This is a very stupid fic I wrote because I was bored. Mum wanted me to show her how to use the internet but she was taking so damn long coming upstairs. Possible explanation for why Hercule calls Gohan a delivery boy in the cell saga. Also, I know Goku delivered milk in the original series so why not other stuff as well. By the way I know this is very bad. I wrote it quickly
Goku the delivery boy
"I QUIT"
The spotty, greasy haired boy stormed out of the department of anything at all. Asking him to deliver a grand piano had been the least straw.
"There goes another one", sighed the manager as her glasses slid down her nose, "If we're not careful we're going to have to close this department and open lots of separate ones. Wouldn't that be awful?"
She spoke with too much feeling and an afro formed around her head as the humidity of her worried sweating spiralled her hair out of control.
"Know what you mean ma'am", intoned a tiny little gnome like dwarf, dressed in overall's who was sweeping up around the manager's feet.
"What we need", pondered the manager as she clumsily shifted her feet and tripped over the gnome's darting broom, "Is someone who can handle anything or is at least happy to try."
The dwarf grunted in affirmation, "Yeah that's right. Someone stupid."
And there prayers were answered.
"Hey this isn't the restaurant", wailed Goku, his tail hanging forlornly.
"Hey. Get off! What are you doing? What do you mean I'm hired?" Goku stopped wriggling as the manager stood back to admire her handiwork.
"And what's a job", he asked innocently.
The manager toppled to the floor, bowled over by Goku's idiocy. Goku peered down at her curiously bedecked in his new green and white check uniform with matching cap. Every item of clothing, down to Goku's underwear was now emblazoned with the words 'You want it, we got it'. The only difference between his uniform and the uniforms of his predecessors was that there was a hole in the sat of the trousers to accommodate Goku's tail.
The little gnome interrupted, leaning on his broom as the manageress climbed wearily to her feet, tottering slightly on her stilettos, "Look kid. All you've got to do is deliver what we tell you to the right address, get it? Then when you're done we'll give you whatever you want. Within reason."
Goku's face lit up before quickly falling into suspicion, "All I've got to do is do what you tell me and you'll give me food?"
The dwarf giggled nervously, "Yeah sure kid. Whatever you want!"
"YEAH!"
"Idiot", muttered the undersized handyman. Little did he know what he was letting the company in for. Not even the brightest minds in the universe put together had been able to discover the depths of a Saiyan's stomach.
Seeing that the manager still wasn't quite herself still considering she was trying to book a psychiatric appointment with a pot plant, the dwarf took it upon himself to begin Goku's stint as an employee.
"Now see here kid", he muttered confidingly into Goku's ear, which was level with the top of the gnome's head, "All you've got to do is take what I tell you to the address on this piece of paper. Got it? I don't care how you deliver the goods. That's down to you just get the produce the where it's meant to go. Savi?"
"Huh?" blinked Goku, confused.
"The gnome sighed, "Understand?"
"Oh. Yeah."
"Right. Now do what I told you. What are you still doing here?"
With a slap on the back to send him on his way, Goku was off and out of sight almost before the gnome could blink.
"Finally some piece", muttered the midget. But the peace was short lived. Within seconds Goku was back already.
"You've delivered it already", squeaked the dwarf in shock.
"Uh no", said Goku honestly before grinning broadly, "Um...how do you read."
It was the dwarf's turn to collapse to the floor."
Several hours later.
"Oh so I deliver to that address that you just told me?"
"Yes you remember it."
"Uh huh."
So go already."
"Ok. And then I get food right?"
Seeing the gnome nod, Goku sped off again.
"Bye bye Mummy", the dwarf called after him, his brains still obviously addled from hitting the floor rather hard, "I think I need an appointment with the pot plant too."
Goku ran through the streets with the Grand Piano supported above his head. Pedestrians were sent flying out of the boy's way. If he had been concentrating on where he was going instead of having his nose glued to the handyman's crudely drawn map, then maybe Goku would have noticed this though it did cross his mind to ponder why the piano was getting heavier. Being the Saiyan that we all know and love with so few brains they couldn't fill an eggcup though, he merely shrugged.
