loser

Cato Hudson's POV

The Arena of the 74th Hunger Games

A friend who dies, it's something of you who dies.
-Gustave Flaubert

"CATO! CATO!"

My head snaps to the other direction on instinct, feeling the fear burn in my chest as my breaths quicken. Who was that? Realization hits me in the head, making me feel stupid. Hell no.

That was a girl's voice… and the only girl tribute sane enough to shout out my name would be the obvious. Oh hell no… "Clove…" I breathe under my breath, clutching my sword in the security of my palm. Why am I still standing here? "I'M COMING! Can you hear me? I'M COMING!"

She's in trouble… there's no other way she would've called out for me. I swear I've never sprinted faster in my life, ignoring the branches and bushes that scrape off the already stained skin I have, tearing it apart and leaving mere scratches on my muscular figure. What happened to Clove? Hopefully she killed that fire girl… but her shouts sounded frightened. Oh hell no. But it's Clove, how could she get into trouble? I've seen her skills in the Academy; she should easily dominate the remaining tributes. Why would she need me? The only problem would be the guy from Eleven, but if she's got her knives, I'm sure she can handle him. What happened? Did she get the bag? Was Lover Boy killed?

Clove's screams come to an abrupt end. Boom.

There is no way.

The sight of the Cornucopia finally comes to my vision, but I don't stop there. I won't stop until I find her. Anyone with ears can easily hear my breathing, but who cares? I make a quick patrol around the Cornucopia, until I see something… horrifying. A horrifying sight, that I hope I'll have to never see again in my life. Right now, I'm seeing a sprawled body with a head tilted at an ugly shape, brown locks of hair laying in the rough terrain of the Cornucopia. I feel my heart stop. No. Freaking. Way.

The guilt is unbearable.

"CLOVE!" I shout on the top of my lungs, begging for an answer, as I run up to her body. "CLOVE!" I barely manage to choke her name out this time.

It's official. She's gone. The sweat in my forehead multiplies, and I feel a strangled cry rummaging up my throat in agony. The pain is undying. When I see her strong frame splattered against the stained ground, it feels like there's a million knives stabbing me in my chest, and I barely get to do a comeback attack. Clove smiling, Clove making a witty comeback, her undying happiness the moment she had that first kill…

It's gone. It happened all too quick. How did this happen? A million questions dance in my head, demanding an answer immediately. I'm almost dizzy, until I shake my head and snap out of it. Not now's the time to loose it. Not. Now.

I hold her hand, quickly checking for a pulse. The only thing that responds is her now cold skin. I check for a heartbeat fretfully.

It's gone.

Someone shoot me now.

My ears flicker when I hear someone disperse to the forest, and my eyes immediately dart to the place I heard it. There's a glimpse of a muscular body and dark skin. Him. He's my new target. He did this.

I get on my feet again, not bearing to look at the awful dent in her skull, and start moving to the direction the boy from Eleven ran. Of course; even Fire Girl and Lover Boy can't do that to Clove, and don't even get me started on the red-head from Five. There's only one person who would've done that. There's only one person that could dominate her like that.

I chase him through the forest, mentally counting the seconds he has left to live, feeling the insanity inside me dying to come out. Don't worry Clove, I'll avenge you. I never thought I could get close to someone like her in the arena. I remember before I volunteered, the talk I had with my parents about when I go in... they said never to get close to someone.

"Listen up, Cato." mom started, motioning me to sit down on the couch. I raise an eyebrow; of all days to talk, she chooses this one. Can't we just get to the Reaping already? I can't hardly wait to volunteer! If I'm late, who knows if the Academy will choose me again? Couldn't she talk to me last night?

She clears her voice, then folds her arms infront of her, keeping her face calm but serious. Her eyebrows are knitted together, and her eyes demanding attention. "You, dear Cato, are the first Hudson to ever arrive into the arena. Do you know how much of a big deal that is?"

"Uh mom, we haven't even gotten there yet!" I complained, arms out wide, "If we're late and I miss my last chance at it, then I'm never going to forgive you."

She sighed heavily, looking me at the eye, "I'm not letting you go until you pay attention to me! Due respect, Cato. Due respect!"

