Someday
Author's Note~ Okay, so I'm sure you've all heard of the recent spoilers for Kurt and Blaine. Well, I'm completely ignoring them and writing something else for my wish for 4.21. This started out angsty, and it ran away from me and ended up being fluffy. I hate writing kurt angst. It depresses me. This isn't really a relationship discussion. It's just me wanting Kurt to stop being so silent and forgiving. I wanted to post it before RIB jossed it in tonight's episode.
"You didn't have to come, y'know," Kurt said softly.
"Of course I did," Blaine scoffed. "Burt's like a second father to me." Kurt shifted uncomfortably. Blaine seemed to notice this because he said "Hey. I said I'd look after him. Kurt averted the gaze quickly but Blaine grabbed his chin and forced him to meet his warm hazel eyes. "It'll be okay, Kurt," he said in a low voice, his gaze intense. Kurt's breath hitched at the closeness. He saw Blaine's eyes flicker downward towards his lips.
He held his breath as Blaine started to lean in. He couldn't do this! Not now! He squeezed his eyes shut and started breathing through his nose.
"Blaine," he choked out in a hoarse whisper, "what are you doing?"
The shorter boy seemed to have noticed Kurt's tense posture and he pulled away, irises flickering with confusion.
"What do you mean? I was just trying to kiss you," he explained, his voice sounding almost hurt. Kurt felt a spike of annoyance. Seriously?
"Well, then I must've missed something, because last time I checked, we weren't together," he snapped, his glare firmly in place.
But apparently, Blaine grew a backbone throughout the year, as instead of apologizing and wearing that kicked-puppy look he was so good at, he leveled Kurts glare with his own. Kurt would probably be proud, if he weren't so irritated.
"You could've fooled me with the way you dragged me into a hotel room 2 months ago," he grumbled.
"I made it very clear that we weren't back together, Blaine! It was completely casual."
Blaine laughed harshly, "Since when do you take sex as 'casual'? Are you 'casual' with other guys up here? What about Adam? Are you 'casual' with him?"
"What I do up here is none of your business. I can be 'casual' with who I damn well please!" He sniped angrily.
"It is my business, Kurt! I don't want to watch someone I love sell themselves! You're worth way more than that." Blaines voice cracked.
"You're right! I am! But so are you!" Kurt's voice went up an octave. Blaine looked stunned.
"I know," he whispered. "I was stupid, and I felt like it was as good as I gonna get. I thought it would replace the hole in my heart from when you left."
"And you didn't bother to think about how it would hurt me?" He asked hotly.
"I thought you didn't love me anymore," he muttered weakly. Under normal circumstances, Kurt would've given him a hug, but right now...he was pissed.
"And you couldn't have talked to me first?"
"What was I going to say?"
"Gee, I don't know. 'Hey, Kurt. I miss you' would've been a great start. God, you are so frustrating! You never talk about things. Even while we were dating, there were still so many things I didn't know about you."
"I'm frustrating? You may tell me your secrets, but you'll never say how you're feeling. You keep it all bottled up and just say 'I'm fine.' No you're not fine."
"When have I ever done that?" he huffed.
"How about right now? You're too busy yelling at me over a little slip-up to avoid telling me your feelings."
"You wanna know what I'm feeling? Fine! I'm pissed off!"
"What are you pissed about?"
"'What am I pissed about?'", Kurt mocked, "Really, Blaine? You really don't get it, do you?"
"Then why don't you explain it to me? Don't hold anything back. Get everything off your chest, Kurt."
"Everything! Okay?!" he exploded. "I'm pissed that no matter how hard I work, no one seems to notice, and if they do, they don't care. I'm pissed that I was too 'gay' and 'girly' to get a lead role in a school musical. If I can't do that, how the hell do I expect to make it on Broadway? I'm pissed that I lost class president to a girl who, bless her heart, can't even get dressed by herself. I'm pissed because I work my ass off every day, but I'm still always the 2nd-choice to you and Rachel," his voice was rising, and Blaine's eyes widened a bit, "I'm pissed that I had to miss a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to audition for Broadway because I had to work a second job so I could help pay my dad's medical bills." He was outright yelling now.
"I'm pissed that my dad even needs medical bills. I'm pissed that I've literally been living off of Ambien and coffee for the past 6 months but everyone's…" his breath shuddered and the tears started to roll, "Everyone's too wrapped up in themselves to care. I'm pissed that the one week I was working overtime for my first job, you decided to completely spit on our first night in New York together by stomping my heart into a million pieces. And most of all, I'm pissed off that I don't hate you for it! Cheating bastard that you are, I still love you!"
Blaine's breathing stopped. He looked at the other man, who was full-out sobbing now.
He wanted to get up and kiss those tears away, but he couldn't move. He just stared, slack-jawed, at Kurt, who was pacing back and forth, tugging on his chestnut locks unmercifully.
"Kurt-," he reached out, his throat choking up.
"Why the hell don't I get a say in all this?!" Kurt whirled on him, making him flinch. "When is it my damn turn?!" Blaine blinked away tears.
"I..." he started. He lost all his words as his vision was clouded with the broken boy in front of him. "I don't know," he finally whispered defeatedly.
Kurt let out one last shuddering sob before he sat down awkwardly, shoving his head in his hands. Blaine took a piece of cloth out of his satchel, and nudged Kurt with it.
"Here," he said, his voice hoarse. Kurt gave him a vaguely curious glance, his eyes gray and dull. "I know how much you hate crying," he said softly, "You said your skin gets splotchy, and then you'd have to redo your skin routine, and we don't have time for that right now." The corner of Kurt's mouth twitched.
He gently pried the handkerchief out of his hand, his fingers still as warm and soft as Blaine remembered.
