Gone Away
Fandom: Percy Jackson and the Olympians/Heroes of Olympus
Short Summary: In which love makes everything harder and true heroes and their stories may not have happy ends. Annabeth's in love with Percy, and he's in love with her, and responsibility for their actions makes them stay away from each other.
Pairing: Percabeth [Percy x Annabeth]
Warning: Contains minor swearing and fighting since I wrote this AND some of you might hate me while reading this, but whatever.
Disclaimer: PJO, Gone, Gone, Gone and Glorious do not belong to me and they're owned by its respectful owners. The same applies for any Marvel or The Big Bang Theory reference in here.
Song: Gone, Gone, Gone by Phillip Phillips, because I simply love this song and it's just downright beautiful and perfect for this story. I'm always almost crying when I hear it. Mr. Phillips deserves an award for this song or something. Glorious by Macklemore just happens to be here for the ones of you readers, who don't like where this story goes and totally want HoO to happen.
Extra note: English is my second language. Any expressed opinions in this story belong to me and might not concur with yours.
Published on: 12/8/2017, Wattpad; 12/27/2017,
Word count: 15,555 words
-•-
"A lot of honorable people died in the last days." The deep, calm voice of the centaur echoed through the pavilion. Most kids in this place lost someone close to them and every face was grave and their eyes sad, some year rounders in the younger ages had glassy eyes from all the crying. Percy swallowed and didn't dare looking at someone specific.
"We will remember them as heroes, brave half-bloods who gave their lives to save you, their loved ones, New Yorker mortals, the gods - the whole world," Chiron continued and his voice was something between unbelievable sad and proud. Percys heart clenched.
"We will remember them as friends who were loved, supported and helped by you, because you're a part of their story, of their legend, the reason why they fought."
Percy thought of the time, when the half-bloods marked him as their leader. He was full of hope then, but it didn't help. So many died and if he hadn't called them, they'd sit right here between their siblings. The truth was, even though he, Annabeth and everybody tried to make him think otherwise, they all knew it. He was the reason for this war. For those deaths. For everything. Percy turned his head and looked at the endless sea, restless and untamable.
"I will remember them as pupils, you will remember them as comrades. I couldn't be more proud of them and you, you both became stronger, better, more genuine and earnest than any hero before. The stories from this war will be told millenia after now. May the dead heroes of this war find their peace in Elysium."
As everybody raised their goblets and chanted "May they!", dozens of luminous drinks were seen from the sky. At this moment, Percy was one of the crowd. But this moment'll only last a few seconds.
-•-
Whispers. Furtive glances. Fingers pointing at him and raised eyebrows.
Percy knew they were there. They'd never stop. Rumors about the war. Him bathing in the River Styx and becoming invulnerable. Him battling and defeating Kronos. Him being offered to be a god and rejecting. Or the old ones: Him being the son of Poseidon and the subject of the Great Prophecy and simply the most powerful demigod alive. He snorted at that.
They probably just needed somebody to stare at. And him being the fault he was, would be the best possibility. He shouldn't be born. Zeus said that, Poseidon said that, Dionysos, Chiron, Annabeth said that . . . or thought that, definitely. He was hope for the half-bloods and this hope led them straight into death.
He ignored them and didn't show any recognition at his name being mentioned. The demigod forced a small, relaxed smile onto his lips, looked at the sea and waited until everybody was gone. The torches emitted a gloomy, warm, orange light and the bonfire where they normally sacrificed their food for the gods crackled.
Two dark figures appeared next to him. The blond haired girl held a blue cake in her hands and her eyes shone with pride. She smiled warmly at him and his lips immediately twitched to smile back, especially when he looked at the failed pastry in her hands. The other one was a big centaur, his front looking like the middle aged man he pretended to be in his wheelchair, his back an elegant, white horse.
"Percy, my boy," Chiron said quietly and placed his hand on his shoulder. "I know, you're blaming yourself for their deaths, but please try to stop that. It was their own decision to fight and that's what makes them heroes."
Percy nodded automatically, although he knew he couldn't stop. After all it was his fault. If he hadn't called them, if he defeated Kronos sooner . . . he could've done so much to save them. He could've been everything, somebody thought of a hero: be stronger, be faster, be more intelligent, be better. But he hadn't been and it took their lives.
"I'll try, Chiron," Percy forced out. It almost scared him how easily the lie slipped out of his mouth. The centaur looked concerned at him, but trotted slowly away.
