike declared. "I'm not going to embarrass you. Don't worry about it." Elizabeth responded. "Good, because if it were up to me, the only person you'd be in a room with is a psychiatrist."
She laughed, crossed her arms and smiled. Elizabeth stopped walking and turned to the man. "Well, thanks for the vote of confidence."
"I'm withholding that until we see if your plan actually works." Mike told her. The Secretary looked off to the side, her breathe hitching. "So you set?" he asked, but he got no response. Her ears started ringing, the memories of Abdol and his father flooded her mind. The sound of gunshots rang through her ears along with the little boy's screams. She blinked and swallowed hard, regaining her focus. "You good?" Mike asked. She looked at him blankly, missing what he had said. "What?" she questioned. "Are…are you good to go?" he asked again. "Yes." She answered, waving her hand. "Yeah, absolutely. I just… I'm gonna…Um…one thing…" she said, beginning to walk backwards, still facing Mike, to her office. Her assistant made a move to follow her, but the Secretary held a hand up to Blake, and said, "No, no I got it. I got it. I'm…right back." She vanished from sight. Blake glanced at Mike, with a worried look on his face.
Her office was dark, even with it being only four in the afternoon. The lights were off, and the curtains were pulled shut. She was grateful for the privacy, but she felt helpless and alone. Her chest felt tight, and her breathing was off. She slowly walked the short distance to her desk. She shut her eyes, but quickly opened them when images of the coup replayed behind her eyelids. Her heart was racing, and tears began to slip down her cheeks. In defeat, back pressed against the wall, she slipped down the wood into a heap on the floor. She knew Henry was right. She knew coming back today wasn't a good idea, but she didn't have another choice. The country wasn't going to wait for her to stop feeling 'sad'. She had a job to do, and this. This wasn't going to get in her way.
"Mom had a heart attack?!" Allison worriedly asked her father the second she got home from school. Henry stood in the kitchen unloading the dishwasher. "It's nice to see you too, Ally."
"Dad!" the teenager rose her voice, and stared at him, waiting for an answer. "Come on dad, it's all over the news. Just tell us the truth." Stevie told her father. Henry sighed. "Your mother did not have a heart attack." He informed his children. Allison let out the breath she was holding. "She had a panic attack." Henry admitted. "A panic attack?" Stevie questioned. Their father nodded his head. "Is she okay?" his daughter asked. "Your mother will be fine." He answered truthfully. "Where is she? Can I see her?" Allison asked, worriedly. "She's at work."
"At work!" both their children said at the same time. "Kids, look there is no reason to worry, okay. She's…busy. She'll be home when she's home, okay?" They nodded their heads. "Are you going to tell Jason?" Stevie asked him. Henry didn't know the answer. He wasn't sure if he wanted to tell his son what was really going on. "No." he finally replied. "At least not yet." He finished. "Now why don't you both, go start your homework, while I start dinner."
Henry laid on the couch, reading a book, what he usually does when waiting up for her. But it was late, the hour was going on one am, and his eyes were drooping. He was tired. Given the day he had, he didn't blame himself. When he began to give into the enticing idea of sleep, he heard the faint click of heels on the hardwood floor. He looked over his shoulder and there his wife was, setting her briefcase on the kitchen counter. "Hey." He said, approaching her. "Hey." She said back. He placed his hands on her arms. She tensed at the contact. He leaned in to place a kiss on her forehead, but she pulled back, out of his hold. "Are you alright?"
"I'm fine. Just…just tired." She said, truthfully. She couldn't remember the last time she had slept. Deciding he didn't want to bring up the fact that Elizabeth wasn't arriving home until now, he jumped to another, softer, conversation, or so he thought. "You know the kids are really worried about you."