Before long, travelling at the speeds Goku was going at anyway, he arrived at what he supposed was his destination. He rang the doorbell.
"As soon as the door opened Goku declared joyously, "You're piano sir", and dumped the instrument on top of the unfortunate man. It just didn't cross Goku's miniscule mind that not everyone was as strong as him.
"Please sign here", Goku declared self-importantly, eyes screwed up with happiness at the prospect of the upcoming meal.
But for obvious reasons the client couldn't sign. Shrugging nonchalantly Goku turned his back on the scene of devastation and wandered casually off. A pile of people toppled off the top of the piano where they'd been clinging on for dear life after Goku's impact had sent them flying into the air when they'd been walking in the street. As a result of this, the department of anything at all suddenly made a roaring trade in the region of steel umbrellas. The problem was it was Goku that delivered them.
Goku rushed energetically back to the department of anything at all and scurried over to his employers, both of whom were lying on couches beside a sympathetic pot plant.
"Done", Goku sang, "Do I eat now? Huh huh? Do I? Huh?"
Both the manager and the dwarf groaned, there aching heads, pounding more and more with every emphatic question that erupted from Goku's gaping mouth.
"NO", bellowed both the patients in unison. The force of their vocal cords sent Goku tumbling head over heals until he ended up on his back with his legs falling down on either side of his face. He screwed his face up in disgust.
"Eww. Your breath stinks? It's almost as bad as Master Roshi's."
The dwarf was left to deal with Goku however, as the manager was already unconscious again, tears of grief dribbling streaks of black mascara down her cheeks.
The gnome had to refrain from slapping himself in distress at Goku's return. Why did the boy have to get back so quickly? Why? He lashed on to his only chance of salvation.
"Did you say Master Roshi?" the handyman asked hopefully.
"Uh Huh. He's training me."
"Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight", muttered the dwarf, rolling his eyes, "Well anyway. We have a delivery for him. You can take it. That way I won't have to tell you wqhere it is heh heh", he giggled nervously in a slightly deranged tone, one of his eyeballs throbbing visibly.
"But when do I eat", whined Goku.
"Ehh. Soon soon. Just a couple more deliveries."
"Ok", shrieked the kid and the gnome had to stop himself from toppling to the ground again. How gullible was this boy? I think we all now the answer to that. Very.
"Ok. Now take this box and go. Should keep him occupied for a while at least", muttered the midget, "But don't look inside. That's for adults only understand."
Goku nodded and was off before the short, man could get in another word. The gnome dawdled off to pick up the manager who had fallen off her couch in shock, "I need a holiday."
And indeed, considering the deliveries meant the difference between food and no food, that Goku arrived at Master Roshi's island. However this was a very different Goku from the one that had set off from the department of anything at all.
His face burned bright red and his eyes, though wide open, looked slightly glazed. Every pace Goku took was stiff and mechanical.
The perverted old turtle hermit rushed out to take his delivery rubbing his hands and dancing with glee.
"He he. They're here. He he", he giggled in anticipation, "Better check the merchandise."
Dust flew into the air as Master Roshi dived into the box still perched on Goku's arms, which funnily enough, appeared to have already been opened. He emerged again clutching a magazine.
"Yep everything in order", he declared opening the periodical the centre page and sending an explosive, stream of blood from his nostrils.
Taking the box off of Goku, Master Roshi settled down to read. Goku, spun on one heal and walked, of looking rather dazed his arms stretched out before him.
Goku returned to the department of anything at all much his old self thanks to Kintoun deciding to deposit him in the sae half was back from Master Roshi's and then for the next few miles refusing to pick the boy up, preferring to hover just out of reach.
"I more delivery to go, one more delivery to go, one more delivery and then I can have some food", sang Goku, his voice echoing throughout the cavernous room and making its other to occupants grown.