"I'll make sure he doesn't blame himself," Annabeth said and slid closer to him, punching his arm lightly and radiating pure happiness. She looked more beautiful than ever, even more than when she was fighting, with her gray eyes calm for once and her blonde locks curling openly over her shoulders.
Percy wanted to kiss her pink, healthy lips so badly.
Hold on- where did that come from? Percy thought. He looked at her again and his brain told him something again: Don't pretend to not like her. You gave up immortality for her, for Zeus' sake! The demigod blushed, looked away and told his brain to shut up.
"Why don't you look at me?" Annabeth teased him. Percy felt his cheeks getting warm and scoffed to play it off. Hopefully the dim light hid his face.
"The light's coming from behind you," he said.
"Oh yeah? Well, I think that you have to look at me to get this." She raised the cake and smiled confidently as Percy looked at her.
"What's this?" He asked with raised eyebrows. "A blue chocolate brick?"
"I'm hurt," she stated, looking offended. "That's my first try in baking, Seaweed Brain."
"Don't be," he said, suppressing a laugh and scooting closer to her. She smiled brightly at him. "I'm sure it still tastes nice. Anyway, why did you gave me this?"
"Technically I didn't gave it to you by now," she told him grinning. "But you forgot, didn't you? Even though your birthday was the topic of the Great Prophecy, you still forgot it."
Percy opened and closed his mouth, looking like a fish out of water. He looked at his hands, sore from wounds and all the hours of holding Riptide. She was right. Today was the eighteenth August, his birthday. He was sixteen now. And he hadn't realized.
"How does it feel, birthday boy?" She asked quietly and leaned in to give him a hug. "Being sixteen?"
Percy could barely breathe as she was so close, he could feel her heart beat. Her hair smelled like oranges, probably freshly washed after the war. After a few awkward seconds where he just tried to think properly with her smelling like that, he closed his arms behind her back and pulled her into him.
"I don't know yet," he answered. "Still too much to process. But I think, that I'm pretty happy at this moment."
"That's nice," she told him. "You deserve to be. You're a hero. You know that, right? They didn't die because of you."
"Let's don't talk about this," he said, feeling nausea prickling in his throat. "I don't want to hear anymore from this today."
She held him away from her, frowning at him in concern, but nodded and looked down. Suddenly, her cheeks became red and Percy realized, he still held her hands firmly. He immediately loosened his grip, but she didn't take her hands away. She stared at him, her face a mixture of emotions - hope, happiness, uncertainty. Percy couldn't look away, even after feeling a blush creeping on his cheeks, again.
Percy remembered the one time he met Aphrodite, the love goddess, in the midst of the American deserts. She'd told him he liked Annabeth, and that he should only focus on finding and saving her. Keeping her safe was his first priority, it has always been. And slowly, he started to see the truth behind Aphrodite's words. He probably confessed it during the war and after the offering of the gods. He really, truly liked Annabeth Chase.
"Look, who isn't affected by the light anymore," she whispered, teasing him lightly. Her small, skillful hands tightened around his wrists and his breath hitched in his throat.
"I-I guess, I'll have to learn, how to cope with that," he answered. Annabeth laughed lightly and looked at him. He just stared back. How was it possible that he hadn't realized her true beauty before? Sure, she has always been the pretty girl, but right now she looked like a goddess. Probably prettier than Aphrodite herself.
Finally, she leaned back. He immediately missed the warmth her body had radiated towards him and her smile became a little more forced. "Godsdammit, Jackson," she said and punched him. Hard. Gods, this girl wasn't just pretty and smart, she was incredible strong too.
"What?" He asked, rubbing his arm, and frowned. She looked disappointed and a little bit angry. "What was that for?"
"For you being a complet idiot," Annabeth retorted, crossing her arms. He felt a smile creeping to his lips and wanted to answer, but she didn't let him. Her eyes flared with anger and she pointed at his face. "Ah-ah-ah! Don't you dare smiling so adorably goofy again, without me being prepared!"
Percy couldn't help it: His jaw almost fell to the ground. Every sign of a smile vanished and his eyes widened like saucers. "Did - did you just call me adorable?"
She huffed in annoyance, crossing her arms over her chest again. "Of course I did, Seaweed Brain. Are you really that oblivious?"
"W-what?"