"They shouldn't be." She said, pouring the rest of her coffee down the drain. "Well, Lizzie you know what, so am I." He rose his voice. She turned to face him, leaning her back against the sink, placing a hand over her eyes. "And I don't think this is fair, your issues…" She whipped her head up, to meet his eyes. "My issues!" she shouted back. "Yes. Your issues are starting to affect our family." Henry finished. He was met by her angry gaze. "Do you think I chose for this to happen? That I was asking to get shot in Iran!" She yelled. She couldn't believe what he was insinuating. "Of course not, but you've…" his voice was softer, but he was interrupted once again. She held her hands up to him, and said, "You know what Henry I am exhausted, and I can't do this right now." She admitted and began to walk away, and upstairs. "Elizabeth!" he called after her, but she didn't turn around.
She took a deep breath, while leaning on the doorway. She stared blankly, watching her daughter sleep peacefully. After a few minutes standing, she sat on the edge of the bed, and gently stroked her daughter's hair. Ally began to stir. "Mom?" Allison questioned, sleepily. "I'm right here noodle." She comforted her child. "I'm glad you're okay." Ally said, hugging her mom. "Me too." She whispered, placing a kiss on Allison's forehead.
It was past two thirty when she went to bed. The room was dark, and she could see a figure under the covers. She assumed Henry was already asleep. She quickly changed into her pajamas, as quietly as possible, trying not to wake her husband. She pulled back the covers, and sat down on their bed, with a sigh. She was tense and there was no way in hell she would be sleeping tonight. But she laid down anyways. Half an hour later, she still laid awake. The silence suffocating her. The sound of gunshots buzzing through her ears over and over. She was startled when a hand was suddenly on her arm. "I didn't mean to upset you." Henry admitted. "I'm sorry." Elizabeth replied with a sigh. Henry slid closer to her, kissing her neck. Her eyes closed harshly at the action. "I'm just…just exhausted." She told him. "Try to get some sleep, babe." He told her, rubbing his hand up and down her side. Henry eventually succumbed to the much needed sleep. She tried, she hoped, she prayed, but sleep never came. Just the ringing in her ears and the explosion playing in her mind.
The next week was…was tiring. Elizabeth was barely getting any sleep, on a good night she would get at most two hours. She was running on coffee, which wasn't helping her anxiety one bit. She was snapping at her staff, getting into trifle fights with Russell, and she was pushing away Henry. She missed him. Missed his kisses, his touches, his sweet nothings. They were a team, but recently they were far from it. It was becoming the new normal for them. Wake up, go to work. Henry would come home to an empty house. He would care for the kids. Bess would come home, late into the night. Then they'd lay in bed, backs to one another, leaving a space for another person between them. And then they'd do it again the next day. She was pushing him away, but he was pushing her too far. She didn't want to let him in. She didn't want to talk about what happened. She just wanted to move forward, but she couldn't. She was stuck.
The Secretary sat on her couch, trying to read over a memo, Conrad had sent over to her, but instead she was simply staring at the pieces of paper. She picked up her coffee cup to take a sip of the warm liquid, when Daisy knocked on her door, informing Elizabeth of her presence. Bess signaled with her hand for her to come in. "I know you don't love dealing with the media, but they're a reality. If I didn't do my job, the press would define you, leaving you with zero political capital." Daisy started off saying. "You're right." She agreed, simply. "So this is why I'm going to bring something up, only because it might become an issue." Daisy said, a bit nervously. "Alright, what is it?" Bess asked. "It's about your husband." The Secretary looked up, giving Daisy her full attention. "I have a source, who tells me he's having an affair. Now maybe he isn't. But he's been seen around town with a younger woman. If it gets out, it could devastate your policy work." Daisy told her. Lizzie looked down once again, and said, "Daisy you're pushing a line."
"Madam Secretary, it's my job to tell you when…" Daisy began, but was interrupted. "It's your job to make suggestions based on facts. Not cast aspersions because of your situation with Matt." Daisy was surprised to say the least. "Which is your business. But it becomes mine when you use your job as a smokescreen to redirect your guilt onto my family. So cut it out." The Secretary said sternly. Daisy nodded her head, and swiftly left the room.
