title: Hare Raising
author: Casix Thistlebane
disclaimer: Half of this is owned by Joss and co.
Half is owned by RtSH. YOu guess which is which....
neither is technically used with anyone's permission,
but I hope Robyn at least will forgive me... ;D
summary: the Magic Shop is visited by a little fluffy
bunny.
Hare Raising
by Casix Thistlebane
It wasn't until he crossed the threshold into his own
apartment (so gleefully free of random teenaged
invaders since they'd moved the impromptu Scooby
meetings to the magic shop) that Rupert Giles realized
that he'd been followed. A small white shape darted
in as he was closing the door, and no amount of
encouragement with a foot and a broom could get it to
leave. Finally, he promised himself he'd put up signs
advertising a lost rabbit the next day, put down a
plate of veggies for it in the kitchen, and went to
bed.
He dreamt that night that he was a king with Cordelia
as his princess, being chased all over the Sunnydale
township by Spike carrying a garden gnome and Drusilla
demanding to know "how high he flew". He didn't think
upon waking that he could ever find a more disturbing
image than Death in a leisure suit, but received quite
a shock nonetheless when he opened his eyes to find a
white rabbit staring down at him from its position on
his chest.
The veggies were left untouched, but someone had drunk
all the milk and taken the prizes out of his cereal.
He made himself a pot o tea to calm his nerves before
going in to the magic shop, and tried to ignore the
dignified way the rabbit hopped up on his table and
sipped tea from his saucer.
"And I suppose now," he said to it, "you expect me to
think of you as the March Hare instead of the White
Rabbit?"
The rabbit blinked at him , then glanced
expressionlessly at the clock by the door. He
followed its gaze and cursed himself, as he was indeed
quite late, and Anya would not let him hear the end of
it.
He wondered fancifully for a ;moment if Anya might
perhaps call in sick that day, but then reminded
himself that Anya had not been sick once in her entire
existence as a human, and that she wasn't likely to
start now.
The rabbit spent the entire drive to the magic shop
nibbling on his trousers, and he wished to himself
that he had bought a stick-shift instead of an
automatic, as it would have given him an excuse to
"accidently" squash the bloody thing with his left
foot. He tried shooing it down the street before
going into the store, but somehow it managed to be
waiting for him when he opened the magic shop door and
was cheerfully sticking its nose, ears twitching, into
a jar of iocane powder. Giles wondered if he ought to
rescue it from the poison, but before he could wight
the pros of being rid of it against the cons of
feeling partially responsible for the death of an
innocent rabbit, a scream sent the rabbit skidding off
the table. Anya had arrived.
Giles vacillated for a long moment from the rabbit,
hiding behind packages of chicken feet, and Anya,
hiding behind the counter, then finally ignored both
and set about opening the store.
Xander, who had of course followed Anya in (his job
had perfect hours that allowed him to somehow never
leave Anya's side), finally extracted the rabbit from
the shelves and dusted the fine, beige powder from its
nose. He stared at the powder, sniffed it, and
finally licked it carefully from his fingers. Giles
was just barely too late to stop him from performing
this foolish test.
"Xander! That was iocane powder! It's one of the
most deadly poisons known to man!"
Xander looked stricken for a moment, then met eyes
with the rabbit in his arms. The rabbit twitched its
nose, and Xander got his color back.
"Relax, Giles. I've spent the last five years
building up a resistance to iocane powder."
Giles frowned. "You have?"
"That and Machida drool." Xander blinked and glanced
at the rabbit. "Which is strange, considering that I
didn't know what Machida drool was."
"Xander," Anya was peering Kilroy-like over the edge
of the counter. "Put the bunny down and back slowly
away."
"Anya, relax. It's just a harmless rabbit."
"Oh sure, you say that now. But just wait until it
goes psycho and bites Giles's head off, just like in
that movie with the knights you made me watch."
Xander scoffed. "That's silly, Anya. Monty Python is
not reality. And I never mad you watch 'Holy Grail'.
It would have been too scary for you."
The rabbit's nose twitched again, and Xander put it
down carefully and backed away.
"Giles, isn't there something for me and Anya to do?
In the back room or something?"
