Summary: Felicity attempts to deal with resulting feelings from Oliver's bargain and departure.
Disclaimer: WB/DC own these characters. I'm only borrowing them for a while. I own the original ideas found in this.
Cross-posted on AO3 and Fanfiction.
AN: I've been glad that there has been an increase of Arrow stories posted on Fanfiction and AO3 since the finale. I am not happy with the reason though, ha. I thought the finale was great, super, fantastic action and all. Except for the ending. And Oliver's decision. And what this most likely means for Olicity. So, like many people my Muse had to start writing stories again.
I hope you will like and appreciate this little exploration of Felicity's thoughts re: the entire mess. Most likely I will be sharing more of such throughout the hiatus. (but I will NOT get as crazy as I did three years ago during my Nanda Parbat craze).
All Felicity could do was stand there numbly and watch as her husband, her love, her all, was taken away in handcuffs, not caring about the tears flowing down her cheeks. What universe would be so cruel as to separate them yet again? Why, when they've worked so hard to build a family together, he was taken away? They had barely six months together.
Team Arrow gathered around her, offering her their love and support. Even the NTA. Seemingly Oliver had forgiven them, but she was still slightly resentful of their atrocious behavior. Because if they've worked more like a team with her and Oliver, understanding why Oliver did things. That sometimes, even though unfair or inconsistent, Oliver always had the best intentions, having only a sense of responsibility to getting the job done.
And the job…it was undone. Incomplete. Diaz was in the wind. Why was Oliver taken off to jail, now? Why couldn't Watson see their best bet for catching Diaz was Oliver. What was her hurry in ruining their lives?
All the questions would remain unanswered. At least until tomorrow. Today. Today she was to say goodbye to her husband. The father of her adorable, wonderful stepson. Who he was leaving in her care.
They had thought they'd escaped this result when the Human Target had impersonated the judge in the state case. Now, now, the charges are federal. Why? How did that happen? Felicity wished they had their Laurel to answer these legal questions. To look for any loopholes. Oh, how she missed Laurel!
Somehow both she and William got through the good-byes to Oliver. Somehow. Felicity then brought the poor boy home, and he went straight to his room. Knowing how much alike he was to his father, sometimes needing time to brood and think and to rue over what happened, Felicity didn't stop him. If he didn't come and search her out, she'll check on him later.
Felicity walked to their bedroom with reluctant feet. Her husband, her love, had left their home this morning, not telling her what he had planned. What solution he had come up with. What stupid, idiotic, self-sacrificing solution he decided was their only option. Without checking with his team. With her.
A shot of anger went through her. Before she knew it, the thought of how dare he went through her mind. He had promised, promised, her he'd never again make a decision without consulting her, without letting her know. And the irony is, the first time was because of William. And now, now he had left that very same boy in her care.
Of course she didn't blame William. How could she, it wasn't his fault. But why, oh why, didn't Oliver tell her?
She should've known. She did know. She sensed it, from the moment she saw him give Dig the Arrow suit. She should've confronted him there and then with her loud voice until he told her. Everything.
Then her mind reviewed quickly all that had happened. How she needed to rescue the team from the maze. How she ended up saving Rene. Could she have done that with knowing what Oliver had planned or would she be too distracted? Could he have led them on the chase for Diaz after having to withstand her arguments, her tears, her anger and still be effective?
Last spring, when imprisoned in their own bunker, Oliver had told her it wasn't her he didn't trust. It was him. And yet, with that very same self-awareness, he did it again. Because he didn't trust himself to do what he thought he had to if they had talked, if he had told her? It looked that way.
She walked into the bedroom, ready to throw herself on the bed and cry until the floors overflowed with her tears. Until her eyes caught the envelope with her name on it. In Oliver's handwriting. Leaning against her pillow.
She slowly reached for it, hesitant to read what was in it. Things he couldn't have told her before this happened? Before he made the deal? Why leave it here? Why couldn't he have simply told her?
Dear Felicity,
I know you're probably angry with me. You probably think I went back on my promise to you not to ever keep anything from you. But I hope you will consider these words.
This deal with Samanda was the only thing I could think of to do, to get the assistance we needed to get Diaz. And if I had told you any sooner, I would never have had the courage not to do it. I needed to do it. It was the only way to keep you and William safe.
Would you have left Star City without defeating Diaz if I had asked you to? I know you wouldn't. You almost died tonight trying to get the intel we needed to stop Diaz. How could I let you do that again, and possibly be killed, simply because I couldn't stop him on my own?
I know we're a team, Felicity. You've been the heart and soul of the team since the moment you brought me, bleeding out, to the lair. You don't know how much I appreciate all you've done, for the mission, for the city, for me. You are the love of my life. You are my hope, my peace, my all. How could I stand to lose you?
I'm sorry it had to be this way. If there'd been any other way…I know what you and Diggle would say. If I'd simply let you know, with your help we could've come up with another idea. I simply couldn't see what else we could do. And if you could, you would've suggested it at the time. I know you and Dig would have.
So, my dear Felicity, I ask you, no I beg you for your forgiveness. I don't know if or when I'll be allowed visitors. Or even letters. But I pray you don't shut me out. I need you in my life. I really do.
Take care of William. Take care of yourself. Keep the faith we shall see each other again soon.
All my love,
Oliver
Her tears had let up some until she reached the last paragraph, and she threw herself down on the bed crying inconsolably. She didn't hear the soft footsteps until she felt someone sit down beside her and began to clumsily pat her shoulder. She looked up to see her step-son looking down at her.
"I was worried about you. You're crying so hard, I don't want you to have a stroke."
She wondered how he'd worry about such a thing, but William was smart. Felicity bit her lower lip while thinking of an answer. She reached out and took his hand. "I'm okay. I've survived crying this hard in my life before." When he didn't answer, she said, "I'm okay, William. Honest."
William continued to look at her with eyes of his father, so clear and blue, so true, her heart broke a little again. Then her stomach growled, and she and William laughed.
"Well, I guess that answers the question what we should do next." Considering their options, the full impact of what had happened that day hit her. Before she could speak, there was a knock at the door.
Silently they both went downstairs to get the door. Outside stood Lyla and Diggle. Suddenly Felicity remembered what their next task was supposed to be.
"I'm sorry Felicity, but I think, considering it's been some time since Oliver's news conference, we should leave for the safe house soon," Lyla said.
Diggle reached out and placed a hand on her shoulder. "How are you doing, Felicity?" he asked gently.
She shrugged as she and William stepped aside to allow the couple in. "Well, you know. About as well as an ant run over by a car."
William suddenly began to laugh, soon joined by the Diggles. Felicity rolled her eyes. "Guess I'll never change."
"And I'm glad you wouldn't," Diggle said, with all the brotherly love for her shining through his brown eyes.
Diggle accompanied William to his room, Lyla with Felicity, to pack what they needed for the next six months. At least that was as long as Felicity could think of possibly being gone from their home.
Hopefully Diaz would be caught before then. And Oliver released from prison. Hopefully.
AN: Thanks for reading. I felt the need to present my thoughts regarding how Felicity felt throughout those first hours after Oliver left. Hope you'll let me know what you thought of it.