"Fine."

"Thank you," she breathed, then continued, "We have a matter of things to discuss..."

I sat down, kicking one leg on top of the other and placed my hands behind my back. This better be good; I feel the excitement itching me and begging to explode. Just think, where I might be in just a few simple hours... I can go to the Capitol. All of Panem will know my name. I could do it.

"If you happen to go to the arena, you must promise me you won't become close to anyone."

...

"Excuse me?" I ask, puzzled. I let go of my arms and legs and lean forward, obviously interested to see where this is going, "What do you mean? I'm going to get rid of those people, why would I get close to them? Only a moron would do that, which is why I wonder why there's romance in every single Games..."

She shakes her head, muttering something, "You don't know what it's like to fall in love, sweet-heart."

"I'm not falling in love. I didn't even say that! Not here, not in the Capitol. I'm a fighter, not Romeo."

"You can't make that promise, boy. Every single year there's always someone that does the idiotic move in the arena, and occasionally it's District Two." she replied bluntly, her face still straight. "It's the most amazing feeling in the world to be in love, and also the most fragile in a sense. When I'm with your father, I feel butterflies in my stomach. It's just... magical Cato. Magical."

Are we really having this conversation? I can't help but chuckle, all I did was mention how there's romance every year in the Games, but then mom's head whips at me. My laugh dies down.

"I'm there to win, mom." I say.

She nods, "You need to be sure of that, boy. The Hudsons can't go any longer without a survivor."

"Oh don't worry." I say, waving it off, "I'll come back, and I'll be able to say I told you so. I'm confident of my skills, I mean, not to brag or anything. I'll be back and I'll not let anything get in my way. Can we leave now? I'm dying of excitement here."

Now I know what she meant. I was so naive. I still am. I broke her promise, and I got close to Clove. Sure, Marvel and Glimmer were some people I could joke around, but with Clove... I just felt comfortable. Now she's gone, dead, and I'm going to get back at the boy from Eleven for it.

"Get back here!" I yell, laughing and reaching for the hood of his jacket, "Come on big guy! You can run, but you can't hide!"

I grasp his hood and yank him back, making him barely tumble backwards but just enough so I can scratch his face. He yowls and smacks me in the face, leaving nothing more then a bloody nose. I shake my head and scowl at him, "Screw you!"

Unsheathing my sword from the container hanging out of my belt, I see him pull something out of his pocket. His weapon is... a rock?

What?

A rock finished her?

My eyes soften in confusion when I take all this in, and the boy from Eleven uses this to his advantage and sprints away. I feel my knees grow weaker by the second. He mustn't dented her skull with a rock... how is that possible? She should have easily finished him with her knives! Did he take them? My eyes dart over to his disappearing figure, and onto his back-pocket. No knives, but... bags with the number two on them.

He took the water me and Clove needed.

"Ugh!" Clove complains, rummaging through the hobo bag we found earlier, dumping out the invisible contents. "You have GOT to be kidding me. Cato, we're supposed to be Careers, yet we have no freaking food or water! I don't know about you, but I am not starving to death, okay? Now that's just lame."

I chuckle, sharpening the stick I found with one of her knives. She grabs it and throws it to the tree next to my ear, demanding for some sort of acknowledgement. This causes me to grin.

She pouts her lower lip, "What's so funny, hm?"

The knife falls out of the tree on cue, hitting the floor with a thump. I point at it with my index finger, "That."

This causes her to chuckle a bit, and pick it up. She started playing with her finger as if it's the most interesting thing in the world, "Don't look at me like that," she mutters, "I wanted to be sure that it wouldn't hit you."

Wow. Talk about an awkward moment. We stay silent for a while, just waiting for something to happen. We fill in the moment by her sitting down working with her weapon, and me still sharpening the stick.

She sighs, "Cato, I think it's time to call it splits."

I lift my head up from my now-sharpened stick, "You sure you want to do that? We've still got her to chase after."

I get my answer when she grabbed my wrist, taking me by surprise, and pinned it to the tree behind me. A few bruises form, but I barely wince. Was that supposed to be an attack?