She ran her fingers through her hair, nervously, and took a deep breath. She fiddled with her shirt for a minute, and then stood from the couch, and walked over to the phone sitting on her desk. She dialed a familiar number, and then waited. But he didn't answer, all she got was his ringtone. She hung up the phone, and looked off to the side, deciding what to do.
The car ride home was quick. The flashing lights, and SUVs did help clear everyone off the streets. She couldn't help but think she was to blame for all this. She did this to them. She was barely home, they'd barely seen each other. Ever since she took the job, and then the whole thing with Iran, pushed them further away. Maybe…maybe he found someone that… she couldn't even finish the thought. She loved Henry. She trusted him, but she just had to know for sure. Her heart was racing, opening the front door of their home. There he was sitting in the study. "Hi." He said a bit surprised to see her home. He stood and approached her, opening his arms for a hug. "Hi." She replied, returning the hug, but quickly pulling away. "You alright?" he asked. "I thought…I thought you'd be at work." She said, but it sounded like a question. "I came home for lunch." He responded. "Are you having an affair?" she blurted out, arms in the air. He looked at her in surprise. "I heard it. I don't believe it. But I need to hear it from you." She stated. She looked into his brown orbs, nervously awaiting his response. When none came, she turned away, saying, "Oh my god." She felt sick. "No." he said sternly. "Well, you're gonna have to be a lot more convincing. Immediately." She stressed the last word. Henry looked down to the ground, and took off his glasses. "Elizabeth…" He began. Her stomach churned at the way he said her name. The room started spinning, her ears buzzing. Her hands began to shake. "How long? Weeks? Months?" Her voice was just above a whisper. Her heart raced. Her head felt heavy. She heard gunshots and screams. "Have you lost your mind?" he asked. "That's better." She said weakly. "I'm not having an affair."
"I…I believe you." she told him. Henry wrapped his arms around his wife. "I have um to get back to work." She said, before walking away.
Sitting at her desk after just finishing a conference call with the ambassador from Britain, someone she didn't expect to see today barged into her office, unexpected. "M Sec, what's up?" Blake came running in after her guest. He pointed at the man and announced, "Michael Barnow, Madam Secretary."
"Thanks, Blake." She replied, before her assistant quickly left her office. Elizabeth took off her glasses, and looked at her friend. "I was looking for you about an hour ago." He declared. "I um ran home." She informed him. Lizzie took in a breath then said, "What can I do for you Mike?"
"More like what I can do for you?" The Secretary rose her eyebrows in confusion. "I've heard the rumors." He told her, taking a step closer to her desk. "Rumors?" she questioned, but she knew what he was getting at. "Revolving around your husband." Mike went on. "And they're exactly that. Rumors." She responded, simply. He tilted his head to the side and their eyes met. His look was asking if she really believed that. "Look, I know a guy. I can have this sorted out quickly and quietly." He offered. Bess's eye direction was focused on her laptop now. "No." She told him. "Lizzie…" he began. "No. absolutely not, Mike."
The next night, Elizabeth came home rather early compared to the last week. But she wanted to see her kids. And the whole thing with the 'affair', and her conversation with Mike was putting her on edge. She walked into the kitchen, setting her coffee mug on the counter. The subtle, but noticeable noise, got her husband's attention. "You're home." His expression had utter shock. She crossed her arms over her chest, as Henry kissed her forehead. "We um… we just finished dinner." He admitted, putting his hands into his pockets. "That's alright." She claimed. "There's a plate for you in the microwave." He shouted, while walking into the dining room. He was out of sight, but she assumed he was clearing the table. She was about to respond to him, when his phone, which was sitting on the kitchen counter, began to ring. She looked down at the screen to see that the number didn't have a name saved. Her mind assumed the worst. She was being ridiculous. It's just a junk call. She told herself. The phone stopped ringing before Henry appeared, with a stack of plates. "How was work?" Her husband asked, trying to make conversation. "Fine." She said emotionlessly, before he left the kitchen once again. That's when his phone dinged, meaning he had a text message. 'I need to see you.' the text read. "So I take it no country tried to blow anyone up today?" Henry joked. Her breath hitched, and she was about to pick up his phone when he began to walk in the room. She took a step back from the counter, and shrugged her coat off. "Elizabeth?"
