Smile...

I don't know whether to laugh or cry.

I'm pregnant.

Actually pregnant.

There's a little life growing inside of me and has been for some time if my calculations are correct.

We actually did it. Chandler and I made a baby. We're going to have a baby of our own in under nine months time.

I don't think either of us expected this to happen so fast. We've barely been trying for four months and if I am right, which I'm hardly ever not, then I'm about six weeks pregnant.

I grin, knowing exactly when this little peanut was conceived.

We hadn't seen each other in two weeks and Chandler was finally home for the entire week approaching the 4th of July. The minute he'd walked through the door we were kissing, hard, passionately, like we hadn't seen each other in years. It sure felt like it had been years. He'd carried me to our bedroom and for the first time in several months it hadn't been about making a baby or ovulation schedules, it was just the two of us being together finally after fourteen days of being apart. We'd both slept for near enough twelve hours afterwards and then it had happened again. He'd made love to me like we were back in London, back on our first night together, where nothing else mattered except the two of us.

Tears fall onto my cheeks as a smile breaks my face in two. I can't stop smiling, I refuse to stop smiling. I've wanted this my entire life and now I have it I have no idea what to do with myself.

There's a tiny person growing inside of me. An actual tiny little person that Chandler and I made.

More tears fall and I blame it on the number of hormones in my system, taking advantage of being able to say that now.

I'm pregnant.

I can only imagine Chandler's face when I tell him. He'll be so happy. My heart is on the verge of exploding knowing he wants this as much as I do, if not more. He was the one who wanted to try for a baby, he was probably more ready than I was at the time. Now I can see why. I have so much joy being able to say I'm pregnant, I can't even imagine the smile on Chandler's face going into work and announcing his wife is pregnant with his baby. Telling his parents that they're going to have a grandchild at long last, telling the gang.

He should be here with me now. He should have been with me when I took the test. With me during the 5 minutes it took for the test to confirm the result. With me while I panicked and took another 5 tests, all of them confirming that first result. I was one hundred percent pregnant. But, no. My husband, the father of my child, is in Tulsa, and isn't due back until tomorrow.

I refuse to tell anyone else before I tell Chandler and no way in hell am I telling him over the phone that he finally knocked me up. I'll just have to wait and keep our little peanut a secret for a while.

Chandler's flight lands at two o'clock tomorrow afternoon. It's almost 9pm now. I can last seventeen hours of keeping the fact that I'm pregnant a secret right? The gang has already left for the night, if I can avoid them tomorrow morning then I should be okay, hopefully.

I finally gather the six pregnancy tests from where they rest on the coffee table, smiling brightly at the six sets of two blue lines before entering mine and Chandler's bedroom, resting the tests at the back of our underwear draw.

I prop myself up against the head board and instinctively my hand comes to rest on my flat stomach, protecting the tiny life inside.

"Daddy will be so happy when he hears about you, baby"

I'm unable to hold myself back and before I know it I'm talking openly to the empty room, to my baby, mine and Chandler's perfect little baby.

"He'll probably hug Mommy so hard he'll squish you but then he'll feel bad and will keep whispering how much he loves you already. Your Daddy's adorable like that. He's the biggest goof you'll ever know but he'll always love you more than anything. You're probably just whining right now, and Mommy knows you want to sleep but Mommy needs ideas of how she's gunna tell Daddy about you."

I fall silent, almost expecting an answer, when it comes to me. I know exactly how I'm going to tell Chandler, everything is suddenly so clear. I can see the smile on his face, threatening to split him in two, as he asks if I'm serious, tears sliding down his cheeks as he pulls me to him.

"Mommy better get working if she's going to pull this off"

It's barely 8am when the violent urge to throw up wakes me. I fly off the bed, a selection of coloured pens falling to the floor as I hurry across the apartment barely in front of the toilet before last nights dinner reappears. Chandler should be here for this bit too. I'd probably tell him I was fine and try to get him to leave me the hell alone, he wouldn't listen though. He'd be at my side, holding my hair out the way, stroking my back in that comforting way he always does, helping me get to my feet and holding me steady as I struggle to brush my teeth.