And so Xander and Anya fled from the rabbit, who
blinked at their passing and hopped off to explore the
charms box. Giles went about his business, only
remembering the rabbit for a brief moment when the
creature harassed a customer looking to buy a rabbit's
foot. Anya refused to come out all day until Buffy
and Willow arrived from classes, and decided to name
it.
"Let's name it 'Meat'. That way we won't feel bad
when we feed it to Spike!"
"Anya," Xander put a comforting arm over her shoulder,
causing her to jump. "It's time you faced your fear.
That's just a bunny."
"Hare, actually." Willow was holding it now,
scratching its nose gently. "Snowshoe Hare."
"How about Harvey?" Buffy was looking at it with her
head cocked. It was giving her weird vibes and she
had the uncomfortable thought that it was staring at
her.
"Yes. Let's name it after a
six-foot-invisible-thing-that-nightmares-are-made-of."
Anya shuddered.
"Actually I was thinking more of the Wonder Hamster."
"We could name it Hunter," Both Xander and Buffy got
all googy-eyed at the thought. The rabbit blinked,
and they snapped out of fantasies sharply cut off and
left forever unfinished.
"I think its a she." Willow commented. If rabbit's
could purr, this one would have.
"How about Robyn?" Tara put in, and the others
noticed for the first time that she was there. "That
way it could work for a boy or a girl."
The rabbit jumped into Tara's arms, causing Anya to
squeak and run.
"Robyn it is then."
Anya shrieked from the back room.
"I better go talk to her." Xander turned but was
stopped by Buffy's hand on his shoulder.
"First I have a question." Buffy looked uncomfortable
for a moment, then seemed determined. "Do you have
any brothers? 'Cause last night I found headstones
for Aaron, Andrew, and Anthony Harris. I could swear
they weren't there before...."
Xander seemed to deflate. "Yeah, they were my
brothers. That's why my parents are--"
"Xander, I've known you your entire life, and I don't
remember any brothers." Willow stared at him, looking
extremely distressed. Xander's jaw worked for a
moment in confusion, but before he could answer, Anya
came charging out of the backroom with an axe,
screaming for blood.
Several things happened at once as Xander and Buffy
grabbed Anya's arms and Robyn leaped behind a slew of
spontaneously recreated characters, including Jenny
Calender, and Riley holding a handful of tinsel. Once
everyone had been calmed down and the spell Willow and
Tara had automatically started had been aborted, they
got Anya to explain.
"It's a demon! Sort of." Anya glared at Robyn, who
was innocently munching lettuce. "It distorts the
universe to serve its own twisted whims! You can't
trust it! It'll do whatever it has to to get its
way!"
"Anya," Giles leaned against the counter tiredly.
"While you are usually dependable in cases like these,
please understand where we would be inclined to doubt
you. We all know of your bunny- fear--"
"Why do you think I'm afraid of them in the first
place?" Anya fingered her axe. "Robyn delights in
wreaking havoc with absurdity, angst, and bad
spelling!"
Robyn turned up her nose at Anya.
"There's no record in any of my books of a universe
altering hare."
"Of course there's not record! They mask themselves
behind disclaimers! There's only one book to use."
Anya plucked a book labeled "Fanfiktione A-Z" from the
shelves and opened it to the 'R's. "There!"
Giles glanced from the ancient wood cut of a rabbit in
sunglasses to the rabbit on his counter, who blinked
up at him. "Good lord. How do we get rid of it?"
"Well," Anya looked at her axe disgruntledly. "Since
you wont let me kill it, we have to wait for it to get
distracted by something in an alternate dimension."
"Right then," Giles closed the book and replaced it on
the shelf. "In the meantime, I think we'd best all
get back to work."
By dust they'd experienced everything from Xander in
tights, to a phone call from a panicked Cordelia
stating that Angel had turned into a vampiric cow.
They were beginning to wonder if they'd have to deal
with an anthropomorphic representation coming to dance
with Buffy when the rabbit threw its ears up and
hopped out the door.
"That," Giles said, once it had vanished into the
sunset, "is the last time I let a bunny follow me
home."
Everyone laughed and got back to their daily routines.
Well, except for Willow, who came running out of a
storage room at closing, screaming that there was a
large frog on the wall.
Anya grabbed her axe and smiled. "Can we kill this
one?"