She looked up to meet his eyes. "Yeah?" she asked. "You alright?" he noticed she was off. "I'm fine." She answered, giving as much as a smile as she could muster. That's when his phone buzzed again, which he picked up, and then typed something. She couldn't read his facial expression. She didn't know what he was thinking. "Where are the kids?"
"Um they're…they're in the living room." She nodded. "I um I have to leave. One of my students wants me to take a look at their paper." He explained. "Okay." She muttered. He stepped towards her, and kissed her cheek, then he was out the door.
Her mind was going in a million directions. She didn't know what to think. What to believe. She didn't know what to do. She was still. She was numb. She grabbed her cell phone from her purse, and scrolled to his contact. He picked up with a 'hello' after the fourth ring. "Mike, about yesterday…" Elizabeth began. "Yeah?" he urged her. "Do it."
It was a week later, and the time was growing close to seven pm, when there was a knock on her door. She mumbled a 'come in'. She looked up to see a familiar face. "Mike." She stated. He had his head down, and was fingering a file he held in his hands. She knew from the look on his face, and the lack of playful banter, something was wrong. And she knew exactly what. Her suspicions were proven true. "Nothing can be proven, but…" Mike motioned with his hands. She ran a hand over her forehead. "Let me see the pictures." She demanded. He approached her desk, and handed her the manila envelope. She took a deep breath then opened the file. Her fingers went to the bridge of her nose as she flipped through the photos. Pictures of them walking alongside one another. Smiling, laughing. Pictures of them sitting in a coffee shop. A picture of them entering an apartment building together. And then one of Henry leaving by himself. "I'm sorry." Mike muttered. She thought she was going to be sick. She trusted him…with everything. She didn't understand how he could do this to her. "How…How long?" she spit out. "Thinking about four months." She closed her eyes at Mike's words. She was embarrassed, and couldn't even meet Mike's gaze. "I'm so sorry Lizzie." She nodded her head at his words.
Henry was at home, working on making dinner, when a loud bang from the front door hitting the wall, interrupted his thoughts. Seconds later he was met by his wife. She stopped in her tracks upon seeing him, dropping her purse to the ground. Her eyes were glazed over, her cheeks were red, but that look. That look in her eyes, spoke a thousand words. She was furious. His eyes traveled from her face, to the file in her hand. "What's wrong?" He asked, walking towards her. She held her hand up to him. "Don't." she said sternly. "Don't come near me." She added. She took a step back, away from him. "What is the problem?" he questioned, confusion in his voice. "The problem is that you're a liar." Elizabeth told him, beginning to move to the other side of the island, but he caught her arm. She turned back to look at him, and her gaze was deadly. "Get the hell off of me Henry." She demanded. He released her arm, but didn't back down. "I thought we didn't speak to each other that way."
"I thought we didn't do lots of things to each other, but turns out I was wrong." She informed him, throwing the file down on the kitchen counter, making a smacking sound when the paper connected with the granite. She stood there, arms crossed, staring at him as he picked up and opened the file. Henry's stomach dropped, seeing the contents of the envelope. "How could you." Hurt and anger sounding in her voice. "Elizabeth, listen to me." He pleaded. "There's nothing for you to say, Henry! You lied straight to my face last week." He closed his eyes at her words. "I didn't lie to you, Lizzie." She sarcastically laughed. She looked him directly into his eyes and asked, "How long have you been sleeping with this woman?"
He shook his head. "I'm not having an affair!" he yelled at her. "Answer my question." She demanded. Elizabeth wiped at her cheeks, that's when his phone began to ring. "Is that her? He looked down at the ground. "Answer the phone, Henry." She commanded. He did the opposite and declined the call. "Elizabeth, listen to me. I have never and will never be unfaithful to you." He stated. "Then tell me who she is!" she shouted, slapping her hands down against the counter. He remained silent for a minute before admitting, "I can't."
