Newtons' Ideas
While walking down the main street of Evening Shade, Wood and Ava Newton paused in front of Jordan's Feed store. The reflection in the window showed a man wearing a Pittsburgh Steelers jersey and jeans, while the younger woman was in a conservative outfit that fit her job as a lawyer. They held hands as they scanned for any recent postings on the window that also acted as an informal bulletin board for the small town.
A recently taped poster announced a contest to come up with an idea for a commercial for one of the products of an animal feed manufacturer in the state called AniBioHealth, with an unnamed prize for the winner.
"Oh, come on Wood" Ava said to her husband. "It would be fun, and we can get the kids involved."
"You're talking about the same kids that lost the dog, starved the cat and overfed the goldfish? And I don't even want to think about the rabbit" Wood shuddered.
"It's a commercial, it's not real" she answered, then deepened her voice. "No animals will be harmed in the creation of our commercial idea" she intoned before giggling.
"Well, I suppose it might be fun. Maybe I can star in the commercial" he said as he stood in what he imagined was a proud farmer's pose. "Hi, I'm Wood Newton and when I'm down on the farm..."
"You? On camera? Don't you remember when they interviewed you before the big Steelers-Browns game?"
Wood would never forget that. While often glib and funny normally, he had frozen up when put in front of the cameras and basically spouted gibberish until teammate Terry Bradshaw had come to rescue him. "I am not camera shy, as I keep explaining to everyone, I just stayed up too late studying game films the night before. Besides, that was live and this would be filmed. At least I hope it would be filmed. I know I can do better; if Terry can do it so can I."
"Well, let's go in and see what we'll be trying to sell everyone."
...
"Alright, alright, one at a time. Your mother and I reserve the right to create the commercial, but each person gets to say their idea before we do anything. For instance, I think it would be great if we had a marching band come out on a football field and make the shape of a big cow while the star player takes off his helmet and eats a nice juicy steak." Wood turned to his younger son. "Will, what do you want in the commercial?"
"I want a cowboy where his hat flies off" Will said with conviction.
"And?"
"That's all."
"How about if the cow's hat flies off?"
"Nope. Gotta be a cowboy."
"Okay, one cowboy sans hat. Molly, what do you want?" Wood asked his young daughter.
"I want a horse, daddy. Horses are beautiful, and I think we should have at least one in the commercial" Molly suggested.
"Is this your revenge for us not getting you a pony for Christmas?"
"No, he won't really work out in the garage anyway. No, I want a horse in the commercial."
"Okay, we've got a horse. Maybe two. Maybe a herd, we'll see. How about you Taylor?"
The Newton's oldest son, a high school student, spoke up. "When we were talking in Mr. Dunlap's class about advertising, he said that some of the good ones are made funny to make people remember. You should make it funny."
"Funny. How about if the horse has twelve legs, would that be funny?"
"I don't know" Taylor said with a shrug. "You just asked and I said it should be funny. Old people might laugh at your jokes maybe. That's my input."
"Great. A commercial about a funny horse..."
"The horse isn't funny dad!" Molly interjected.
"...a funny commercial about a horse. With a cowboy. That can't keep his hat on. Got it. Ava, anything you want to add?"
"Don't put any animals in that we eat. I'd feel bad if our commercial made people think we raise them just to eat them."
"But you had bacon and eggs this morning like I did!"
"Yeah, but that's different. We didn't make a commercial about those. So no chickens or pigs."
"How about rabbits?"
"DAD!" the three kids yelled together.
"Sorry, too soon I guess. How about crickets? They make cricket food too" Wood asked.
The kids quickly huddled. "Crickets are okay" they affirmed after discussing for a moment.
"Great! The meeting's over, let your mom and I get to work. We have to turn it in at Jordan's Feed in two days. Thanks for the input; we'll take it under advisement. That's fancy talk for we listened, but won't necessarily do what you asked."
After the kids left to go do kid things, Wood and Ava were left in the living room. "Okay dear, shall we get this thing written now?" Wood asked as he collapsed into a chair.
"Sorry Wood, but I've got a brief that I have to prepare for Monday. Looks like you'll have to write the commercial. You can do it" she said, giving him a gentle push on the shoulder. "Besides, you've been on a horse before when we took Molly to that ranch last year. Well, you were on for a while before you fell off."
"I didn't fall off! My feet never touched the ground. Yes, it's true I had that horse's neck in a bear hug, but it was because my foot was caught in the stirrup and I didn't want to break my leg. I barely got out of the NFL without a limp after retiring from my injury; I didn't need to become an invalid on some freak riding accident. I can see the headline now: Football star has feet on backwards after equine incident."
"I'd love you even if you were bedridden, but since you aren't please do the dishes before working on the commercial. I'm going to the study to do my work" she said, kissing him on the forehead before disappearing from the room.
"They want a commercial, I'll give 'em a commercial" Wood said as he grabbed a pen and paper on the table and began to scribble. "Dishes can come later" he said to himself.
...