She stared disbelievingly at him, her eyebrows raised more than Percy thought, it was possible. "Are you serious?" She asked. "You, Percy Jackson, are the most dumb, careless, loyal and absolutely endearing person in the whole world. I. Like. You. You. Dumbass. And you like me too, don't you? What else do you need as proof? Me kissing you again? Me taking a knife for you again? Me giving up Luke for you again?"
Her eyes became shiny at the mention of her former crush. He couldn't help but stand up and hugging her tightly. She was his best friend and he totally fell in love with her. Every second being with her proofed that more and every second he liked her more. And now, after her confessing she liked him . . . maybe he could finally have some happiness and normalcy in his life.
Percy Jackson wanted nothing more. The feeling of her lips against his, her trim body engulfed in his chest, her stormy gray eyes staring into his. Nothing gave him quite the confidence just seeing her did. Nothing made his heart ache more than reaching out and pushing her blonde curls behind her ears, knowing that he had to be careful, slowly and silent. And she wanted it too.
He remembered.
Danger. Fear. Fights. Death.
Love is difficult, he realized. And I love her.
"I can't," he said quietly. His throat felt raw after saying those two words. Tears burned in his eyes. He swallowed his sobs down. The wind surrounding him increased, became colder, brought anguish into his soul. The waves from the ocean mirrored his feelings, clashing against each other and the sandy beach, throwing triplets of water high into the air in proclamation of a storm. The summer sun setting on the horizon left her hair with a golden shimmer.
"Hm?" She snuggled closer into him and buried her face in his chest, her hands comforting his neck. He felt his necklace being pulled accidently and remembered everything. Talon took Bianca. Atlas took Zoë. The camp fight took Lee and Pollux. The labyrinth took Daedalus. The explosion took Beckendorf. The bridge fight took Micheal. The draconian took Silena. Kronos took Ethan and Luke. Countless others died, not because of fate but of hope, because of him.
"I can't," he repeated more firmly and loosened his grip on her hips. Slowly taking a small step back, she looked at him frowning - concern, bewilderment, apprehension. She hugged herself as the wind blew her loose hair into the air, making her look like a goddess. Goosebumps rose on her bare arms, the California tanned skin standing out against the slowly darkening sky.
"You can't," she said. Firmly - no question, no expression in her voice which could tell him what she was thinking. Percy felt as if every wound he ever got, was opened again, bleeding him out. "Don't you love me?"
"No."
"Oh."
They stared at each other. His throat felt raw enough to vomit right then and there. Her eyes watered and she wiped them furiously. She knew. Of course she did. Annabeth was the smartest person on this planet. She knew when he lied. And he did lie. Nothing was ever so difficult.
He wanted to take it back, kiss her, pleading her to forgive him for that, but he couldn't. Being a demigod was dangerous. But being the girlfriend of the most wanted, powerful demigod would put her into a risk, where he didn't know how to protect her. It was his only chance to keep her safe.
"You don't love me," she said emotionless. Her nails clawed into her skin and left red marks. "You don't even like me that way. You didn't give up immortality for me. You didn't search me, because you love me, you searched me, because I'm your best friend. Am I right?"
No. No, you aren't. He wanted to yell, to cry, to beat himself up, he wanted to change everything just to be with her. But he couldn't. He had to restrain himself. He had to keep her safe. That was better than her being dead. Like all the other demigods.
"Yes," he croaked, trying to stay steady, but being completely desperate and restless inwardly.
"Dammit, Jackson," she said, tears slowly falling down her cheeks. "Why do you have to be like that?"
"I'm sorry. Don't cry, please," he breathed forlorn, holding her beautiful face in his hands. She didn't stop, in fact, the tears fell even faster after his words. His heart felt crushed like Olympus. He tried to wipe her cheeks with his thumbs, but ended up pulling her in to give her a hug. His shirt became wet, but he didn't care. He had to do this. He loved the way, her body fit into his. Don't lose your composure, he repeated frantically inside his mind.
"You're killing me, Seaweed Brain," she whispered, hiccupping, the tears flowing as if she'd been holding them back for years. She probably did. Annabeth was such a strong girl, but everybody had to cry sometimes. Percy just didn't like that he was the reason for it.
"Annabeth-" He stopped talking, feeling his voice crack and almost spilling out the truth. He couldn't. He shouldn't, he wouldn't, he couldn't. He was killing himself, literally.