"You mean won't." His phone rang again. "Just go." She told him with a roll of her eyes. "I know it's her." She announced. "Lizzie…" He whispered. "Tell me the god damn truth!" She screamed, waving her arms around in the air. "I can't tell you!" he yelled back, gripping the edge of the counter. She shook her head at him. They were interrupted by another call. "Will you please, just answer your phone, and tell your mistress you'll see her soon!" he declined the call once again. She just stared at him. "Tell me why you've been having an affair for the past four months!" she cried. "For the thousandth time, I am not having an affair!"
"Then tell me why I should believe that. Tell me one reason why I should trust you." she whispered, tears slipping down her cheeks. "I'm not having an affair, Elizabeth. You have to believe me." He begged. "The thing is I don't." Bess said, taking a deep breathe. "You need to leave." She said weakly, but in a stern voice. He didn't have anything else to say. He couldn't fight with her any longer. She watched as he grabbed his phone, his coat, and then he was gone.
All three McCord children stood at the top of the staircase. They had heard bits and pieces of what was being said, but they knew they were fighting. And it was a big one.
Tears were streaming down her face. She covered her mouth with her hand to muffle a sob. What had just happened? Her heart was racing. She ran her hands through her hair. She felt like a weight was on her chest. She leaned on the counter to support herself. The ringing in her ears quickly turned to screams. She tried oh so hard to push thoughts from Iran out of her head. She took a deep breath, it brought her back to the present. She swallowed hard. She could hear the faint footsteps of her children walking down the staircase. 'Oh god the kids.' She thought. What had she done? She looked around and picked up the knife from the cutting board, and began chopping the vegetables Henry had been working on. "Mom?" Allison asked, scared. "Yeah, noodle?" she glanced at her three kids, and took in the expressions on their faces. Elizabeth's mouth was a gape, and her breathing began to speed up again. Her children looked at her confused. Bess looked back at the cutting board. She needed to focus on something, and that, right now, was cutting vegetables. "Where's dad?" Jason asked his mother. The simple question, caused her breath to catch in her throat. "Your father…Your father left." She informed them, not looking at their faces. "He left?" Ally questioned, with a tremble in her voice. "I don't believe that." Stevie stated, crossing her arms. Elizabeth began chopping more firmly, clenching the knife. "You kicked him out." Stevie accused, staring at the side of her mother's face. "Stevie." Allison hissed at her older sister. Elizabeth's head started spinning. Her shaking hands removed her glasses from her face, and threw them on the counter. "You always go against him!" Stevie yelled. She thought her heart was going to beat out of her chest. "When something goes wrong, you always put him at fault! And I'm sick of it!" The twenty year old shouted. Elizabeth set the knife down, and white knuckled the counter. "You are so unfair to him!" Stevie screamed. Elizabeth put a hand over her eyes. "What happened, mom?" Ally asked calmly. Stevie was mad. Allison was scared. Jason stood there, not knowing what to think. "I'm sure she'll blame dad." Stevie commented. "Why don't you call your father and ask him why he's sleeping with another woman!" Elizabeth snapped, and the minute she said it, she regretted it. She saw their scared faces and wanted to take back her words. Bess turned to face them. Her motion accidentally knocked over a cup. Her eyes saw the glass fall in slow motion, shattering, after meeting the floor. Everything spiraled downward. The cracking, the crushing noise, brought her back to the place she'd been running from. She placed her hand over her heart, clutching at her blouse. "Mom?" Stevie asked, worried. She took a step closer to her mother. Bess couldn't breathe. She could faintly see Stevie looking into her eyes, but all she could focus on was the sound of the screams. The explosion. The gunshots. She was shaking as she slid down to the floor. She was slouched against the cabinets.