"Alright," I say, pushing her back, causing her to fall on her bottom. I stood up, grabbing my sword, standing opposite to the brunette, "I didn't think it would come to this. Actually, I did. How about we just split and hope we won't have to battle each other later in the arena?

Clove considers, then shakes her head. "No," she scoffs, "Obviously if we don't take care of this here, we're going to see each other again soon. Probably the finale. We'll easily take out those outer-districts. It's bound to end up the two of us."

Although I hate to admit it, that left some kind of disappointment in my chest. Obviously I'm going to kill her, but I think she's trying to stand guard. She's so brave, and I really like that. I wish I didn't have to pick her off, but I have to.

She smirks, "On the count of three?"

I nod, "Three."

"Two."

"One."

Just as we're about to lunge at each other the blaring eerie noise like the one before the Games comes on, straining Clove and I's ears. I almost have to let go of my sword to cover them. After a deafening noise, the familiar voice of Claudius Templesmith comes on, "Hello tributes, and congratulations..."

It was at that point we realized we both could go home, and it was such an amazing feeling knowing I didn't have to get rid of her. That we could both win. We reformed our alliance, only to have it broken off a few minutes ago... I've killed a bunch of kids before, like when I easily cracked the skull of that wimp from Three. But... when she said that we had to battle each other, it was an awful feeling knowing I might have to end her life. And at home, I'm trained to let that not get to me. Now she's gone... I just wish I was there to hear her dying words. Now I'll never hear that voice again.

My feet sort-of carry me back to the Cornucopia, just to see her one last time, even if she isn't breathing. However, when I reach there, the hovercraft has already pulled down and is carrying her corpse to a safer place. I stand on my spot as I watch them carry her away...

It's all their fault. Now that I think about it, it's all the Capitol's fault. They ruined her. They destroyed her.

It's all because of the Capitol that she's dead. It's all the Capitol's fault that all these kids died.

Why? Why for something that happened not one, not two, but seventy-four years ago? Longer then that, infact! I always thought of them as Gods, our saviors, but it's only now I realize it was all just a mere illusion. I desperately fell for it.

I promised my mom that I would be a winner. But it's now that I realize I'm a loser.

I'm sorry...

This is way too much for me to handle. I wish I never volunteered. My knees fall desperately to the ground, and I tilt my head back and scream. I'm alone.

No, you can do this Cato. You can still do this. You can win, and forget everything about the arena and go back to your daily life back in District Two... what am I talking about? I never could go back to the normal life. It just seems too far away, and when I'm clutching for it the only thing I catch is thin air. My throat is dry as sandpaper at this point. I just need to go back to the lake and hope that nobody freaking poisioned it, but that's in the back of my mind. Right now, I'm just trying to figure out how I'm supposed to survive this freaking hell. I need to eliminate that boy from Eleven immediately; why didn't I just do that in the first place? Stupid, stupid stupid... I saw him participate in the Cornucopia, I should've gotten rid of him at the very second. Then Clove and I might have won together...

What am I thinking?! This is exactly what the Capitol wants to turn me into. God dammit, this is how the outer-districts feel, huh? Lost, alone, helpless... it's all my fault for getting close to her. It's all my fault. The moment I volunteered, I was dead from that point on.

For the first time in my life, I feel something wet trickle down my face.

Author's Note: If you've read this far, thank you! I quite appreciate it. Aw, Cato's a softie now huh? I know, there's plenty of fanfictions there that revolve around Cato's POV like this, but I really wished to do this. This isn't my best work obviously; only took about two hours to make, which is poor compared to other intelligent authors out there, but I wanted to write for the sake of writing. Plus, I wanted to post something on this site so badly. Constructive critism is always welcomed with open hands! Same with reviews; keep them coming. First reviewer can request a one-shot from me. It can be about anything!

I am aware that this is very OOC, as Cato should never cry, because he's badass, but remember that this is just an HG practice. Think of it as my scratch board for my upcoming projects. I'm not saying don't judge me by this piece, by all means, insult me as much as you can! As long as its not, "This sucks."

-Luna