Never Wear Green Underwear
Disclaimer: I only own Billy-Bob and the idea. Her almightiness J.K. Rowling owns the rest… AND REMEMBER…never wear green underwear.
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Have you ever been told to never wear green underwear? Well, it's a valuable bit of advice, let me tell you. Would you like to know why, mortal scum?
1) First of all, green underwear? Where in the heck have you been? We aren't cavemen anymore! We don't need to make our underwear out of leaves or slime or any other nasty green stuff people can think of…
2) Take it from me: it does NOT impress the ladies.
3) They're the most unluckiest pieces of underwear you will ever wear.
And let me tell you something, unworthy Muggles: they aren't exactly pure comfort, either. I mean, right when I was in the middle of fighting some, and I shudder at the word, 'good' wizard, I'd get a wedgie! So I would be standing there trying to kill that wizard with my wand in one hand, and my other hand would be trying to pull those digusting green undies out of my blistering, puss-filled bum! You can't believe how embarrassing it was! I'm supposed to be this evil, maniacal Dark Lord bent on world domination, not a wedgie-prone idiot!
And you all remember that little…Potter…boy who…made me lose my power….yes…that's right…I was wearing my green underwear at the time, as and I got one heck of a wedgie! I tried to pull it out when I was killing the kid, but no-no-no, little Harry had to be difficult… So I was stuck for thirteen years, with a wedgie! You know the real reason why I wanted to come back? Well, let me inform you slobbering capitalist pigs.
When I lost my powers, I was a spirit, and spirits don't have hands to pull out wedgies! I just wanted to get some hands and pull that mama out because it was distorting and mutilating my delicate rear end!
The moral, putrid rat droppings? I think it would be obvious, but I suppose I shall have to point it out to you.
NEVER, under any circumstances, even if the author of this horrible fanfiction hunts you down and threatens you with a banana, WEAR GREEN UNDERWEAR.
The pink, lace-edged kind is much more comfy, AND practical. Honestly. Muggles. Psh.
A/N: I would like to mention that I got the idea for this from a British version of Whose Line Is It Anyway?, in which the World's Worst Thing To Say to Your Blind Date is 'I'm Not Wearing My Undies'. And then it just went downhill from there…*shakes head* Oh, yes, and…
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! You'll never catch me, coppers! *puts on beanie and flies away into the sunset, laughing manically*
toodles,
Ron Weasley's Cutie, who likes to eat umbrellas, for some reason…