Cold Hands, Warm Hearts
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Sam lay back on the windscreen, his long legs stretched out in front of him, the full moon reflecting his image off the highly polished surface of the classic car, a black shining mirror thanks to the tender loving care of its owner.
When he was younger, he and Dean had passed many a night just lying on top of the Impala staring up at the stars, but since that last fateful night in Bobby's yard before Sam's jump into the Cage with Lucifer, neither brother had ever felt the urge to climb up onto the Impala's hood again, all their good vibes obliterated by that one painful vigil.
Tonight though, Sam had been unable to sleep, tossing and turning; powerless in the grip of anguishing nightmares and recurring memories of when he had been at Lucifer and Michael's mercy, so he had come willingly out into the cold night, the frosty air quenching the hell-fire of his dreams.
He hoped to god Castiel's insta-fix wasn't somehow wearing off and allowing the memories to flare up vividly once more.
If that were the case, he knew wouldn't survive them a second-time around.
X
"Move over Sasquatch," the familiar voice ordered. "Don't hog all the space, You know I always take the right side! You're trespassing, dude!"
"Dean..."
"I said... move your ass, Sammy!" Dean repeated, climbing up effortlessly beside his brother, two beers in hand, using his shoulder and ass to bump Sam and shift him over to the far side of the hood.
"How did you know I was out here?" Sam asked.
"Oh, you know. It's going on thirty years, give or take, that I've been waking up to deal with your nocturnal crap. From diapers to hallucinations, passing through fevers, teenage angst, visions and soulless insomniacs! Do I need to go on?"
"Na. I think you've covered most of it, "Sam grinned back good-naturedly. Dean possessed the ability to make him feel better with his simple presence; always had.
x
His brother had sold his soul for him, spontaneously.
If there were never to be anyone else in the universe that loved him, he knew Dean did. His big brother had loved him enough to embrace the tortures of Hell, terrified and alone, helpless in the hands of sadistic demons like Alastair.
Truly, Sam thought. Greater love hath no man. And he was the object of that love. He was so lucky.
"Thanks Dean," he blurted out.
The words came from the depths of his heart, brimming with all the feeling Sam was capable of, and he was capable of a great amount, at least according to his big brother, who had long ago elected him an emo-drama queen!
x
"Explain to me why we are both sitting out here freezing our asses off instead of snoring under warm covers, Sam? " Dean asked, ignoring Sam's words of thanks.
He could feel the emotional build up in his brother and talking about their feelings still remained difficult for him, so he tried to veer away from any chick-flick moments, but with Sam, he doubted that anything short of an earthquake would stop him if he had his mind set on baring his heart!
And he had!
X
"Thanks for always having my back Dean. I know it hasn't been easy You could have had a better life if I'd never been born. Mom would still be alive, dad too, and you'd be doing whatever you wanted. You're a genius Dean. There's nothing you couldn't have done, if you'd put your mind to it.
Imagine, no hunting, a wife, a family; instead all you have is me; a freak infected with demon blood, who's made the wrong decision every time he had one to take. You should've just let me die at Cold Oak and you would have been free. Dean ...I..."
"Okay, that's enough," Dean interrupted. "Cut the crap. Everything I did, I wanted to, and I would do it all again! Maybe I'd change some things," he grinned. "Like picking up that waitress in Tampa who turned out to have an extra I hadn't bargained for, but as for the rest, Dean Winchester always makes the right choice. And you know what Sam. The right choice has always been you, and it always will. There is nothing more important to me, nothing. When will your stubborn brain register that fact, dude!"
"But Dean, you went to Hell because of me. How can you forget that!"
"No Sam, that's where you're wrong. I went to Hell because of ME. I was the one who couldn't live without you. You were probably making out with Jessica in Heaven or something. I'm the one who should be apologising to you for pulling you back to Earth and making you go through all you did.
I know you love to blame yourself for everything that has happened Sammy, but it's not like that. We were controlled like puppets and when you threw yourself into the Cage you ruined their little plan.
Anyway, what's been, has been. It's time to put it all at our backs and look to the future." Dean declared, taking a swig of his beer.
x
"Yeah, and what do you propose?" Sam asked wryly.
"Well," Dean cocked his head, thinking. "We can still hunt; save some more lives while we're still young enough to do it. Then, I dunno. We can settle down somewhere. You might even find some girl stupid enough too shack up with a Sasquatch like yourself. Have a couple of cute kids. Just call me uncle Dean!"
Sam snorted. The idea of him being a father was so far out there! Dean was the one who bonded with kids. He would make an ideal father.
"You know what, dude. I'll leave the fathering up to you. I'll be the uncle," Sam countered.
"Yeah, cos that went down so well the last time! I brought Emma into the world and you had to kill her. Great Winchester double act! Okay, you know what Sam. I'm going back inside because I can feel my ass becoming one with my baby. It's like being in a freezer out here. If you wanna gripe some more, there's no reason we can't continue inside where it's warm."
x
Sam nodded, he knew he had the tendency to brood, but Dean was right, raking up the past was counter-productive, but sometimes he just couldn't help himself. Count on his practical big brother to put it all in perspective
Before the brothers moved off the hood, their eyes were caught by the white trail of a shooting star. Both Winchesters made a wish, each praying for the other's safety and happiness.
In the vast immensity of the universe and beyond, their plea didn't fall on deaf ears. It was heard by He who had put everything in motion, and there was nothing but benevolence in his essence as he contemplated his two exceptional children.
x
The enD