Sunshine. That's how her smile felt like. A bright and eye-blinding sunshine.
Holy Roman Empire had always dreamt of her since he left his house. He knew that if circumstances allowed, he would likely prefer to stay by her side otherwise. Throwing himself to war was a choice quite reckless and inevitable. Not that he wanted it, but he had to.
The days had passed with anxiety and wariness. Exhaustion had dug deeply into his bones and his limbs could hardly drag themselves to move. Nonetheless, he had to keep on fighting. 360 months had passed since he left his house, having his last sight with his precious sunshine, he had to stand strong till the end so as to return to her.
He had never forget how fragile she was, unlike him who was made to fight through hardships with mere determination. The tears that had shone on her cheeks, the sun that was warmly blazing over them, how the breeze whispered through their thoughts; everything was so warm and fragile, like the memories he had been holding dearly since the day he left.
The air reeked of steel and smoke. Dull crimson indistinctly seen through the dusty grey, apparently the source of the iron stench. He crept carefully through the bodies, forcing down the feeling of nauseous. The war had brought a huge damage to himself and his troupe. For every moment he fought, he felt his sanity was slowly slipping, with everything he held dearly followed closely behind. Either physically or mentally, he felt he was gradually losing both.
A shout rang out not far away. It sounded familiar yet foreign.
Realizing it belonged to the enemy, his heart nearly banged out from his chest as he found himself, in fact, not far from whoever it was. He had to retreat! He had to stay calm and find a way out!
Laying as flat to the ground as possible, he hoped the smoke engulfing the area could effectively conceal himself. He hadn't made a sound and couldn't really dared to make one. Unless, of course, an unmistakable small gasp, perhaps? But bearing himself, he remained still, as possibly still as the strewn, lifeless bodies around him. It was hard to ignore the unpleasant rotten smell that filled his nostrils every time he inhaled.
He closed his eyes, holding his breath. As soon as he did, dim light seeped through his eyelids, bringing warm flashes of reminiscences before him.
There she was, cleaning the floor with the usual deck brush she used. A loose frown hung on her brows, while strangely, she always had that slight up-curved lips that resulted herself into a melancholic smile. He never understood how she managed to brighten the gloomy house she was imprisoned to, doing demanded, tedious chores every day. Also, with no gourmet to fill her desire for good food. Reaching the thought, the corner of his lips faintly arc.
With a shudder, the petite girl turned around, searching the room with her oddly shut-together eyes. Finally, just at the end of the winded hallway, they settled on a set of cold, blue eyes. Stunningly, striking azure eyes. Their gaze locked for a moment, the atmosphere curiously thickened and somewhat, stuffed. Then did he realized he was in fact, staring at her, passionately. His expression instinctively scrunched up, instantly changing the face of an innocent child to a sour-looking bully, which successfully terrified the dainty lady even more.
"H-Holy Roman Empire?" she stuttered, quite hesitant to approach.
The knots on his brows tightened. Heart beating fast that he thought it might as well burst out from his chest right then and there. A scowl formed on his face as he tried to control the overwhelmed emotions boiling inside, turning his insides into mush.
He cleared his throat, "What?" Surprisingly, his voice was as calm as a cucumber. He tried to look more confidence.
"U-Uh, you were staring..." she pointed out timidly, wondering if she was even allowed to mind such trivial matter.
"I-I'm not," Holy Roman Empire replied, if not a bit too forceful than intended. The girl, with a white headkerchief over her auburn short hair, tilted her head briefly before concluding to a smile, as if suddenly knowing something he failed to notice. His frowns deepened.
"Are you hungry?" the girl asked cheerfully as she walked-or skip walked, to be precise-towards him. He felt his heartbeat quickened. Although his mind was frantically ordering his feet to move, his muscles couldn't function as they did. He was practically frozen in place while watching the girl closing in their distance, her steps so light as if they were moving on air. He felt his mind was floating on air too, basically.
A small hand caught his as his mind wandered aimlessly, couldn't much focus on the present moment. Blood rushed to his face.
"W-What are you doing?!" he nearly screamed, yet again realizing how in control his startled exclaim sounded. The tiny child barely jumped, then regained her composure and suggested. With a smile, of course.
"You are hungry, right? How about we go find what we can in the kitchen?" Her smile was blinding. He felt dizzy yet fully aware of his actions. He nodded, and the girl responsibly leaded the way, holding his hands as they moved forward.
Anxiety flew in his stomach like butterflies, though he was sure it wasn't the cause of an empty stomach. He had, actually, eaten breakfast, and the time hadn't yet reached noon! No, the reason he nodded was simple. People usually said that if you love someone, you don't really need a reason. He was basically happy that he had held her hands back. Almost immediately, the nervousness fluttered away as if the resolute had dissolved it. In his heart right now, was a small glowing sun that was technically infected from the girl before him. He was glad her back was facing him, for he couldn't imagine how he should react if she'd caught a glimpse of the broaden smile that eventually grew on his face. He felt happy.