The manager vomited into the pot plant which promptly died though the cause of her sickness may have been down to the flower embroidered pillow she was slowly munching her way through, dipping it in her tea, rather than any influence on Goku's part. The pattern on the cushion was so foul it would make anyone throw up.
The gnome, unable to take anymore, bellowed out the address for the next delivery before thrusting the small parcel at Goku.
"Now go please. I'm begging you go."
Goku quickly scampered off though not because of the pleas of the handyman but rather because of his need to fill his own stomach, which was starting to grumble in protest.
Goku travelled at top speed for this last deliver leaving a trail of wanton devastation in his wake. The problem was that Goku was slowed down by his need for food. But he couldn't get food unless he was fat. Goku's head began to ache from thinking.
He ran through his last lamppost and up to the front door panting. The door was opened just in time to see the afore mentioned lamppost come crashing down on Goku's head. Goku merely scratched his scalp as though bothered by an itch. Desperately, the boy held out the package to the client.
The customer took it curiously and then his face, framed by a halo of afro hair, lit up.
"GREAT. MY COMPUTER GAME'S HERE. DELIVERY MAN, THE GREATEST GAME EVER, FILLED TO THE BRIM WITH DESTRUCTION AND MAYHEM", he bellowed ecstatically.
Goku eyed the scrawny boy, a rather pained expression on his face.
"Ehh sorry but...I really have to go."
The afro haired kid gazed in astonishment as Goku sped off through a tree that didn't have the sense to get out of his way.
"WOW", cried the kid, "THAT'S IT. I VOW THAT WHEN I'M OLDER I WILL BE THE MARTIAL ARTS CHAMPION OF THE WORLD. MAYBE ONE DAY I'LL SEE SOMEONE WHO LOOKS LIKE THAT DELIVERY BOY AND I SHALL CALL HIM...DELIVERY BOY."
With this said, the boy gazed blearily around before shrugging his shoulders and going indoors. It didn't take a genius to realise no one was listening. No one cared.
Reading the restaurant bill, the gnome proceeded to slam his head into the nearest stonewall as though trying to drill through it.
Goku burped happily, his stomach full for now. He wondered if Master Roshi had noticed his absence. Probably not. That perverts day had been taken up with the expectation of magazines followed by reading them, and with his degree of blood loss there wasn't much room for other thoughts.
"So I'll come back tomorrow then", smiled Goku happily down at the dwarf.
"Afraid not kid", and the midget uttered words he'd never spoken before, "You're fired."
Goku frowned and pouted in disappointment before...
"OK", he exclaimed happily, "Though I don't see why you want to burn me. I don't think I'll be able to come back tomorrow. I have to train."
The manager and the dwarf fell to the crowd a long with half the guests in the restaurant. The only one that looked pleased was the owner of the restaurant who had made a small fortune.
Goku ran out the door, cheerfully leapt onto Kintoun and sped off to bestow his stupidity on an audience more worthy of it.
"So why did we fire him", muttered the manager of the department of anything at all, her glasses hanging crookedly off one ear, "Apart from the obvious reasons that is. We never fire anyone. They never stay long enough. How are we going to find another as easily to manipulate as him?"
"We won't have to", muttered the dwarf in disbelief and held the bill over the manager's nose. Her eyes bulged so far out of their sockets that she would have beaten the world record for eye protrusion.
"That's right", said the gnome in a dumbly, the shock still sinking in, "We're broke."
Sorry for any grammar or spelling mistakes people, I didn't check this through after I finished reading it. I know I should have done but this was just a quick fic and my other one is way more important. Besides I only did this for a bit of fun. There's no stupidity in my other story.
Well please read and review anyway, flame me, whatever you like, it's nice to get feedback.
Did you recognise Satan? He was hard to miss. He He. Well toodles for now,
Honey Nut Loop
PS read my other fic, Shadow in the Light. I assure you it is much better.