The end
author: Casix Thistlebane
disclaimer: Half of this is owned by Joss and co.
Half is owned by RtSH. YOu guess which is which....
neither is technically used with anyone's permission,
but I hope Robyn at least will forgive me... ;D
summary: the Magic Shop is visited by a little fluffy
bunny.
Hare Raising
by Casix Thistlebane
It wasn't until he crossed the threshold into his own
apartment (so gleefully free of random teenaged
invaders since they'd moved the impromptu Scooby
meetings to the magic shop) that Rupert Giles realized
that he'd been followed. A small white shape darted
in as he was closing the door, and no amount of
encouragement with a foot and a broom could get it to
leave. Finally, he promised himself he'd put up signs
advertising a lost rabbit the next day, put down a
plate of veggies for it in the kitchen, and went to
bed.
He dreamt that night that he was a king with Cordelia
as his princess, being chased all over the Sunnydale
township by Spike carrying a garden gnome and Drusilla
demanding to know "how high he flew". He didn't think
upon waking that he could ever find a more disturbing
image than Death in a leisure suit, but received quite
a shock nonetheless when he opened his eyes to find a
white rabbit staring down at him from its position on
his chest.
The veggies were left untouched, but someone had drunk
all the milk and taken the prizes out of his cereal.
He made himself a pot o tea to calm his nerves before
going in to the magic shop, and tried to ignore the
dignified way the rabbit hopped up on his table and
sipped tea from his saucer.
"And I suppose now," he said to it, "you expect me to
think of you as the March Hare instead of the White
Rabbit?"
The rabbit blinked at him , then glanced
expressionlessly at the clock by the door. He
followed its gaze and cursed himself, as he was indeed
quite late, and Anya would not let him hear the end of
it.
He wondered fancifully for a ;moment if Anya might
perhaps call in sick that day, but then reminded
himself that Anya had not been sick once in her entire
existence as a human, and that she wasn't likely to
start now.
The rabbit spent the entire drive to the magic shop
nibbling on his trousers, and he wished to himself
that he had bought a stick-shift instead of an
automatic, as it would have given him an excuse to
"accidently" squash the bloody thing with his left
foot. He tried shooing it down the street before
going into the store, but somehow it managed to be
waiting for him when he opened the magic shop door and
was cheerfully sticking its nose, ears twitching, into
a jar of iocane powder. Giles wondered if he ought to
rescue it from the poison, but before he could wight
the pros of being rid of it against the cons of
feeling partially responsible for the death of an
innocent rabbit, a scream sent the rabbit skidding off
the table. Anya had arrived.
Giles vacillated for a long moment from the rabbit,
hiding behind packages of chicken feet, and Anya,
hiding behind the counter, then finally ignored both
and set about opening the store.
Xander, who had of course followed Anya in (his job
had perfect hours that allowed him to somehow never
leave Anya's side), finally extracted the rabbit from
the shelves and dusted the fine, beige powder from its
nose. He stared at the powder, sniffed it, and
finally licked it carefully from his fingers. Giles
was just barely too late to stop him from performing
this foolish test.
"Xander! That was iocane powder! It's one of the
most deadly poisons known to man!"
Xander looked stricken for a moment, then met eyes
with the rabbit in his arms. The rabbit twitched its
nose, and Xander got his color back.
"Relax, Giles. I've spent the last five years
building up a resistance to iocane powder."
Giles frowned. "You have?"
"That and Machida drool." Xander blinked and glanced
at the rabbit. "Which is strange, considering that I
didn't know what Machida drool was."
"Xander," Anya was peering Kilroy-like over the edge
of the counter. "Put the bunny down and back slowly
away."
"Anya, relax. It's just a harmless rabbit."
"Oh sure, you say that now. But just wait until it
goes psycho and bites Giles's head off, just like in
that movie with the knights you made me watch."
Xander scoffed. "That's silly, Anya. Monty Python is
not reality. And I never mad you watch 'Holy Grail'.
It would have been too scary for you."
The rabbit's nose twitched again, and Xander put it
down carefully and backed away.
"Giles, isn't there something for me and Anya to do?
In the back room or something?"
