Hi, this is the first Fanfic I've ever written so be aware: it may not always make sense. Then again neither do I. Anyway please read, review if you feel like it, and have a good day (again, only if you feel like it). Ignore the set-up, I'm still trying to figure out how to format this thing.
Chapter 1:
He had tried to kill her. He had sided with Baras against her, and tried to kill her. He had failed, but what was the old saying? It was the thought that counts. Baras had Quinn lure her away from the crew to end her life with specially designed battle droids. Droids he had programed after he had 'exhaustively noted' her strengths and weaknesses. Knowing that he had planned for a long time to kill her made her re-think every word, every touch, and every kiss that had ever occurred between them. How had she been so blind to his machinations?
It had been a difficult fight, both physically and emotionally. Probably why Baras had forced Quinn's hand against her instead of confronting her himself. That and he was a master of delegation who rarely got his own hands dirty when he could send a peon to do the job for him. It had been more painful than anything she had ever endured. Betrayed by the one man she had ever fully trusted, ever truly loved. Her husband. But she had been victorious. He had apologised and expected her to end his life. If he had known what she had only just recently discovered herself, then things might have been different. Maybe not.
She had asked her apprentice to 'scan' him while she had questioned him. He seemed genuinely contrite and Jaesa had said he did love her, but she wasn't sure he really did or that he even knew what love was. She wasn't even sure she did anymore.
She had spent her teens in the Sith Academy, repressing all but the most base of emotions, fighting tooth and nail against the other students for everything she now had, possibly more so than others given her somewhat… unusual hair colour (White hair was not often seen on one so young), and trying to learn and live by the Sith Code. Passion was acceptable. Love was not. Love was an emotion that both the Jedi and the Sith agreed had no place in its teaching. Sure, the Jedi were supposed to defend their fellow man and put their life on the line to protect others, but any kind of close relationship was forbidden to all but a chosen few. And even then they were closely monitored by the council. In the Sith, physical relationships were either a tool or just for physical release. Anything beyond that and you risked looking weak. And those who looked weak rarely lasted long. There were tales of course of Sith that had fallen in love, but they were always tragedies that ended with either the Sith or their lover, or sometimes both dead. These were seen as warnings to the others that love was weakness and led to a downfall they wouldn't survive.
Even with her parents being who they were, Rose had believed this herself until Balmorra. Until she had met Baras' contact, the handsome and somewhat repressed Lt. Malavai Quinn. She had always had a weakness for the straight-laced type. Something about his professional façade had made her want a peek below the mask of efficiency to the red-blooded man beneath. Baras said Quinn had owed his career to him, and it wasn't until later she had known what he had meant. Her time on Balmorra was eventful, disposing of Baras' spy Rylon (leading Quinn to re-evaluate her as 'not a typical Sith') him deflecting her flirting attempts to some degree, capturing a Jedi for information, and also leading to a reassignment for Quinn. Which he had wished to use to join Rose and her crew. And so he became the pilot of the Fury.
They travelled the galaxy, eliminating the spy's that Baras no-longer needed and searching for the powerful apprentice of Baras' enemy Nomen Karr. In-between the mission's planet side and the constant hurtling through space, Quinn and Rose had gotten to know each other better. He told her of the odious Moff Broysc whose incompetence had led to a republic spy, Voleren, being loose for a decade, ruined his career and almost cost the Empire a great strategist in Major Ovech. Rose told him of her early childhood with her two sisters, her struggle at the academy, the man she had let too close and the trials she had had to go through to become Baras' apprentice. Through their many conversations, Rose had flirted, Quinn had dodged. Until finally, he had asked to be reassigned.
They had bickered back and forth until Quinn had finally given in, grabbed and kissed her. She was surprised it had taken him so long to give in to his feelings, but she wasn't disappointed in the result. He had tilted his head and licked her bottom lip. When she had gasped, he took advantage and slipped his tongue inside her mouth while his arms pulled her flush against him. Gone was the stoic soldier and in his place was a man that had repressed his passions too long and was ready to let them out. With her. It seemed like hours before they finally pulled away from each other, he had smiled when he had seen her slightly dazed look and swollen lips. "Now more than just duty and honour will be driving my work."