"Thank you for coming tonight" the man with the microphone announced, as he stood in front of the small crowd that was sitting in the bleachers of the school gym. "I'm Jim Barber from the AniBioHealth company; founder, president, CEO and on some days janitor." The audience chuckled. "We'd like to thank everyone that sent in ideas for our products. We're a small company, but we have big plans and we know we can't do it without support from people like you. Speaking of support, we'd like to thank Ponder Blue from Blue's BBQ Villa for the refreshments this evening."
"I brought punch" Ponder said under his breath as he leaned over to Wood. "I didn't bring refreshments; do you see anything to eat? He just asked me to bring punch."
"Shhhhh," Wood whispered "he's talking."
"As you well know," he continued "we had a contest for people to create a commercial, or I should say an idea for a commercial for one of our products. There were a lot of good ideas, but we could only have one winner. However, I'd like to give you two honorable mentions. Nub Oliver and Mark Sanders had a wonderful idea for our Chuck Wagon cattle feed involving a caravan of Red Flyer wagons." Nub blushed at the honor, and shook Mark's hand for their mention while people applauded.
"The other honorable mention is for Harlan and Merleen Elldridge's idea for our Prime Chicken Starter product. I don't know how we'd do it, but the idea of all those chicks running around the yard after being started like a lawnmower won over a lot of people."
"Oh Harlan, they liked our idea!" Merleen squealed during the clapping. "I told you people love chickens."
"I'm still not going to let you raise any in the kitchen" Harlan countered. "It's just…weird. If you think the house is too empty, we'll invite the football team over for dinner one night."
Barber continued. "That being said, our winner really outdid himself. Or should I say themselves, because the idea we chose was from the Newton family!" Wood stood up but was quickly pulled back down by Ava.
"Don't show off," she said "we still don't know what you ended up submitting."
"I tried to use as many of the ideas as I could" Wood explained.
"I'm going to read their idea exactly as it was submitted. Use your imaginations on this one folks, and you'll see what I mean. Music!" Barber called out.
Someone started playing some orchestral music that had a western theme. "Imagine you are looking over a western landscape, bathed in oranges and yellows as the sun is setting behind a butte. You suddenly hear hoof beats as a horse flashes by the camera. We then see the horse from the front, as a cowboy is riding it for everything it's worth. He glances over his right shoulder and continues by jumping a creek."
"The tempo of the music is increasing as the rider checks behind him again. He jumps the horse over a fence, losing his cowboy hat in the process. He checks over his shoulder again and sees a dust cloud in the distance. He splashes across a small river, and on the other side he sees the cloud is growing nearer. As he dodges around brush and cactus, every glance shows the pursuer is getting closer. On a long straight stretch he sees that it is another cowboy, almost caught up to him. At a fork he veers right, still at full speed and looks behind him again only to see no one anywhere. He turns back forward and the other rider is passing him on his left side. As the horse passes we see a bumper sticker in slow motion on his haunch that says "My other horse eats Equine Plus too" before the action returns to full speed and the horse and its rider disappear in a cloud of dust ahead. The End"
The crowd applauded while many laughed. Ava and their three children hugged Wood until the noise started to die down. "I forgot the crickets" was all Wood commented, pleased and humbled at the same time.
"We'd like to thank you for your support again, both for those of you who use our products and those who just wanted to join the contest" Barber concluded.
"What about the prize?" someone yelled.
"Oh yes, of course! I'm sorry, I got so worked up over the reading I forgot about the prize. The Newton family has won a whole year's supply of horse feed for their horse! Congratulations!"
The people filed out of the gym until only the Newton family was left. Barber walked up and personally shook their hands. "A fine job, it really was."
"Thanks," Wood said "but we…uh…don't have a horse."
Barber was taken back. "No horse? With what you wrote, I just assumed you had one. Sure sounds like you do."
"No, we're just not set up for one" Ava said.
"I'm sorry to hear that. How about a year's supply of chicken feed then?"
"No chickens either. Or pigs. Or cattle. But I can still do a commercial for you if you want."
Barber smiled. "That would be great, except we can't afford to do a commercial right now. As I said, we're a small company still and I really am the janitor sometimes. It was a great idea, and maybe someday we'll be able to use it but I'm afraid we can't for the foreseeable future. As to that feed, how about for rabbits?"
"NO!" yelled the children and Ava.
"Sorry, there was an incident with the rabbit. It's still too soon" Wood shrugged. Molly tugged at her dad's sleeve, and when he bent down she whispered in his ear. "There may be something that we can do though, if it's okay with you to arrange it."
It's said that once you've been in the spotlight, you always yearn to return to that bright stage again. But there is no greater stage than life itself, and no better audience than one's family. Or in this case the audience included a teary-eyed owner of a small horse rescue farm who learned that her horses would be able to eat for several more months thanks to a gift from an admirer. And if sometimes your dream isn't realized, someone else's is…in a place called Evening Shade.
The End
A/N: I once worked in a national company that made animal feed. They didn't advertise, but I wrote this commercial for fun and sent it to my boss's superior without warning or preamble. He wrote me back to say he nearly fell out of his chair laughing because it took him by surprise.
There are thousands of Evening Shade towns in America; I grew up in one, and I think they hit the mark pretty good at times. Even with the comedy of the show, there was a warm-hearted center that could touch on our humanity.