Just a few more hours without him. Just a few more hours until I'm able to tell him about our baby. But then, Monday morning, he has to leave again and I'll be right back here, alone and crying softly as my stomach lurches violently.

I have no idea what we're going to do. Maybe Chandler can talk to his boss about relocating back here because he sure as hell won't leave me once he knows about our peanut. That thought makes me smile: he might never have to go back to Tulsa again after this.

Turns out the only downside to pregnancy so far is morning sickness, everything else: growing a tiny little human, the possibility of Chandler being home for good, is allowing a smile to split my face in two once again.

"Thanks for that kid, I really appreciate it, but could you please be done for today so Mommy can celebrate with Daddy?"

When my stomach seems to resettle I push myself up off the floor, reaching blindly for my toothbrush. Vomit does not have a very appetising aftertaste.

It's over two hours later when someone finally makes an appearance. Joey walks through the apartment door, calling out to me and I can hear him open the fridge and several cupboards from where I sit crossed legged on mine and Chandlers bed, perfecting how I'm going to tell him about our baby.

"Morning, Joe" I smile, not surprised in the slightest to see he's still in his pyjamas, hair messed up as he sits at the table with a bowl of cereal in front of him.

"Hey, Mon." He greets, "Chandler gets back today right?"

"Yeah, his flight gets in at two, I'm going to go to the airport to meet him" I explain, trying to overcome the desire to rest my hand on my stomach.

"So we're not going to see you two until tomorrow?"

"He's only been gone for four days but most likely"

"Yeah, baby!"

"You know we sleep most of the time right?"

"You sleep naked?"

"Sometimes..."

"Point proven. Anyway, I have an audition, I'll see you later. Tell Chandler I said hey, you know if you find the time to stop kissing him for all of a second"

"Bye, Joey"

Joey's barely out the door when my hand finds its way to my stomach, it's almost an instinct now. If Chandler and I decide to keep this to ourselves we're seriously not going to last very long, if the constant smiles on our faces don't give us away then my hands resting on my stomach most certainly will. Plus, if I'm this bad how the hell is Chandler going to be able to stop himself from stroking my stomach, he has difficulty not being in contact with me already, our peanut is only going to make him worse, or better for me especially, other people- maybe not so much.

I wind my way back around the furniture, returning to our bedroom, lost in my thoughts of Chandler and our baby. Just a couple more hours to go...

I'm not sure whether the butterfly's in my stomach are as a result of my nerves at the fact that Chandler's plane just touched down or because of the baby.

I stand in the middle of the crowd at the gate, anxious to see my husband, clutching the piece of card to my chest, waiting until I see him before I reveal what's written on it. These people may be strangers but Chandler is still going to be the first person I tell.

I've been stood here for an hour already, waiting and making small talk with an old couple who are waiting to see their son after he's been away for over a year working overseas.

I feel like I'm going to be sick and force myself to breathe as some airport staff move to open the door. I watch as a group of people leave the plane, heading either for the exit or to family members. The couple I'd been talking to rush forward and I watch as they envelop their son in a hug.

A moment of dread passes over me when the crowd slows, have I missed him? Did he already leave?

My breathing falters as I suddenly see him ahead of me. Everything around me slows as he catches my eye, startled to see me waiting for him. I almost forget about the sign, about our baby for a moment, simply overjoyed to see him. He starts walking towards me and I decide then to slowly turn the sign.

He stops. Confused. He stares at me for a moment before I see his eyes move down the sign, reading the words over and over.

I hear applause a moment before Chandler returns his eyes to mine. Everyone around us smiles, the old couple I'd made friends with turning away from their son, both of their faces lighting up as they see the sign I'm holding.

My wonderful husband and the father of our baby.

I barely have time to breath before I'm wrapped up in Chandler's arms and before I know it his lips are pressed firmly to mine, both of us crying happily, not bothered at all with the scene we're making in the middle of the airport.

"You're pregnant?" He smiles, his voice breaking as he pulls away from me slightly.