It wasn't until Quinn had finally gotten his revenge against the Moff that things had…escalated. They had found quiet time together between missions, but Roses' past had made her reluctant to take things further. There had been a man she had thought she could trust to let close at the Academy. She still had to scars to prove how foolish that had been. But her time with Quinn; talking, laughing, kissing and occasionally groping had made her believe that he could be trusted past her defences. After Quinn had killed the Moff and sent his body through the airlock, she had led him to her quarters to celebrate his freedom from his past. They didn't surface until days later when Jaesa and Vette had banged on the door and told them to knock it off so they could get some sleep.
And now here she was after their battle. After his betrayal. An almost two and a half year relationship that had broken all her self-imposed rules. A marriage that was based on a lie. And now a child that would be born from the lie.
She looked down at him. He had a bloody lip from where she had punched him. A gash on his temple where she had hit him to knock him out, leaving him out of the fight so she didn't do something she might regret later. He refused to look away from her, his blue eyes that she had seen cold with fury and blazing with lust, now held only a regret that was almost palpable. But was it forgivable? "Was our entire relationship a charade? Where you ordered to get close to me? Befriend me? Was sleeping with me a requirement or just a handy little bonus until I was no longer useful? Did Baras want to create a weakness in me that he could uniquely exploit? Was everything you were, everything we ever talked about a lie to draw me to you? Have you ever told me anything that was genuine or real in our entire relationship?!" She almost screamed the last question as her emotions started getting the better of her. She had trusted a man again, and again it had come back to haunt her. The scars that Quinn left on her may not be visible but somehow they were so much more painful than anything Garett had done to her. Quinn looked as if he wanted to reach for her, comfort her as he had done so many times in the past, but stopped himself. A wise idea, in her current state of emotional upheaval.
"On Balmorra, when I requested to be reassigned to your crew, I admit it was Baras' idea but I had already pondered that course of action before he suggested it. I was supposed to watch you and your crew and send Baras reports on your activities. But talking to you, being drawn to you, was never a part of the plan. I didn't lie when I said that thoughts of you had begun to distract me. Any conversation or moment that you and I shared that was not related to our missions were not in my reports to Baras. But he isn't a fool, he noticed certain changes in my behaviour. I slipped once or twice when speaking of you and he deduced the truth."
Quinn touched his hand to the gash on his forehead and winced as he looked at the blood now covering his fingers, and looked at her again.
"Everything I have told you, have felt for you is real. I sided with Baras against you because he forced my hand and I owe him everything for his assistance after the Battle of Druckenwell. Everything I have done is for the good of the Empire. But this time he has asked too much of me. Knowing that I would have had a hand in killing the woman I love, my wife, it is almost too much to bear. I am oddly thankful to have failed. I understand that siding with your most hated of enemies against you will end in my death. All I ask is that you believe me when I say that being with you was worth every day that I languished at Balmorra" as he said the last he bowed his head, freeing Rose from the terrible grip his gaze had had on her. She looked at Jaesa. "He is telling the truth, Master. I sense deep regret and anguish." Rose turned back to him "If I was to let you back on my ship, and Baras ordered you to kill me again, would you?" she asked one of the question that was burning in the forefront of her mind. Could I ever be able to trust you again she silently asked herself. "Baras would likely kill me for this failure, but this was my best effort to kill you, my lo…lord. It took all my skill to program the droids and everything I had to go through with this. I do not think I would be able to stomach doing so again." He returned his gaze to her, silently begging her to believe him.