"Thanks." Blaine nodded, aware of the sudden tension, but he remained silent as Kurt sniffled next to him.
"I'm sorry," the other man sighed. Blaine whipped his head around, flabbergasted. His warm hazel eyes softened, and he put his arm around Kurt's shoulder, letting him rest his head on his shoulder.
"Hey," he said forcefully, but gently, "You have absolutely nothing to be sorry for. I wanted you to express your feelings, and I'm glad you did."
"Even though I made you cry?" Kurt mumbled cheekily. Blaine could feel the tiny smirk through his shirt, and he gave him a mock glare even though he couldn't see it.
"You always were a sympathy cryer," Kurt said wistfully. Blaine gave a watery chuckle.
"What can I say? I hate seeing people I love get upset," he blurted out. He expected Kurt to stiffen and pull away, but it didn't happen. The other boy seemed perfectly content in their position.
Blaine sighed, "I really caused you a lot of trouble, didn't I?"
"Only about 95% of it, so don't worry too much," he deadpanned.
"I'm being serious, Kurt."
"It's fine, Blaine," Kurt sighed, "You're very talented."
Blaine narrowed his eyes. "And you're not?" he asked, raising a skeptical eyebrow. Instead of a response, Kurt shrugged half-heartedly.
He gasped incredulously, "Kurt!" He moved like lightning to face the other boy, ignoring his whining protests of "Hey, I was comfortable!" Blaine just gaped at him like a fish, and Kurt scowled.
"Take a picture! It'll last longer," he snapped, crossing his arms defensively.
"Do you seriously think that you're not talented?" he asked, his tone full of disbelief.
"I never said that," Kurt muttered, his eyes focused on a loose piece of string.
"You didn't have to," Blaine said disapprovingly. "Hey, Kurt, look at me."
"Why?" he asked flatly.
"Please?" he pleaded.
Kurt rolled his eyes, and didn't hold back a long-suffering sigh of exasperation as he slowly turned his head to meet Blaine's eyes, one unimpressed eyebrow cocked up in the air. He made a sarcastic 'go on' gesture.
Blaine held back an eye roll, not sure yet if he was amused by the other boy's dramatics, or annoyed. He tentatively grabbed both sides of Kurt's face, and looked intensely straight into his now-green eyes.
"You, Kurt Elizabeth Hummel, are the most talented and unique person I've ever met. It's one of the many things I love about you. You're smart, beautiful, braver than I could ever hope to be, and you're so, so special, Kurt." Blaine could feel his heart beating it's way out of his ribcage being in this close proximity. He took in a deep breath.
"You were right. About me, I mean. Everything has come easily. But you really don't get it. High school?" He chuckled, "This is my peak. Once I get out of here, I'm screwed. I'll probably get some small middle-class job as a teacher or something. And you know what? I'm fine with that. But you? You haven't reached your peak yet. Your turn…" he brought their foreheads together, and felt Kurt's breath hitch. "is coming," he breathed out, his eyes closing as he whispered out the rest of his speech. "You're gonna go places, Kurt, and I'm gonna be with you every step of the way."
"Really?," Kurt asked breathlessly.
"Of course," he said sweetly, and before he could stop himself, he brushed his lips across his forehead. Both of their eyes widened in surprise, and his breath hitched, as he saw Kurt's eyes flicker downward for half a second. He almost sighed in relief when the taller boy pulled away. He still wasn't sure where they stood, and he didn't want anything to be more screwed up than they already were.
"Thank you, Blaine," Kurt whispered, kissing his cheek softly, his lips leaving a burning sensation on Blaine's skin.
"Sure," he choked out, but he couldn't resist from asking, "We're not back together, right?" Kurt cocked his head, but his gaze still remained open. It wasn't guarded like it was at the wedding.
"No, Blaine," Kurt said sympathetically, "We're not together. But maybe we can be, someday."
"When?" He asked. Kurt frowned, and gave him a puzzled glance.
"Well, after you graduate from high school for starters," he said dryly, "I mean, we tried the whole long-distance thing and it didn't exactly end well."
Blaine winced. "I still feel like shit about that. I'm so sorry, Kurt. I don't know what I was thinking. I was just having such a stressful week and you were busy all the time and-"
"Blaine, shut up," Kurt interrupted. Blaine looked at him, his eyes getting misty, and saw that Kurt wasn't mad. He felt a pair of fingers slip through his, and nearly cried in relief when he saw Kurt's soft smile.
"I forgave you a long time ago," the other boy said sympathetically. Blaine coughed and put himself back together. One mental breakdown between the two of them was quite enough for one day.
"So…" he started awkwardly, "we're just friends?" Kurt chuckled fondly.
"Just friends," he confirmed.
"Good," Blaine sighed in relief. Kurt gave him a startled look, apparently not expecting consensus. He quickly explained, "I don't think either of us can handle anything else on our plates right now."
"I agree."
"Fantastic!" He stood up and stretched, "So, what do you say we go get coffee?"
Kurt gave him a stern glance, "Blaine-,"
"We used to get coffee all the time before we even dated, Kurt," he cut him off gently. Blaine held out his hand. "Just like old times?"
Kurt rolled his eyes fondly, and grabbed his hand, palm warm, allowing Blaine to help him out of his chair. Even as they walked all the way to his car, Kurt still never let go of his hand. Then he remembered their words from earlier.
Someday.
That was good enough for him.
A/N~ You have no idea how cathartic writing that rant was. No. Idea. Okay, so this pretty much confirms that I'm horrible at angst. I would put you out of your misery by saying that I'll only stick to fluff from now on, but that's a gigantic lie. I still have other ideas brewing. That break-up episode, man. It brought feelings to me.
Review, please! :D