Allison stood back, watching. Terror in her eyes, tears streaming down her face. "Stevie, do something!" the teenager commanded. Stevie looked at her panicked sister, then back at her mother. The oldest daughter kneeled down next to her mom, and gently touched her wrist. Elizabeth didn't acknowledge the movement. She continued looking blankly ahead. Allison quickly took out her phone, fumbling with her pocket. "Stevie, we need to call someone." She demanded. "Just hold on, Ally." She said sitting next to Bess. "Mom." Stevie called again, but no response. She rested against her mother. Jason squatted down to the floor, and leaned closer to his mom's face. "Abdol." She mumbled. "Stay down Abdol." Elizabeth demanded. "Mom its Jason." Her son told her. "Jason." She muttered, staring directly into her son's eyes. Lizzie closed her eyes for a moment. Allison studied her mother. The next thing she saw was her mom's eyes flying open, and her sucking in a deep breath. "Jason." She called out, taking him into her arms. She clutched at his back, drawing him closer to her, while tears rolled down from her eyes. Stevie let out a relived breath, and wrapped her arms around her mom. Ally fell to her knees in front of the group. "Mommy." She cried, clutching at her mom. Elizabeth cradled Ally's head against her chest, comforting her daughter. After a few minutes, Elizabeth began to stand up, resulting in her children doing the same. "I'm so sorry guys." Bess mumbled, apologizing for her outburst. All three kids looked at her, still confused, and worried for their mother. Lizzie rubbed the heel of her palm over her forehead, overwhelmed with everything going on. "Are you alright, mom?" Jason asked. She looked at her son, then to her daughters, and answered, "I am fine. You don't need to worry about me." She lied, and they knew it. "Mom, what's going on? Please. I'm scared." Allison pleaded. All Elizabeth could do was turn her back to her kids. Three pairs of eyes darted to the dark red stain, soaking through her blue blouse. "Mom, you're bleeding." Stevie informed her. She pinched the bridge of her nose, and held up a hand. "I just need a moment." She muttered before walking towards hers and Henry's office. The children exchanged looks with one another, and Allison began to cry again. Stevie took her younger siblings into her arms.
Blood. 'Mom you're bleeding.' Repeated in her head. She assumed that she had just popped a stitch. She tried not to think about the dull ache of pain running through her lower back, as she wobbled across the room. She stopped at her desk, placing one hand on the hard surface, and looked over her shoulder at her back. Not being able to see, she reached her hand behind her and fingered the wound, pulling back and hissing at the pain. Her face crinkled in discomfort, before letting out a gasp. She fumbled her way to the other side of her desk, and began rummaging through a drawer. Not finding what she was looking for, she closed the drawer and opened another, when her front door swung open. She didn't even look up when Russell Jackson barged into her home. Even with the low light of her office, he spotted her immediately and took the few short steps towards her. She finally found what she was looking for. "Sorry to bug you, but we need to talk about this new treaty with China." He stated, but she wasn't listening as she struggled to open the container. "Bess? Are you listening to me?" the President's chief of staff questioned. The Secretary once again moved to the other side of her desk, back towards Russell. "I just… need a second." She told him, trying to use a pair of scissors to open the bottle. Russell sighed, his eyes wandered, falling on the deep red spot on the back of the Secretary's shirt. "Elizabeth… you have blood…"
"I'm aware." She muttered. "Are you all right?" he asked, now noticing her frantic behavior. That very second the top of the small bottle popped off, sending every little pill on the floor, and scattering about. "God damn it!" she shouted. She dropped the bottle of Xanax, but leaned down and picked up a pill, popping it into her mouth. "I'm going to the hospital." She blurted out, before turning to face the door. "Bess." He said. "I'll…I'll be back."
He was left standing in her home, pure shock written on his face. He was frozen to the spot, still glaring at the door, where the Secretary walked out of moments ago. A million thoughts plagued his mind, he was officially worried about her, and when Russel Jackson was worried, something was seriously wrong. The older man pulled out his cell phone and said, "Yeah you should get over to Elizabeth's. Something's not right." Russel ended the phone call, he heard sniffling behind him. He turned to see the three McCord children huddled together, red eyes and worried looks on their faces.