"I'm pregnant" I confirm in a whisper.

"We're having a baby?"

"We're having a baby, Chandler"

"We're going to be parents!" He grins, completely elated as he lifts me into his arms, spinning me around in a circle, "I love you, so, so much, Monica" He whispers as he settles me back down on the floor, his hand instinctively coming to rest on my stomach as he rests his forehead against mine.

I sigh shakily, unable to form words for how much I love this man, my husband, the father of our baby.

"I love you too, Chandler, so much that it actually hurts"

I lose track of time as we stand there in the middle of JFK airport, Chandler's arms wrapped tightly around me, refusing to let go. Nothing else, no one else, matters right now. My husband is finally home for the weekend, hopefully indefinitely, and we're most certainly going to spend that time holed up in our apartment celebrating the little life we managed to create.

We made a baby.

Tears slide down my cheeks, collecting on the fabric of Chandler's shirt, we're going to be parents. We're going to be this baby's food source, there when he or she needs comforting, changing, entertaining, loving. God, I've known about this baby for less than 24 hours and I love he or she so much already. I've wanted this my entire life and now I have it.

I'm actually pregnant, I'm going to have a baby. I'm going to be someone's Mommy. Chandler and I are having a baby. Our own little baby that's going to be the most perfect little person ever cause he or she was made with so much love and who's parents love each other, and it, more than anything else in the entire world.

We're going to be a family. It's no longer just me and Chandler, there's a beautiful little baby in the equation now.

I feel Chandler's tears against my skin as he cries into my neck, one hand running through my hair, the other nestled between us, resting above where our baby is growing. He lifts his head slightly, angling my head with his hand, staring at me in disbelief.

"We made a baby" I cry, finally realising the full extent of those words. I've been repeating them in my head over and over like a mantra for the past several hours, only it all seemed too good to be true. Now, here in Chandler's arms, his eyes expressing everything to me, it's real, it's so incredibly real. No longer is having a child mine and Chandler's future, it's our present, we have it already, tiny and nestled between us.

"Is it going to ruin the moment if I admit I'd love more than anything to repeat the night we made this little one?"

I can't hold back the giggle that falls from my lips as I pull Chandler to me, pressing my lips to his.

"When we get home"

"Will it be ok for the baby if we do that?"

My heart swells to unbelievable amounts upon hearing the worry in Chandler's voice. He hasn't even known about our baby for an hour yet and already he's everything I imagined he was going to be- insanely overprotective.

"Women have sex while they're pregnant all the time"

"I don't care about other women, I care about you, Mon, and our baby. I'd go without sex for as long as it required if it meant you and our baby were okay"

"You might be able to go without sex for that long but I sure as hell can't, I barley manage a couple of days when you're in Tulsa"

I'm startled when Chandler doesn't immediately reply, glancing up at him in concern.

"Chandler, what's wrong?"

"What if my boss won't let me relocate back here? I can't go flying back to Tulsa knowing you're pregnant and alone-"

"We'll figure it out Chandler, tomorrow or the next day, right now I just wanna go home and celebrate this with you, we're having a baby!"

"Did I tell you I love you already?"

"You did, but it's always nice to hear"

"I love you, Mon"

"I love you, Chandler"

And we're kissing again, softly and slowly because we have all the time in the world for this, we have forever.

I barley stop the disappointed look from spreading across my face when Chandler slowly retracts his hand from my abdomen, slipping his hand into mine, threading our fingers together as he bends down to collect his briefcase, the sign and my purse, both of which I'd discarded on the floor a long time ago.

We walk through the airport towards baggage claim in silence, kissing occasionally, unable to be without contact for an extended period of time.

This is seriously going to be hard to keep from everyone else. We could always tell everyone

as soon as we get back, but our relationship started out as a secret, we almost got married in secret, it seems only right that we keep our baby a secret, at least until we feel ready to share he or she with the world.

I don't think I'm ready for that yet though.