"We're still friends, right?" She mumbled into his chest, sniffling. "I'll try to restrain myself, I promise. Really. I . . . I'll focus on rebuilding Olympus and Camp . . . and you'll be with your mom and Paul and go to school . . . I'll stay away from you for a little . . . maybe . . . maybe everything . . . will settle down a bit . . . oh gods, I'm so sorry." She wiped her eyes again. "I didn't want to . . . I thought . . . I'm such an idiot."
"Annabeth, stop it," he said sadly. "Don't . . . Don't be sorry. It's my fault. Everything. Not yours. You're perfect. You're my best friend. You're going to be happy with someone else."
"I-" Annabeth closed her eyes before looking at Percy with her big, gray, beautiful eyes. "I'll try. But I don't think, I'll be able to. At least not for a long time. It's just . . . Gods, can I be honest for once? I . . . would feel better, I think. I just want to explain." She took a long breath in.
"Of course," Percy whispered into her hair, smelling the oranges again. Are you serious? He asked his brain. I'm trying not to lose the last composure I have and you make me notice that again?
"I-I liked you for a long time, you know?" She said. His throat tightened while he was trying to hold back his tears. Why was life so hard? They just saved Olympus today. Couldn't they have some time to relax? "You - you were just perfect, I guess," she continued, mumbling into his shirt.
He swallowed hard, wanting to tell her the same, to tell her everything. How he thought, she looked like a Disney Princess, the first time, he saw her. How she was the only reason, he wanted to go on the quest to save Artemis. How their kiss in Mount St. Helens blew his mind. How she was the only reason that kept him moving in the River Styx. How he felt about her.
But he couldn't. He was starting to feel like the most dumb and cursed person in the world. How was he supposed to move on after that?
"You saved my life so many times." Her voice so small and strained to stay steady, he heard it. She'll move on, he tried to convince himself. "You're the bravest, most honest and simply the best person I know. You were always by my side. I guess, between achieving numerous life threatening quests and still being good, sweet and loyal, I fell in love with you. I-"
"Stop," Percy croaked. "You - I can't, okay? I can't stand hearing this right now." You'll move on, she'll move on, you'll be friends after that, your feelings will settle down-
Annabeth closed her eyes and nodded, straining to pull away. Percys stomach felt cold and hollow, missing the feeling of being able to tell her everything. His hands held her wrists, distressed, longing, caring. She looked at him like at a star: too beautiful to look away, but to bright to look at without pain, too far away to reach out and grab him. He closed his eyes, trying to escape this look. That was war in his heart.
"Can I-" She stopped, before starting again. "Can I kiss you? Just once?"
"That'll make everything harder," he breathed, still not looking at her. It was too difficult. She was too freaking perfect. A kiss would make everything harder for him, to stay away, to restrain himself, to still look at her without breathing heavily.
"Please," she whispered pleading. "Just once. I'll never ask for that again, I promise." Her eyes held so much sorrow, so much hope, so much feelings, Percy couldn't reject. Inwardly, he wanted it too. But he knew he shouldn't let that happen. It would only tempt him to be with her, tell her the truth, kissing her back with the need and longing he felt.
"Okay."
Her lips met his, slowly, lightly, testing his limit. He hated that. He couldn't help but want to feel her again, longer than in that volcano. After a few seconds, his mind lost control and he pulled her in. His lips crushed hers with curiosity and yearning, making her yelp but kissing back just as passionate. Their eyes closed and Annabeth threaded her fingers into his hair, pulling his head down to her lips to fit better.
The kiss softened and Percys fingers trembled over her waist. How was he supposed to stop that? How was he supposed to do anything after that? How was he supposed to keep her safe with them longing for each other? He noticed her lips tasting like strawberries, the same ones growing around the Camp. He could barely hold back a moan at the thought, of never tasting that again.
Rain started pouring down the sky, wetting them through the open pavilion. Their salty tears mixed with the small droplets, leaving hot and cold trails of water on their skin. The wind roared around them like a wild animal, like his feelings being caved in his heart and wanting to get out. The waves on the ocean clashed against each other even higher than before, pulling sand into the sea and destroying the sandcastles of younger half-bloods from before the war. The rain extinguished the torches and bonfire, leaving them only in the shine of the moon behind dark clouds. The blue cake didn't look all too well anymore.