And so Xander and Anya fled from the rabbit, who
blinked at their passing and hopped off to explore the
charms box. Giles went about his business, only
remembering the rabbit for a brief moment when the
creature harassed a customer looking to buy a rabbit's
foot. Anya refused to come out all day until Buffy
and Willow arrived from classes, and decided to name
it.
"Let's name it 'Meat'. That way we won't feel bad
when we feed it to Spike!"
"Anya," Xander put a comforting arm over her shoulder,
causing her to jump. "It's time you faced your fear.
That's just a bunny."
"Hare, actually." Willow was holding it now,
scratching its nose gently. "Snowshoe Hare."
"How about Harvey?" Buffy was looking at it with her
head cocked. It was giving her weird vibes and she
had the uncomfortable thought that it was staring at
her.
"Yes. Let's name it after a
six-foot-invisible-thing-that-nightmares-are-made-of."
Anya shuddered.
"Actually I was thinking more of the Wonder Hamster."
"We could name it Hunter," Both Xander and Buffy got
all googy-eyed at the thought. The rabbit blinked,
and they snapped out of fantasies sharply cut off and
left forever unfinished.
"I think its a she." Willow commented. If rabbit's
could purr, this one would have.
"How about Robyn?" Tara put in, and the others
noticed for the first time that she was there. "That
way it could work for a boy or a girl."
The rabbit jumped into Tara's arms, causing Anya to
squeak and run.
"Robyn it is then."
Anya shrieked from the back room.
"I better go talk to her." Xander turned but was
stopped by Buffy's hand on his shoulder.
"First I have a question." Buffy looked uncomfortable
for a moment, then seemed determined. "Do you have
any brothers? 'Cause last night I found headstones
for Aaron, Andrew, and Anthony Harris. I could swear
they weren't there before...."
Xander seemed to deflate. "Yeah, they were my
brothers. That's why my parents are--"
"Xander, I've known you your entire life, and I don't
remember any brothers." Willow stared at him, looking
extremely distressed. Xander's jaw worked for a
moment in confusion, but before he could answer, Anya
came charging out of the backroom with an axe,
screaming for blood.
Several things happened at once as Xander and Buffy
grabbed Anya's arms and Robyn leaped behind a slew of
spontaneously recreated characters, including Jenny
Calender, and Riley holding a handful of tinsel. Once
everyone had been calmed down and the spell Willow and
Tara had automatically started had been aborted, they
got Anya to explain.
"It's a demon! Sort of." Anya glared at Robyn, who
was innocently munching lettuce. "It distorts the
universe to serve its own twisted whims! You can't
trust it! It'll do whatever it has to to get its
way!"
"Anya," Giles leaned against the counter tiredly.
"While you are usually dependable in cases like these,
please understand where we would be inclined to doubt
you. We all know of your bunny- fear--"
"Why do you think I'm afraid of them in the first
place?" Anya fingered her axe. "Robyn delights in
wreaking havoc with absurdity, angst, and bad
spelling!"
Robyn turned up her nose at Anya.
"There's no record in any of my books of a universe
altering hare."
"Of course there's not record! They mask themselves
behind disclaimers! There's only one book to use."
Anya plucked a book labeled "Fanfiktione A-Z" from the
shelves and opened it to the 'R's. "There!"
Giles glanced from the ancient wood cut of a rabbit in
sunglasses to the rabbit on his counter, who blinked
up at him. "Good lord. How do we get rid of it?"
"Well," Anya looked at her axe disgruntledly. "Since
you wont let me kill it, we have to wait for it to get
distracted by something in an alternate dimension."
"Right then," Giles closed the book and replaced it on
the shelf. "In the meantime, I think we'd best all
get back to work."
By dust they'd experienced everything from Xander in
tights, to a phone call from a panicked Cordelia
stating that Angel had turned into a vampiric cow.
They were beginning to wonder if they'd have to deal
with an anthropomorphic representation coming to dance
with Buffy when the rabbit threw its ears up and
hopped out the door.
"That," Giles said, once it had vanished into the
sunset, "is the last time I let a bunny follow me
home."
Everyone laughed and got back to their daily routines.
Well, except for Willow, who came running out of a
storage room at closing, screaming that there was a
large frog on the wall.
Anya grabbed her axe and smiled. "Can we kill this
one?"
The end