One of the main reasons Chandler and I are here today is because we kept us a secret for as long as we did. We keep a lot of our relationship closed off from the gang, from the world, because it's nice to share something just the two of us. As much as I want to scream it from the rooftops that I'm pregnant I want to be able to experience this with just Chandler. It'll be hard, especially if I'm already six weeks pregnant, that's the first half of the first trimester gone already and we didn't even know it. I want some alone time with this baby and with my husband, just the three of us before we begin sharing our incredible news, before it's no longer just the three of us but parents and siblings and friends too, all peering over our shoulders and into our lives.

"Penny for your thoughts?"

I turn to Chandler, smiling slightly as he helps me into the passenger seat of the Porsche, rounding the car to climb into the drivers seat.

"I'm pregnant not ill, Chandler. I can drive and get in the car you know?"

"Is it so bad that I want to do things for my wife, who should rest as much as she can before she gives birth to our baby?"

I sit silently, smiling at Chandler's words as he pulls out the parking space, heading towards the exit.

"When did you find out?" He questions, his eyes remaining on the road as he places one hand on my abdomen.

"Not even twenty four hours ago. I don't even know what caused me to realise that I hadn't had my period the last 2 months. I took a test and freaked out when it was positive so drank like 2 litres of water and peed on another five, all of those were positive too. Couldn't really question the facts by that time. Besides if I hadn't realised last night then I would have this morning when last nights dinner decided to reappear"

"We should make you a doctors appointment when we get back, see if everything's okay and how far along you are and the due date"

"I'm ninety nine percent sure I already know how far along I am"

Chandler turns to me as we stop at a red light, a questioning look on his face.

"Remember the weekend you got back a couple of months ago and you'd been gone for two whole weeks-"

"The Fourth of July week?"

I nod, unable to contain my grin.

"Makes sense that the one time we're not worrying about making a baby we actually do make one. Also, referencing what I said earlier, now that I know when we made this tiny little person I'm even more desperate to repeat it"

"We're gunna lock the door the minute we get home, we're gonna book an appointment with the doctor and we're not leaving our apartment until it's necessary, okay?"

"Sounds brilliant"

Silence follows, my hand resting on top of Chandler's as he skilfully drives one handed, unable to be without contact. I relax back into the chair, my eyes closing peacefully, the adrenaline from the past 24 hours wearing off as the exhaustion from lack of sleep as a result of Chandler not sleeping beside me hitting me full force, or maybe, now that I'm finally aware of it, the baby is draining all of my energy. Either way Chandler and I are going to spend the next 24 hours doing nothing at all except sleeping, eating and celebrating.

We remain in a comfortable silence the entire way home, it's the handsome man beside me who eventually breaks it as he pulls into our parking space.

"Mon?"

"Hmm?"

"Can we keep this between us for a while? I just want to be able to spend time with you and our baby without everyone else wanting a piece of it too"

"I swear sometimes we're mentally connected. I don't want everyone involved yet, I want it to just be us for a while. When we're ready we'll start telling people, although we might have to tell your boss in order to get you relocated and my restaurant so I don't have to work too late and for too long"

"We should tell our parents first, tell yours they're going to have another grandchild, and mine-"

"That they're going to become grandparents. God, Chandler, they're going to be so happy"

"They're both going to want to come to your baby shower you know that right?"

"I don't care. I'm carrying their grandchild they can fly out the minute we tell them for all I care"

"You know they'll probably to that, my Mom will probably want to take you shopping for maternity clothes and my Dad for pretty little dress"

"What if we have a boy?"

"Don't you worry babe, no son of ours is going to go through what I went through, or daughter if she doesn't want to"

"You're going to be such an amazing father, Chandler"

"And you're going to be the best mother the world has ever seen"

On rare occasions Chandler manages to truly render me speechless, right now is one of those moments, one that I'll treasure for the rest of our lives. I witness the teasing smile that spreads across Chandler's face as he climbs from the car, gathering his luggage, my purse and the neatly made sign from the trunk before he finally approaches my door.

"Thought you didn't need any help getting out of the car?"