They finally stopped. Nothing felt more wrong in ever, but Percy pulled away and shook himself out of his daze. His fingers clawed into his arms like Annabeths before, restraining him from touching her again. Annabeths eyes were half closed, partly from holding back tears, partly from not wanting to see him away from her. He swallowed hard, trying to get rid of the rock in his stomach, but it didn't help.
She finally looked at him again, her expression hidden in the darkness of the night. The only thing standing out were her soft, golden curls and the orange Camp shirt, sticking to her perfect body. "I don't get you," she said quietly. He saw her eyes shining bright, reflecting the silver moon light. They held vulnerability and pain, like never before. She has always been the strong planner, leading everybody through the darkest times and still managing to radiate hope.
She knew. She understood. But she didn't want to understand. She wanted to sway him, to pretend there was another possibility. But Percy knew, there was none. He couldn't risk her life. He couldn't risk changing his mind.
He turned around and started walking away, his legs heavy and pulling him to the ground, wanting him to stop and tell her the truth. He didn't want to be the reason of her suffering. But what he wanted, didn't count. He had to keep her safe. He had to.
The last thing he would hear from her for a long time, were just eight words:
"But you're a damn good kisser, Percy Jackson."
-•-
"Are you sure, Percy?" Grover looked concerned at him, his brown eyes big with fear. Percy knew, his best friend was probably one of the bravest people he ever met, but he could also read his feelings as a satyr. "You're not going to do something stupid, are you?"
"You know, I can't promise that," Percy told him. The other one pulled nervously one of his rasta locks out of his green beanie. If Percy didn't know he was a satyr, he wouldn't have noticed the small horns showing through the fabric. "But I'm not planning on dying anytime soon, really. I just don't want to put you into that risk anymore."
"But Percy . . . you survived a war! You survived Kronos! You have the curse of Achilles! Who would survive, if not you?" Grover looked disbelievingly at him, his lips a thin line.
"Please, Grover, I just want to keep you safe. I'm Poseidons son after all. Zeus could always decide, he's sick of me and kill me with a lightning."
"He wouldn't! Poseidon wouldn't let him! I wouldn't let him!"
"Grover!" Percy looked up, right into the eyes of his best friend. The satyr was distraught, looking like he held up the sky for weeks. Annabeth did that - holding up the sky. She was stronger than anyone, stronger than him, Hercules, the gods. Because she was perfect. He closed his eyes, trying to get his mind off of the blonde, beautiful girl. "Please. I never asked for much, did I? Please do it. I won't die like that - killing myself. I promise. Really."
"Swear," Grover claimed, concern lacing in his voice.
"Godsdammit, Grover, I swear on the River Styx I won't kill myself. Holy Hera, that sounds like I'm unstable." His best friend looked rather relieved, though. He touched Percys forehead, closed his eyes and murmured something under his breath. The demigod felt something warm and familiar leaving him, disappearing with the hand of the satyr touching him.
"Percy-" Grover hesitated uncertainly. "Annabeth's not good. She misses you - not just like that, also because you're her best friend. Can't you at least Iris messaging her?"
"Sorry, don't have drachmas at home," Percy hedged quickly. Annabeth's not good. Oh gods, she should be okay by now. She should do much better without him, after three months. She shouldn't suffer anymore by now. She should look after other boys - this buff Hephaestos kid, for example. Or the only skinny son of Ares. Or join the hunt. Yeah, the hunt would do good. Then he didn't have to be jealous or even more sad.
"Then I'll send her to you," Grover said. "Tell her, you invited her. She would be so happy. Please, Percy, I know you're trying to protect her - us - but that doesn't mean capping every bond with your friends."
"Grover -" Percy sighed exasperated.
"Please, do it for her," Grover pleaded. "You're still her friend, aren't you? You have to be there for her, when she needs you. And she does need you right now."
"But you don't know how hard it is," Percy croaked, holding back tears at the memory of his last birthday. "It would kill me, seeing her again."
"Percy, she needs you more than anything right now, even with you being the reason of her current state. Tomorrow, at four?"
He flinched. Her current state. That sounded like she was on the brink to death. No, no, no, she should feel better without me, not die because of that! His heart felt more crushed than ever. How was he supposed to handle this? How could he help her, without being tempted to just kiss her? His throat felt too raw to answer, so he just nodded silently. Tears burned in his eyes and after Grover hugging him and disappearing in the woods, he finally let them flow again.