March 7th, 2003
Dear Diary,
This took too long to think about. I have to write it down. We were friends all our lives. Amy, Trish and me did everything together. We were like sisters. Trish then met these two guys when I was 14, Jeff and Matt Hardy. Matt and Amy hit it off right away. It was kind of romantic, seeing Matt doing all those things for Amy. She deserved it.
Matt and Jeff were daredevils, always showing us their newest wrestling moves. You see, wrestling was, no, it is their life. They would always be talking about it or practicing for their big break, which wasn't long in coming. Soon Amy and Trish followed them into stardom. I loved wrestling, but I could never do it. So I sang while they wrestled. I was a songwriter and they were the daredevils. I mean, I would've loved to be out there, with the crowds chanting my name as I back-flipped off the top rope and went for the 1-2-3. No one, not even Amy or Trish, who knew everything about me, knew about my secret fantasy of running out and saving Matt. Haha, fat chance. Then next he would grab me after he won and kiss me. Even fatter chance. You see, I was fat and ugly. I cried myself to sleep every night. I felt as if I was drowning, and no one could save me, not even Matt. I seen my life as a dark void, in a place where no one in the world could see me.
My parents were fighting all the time so it was no surprise to hear that they had filed for divorce. I moved in with my father. Little did I know that this was one of the biggest mistakes of my life. The third biggest mistake actually. To this day, I can't believe I had left Matt. If I hadn't of left, we would be married now. I still have his ring.
It's been five years since I seen any of them. I still watch wrestling every Sunday, Monday and Thursday, and every Pay-Per-View show. I watch to see how they're doing. Amy is hosting Heat now, something she said she'd never do, Trish is after the women's title again, Jeff seems to be doing fine on his own and Matt. Whoo-hoo Mattitude. I'm really glad he won the cruiserweight championship at No Way Out. I was there but I doubt he recognized me. He looked at me, kinda stopped for a minute and then shook his head and kept going. I just wish that I could've given him a hug instead of that Shannon Moore. Whenever his music comes on, I have to leave the room. I take out his ring, and cry. Then I wait until the next week when I can see him again.
My father beat me. The night I moved out of his house and in with Amy and Trish, I was 16 and he tried to rape me. Thanks to my best friends, I knew how to defend myself. In his eyes, that was a bigger mistake and he beat me so hard I could barely walk. I was thrown against the stairs and strangled. I remember thinking, "Just kill me now and get it over with." He was drunk and soon passed out and I got the hell out of there as fast as I could. The next couple of days was a blur. All I remember is always falling asleep and waking up in Matt's arms. We didn't have sex until about two years after the incident with my father. I can still remember it like it was yesterday. We went to his house to watch movies and his father, Gilbert, wisely left the house. Jeff stayed at Trish's. They had started dating and we were not surprised when he tried to sneak out of her room almost every morning. Half way through our movie, the power went out. Matt looked at me and I threw myself into his arms. We made love.
About three weeks later, we had a scare. Every time I think about it, I can remember what I said and what was said to me.
*FLASHBACK*
"Matt," I said, as I walked up to him.
"Hey babe." He said. "What's wrong?" He always knows when something is wrong.
"I...oh god...Matt, I think I'm pregnant." The words were out and Matt was shocked.
"What?"
"I don't know yet. I bought a test, but will you come with me?" I was scared and I couldn't do this alone. We went to the bathroom. I took the test and we had to wait for five minutes.
"Matt, what are you going to do if it's positive?" I was really scared now. I didn't want him to leave me.
"I'm staying. You know I love kids, but it's your body. What do you want to do?" Matt was really understanding. That was one reason I loved him so much.
"I'm glad you're staying." I got up, went to him and hugged him. "I don't believe in abortion and I can't give it up so I guess I'm going to keep it."
"No." Matt's reply was harsh. "We're going to keep it." I leaned up and kissed him. Then the timer dinged. Matt got up to check it.
"It's pink." I grabbed the box.
"Negative."
"You're not pregnant?" I could tell Matt was upset.
"No." Matt pulled me up and kissed me.
"Don't worry. We have plenty of time to work on it."
*END OF FLASHBACK*
A/N: Hey guys. I don't know if this is a good idea or not but plz plz plz R&R. This was a dream I had last night, so I wrote it down. I'm going to go over what happened after the flashback, but I don't know when I'll be able to update again. Nothing in this story happened to me but I got the abuse part from a song. "I'm OK" by Christina Aguliera. This song rules. I thought Christina was a slut but now, after hearing this song and seeing Diary of: Christina on MTV, she said it was really hard doing this song b/c it all happened to her. Get the song, its on her Stripped CD, give her credit, not me.