Rose turned to Jaesa, who in turn nodded her head in confirmation that he was speaking the truth. With a sigh she motioned for Jaesa to follow her out into the hallway. "Everything I am sensing from him says that he is speaking the truth and that he is truly sorry for what he has done, Master. I do not think he will try to hurt you again." Jaesa followed Rose as she braced herself against one of the walls of the ship and put her head between her knees, trying to stave off the nausea. "But can I ever trust him as a friend or husband again?" Rose asked as she looked at her friend and apprentice, trying to calm the maelstrom of emotions going through her. "I think the only way you will be able to answer that is with time" came the reply as Jaesa moved towards her, laying a hand on her back as she used the Force to heal the last of the wounds that the medpacks had been unable to heal fully. With a soft gasp, Jaesa removed her hand from her back and stared at her in shock. "You can see why knowing whether or not I can trust him is so important. Please don't say anything, and that goes double for this Quinn thing. The last thing I need is for Pierce or Broonmark to use this as an excuse to get uppity" she begged as Jaesa tried to get her emotions under control herself. Rose straightened with a sigh, "Go back to the ship and prepare it for launch, I want to get to Corellia as soon as possible. Could you please move his things out of our room? I don't think I can bear…" her voice broke and she tried again "I think it's best if we make this as painless as possible" she broke off with a humourless laugh, "The sooner we deal with Baras, the sooner I can deal with this mess." Jaesa nodded, gripped Rose's shoulder in support and left her to deal with her husband.
Rose walked back into the site of betrayal, finding that Quinn was yet to move from the spot where she had left him. "Because of Jaesa's' assurance that you are unlikely to try to hurt me… more than you already have" he flinched at that statement "you will be permitted back on my ship." She waited for her words to sink in before she continued.
"However, there will be a few conditions:
1. Obviously you will no longer be welcome in the Captains' cabin and I'm not sure if you ever will be again.
2. I have asked Jaesa not to mention this to the crew and I dissuade you from doing so either as it may lead to crew members questioning my orders.
3. You will continue on in your regular role as pilot and tactician on the Fury, but if I ever even think you are about to betray me, I will put you down with no hesitation. This is your one and only 2nd chance.
4. If I find out that you are still in contact in any way with Baras, I'm throwing you out the airlock.
Am I understood?" she asked as she stood partly away from him, watching his every movement for a sign of attack or duplicity. "I understand, my lord. My dedication to you will never come into question again." He stood slowly, touching his hand to his jaw with a wince. "See that it doesn't. Either way, it will be a long time before I can even think of trusting you again" she gestured for him to proceed her out the doorway, not willing to turn her back on him in case he used that moment to strike a final desperate blow.
They moved silently to the ship, "I've asked Jaesa to move your things to your old room on the starboard side, a lot of you things are still there anyway" that was a huge sign staring me in the face Rose thought to herself as they walked towards their docking station "Do you plan on telling the others what happened?" Rose took a moment before replying. "No. If Broonmark or Pierce knew that you betrayed me and I let you live, my authority would be undermined. Broonmark would probably try to kill me, and Pierce would report me which would lead to other complications. It's best if your assassination attempt just stayed between the three of us."
Without another backward glance Rose boarded the ship. Quinn made a move as if to touch her, and she flinched away. "As you wish, my lord" he said as he bowed his head and made his way to cockpit. Rose made her way quickly to her cabin and closed the door. She glanced around her and instantly missed the lack of his things. His bedside table was empty and the draws were still ajar after Jaesa had removed his belongings. The closet was only 2/3 full now with his uniforms and casual clothes missing. The little knick-knacks that they had somehow managed to accumulate during their short courtship were now just imprints left in the dust.
The Ewok plush he had begrudgingly won her when they had gone to a festival on some backwater planet that only the locals had a name for. The picture that Vette had taken of them sitting together, going over reports and holding hands when they had thought they were alone. The holo of their wedding that had had pride of the place on the dresser. She softly touched the place where it used to sit with her hand. Everywhere she turned Quinn's unique scent of soap, medpacks and blaster fire remained, causing her chest to ache. She reached for her neck and pulled on the thin gold necklace and unclipped it, letting it dangle from her fingers in front of her. Her engagement ring, a Quinn family heirloom, and her wedding band winked mockingly at her. She sighed and opened the bottom draw in her end table, putting the necklace into a box and closing the draw on the reminders of her stupidity. Rose then crossed the room to the adjacent refresher, undressed and stood under the spray as she finally let her grief engulf her.