**Seth's POV**
His skin glistened with sweat as he stood on top of the ropes after our victory. I felt my pulse quicken with both adrenaline from the roaring crowd and lust after the last man on earth I should've ever let myself fall for. I turned my back on him to celebrate with a different section of the crowd. 'Just forget it Seth,' I thought as I went through the motions of being happy, 'he'll never want you and you need to accept it.'
My heart skipped a beat when Dean casually draped an arm over my shoulders as we made our way up the ramp. But of course, it didn't actually mean anything, because his other arm was around Roman. It's just how Dean is, he's overly friendly. Oblivious to how hard he's caused me to fall for him. Suddenly I was jolted to a stop by Dean grabbing my shoulder. "What?" I asked as I snapped back into reality. I hadn't even realized we were backstage already.
"I was asking you if your back's alright." Dean explained, "you've been zoned out a lot lately. Everything okay?" "My back's fine and yeah everything's good." I said nervously. "Who is she?" Roman finally spoke up from behind Dean. We both looked at him quizzically. "Seth the last time I saw you act like this was when you met what's-her-name in the bar back when we were in NXT and you fell really hard for her. So, who'd you fall for now?" "Roman as much as I'd love to tell you, or anyone for that matter, it's just not something I can do." I explained as calmly as I could manage to as I started to panic. "What reason could you possibly have for thinking you can't tell me?" Roman asked, the hurt becoming clear in his voice. "Just trust me Rome," I said before walking away.
I went to the shower without saying another word to anyone else. Once I knew I was alone I was able to relax. I started thinking about what had happened between Roman and I, how hurt he'd seemed that I wouldn't tell him. Couldn't, I couldn't tell him. I want to so much, he could help. He'd know what to do, he's so good with relationships; he always knows what to do. I sighed as I shut the water off before drying myself off some and wrapping the towel around my waist.
Once I was back in the locker room I dug some clothes out of my bag and got dressed before sitting down to look at my phone while I waited for Roman and Dean. I unlocked my phone to find a message from Roman. 'Are you still okay with sharing a room with me tonight?' 'Yeah of course I am.' I replied before opening Instagram to try to keep myself distracted. I sat there and scrolled mindlessly, nothing on the screen in front of my face even registering with me.
"Everybody ready?" Roman's booming voice caused me to jump so hard I nearly threw my phone. "Jesus..." I breathed as I put my hand on my chest. "You sure you're alright Seth?" Dean asked as he adjusted the bag on his shoulder. I took a deep breath to try to steady my nerves, "yeah," I said as I stood up and grabbed my bag, "it's my night to drive right?" "Seth there's no way in hell I'm letting you drive right now." Roman said as he narrowed his eyes at me. "Roman I'm..." "Seth between you zoning out and how bad your nerves seem to be right now I'm not letting you get behind the wheel." I sighed and nodded before following Dean and Roman out of the building and to the car. We all loaded our bags in the back and Roman and Dean took the front seats and I took the back. I sat down and stared out the window, completely in my own world.
After a while I felt a gentle hand against my leg dragging me back to reality. I turned my head to find Dean turned backwards in his seat so he was facing me. "Seth we're going to stop at a gas station in a minute here for some food. I wanted to let you know but I didn't want to take a chance of scaring you again." "Thanks. Now sit back down and put your seatbelt back on because you climbing around that seat is scaring me more than anything right now." Dean surprisingly did what I'd asked him to with no arguments or sarcastic replies. I fumbled through my bag for a few seconds to find my wallet. Finally, I managed to get it and put it in my pocket right as we were pulling into the gas station.
We all got out of the car and stumbled into the store. I got myself a couple bottles of ginger ale and a sandwich before checking out and waiting in the car for Roman and Dean. My phone vibrated in my pocket. I pulled it out to find another message from Roman. 'Will you be willing to talk about what's bugging you some more when we get to the room and Dean's not around?' 'I'd be willing to try' I replied. Right after I hit send Dean got in the car and Roman got in soon after him.