Elizabeth shut her door with a sigh, her hand resting on the wood. Russel stood in the foyer, behind her, checking his phone, seeing Conrad would be arriving in about three minutes. After sending the worried teenagers upstairs, Russel had a chance to call Henry, but the call went straight to his voicemail. "Bess." He called. He could see that she was noticeably surprised by his presence with a slight jump. She quickly turned around to face the man. "Good god you scared me." She told him, placing a hand over her heart. He swallowed hard, trying to decide where to take this conversation. "I think you need to take a step back." The chief of staff stated. The Secretary crossed her arms over her chest. "A step back from, what exactly?" she questioned, anger already presenting in her voice. Before he could respond, the President stepped through the door. "Elizabeth." He greeted, concern in his eyes. He rushed over to the Georgetown home, after receiving an unsettling phone call from Russel. He looked at his friend and could see something was off. He glanced to the right and saw the floor in her office covered by scattered white pills. His brow furrowed in confusion. "What, did you two come over to gang up on me?" she yelled at them before turning and walking into her kitchen. The two men followed after her. "Came over to fire me in person, Conrad?" she grumbled, opening a cabinet, and filling a glass with water. Conrad didn't answer her question. His mind was focused on the broken glass, and the blood smear on her lower cabinet. His eyes darted to her, noticing the blood on her shirt. "Bess, are you okay?" The president asked her, his voice steady, and comforting. Back towards them, she shut her eyes and took a deep breathe before angrily slamming her glass down on the counter and rapidly turning around, ready for a fight. "Do you think I'm okay!" she screamed, rage filling her eyes. "How on earth could I be okay?" she spit out. Elizabeth took off her glasses and tossed them on the counter, shaking her head back and forth, trying to keep her tears at bay. "Conrad, you and I both know I'm suffering PTSD." She said calmly, with a laugh. "And I don't know what to do." She admitted while a single tear ran from her eye. "One minute I'm fine, the next I'm furious, and then I'm numb." She shrugged her shoulders. "I don't…I don't have any control, and my marriage has fallen apart. I just found out that my husband's having an affair. Henry's off screwing another woman!" she yelled, with a sob at the end. "For months now. And the thing is I had no idea! Because I was never home to notice him sneaking off at ungodly hours." She was silent for a moment, and then whispered, "I pushed him away." Tears were streaming down her face now, and Conrad and Russel stared at her sympathetically. "Iran." She muttered. Her mind flashed back to Henry's words, 'your issues are hurting the family.' "My issues." She mumbled. "This is all my fault." Elizabeth declared.
Conrad took a step forward, drawing closer to his friend. "Bess, Henry is not having an affair." The President reasoned. She shook her head. "There's pictures." She stated. "Of them." She added. "Mike B. He…I had them followed." Lizzie placed her hand on top of the file, which still remained on the countertop, and slid the envelope towards Conrad. The man opened the folder, wanting to know what she had seen. After seeing the first picture of the woman, he handed the file over to his chief of staff. "Henry isn't seeing another woman." He told her calmly. "He's working for the NSA. The woman in the pictures is his handler." Elizabeth looked up from the ground and her glassy eyes connected with his. "What?" she questioned, not sure if she heard him the first time. "The NSA reactivated Henry a few months ago." Conrad informed her. Her face showed a sign of relief, knowing her husband wasn't unfaithful. And then another bout of fear washed over her. She accused him of something that she should have never even questioned. He would never hurt her like that. She was mad at herself for even letting her mind go to that place. Her stomach turned into knots, not knowing what would happen next. "The directive came from your office?" she whispered. Neither Conrad nor Russel answered her question. "I'm the Secretary of State how long do you think you could keep this from me?" She rose her voice once again. "You didn't need to know." Russel spoke up. "Says who?" Elizabeth crossed her arms over her chest, waiting for an answer. Russel's eyes darted to the man next to him. Elizabeth caught the simple action and her blood ran cold. "You signed off on this?" she asked in disbelief. "Henry said you'd be okay with this." Conrad claimed. Lizzie scoffed at the statement. "My husband is a public figure. If it leaks, there isn't a diplomat in the world who will trust me." She told them. "I decided it was worth the risk." The President declared. Her mouth was left agape at his words. She nodded her head. "I hope it was worth almost…or maybe even ruining our marriage." She looked down at the floor. "Bess…" Conrad began to oppose. "I recommend that you two leave my house." Conrad swallowed deeply, before following her command. After watching the motorcade disappear down the street, Lizzie took her phone from her pocket, and her shaking fingers typed out a message, 'Henry, I need you.'
