Author: mirenne
Title: Depth of Impact
Disclaimer: White Collar is owned by USA Network and Jeff Eastin. Dialogue is referenced from episodes as noted at the end of the story.
Summary: A missing scene in two chapters. Set at the end of Countdown after Neal makes his decision to stay and Mozzie leaves. Spoilers for much of Season 3.
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After Mozzie closes the door to his apartment, ostensibly for the last time, Neal drops heavily onto one of the kitchen chairs as his friend's parting words ring in his ears: "Stockholm Syndrome," "on a leash," "fooling yourself if you think this is who you really are."
Neal begs to differ about the first comment- strongly. His relationships with Peter, El and the others are real, not part of a pathology. As to Mozzie's other statements….well…time would tell. The opportunity to cut the tracker and run will always be available to Neal. He already knows how he would manage it. He'd need a few burner IDs and an opportunity for a head start; then Neal Caffrey would simply disappear and Victor Moreau would suddenly become far more interesting than his paperwork would suggest.
A small discordant part of him longs for that escape. But then Manhattan would be no more than a distant dream. A forbidden island on the map marked "Here there be dragons- and one supremely pissed off FBI agent."
Who was it that said you can never come home again? Mozzie would know.
Neal sighs, picks up his wine glass and samples the Bordeaux. He downs his glass quickly and then reaches for his friends' as he begins to consider the ramifications of the strange new identity he has finally chosen to assume: his own.
He doesn't feel particularly different; it's too soon. And yet…he does.
Deep inside something has released; a part of him has stopped fighting, stopped pushing against the boundaries, and come to rest. For the first time in his adult life, he won't be looking over his shoulder or have one foot half out the door. There won't be an angle to play or a new identity to assume- unless it's been provided by the FBI, of course.
He leans back into his chair and drains Mozzie's glass to the dregs. Now that the treasure is gone and the choice has been made, he can admit to himself what a heavy burden he's borne over the past few months. Lying to Mozzie, deceiving Peter, dealing with his own demons and insecurities- all of it has left him enervated and exhausted.
He'd once told Peter that he'd never lied to him directly, however… Suffice it to say that standing on a record of half-truths with the man who'd risked his life and career for you many times over was nothing to be proud of either. Especially since he knew that all of his deceptions would, as Keller had so succinctly put it, "break his heart."
Neal doesn't care to follow this thought any further, so he stands quickly, shaking it off, putting the mask back into place though no one is there to observe him. He jams the cork into the bottle, checks to see that it's well seated, and walks to his kitchen counter. If all went well, Mozzie would be gone in twenty-four hours, tops. When Peter got around to asking where he was, Neal would spin one last plausibly deniable story and the need for half-truths would be done.
He sets the bottle at the front of his wine collection. No need to hide the good stuff anymore.
A slight burning sensation makes Neal aware that he's just bolted two glasses on a very empty stomach. He opens the pantry, idly searching for dinner ingredients. Chances are that when he walks into work tomorrow, no one will see any sign of the momentous change in Neal Caffrey. And indeed, he himself hardly knows what to expect; after all, he's never before given away a half billion dollars in order to purchase…what? A fresh start? A chance to stop running and build relationships, then find love and a white picket fence?
Maybe.
He thinks of the $100 Treasury plate concealed in a table a few rooms away and knows that June's husband would understand.
Neal wonders, does this mean he's rehabilitated too? He finds the thought wildly amusing, considering that just a few hours ago, he was performing acts more appropriate to the other "R" word: recidivism.
He smiles, a wicked, top of the world glimmer in his eyes. If today was his last job, damn, what a way to go out! Throwing your hat off a forty three story building and then jumping after it holding a long lost Degas and hoping you packed your parachute right.
As last scores went, it was the stuff of legend. Too bad no one but he and Moz will ever know.
Neal finds that he is laughing as he closes the pantry door. The shelves are down to odds and ends, and the refrigerator is no better. He hasn't bothered to stock up on groceries this week, not knowing if he would be around to finish them. Time to grab some take out and stop at the market before it closed.
As he grabs his coat, he pauses for a moment. Perhaps he'll call Sara in a few days, once Moz has had a chance to make his escape, and tell her that he's decided to pull his head out of the clouds and enjoy the view at ground level instead. After all, wasn't seeking forgiveness somewhere on the twelve step program?
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A/N:
1. Please, please, take the time to review. I can't tell you how much feedback means to me, or how often ridiculously often I check to see if anyone's reviewed.
2. Chapter 2 to follow in a day or so.
3. Mozzie's dialogue comes from the episode "Countdown." Keller's dialogue is from "On the Fence."