Once we got to the hotel we unloaded out bags from the car. "Try to get some sleep man," Dean said as he handed me my duffle bag. I took the bag from him and nodded. "Rome, keep an eye on him." He said. "I got it Dean," he said as he rested a hand on Dean's shoulder, "get some rest." Dean nodded before turning and walking towards the building. Roman followed him and I followed behind Roman. Roman checked us in at the front desk and then lead the way to our room. Once we were in the room I dropped my bags and fell onto the bed. I could hear Roman shuffling around and assumed he was carefully setting down his belongings and hanging up his sweatshirt before sitting down on the other bed.
Roman and I had developed this habit when rooming together. I would drop everything at the door before falling into bed shoes and all and dealing with my belongings later. Whereas Roman would come in and neatly put everything where it belongs before settling into bed for the night. Once I didn't hear Roman moving around anymore and I knew he was settled I slipped my shoes off and moved to a sitting position. I hugged my legs to my chest and rested my head on my knees and stared blankly at Roman. "I set one of your bottles of ginger ale on the night stand for you." He said. "Oh," I said as I noticed the bottle on the stand, "thanks." He hummed in response.
I dropped my knees so I was sitting cross legged and grabbed the bottle to get a drink. "So," Roman said as I set the bottle down, "is this really all about a girl, or is there something else I should know about?" I sighed, "yes and no. Roman believe me when I say I want to explain it to you so bad." "I don't understand why you think you can't." Roman stated bluntly, "what reason could you possibly have for thinking you can't tell me?" "You really want to know Roman?" I nearly shouted. He simply nodded in response.
"Fine," I whispered, "the reason I can't tell you who it is I've fallen for is because it's someone you and I are both really close with. Not only that, but honestly Roman," I paused and forced myself to look him in the eye, "it's someone I never should've let myself fall for. There's no chance, at all." "You don't know that for sure Seth," Roman said sympathetically. "Roman," I sighed as I dropped my gaze to the floor again, "just trust me. Okay?" "No!" He said, "I won't just let you keep beating yourself up like this. Just tell me."
"Just... just promise me we'll still be okay after I tell you." "Of course, we'll be okay Seth," he said, "I don't understand why you think we wouldn't be." I paused and stared at him for a few seconds, trying desperately to find my voice. He got up and closed the small gap between the two beds to sit down beside me. "Come on Seth I'm going to do whatever I have to do to get you to tell me because clearly this is really bothering you. We both know you'll tell me eventually," he explained, "you might as well do it now." "Roman," I sighed, "it's not going to be anyone you're expecting it to be. I just want you to know that." "Seth I don't care who it is man," he said, "you're my brother. I love you and nothing will change that. Especially not something as stupid as who you fall in love with."
"Okay," I said, "but Roman..." he put a hand on my leg in support. "Before I tell you who you should know..." I dropped my head down and ran a hand awkwardly through my hair, "it... it's not a girl..." I trailed off as I waited for a response. "Seth," he said. I looked up at him when he didn't continue. He smiled warmly. "Seth I don't care that you like a guy." His face dropped to a frown, "please don't tell me you've been beating yourself up all this time just because you thought you couldn't come out to me. Honestly I feel terrible that the thought even occurred to you that you couldn't tell me." "Roman it's not just that it's a guy it's who it is. I don't even want to admit it to myself let alone tell someone else. This person, he's my friend, and he trusts me. It'd be so wrong for me to turn around and just decide to tell him I like him as more."
"Come on Seth just tell me who it is, it's okay." I took a deep breath in an attempt to calm my nerves, "it's Dean." I'd forced myself to admit it out loud for the first time ever and it was like and immense weight had been taken off my shoulders and I could finally breath again. I looked up at Roman, silently willing him to respond. "What if I talked to him for you?" He asked, "without telling him anything though. What if I just talked to him and felt out the situation?" "That would be great Rome," I said, "thank you so much!" "Of course, man," he said as he got up off the bed, "that's what brothers are for. Now give me a hug and get some sleep." I stood up and gave Roman a hug before crawling into bed for what I hoped would be the first good night's sleep I'd gotten in a while.