Just Another Case
Post Something Happens – There was fifteen seconds of interaction between them but they made the most of it, here's my take on what happened next.
Rafael dropped his briefcase by the table next to the front door and hung his jacket on the coat rack. The apartment was quiet, Noah of course was already in bed but normally Liv would have the TV on or some music if she was working, but not tonight. Tonight there was nothing but silence, the same silence that past between them as she walked out of the integration room, slammed her office door daring anyone to follow her. He almost did, but he felt Fin's hand on his shoulder.
"Give her some space, she can't hear what you want to tell her right now, especially here." He warned him. Rafael knew he was right and he pulled his phone out and sent her a text.
I love you, I'll be home a little late
He stood at the doorway of their bedroom watching her for a minute a bottle of wine on the bed next to her, she was looking through a box that she normally kept hidden in the back of the closet. Without ever asking he knew what that box contained. He could see the pictures, the newspaper clippings, the copies of police reports. It was her Joseph Hollister box.
"Just another case?" He questioned repeating her words from earlier. His heart fell as she turned to face him, he had never seen her look so broken.
"You want to meet my father?" She asked with a tired almost bitter laugh and she waved her hand over the contents of the box.
"Don't do this to yourself Liv." He said softly sitting down next to her on the bed.
"It's not worth it, right?" She asked reminding him of his words earlier, her voice angry. "Don't you ever stand between me and integration again. Especially because you don't think I can handle it."
Rafael shook his head and placed his hand on her arms, "Listen to me right now Olivia Benson, you are not going to turn this into a fight between us. I will not apologize for asking you to think about the emotional cost to yourself every now and then. I know that all cases are hard, but I also know that these cases are different and I know when a victim or suspect is getting to you. It's ok to let Fin or someone else handle these sometimes, you have nothing to prove."
Olivia wiped away a hot tear rolling down her face, "She really hit on something tonight though." She confessed.
"What, was that?" he asked his eyes softening as moved the box out of the way so he could be closer to her.
"I have always felt guilty for wishing I had some kind of relationship with him. I know now of course that what I wanted was a healthy relationship with any parent, I wanted a father who loved me and a mother who wasn't a drunk. I wanted a family and now I worry that Noah will grow up feeling the same thing." She told him the tears falling down her face.
"Liv, we can never overcome how Noah was conceived or how we became his parents and there are going to be really hard conversations and we are never going to have all the answers for him. But Noah is always going to know that he has a family, that he has parents who love him and would do anything for him. That is entirely different than what you grew up feeling." Rafael reminded her.
Oliva looked at him for a minute and began to pack the contents back into the box before handing it to him.
"You want me to put it back in the closet?" He asked her.
"No, I want you to get rid of it. I don't need it anymore, this box was about everything I could not have because of him. Now I have everything I ever wanted despite him."
Rafael stood up holding the box in one hand and taking her hand in the other, "Come on." He said leading her into the living room stopping first in the kitchen for a box of matches.
He emptied the contents into the fireplace, "Are you sure?" He asked striking the match once she nodded in approval.
The settled back onto the couch in silence watching the flames grow larger and hotter and then recede before leaving nothing but ash behind. They both knew they could never burn away the years of pain and self-doubt, and that there would always be another case to remind her of where she came from, but now there was her family to remind her of her future.