Dear Diary,
This took too long to think about. I have to write it down. We were friends all our lives. Amy, Trish and me did everything together. We were like sisters. Trish then met these two guys when I was 14, Jeff and Matt Hardy. Matt and Amy hit it off right away. It was kind of romantic, seeing Matt doing all those things for Amy. She deserved it.
Matt and Jeff were daredevils, always showing us their newest wrestling moves. You see, wrestling was, no, it is their life. They would always be talking about it or practicing for their big break, which wasn't long in coming. Soon Amy and Trish followed them into stardom. I loved wrestling, but I could never do it. So I sang while they wrestled. I was a songwriter and they were the daredevils. I mean, I would've loved to be out there, with the crowds chanting my name as I back-flipped off the top rope and went for the 1-2-3. No one, not even Amy or Trish, who knew everything about me, knew about my secret fantasy of running out and saving Matt. Haha, fat chance. Then next he would grab me after he won and kiss me. Even fatter chance. You see, I was fat and ugly. I cried myself to sleep every night. I felt as if I was drowning, and no one could save me, not even Matt. I seen my life as a dark void, in a place where no one in the world could see me.
My parents were fighting all the time so it was no surprise to hear that they had filed for divorce. I moved in with my father. Little did I know that this was one of the biggest mistakes of my life. The third biggest mistake actually. To this day, I can't believe I had left Matt. If I hadn't of left, we would be married now. I still have his ring.
It's been five years since I seen any of them. I still watch wrestling every Sunday, Monday and Thursday, and every Pay-Per-View show. I watch to see how they're doing. Amy is hosting Heat now, something she said she'd never do, Trish is after the women's title again, Jeff seems to be doing fine on his own and Matt. Whoo-hoo Mattitude. I'm really glad he won the cruiserweight championship at No Way Out. I was there but I doubt he recognized me. He looked at me, kinda stopped for a minute and then shook his head and kept going. I just wish that I could've given him a hug instead of that Shannon Moore. Whenever his music comes on, I have to leave the room. I take out his ring, and cry. Then I wait until the next week when I can see him again.
My father beat me. The night I moved out of his house and in with Amy and Trish, I was 16 and he tried to rape me. Thanks to my best friends, I knew how to defend myself. In his eyes, that was a bigger mistake and he beat me so hard I could barely walk. I was thrown against the stairs and strangled. I remember thinking, "Just kill me now and get it over with." He was drunk and soon passed out and I got the hell out of there as fast as I could. The next couple of days was a blur. All I remember is always falling asleep and waking up in Matt's arms. We didn't have sex until about two years after the incident with my father. I can still remember it like it was yesterday. We went to his house to watch movies and his father, Gilbert, wisely left the house. Jeff stayed at Trish's. They had started dating and we were not surprised when he tried to sneak out of her room almost every morning. Half way through our movie, the power went out. Matt looked at me and I threw myself into his arms. We made love.
About three weeks later, we had a scare. Every time I think about it, I can remember what I said and what was said to me.
*FLASHBACK*
"Matt," I said, as I walked up to him.
"Hey babe." He said. "What's wrong?" He always knows when something is wrong.
"I...oh god...Matt, I think I'm pregnant." The words were out and Matt was shocked.
"What?"
"I don't know yet. I bought a test, but will you come with me?" I was scared and I couldn't do this alone. We went to the bathroom. I took the test and we had to wait for five minutes.
"Matt, what are you going to do if it's positive?" I was really scared now. I didn't want him to leave me.
"I'm staying. You know I love kids, but it's your body. What do you want to do?" Matt was really understanding. That was one reason I loved him so much.
"I'm glad you're staying." I got up, went to him and hugged him. "I don't believe in abortion and I can't give it up so I guess I'm going to keep it."
"No." Matt's reply was harsh. "We're going to keep it." I leaned up and kissed him. Then the timer dinged. Matt got up to check it.
"It's pink." I grabbed the box.
"Negative."
"You're not pregnant?" I could tell Matt was upset.
"No." Matt pulled me up and kissed me.
"Don't worry. We have plenty of time to work on it."
*END OF FLASHBACK*
A/N: Hey guys. I don't know if this is a good idea or not but plz plz plz R&R. This was a dream I had last night, so I wrote it down. I'm going to go over what happened after the flashback, but I don't know when I'll be able to update again. Nothing in this story happened to me but I got the abuse part from a song. "I'm OK" by Christina Aguliera. This song rules. I thought Christina was a slut but now, after hearing this song and seeing Diary of: Christina on MTV, she said it was really hard doing this song b/c it all happened to her. Get the song, its on her Stripped CD, give her credit, not me.