Is this what they called "happiness"?
The memories flashed again as the scenery of a long corridor transformed into a full, lush green garden. Pangs of familiarity shot through his body. He knew this place! He remembered it quite vividly, in fact. That was why he was shocked to find himself recollecting something like this in the middle of war. He should be opening his eyes. What if he had fell asleep in his tired awareness while the enemy had found his hideout? He should be waking now.
Forcing to lift his eyelids, which he had expected it to be heavy, he found the sky ahead had turned from a greyish hue to a golden red. Was it already sunset? Had he really fell asleep while he should be keeping watch? It seemed that his feverishness had got the better of him. Grudgingly, he pushed himself up, finding that the smoke had cleared and the area had became peculiarly quiet.
He was alone. No, he was the only living in that abandoned battlefield.
Uneasiness eased in, thus he scoured his surrounding before allowing himself to relax for a while. He shouldn't stayed for too long, someone might back tracked. After a short breather, he felt more refreshed-if you think that one could felt as refresh as possible sitting amongst dead bodies, he stood and observed, trying to figure which way his troupe might had retreated to. Then, he decided on where he thought was the west as they had previously planned, depending on the direction the sun had set. Eventually, he began his journey.
He never thought he was able to be lost during war. Did his troupe thought he had died while fighting and resolved to withdraw themselves? He hoped they did that barely to reorganize themselves and be ready for another battle. Apparently, he wouldn't give in once he hadn't obtain victory. It was his main object in the first place.
"Do you really have to fight?"
Yet again, the familiar minute voice sounded in his mind, and he shook his head, dismissing it. This was not the time to mull over the past. Nearly thirty years had passed and still he was clinging to that insignificant promise?!
Was it that insignificant?
He had debated the idea for the past few years, struggling to hold on to reality as the world around him crashed toward insanity. Once in a while, he would wake up to hear shuffling boots nearing their camp, and they would instantly prepared their swords, sometimes barely wearing their uniforms properly to face the enemy. But since they expected night attacks, they were quite prepared by heart. Their misplaced behaviours were only due to lack of sleeps.
At first, it was tolerable, but when months had proceeded to years and the same routine had hardly decrease, they were greatly annoyed. Both mentally and physically. It was an immense challenge to just stay alert and awake at the same time. Their bodies bruised and broken, yet they only had little time to heal before throwing themselves on the line again. What had held great importance that brought them this? Most of them were somehow lost during years of battle, while some fought on scarcely on living instincts. Maybe it was foolish to start the war in the first place?
Was it?
The war was a demon. A cunning devil that promised glorious victory to those who survived, but taking the lives of many in return. It felt fair and ironically wasn't.
Was it?
Holy Roman Empire swayed a bit as he walked down the muddy path where it seemed to lead into the looming forest. It could be a good sanctuary for a night or two. Better yet if he caught up with the troupe just in case an undesired encounter with any foes could take place.
The dark gradually edge in as the sun sank farther into the horizon, allowing coldness enveloped the world in its leave. He had to hurry before the moon took its position in the sky, for being alone at night on open ground was a dangerous mistake. He could've been an easy target. Dragging his feet to quicken up, he finally came to the outer border of the forest, inspecting for further safety before entering it.
To be honest, night in the forest could be equally perilous as being in open air since it was just as hard to predict what could have bumped into him. Or vice versa. But he had to be strong otherwise, he had a promise to keep.
Then, just as the train of thought hit him, he abruptly halted. He felt himself knocked by a familiar sensation. He had felt it long before, only to learn that he had pushed it aside as well to mainly stay strong for it. He looked around, eyes being registered to the dark, found that the surrounding was familiar too. Any forest had felt familiar to him, he just didn't want to admit it since he had so much to focus on, but now as the fatigue had took its toll, he felt his consciousness came crumbling down. His knees gave way and he slumped onto the damp undergrowth. He knew he had it rough with himself all the time, but to truly realizing it now was definitely different.
Was she that significant to her that he could nearly went crazy by the mere thought of her? He knew she was, that was why he had to keep her away from him. Away from being tainted with blood and the brutalities that could only found in wars. He wanted her to be a pure memory. A precious memory which one day could revert into reality again as he proudly return home, back to how it was. How it should be.
He decided to settle there, knowing that his feet couldn't bring him further. After he shifted to a better position, he leaned against the tree, squeezing himself close to the trunk, trying to make himself blend into the dark or the tree. His eyelids nearly drooped before he could really allowed himself to. A dim light shone through the folds of leaves and lighted a small clearing before him. He remembered it.