"Just taking advantage of my wonderful husband"

"Well if you hurry up and get out the car you can take advantage of me in other ways"

"Smartass"

"You love me"

"More than anything"

His teasing smile softens into one of happiness as we climb the stairs to our apartment, hoping to avoid anyone lurking around. We successfully reach our floor and I hastily unlock our apartment, relieved to find no one inside, stepping inside Chandler follows immediately, turning to lock the door again, adding the chain as precaution.

He settles his things down on the table before pulling me into his arms, sighing shakily.

"We're having a baby, Mon"

I realise then that he's crying again, clutching my body to his as he presses his lips to mine tenderly. I run my fingers through his hair, pulling him closer, my lips pushing against his insistently as I lead him across the apartment, narrowly avoiding furniture, refusing to pull away. I gently push him down on our bed, finally pulling away as I walk over to our chest of draws, retrieving the six positive pregnancy tests I stashed there last night.

He smiles widely at the six positive results as I settle them in his hands, moving towards the phone, dialling the number of my OB/GYN. I keep my eyes on Chandler, watching the emotions flit across his face as reality sinks in. I redirect my attention long enough to address the receptionist on the end of the phone.

"5pm tomorrow is fine thank you"

"Mrs Monica Bing"

We've been married over a year now and Chandler's face still lights up every time he calls me his wife, every time I call him my husband, every time I tell someone my name.

"Okay, thank you, goodbye"

I settle the phone back down on the cradle before slowly undressing, pulling one of Chandler's old Knicks t-shirts over my head before taking a seat against the headboard.

"You're pregnant?"

I laugh as Chandler turns to me.

"Yes I'm pregnant. Now would you please undress and come celebrate with me?"

"Impatient" He chuckles kicking off his shoes, stripping the rest of his clothes until he clambers onto the bed beside me in only his boxers.

"Hormones" I reply simply, resting my hands on my stomach.

"You're gunna use that excuse for the next 8 months aren't you?" Chandler mumbles leaning down to kiss the back of my hand.

I smile brightly, watching him as he tenderly nuzzles my hand before lifting up the base of my t-shirt, pressing a gentle kiss to my abdomen.

"Hey baby, I'm your Daddy"

I fight tears as he talks to the tiny human we created, nestled up inside me. I run my hands through his hair, encouraging him to continue as I close my eyes, several tears sliding down my cheeks despite my attempt to stop them.

"I love you and your Mommy so, so much. I've barely known about you for two hours but my heart hurts because I love you so much already. I think Daddy might be in for a world of trouble when you actually arrive, he's gunna be torn between loving you so much that you're never going to be allowed to leave the house unless he or Mommy is with you and wanting alone time with Mommy so they can make millions of siblings for you"

"If you think I'm gunna push a million children out my-"

"You'll get used to Mommy being a little crazy, baby. You've just gotta remember she's gunna love you even when she kind of hates you for making a mess and getting crumbs everywhere"

Laughter bubbles out of me as more tears slide down my cheeks, watching Chandler talking to our baby in amazement. I love this man more than I've ever loved anyone else. He's my best friend, my confident, my soulmate, the one person I trust more than myself, who knows me better than I know me, the father of the perfect little baby I'm carrying that we made together and who we're going to raise with as many siblings as Chandler manages to get out of me.

We're going to be a family- me, Chandler and the gaggle of children I'll no doubt carry for him because I'd go to the end of the earths to make him happy, just like he would for me.

so let me start with i didn't expect this as much as you didn't but i've discovered the easiest way for me to relax other than binge watching tv shows is writing so last week during my half term smile was born. i'd wanted to write a fic along this storyline for a while so i just rolled with it and this is the result and it's pretty cute if you ask me but yeah i'm obviously gunna say that cause it's my writing, but if you think it's cute too you could always review and let me know...

anyway, all the titles of my fics lately have come from some of my favourite songs, this one included inspired by R5's song smile which is amazing and everyone should have this song in their life so go and listen to it cause it's just the perfect cheer up song! so i'd say don't expect anything from me soon but that probably won't happen so just keep an eye out i suppose...