Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, nor the song "Be My Valentine (Anti-Crisis Girl)".
A very late Valentine's Day one-shot. Hope you enjoy! The song is "Be My Valentine (Anti-Crisis Girl)".
The Golden Trio entered the dining hall, Hermione and Ron bickering like an old married couple while Harry walked behind them, sighing. 'Do they ever stop?' Harry thought to himself. 'They should just shut up and snog.' Walking ahead of his friends, Harry claimed an empty seat at the Gryffindor Table.
February 14th; It was Valentine's Day and Harry scowled at the realization. He felt like hexing the creator of Valentine's Day. (Could he even hex Cupid?) Harry was sure that Cupid just wanted to torment those he were bound to stay single forever. Curse you Cupid. Harry was of course, bound to stay single. The one man he actually likes hates his guts. Harry will probably end up with Ginny, the whore. Harry mentally winced; he'll probably get a reputation as Oedipus.
Scooping some food onto his plate, Harry nearly barfed as he saw Ron shovel food into his mouth. He never understood why he was friends with the pig in the first place. Ignoring Hermione as she tried to teach Ron manners, Harry took a piece of toast. Putting it on his plate, he reached for the strawberry jam. Before he could spread any of the jam onto his toast, a letter was dropped on top of his plate. Harry groaned; stupid fan mail.
Before he knew it, more letters came in by the dozens, owls flooding the Gryffindor Table. Harry shoved the letters off to Ron, and tried to continue his breakfast in peace. The redhead took haste in removing the sweet parcels and shoved the letters to Hermione, who banished them. It was an assembly line of sorts. They had created it during their second year at Hogwarts.
Sounds of disappointment were heard throughout the dining hall. Most of the females looked put out, as well as some males. Harry slumped in his seat, silently cursing the imbeciles; yup, single forever.
Harry looked up as he heard gasps. He saw a snowy white owl deliver a red letter to the high table and winced; howler. He soon turned red as he noticed who the letter was being delivered to: Snape. Oh Merlin, no. And, and was that Hedwig? Harry groaned, burrowing his head into his arms, planning his escape route. He thought he had thrown that letter away! His cheeks were gradually turning a scarlet red. Ron saw this and proceeded to poke and tease Harry, saying repeatedly, "Who's the lucky lady? Huh? Huh?"
Harry didn't respond. His only thoughts were: 'My life is over.'
Severus sneered as he saw the Potter Brat shove the fan mail over to Weasley. Only Potter would reject such things; spoiled child. Handsome, spoiled child, but spoiled child none the less. Snape stabbed at his egg, watching the yoke burst. What was the point of Valentine's day anyways? Torture, perhaps? He was going to stay single forever anyhow. Who would want him, the snarky and wrinkled potions master that he was.
Though, it would be nice to have a lover; at least it would get bloody Dumbledore to shut up about him "finding a nice lady friend". Just that eye twinkle of his made Snape want to strangle the old coot. With these thoughts running through his head, imagine his surprise when a letter was dropped next to his plate.
Snape stared at the letter cautiously. A prank, perhaps? Yes, a prank indeed. It was a howler. Sensing no way out, Severus gingerly opened the red letter, expecting an embarrassing letter about his nonexistent love life. Whatever; he would just blame those Weasley twins.
He didn't expect music. No one did.
"You are sexy BOM."
The music continued for a few more seconds, a voice humming in the background. A voice belonging to . . . Harry Potter? Before long, the vocals started again, with none other than Mr. Potter singing along.
"You are so sexy BOM
Gonna make me crazy BOM
We're gonna do the BOM BOM
Ain't that amazing BOM"
At this point, everyone had recognized Harry's voice, some staring at the howler in horror, others thinking it a prank.
"I'm very busy BOM
It's not so easy BOM
I'm gonna tease you BOM BOM
Without a reason BOM
"I'll call you on the phone
You speak in monotone
Don't want to be alone
Because I'm crazy, BOM.
"Baby, baby you're so fine
Be my, be my Valentine
Baby, baby you're so fine
Be my, be my Valentine
"Of my pride and prejudice
I will just reminisce
These are the things you can't miss
Come on give me a kiss
"There's nothing dangerous
I know what's waiting on us
We'll keep each other restless
Oh boy you look impressed
"The charm that I possess
Will put you to the test
To satisfy my interest
Come over be my guest
"I'll show you to my nest
You're under arrest
The others may be jealous
Cause you're the one who's blessed
"Baby, baby you're so fine
Be my, be my Valentine
Baby, baby you're so fine
Be my, be my Valentine."
There, the song ended, the howler though, did not. Opening its mouth once more, it said clearly in Harry's voice, "Be my Valentine, Sexy Sevy? Love, Harry Potter." Then the letter flew up to Snape's cheek and kissed him, before turning into ashes.
Harry's cheeks burned as everyone stared at him. He was on the brink of tears. Trying to tune out the laughs and jeers, Harry tried to put on a brave face. As always. Lifting his head up and turning to look at Snape, he mentally prepared himself for what was to come. Harry stared at Snape, waiting for how long his detention would be. He didn't expect the answer that was to come.
"Yes."