Chapter 1

A New Job

Clark slammed and locked his locker door, happy to be done with one more day of school. Hefting his backpack, he headed for The Torch to see if Chloe needed any help.

Clark wasn't what you would call a regular reporter for The Torch, instead he was more like Chloe's personal assistant. He wrote the school lunch menu each week and helped edit her copy. If someone was sick, he pitched in to help cover that person's responsibilities...and so it was this day.

Clark strolled into the office and took a quick glance at the Wall of Weird to see if there was anything new. Here in Smallville, you never knew when the next meteor freak would pop up.

Chloe heard Clark enter the room and looked up from the monitor on her desktop computer. Seeing the boy she had had a crush on for the last year and a half made her smile. Her smile was as involuntary as it was genuine, because no one had the ability to brighten her day like Clark Kent. She reluctantly pushed those thoughts to the back of her mind, as she had a message to relay to Clark from the faculty sponsor of The Torch, who happened to be Principal Kwan himself.

"Hey, Chloe," Clark said. "Uncover any corruption scandals today?"

"Ha-ha!" Chloe replied. "Very funny, Clark. Very funny. Just because the news on campus isn't earth-shattering doesn't mean it isn't important. I'll have you know I'm finishing my article on Sasha's breakdown." Chancing a glance Clark's way, she said, "It's strange, Clark, there were four candidates in that election, and only you came out unscathed." As Clark settled into a seat next to hers, Chloe picked up an official-looking document from the school office. "Clark, Principal Kwan needs to see you in his office right away."

"What?"

Brandishing the document, Chloe said, "Don't ask me, ask Principal Kwan. His note says it's urgent and it's related to the paper, so you're not in trouble." But what worries me, Chloe wondered, is why he won't tell me what's going on.

Clark was as curious as Chloe was as he headed toward the office. He wasn't worried about being in trouble. He and Principal Kwan had been on pretty good terms ever since he pulled Kwan out of his burning car. The only hiccup had been when Kwan had been forced to give him detention for swimming during school hours the day Lana was affected by the Nicodemus flower. Even that hadn't been too bad as Kwan had let him go after half an hour. Still, being called to the office to go over something about the paper was surprising.

When he got there, Kwan's secretary sent him right on in. Kwan immediately pointed Clark to a seat and said, "Ah, Mr. Kent, thank you for coming."

"My pleasure, Principal Kwan. How can I help you today?"

"I have a job at The Torch that has just opened up, as the previous holder of this position just moved to St. Louis. Having given this some thought, I'd like you to fill the position for the rest of the year, Clark. I know you're not the most obvious candidate for this sort of job, but you're kind and conscientious."

"Who moved, Principal Kwan? I know pretty much everyone in The Torch and I haven't heard about anyone being gone."

"Well, I don't see any harm in telling you now since she's gone for good. Her name is Maria Snyder."

Clark's forehead furrowed in thought as he tried to remember who Maria was. He finally had to admit that he had no idea who she was, and he said so to Principal Kwan, who waved off Clark's embarrassment and said, "You aren't supposed to know who she is, Clark. She's two years ahead of you in school, so you've never had her in a class and I've purposely told her to keep a low profile. She never went to The Torch. Instead, she came here to pick up her 'assignments,' and she sent her columns to me by e-mail. I then copied the text of the e-mail into a new e-mail and sent it on to Miss Sullivan to be placed in The Torch."

"Sounds like a hush-hush kind of job," Clark said. Intrigued, he agreed to do it. "Sign me up, Principal Kwan, this sounds like fun."

Now that Clark had committed himself, Principal Kwan picked a bright pink folder decorated with red, heart-shaped stickers out of a pile on his desk. He handed it to his unsuspecting victim and said, "I'm glad you feel that way, Clark. Because, for the rest of the year, you're writing the 'Ask Miss Lonely Hearts' column."

When Clark heard that, he dropped the folder like it was a hot rock. While he was kneeling on the ground, sweeping the scattered papers back into the folder, Clark said, "No way, no chance. I can't be 'Miss Lonely Hearts. I'm not even a girl."

"What does that have to do with anything?" Principal Kwan replied as Clark stood up, placed the folder on the desk, and sat back down. "Your teachers consider you to be one of the most sensitive people they know, male or female. You'll be perfect. Besides, you promised you'd do it already."

"Only because you tricked me."

"I had to trick you," Principal Kwan said unapologetically. "The last seven candidates I asked all said no."

"Well, how can I write a romance column when I can't even get a date? Wouldn't it help if I had some experience?"

"Whether you've been on zero dates or one hundred dates doesn't matter. What matters is that you're kind and you write well. Most of the people who write are girls. Sometimes they just want someone to listen to their problems, other times they're so emotionally involved in what's going on, that they just need someone with a little perspective to straighten them out a bit."

"But…but…"

"No buts, Clark," Principal Kwan said as he handed him the folder again. "The job's yours."

"But…what if I give advice that turns out poorly? Some angry girl or her boyfriend might come looking for me."

"That's why Maria was anonymous around The Torch. Until today, the only person that knew she was 'Miss Lonely Hearts' was me. Even Miss Sullivan was in the dark. I'm also the only one that will know about you." Looking to close the sale, Principal Kwan went to his big guns, and appealed to Clark's need to help people. "If I don't get you to help me, I'm stuck. You're my last hope."

Just as the principal hoped, Clark's inability to turn down someone in need tipped the balance and he agreed, on one condition: Kwan's oath that no one would ever find out about this, not for any reason.

Rubbing his hands together, Kwan said, "Okay. What you need to know is that you pick a couple of letters, whichever ones you like the best, and answer them in a succinct manner. There's not a lot of space devoted to this, so don't go writing "War and Peace" every time you reply. Also, you have to turn in the article on Thursday afternoon so I can get it to Miss Sullivan in time for the weekly issue of The Torch. Next, don't use real names. If someone uses what they claim is their real name, change it to something like 'Anxious in Algebra.' That way the school doesn't get sued when some student writes a fake letter to embarrass an ex-girlfriend. Got all that? Good! Get going. Your first column is due in two days."

Clark stuffed the folder deep into his backpack and said, "I can't believe it. I'm an actual newspaper columnist and I don't dare tell a soul." As he made his way out of the Principal's office, Clark looked back over his shoulder and said, "I don't mind helping out once in a while, but you owe me for this one, Principal Kwan."