Elizabeth leaned against the doorframe, watching on as her three kids lay in Stevie's bed, comforting one another. She let out an audible sigh, notifying her kids of her presence. Three pairs of upset eyes looked up at her. "Mom." Allison called, sniffling. Elizabeth took the few steps to the bed and sat down, instantly running a hand through Jason's hair. "Hi babies." She said sweetly. Suddenly Stevie burst out in tears. "I'm sorry for everything I said to you. I'm horrible." Stevie cried. Lizzie hushed her daughter. "Hey, it's okay. You don't need to worry about that baby."
The room fell into a silence for a moment before Jason had the courage to ask, "Mom did dad really cheat on you?" Their mother looked down at her hands, embarrassed of her actions earlier today. "No. he would never do such a thing. I…I overreacted." She admitted. She knew after the 'show' she had put on in the kitchen, her children wouldn't take that answer as easy as she would have hoped. "How do you know for sure?" Allison asked. "Honey, you just have to trust me on this, okay." She said, knowing she couldn't tell her kids what their father was really doing. Elizabeth stuttered for a moment before saying, "You know I've had a rough few weeks…with Iran. I'm a bit overwhelmed, and I wasn't thinking, and lashed out at your father. I'm at fault." She admitted. "Your dad loves each and every one of us, and he would never do something that would deliberately hurt our family. Okay?" The three kids nodded their heads. Lizzie placed a kiss on the top of Jason's head. "I love you all so much. Get some sleep." She told them, before leaving the bedroom. Walking down the hallway to her bedroom, she heard the front door open and close. Her breath caught in her throat, not sure if she was ready to face her husband. But, she turned on her heel, and ascended down the staircase. Her heart sped up, seeing him standing there, back towards her.
Henry was studying the mess of pills laying on the floor of their shared office, when he heard the rushed footsteps on the staircase. He turned around to be met with a heart shattering picture. His wife stood before him, bloodshot eyes, and wet cheeks. Her hands were clenched into fists, hanging at her side, and he couldn't decide if she was still angry. "Elizabeth." He said quietly. He had his answer when she practically threw herself into his arms. He enveloped her shaking form, his arms wrapping around her small frame. She clenched his shirt with her hands, while she sobbed into his shoulder. "I'm sorry." She cried out. "I'm so sorry." She apologized again. He hushed her, and comforted her by rubbing soothing circles on her back.
Henry was angry. He couldn't believe that Elizabeth could think that he would ever cheat on her. But he didn't stay mad for long. He knew she wasn't in a right state of mind. He knew where all the pent up emotions were coming from. Iran. He knew he couldn't force her to talk to him, or anybody for that matter. He knew that the only solution to this problem was simply time. She would open up when she felt she was ready, but he couldn't stand seeing her in so much emotional distress. He felt helpless watching her tear herself apart. All he could do was be there for her, so he clutched her close, and let her let go. Let go of the pain, the fear. She held her head against him, as her cries were coming to an end. She stepped back a bit, but close enough that she had her hands on his arms. She drew her gaze up from the ground, and locked her eyes with his. "I…I think Iran may have affected me more than I thought." Lizzie admitted. Henry ran his arms up and down her shoulders. "Considering what you've been through. It's completely normal." Her husband told her. "It feels totally crazy." She whispered. She swallowed deeply, thinking back at the question Henry had asked her almost two weeks ago. Her mouth opened, but no one words seemed to want to come out. With fresh tears trailing a path along her cheeks, she looked up at him once again. She sucked in a breath of air, and said, "I'm ready to talk."