She was there again. Her back leaning against his, breathing slow and content.
They were told by Hungary that a shower of meteorites would occur that night. Enthusiastically, she had begged him to accompany her, saying that Hungary, unfortunately, couldn't do so with her. He remembered replying her quite hesitantly. Not that he didn't wish to, but internally craved for it that he had to wonder whether his heart could endure the churning emotions. He made sure they kept well hidden beneath his skin although being perfectly conscious that his cheeks were practically glowing.
The night fell quickly as they anticipated for the wondrous once in a lifetime phenomena, either for experiencing the rare natural event or sharing the rare experience together. They found a clearing not far from his household, and there they settled down and waited for the occurrence. She grinned excitedly from time to time while humming a tune to herself, and he sat beside her, feeling awkward and relief simultaneously.
He liked her, recognizing it the instance she returned from her absence, growing slightly cuter and much more talented. He thought he admired her because of that, and forced her to join him since then. But the desire to get her slowly changed into something more possessive. He wanted her to be with him. He needed her.
At first he didn't quite understand what it was, thinking that it probably was a much deeper obsession he'd developed. But it turned out he was wrong when he incidentally saw her, just arriving home from war. He felt strangely happy. Very happy, in fact, to find that she was there, so close to him to eventually share the same premises he lived in. Maybe it was coincidental, but he appreciated it still.
Days passed while he observed her from afar, figuring a way to shorten their gap whilst was also embarrassed by the idea. He failed to express himself well in front of her, always ended up scaring her and increasing their misunderstandings. Yet there were also times they get to exchanged a few words, and sometimes even, going through some strange, awkward incidents. However, little by little did he noticed he was slowly feeling comfortable with her, and their distance didn't seem so far any more.
Now that he was there, sitting beside her, he wished the time could stop and they could forever watch over the stars. Breathing in the sweet scent of flowers and damp grass, the air turned slightly chilly. He felt her shiver a bit. Without a thought, he untie the ribbons of his cloak and swung it over her shoulders, smiling faintly as he straightened the collar.
"Holy Rome?" a tiny, uncertain voice broke his wondering.
The next thing he knew, he was looking at her, their faces inches apart. He flushed, feeling his face burning like the sun. Hastily, he pulled away and averted his eyes, facing the other way instead of at her.
"Holy Rome?" the unsure, wavering voice became more of a question. A soft, somewhat cold hand touched his, sending tingles to his heart and accelerated it. Before he could dwell on what to do, instinct took over as he grabbed her hand and twisted around to face her, both hands already clutching hers to his.
"Y-You are cold," the words left his lips, what intended to be a worried notion became a statement. She took a moment to progress his actions before again, revealing a smile and nodded.
"Yes, and you are warm," she replied, lifting her other hand and held theirs, her smile had somehow miraculously heated up the icy night. Although without his cloak, he felt very much warm indeed. Because there he was, with his sunshine. May the day be night or cloudy, or stormy or winter, as long as she was happy, he would have his personal sunshine, whose smiles and laughter could forever outshine the real sun.
Yes, all he needed was her. He loved her.
The clouds moved passively as the wind blew, temporarily blocking the moonlight before moving on. Not deep in the forest, a worn out boy in his teens, dressed in tattered and stained white cloak, head hung low as he slipped unconsciously into slumber. His trimmed blond hair rustled in the night breeze, slightly tousled and muddied. A vague smile trailed on his lips nonetheless, the cause of a pleasant dream. A precious memory.
A/N: Heya :) To be honest, this is my first fanfic. I've always wanted to try doing one but couldn't find a great motivation to do so. Until I stumbled upon a video on youtube. A song from Anastasia which I heard and remembered and loved when I was, well, younger. After being relived from my favourite song, the pictures inspired and touched me too. I nearly cried, but stopped myself.
Anyway, this was supposed to be a one-shot since I don't really have time to keep up the update. And it should've been shorter! Wow! I was actually amazed at how much I could rambled on about HRE's feelings! So, what should've been a short story about how HRE missed chibitalia during the Thirty Years' War(yeah, it's sort of a theory, so I used it). This was supposed to end with HRE being killed, but then I heard the song Amnesia by 5 Seconds of Summer and I Will Always Return, I changed my mind. Maybe I'll stick to the theory that Germany might be HRE and give this a better ending.
I JUST HOPE THAT I CAN KEEP THIS UP WITHOUT GOING ON A LONG HIATUS. OAO Wish me luck.
Btw, reviews? It is very appreciated if you would kindly voice out what you feel to my (crappy) story. I might be able to improve with your help. Thank you for reading this far. *Japanese bow*